Blue Edward
by Mrs. Cope
Summary: What if blood weren't the only scent of Bella's that Edward smelled? How do you handle sitting next to someone who arouses your dormant sexual energy? My first lemony piece, now a completed work. Rated M for mature content, some strong language.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: All characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended._

**Blue Edward **

I felt my cock harden as she looked me up and down.

"You couldn't even speak to me, and now you want…" Her eyes flashed. "What exactly is it that you want?" She asked with a sneer, her voice as biting as acid.

"Uh, I was just wondering if you'd like to share my notes, I mean, since we are lab partners," I sputtered, shifting in my chair to hide my obvious hard-on.

"Right," she spat, turning back to the teacher.

I didn't know how I was going to get around this. I had been unforgivably rude to her that first meeting, but I couldn't help myself. She smelled so good, like sex and chocolate and everything I'd ever wanted to eat… or lick… or suck…

The bell for the class rang and she shot me a look of pure annoyance as she grabbed her books and fled. My thoughts of my mouth on different parts of her body didn't help me get out of my chair, so I sat there, acting as if I were making notes. Mr. Molina didn't say anything to me; he'd learned long ago to leave me alone. He picked up his papers and left the room, heading to the cafeteria and leaving me alone.

I didn't know what to do. I bent over my notebook, writing her name over and over, trying to think of something else, anything else that would ease the swelling in my pants and get her scent out of my mind.

"Hey. Edward." Jasper stood at the door of the biology lab, sending me a quick nod of recognition. I saw his pupils dilate for a brief instant as he picked up on my pathetic arousal. "Still can't talk to her without a stiffie?"

If it had been anyone else, I'd probably have been pissed, but Jasper said it all without judgment or ridicule. I could feel comfort rolling towards me suffused with relaxation and the icy muzzle of sexual revulsion that accompanied kissing your grandmother.

"Thanks, Jazz. Yeah, I'm still having 'problems'." I looked down at my crotch as my erection began to fizzle. "I can't get her out of my mind. I don't know what it is about her that just bothers me so."

"Look, Edward. I know it's har- I mean, tough. She's pretty. She smells good. It's been what, like a hundred years? You just gotta get a hold of yourself." He stood across the desk from me as I gathered my things. "I mean, like literally, dude. Grab the reins."

"Jasper, I'm trying," I said, feeling as if I weren't really trying, just whining. "I just don't know what I'm going to do."

_Have you jerked off? Today? Like, recently?_

"Jazz. What do you think." He should know by now. Any more trips to the bathroom and people would begin to think I had a permanent case of the runs. I stood up, brushing the front of my t-shirt and pants back into smoothness.

_We just worry about you, man._

My head flew up as my eyes met his. "Oh, Jesus God! You _didn't_ tell Alice, did you?" He looked down at his feet; his sheepish grin was as plain as an admission. "Christ, Jasper! She's my sister, for crying out loud!" I grabbed my books from the table, any vestiges of my erection sapped away in shame.

"Edward," he started. "I didn't want…"

"He didn't tell me, stupid, I saw it." Alice waited by the door, hand on hip with that impish smirk on her face. "And it isn't like the is the first time, either. I have so many visions of you pulling on your dick I think I'm hiccupping."

"Look. Just. Leave. Me. Alone." I knew I couldn't blush, and I'd never heard of a vampire dying of embarrassment, but I knew there was a first time for everything. I fished my keys out of my pocket. "Just take the damn car home. I'm going to walk." I slammed the keys on the lab table and ran out the door at top speed.

"See you tonight, after, " I heard Alice call as I sped toward the forest.

* * *

This meadow had been my refuge ever since the Swan girl had moved to Forks. She didn't seem like the type to go exploring on her own, even though she was strangely absent from the circles the other kids ran. The times I'd gone by her house after school and at night, she was in her room, reading from the sound of it. I'd never seen anyone else here, either. This was my place.

I laid in the sun and let the streaming rays warm my skin. She'd be warm, I bet. If I could just break through her anger, I bet she'd be warm to talk with as well. We would talk for hours, pulling closer, her warm, luscious breath blowing on my cheek, across my lips…

Just to be safe, I looked all around for a moment, listening, before I took my cock out of my pants.

The first thing I thought about as I rubbed my shaft was her smell. I'm not sure how the humans in the class didn't pick up on her scent, but she smelled as if she'd rubbed her hand in her crotch and smeared it across her neck and face before coming to class. She was sweet and musky, dark and cloying and completely toothsome. It was no wonder I dreamt of tasting her, my tongue icy against her flushing skin. I imagined her taste amplified by her smell, and my cock began to throb in my hand.

Her breasts were small but perfect, I bet. Her nipples would be pink and smooth, virginal, until she was turned on; then they'd be hard as diamonds, bright and hot. Her lips were young and pliant and warm, and the idea of them on my mouth, my chest, my cock…

God. I don't think I lasted three minutes.

I laid there, wondering how I was going to make it through tonight, let alone tomorrow in class. I threw my arm over my eyes, wishing I could just cry and get it over with. Sex was the least of my worries; it was just the physical manifestation of the need I had for her.

I'd always felt I'd really blown it when I first met her. I could not stop staring at her, thinking of the different ways to kill her with and without witnesses, of all the pleasure consuming her would bring me. The hour in the classroom had stretched to a millennium. I was desperate to eat, desperate to get her in my mouth, her soft neck between my teeth, her blood pulsating through her translucent skin before I tore into her soft flesh. There were witnesses, there were appearances, there wasn't enough time… I wracked my brains trying to figure how to take her, where to take her, where my bite would bring the blood the quickest. That's when it hit me: I imagined biting her femoral artery. The idea of her blood and her sex so close together drove me mad and stiff simultaneously. Even now, remembering, my cock responded even though I'd just come. I rolled onto my stomach, hiding my face in the tall grass.

It was apparent she'd felt the intensity of my stare. She wouldn't look at me directly the rest of the day, and if I caught her in the corner of my eye watching me, she'd quickly turn away, her nose up in the air.

She didn't know I'd watched her outside her house as she took little walks in the woods. I kept high in the trees, mesmerized by her quick, jolting steps. She fell every so often, tempting me to come down from my perch and help her, but she always recovered before I had to make that choice. I watched her come to the old log and sit, obviously sorting something out, but who knew what it could be. Some days she wandered without a jacket, wearing a t-shirt and no bra. Those were good days, days I prayed for rain.

Just the idea of her breasts under a wet t-shirt made me want her again. I rubbed my cock into the earth, fucking the ground I wished was her. A few strokes and embarrassment over my pathetic state took over. I sat up, adjusted my clothing and decided to run.

The wind felt good, cleansing. I was still hard, but the exhilaration brought me some relief. I still had no plan, though. How would I get through tonight? Would I have to spend the whole night running, away from my family, away from her? I slowed to a walk as the dusk began to envelope me, trying to give myself time to think. I walked until it was dark, and when I finally lifted my eyes, I realized I was standing in front of her house. I could hear her and her dad in the kitchen, spoons scooping against ceramic.

"Want anymore ice cream or topping?" The chair skid across the linoleum as she moved to the sink.

"No, Bells. I think I'm just going to turn in. What about you?" Another chair skid on the floor, and I heard a bowl set down in the sink.

"Thanks, Dad. I'm just going to wash up these dishes and go to bed myself. See you in the morning."

"Night, sweetheart," he said, and after a short soft kiss, his footsteps were on the staircase.

"Night, Dad," she said more to herself than anyone listening.

I moved in the darkness so that I could watch her at the sink. She was wearing a tank top and matching bottoms, the loose pajama kind. She looked like an angel. She was rinsing the dishes with the nozzle on the faucet, when a spray of water shot out and soaked her top. I stopped breathing and moved closer.

"Damn," she cursed and leaned back, looking up the stairs. She stood listening for a moment and I all could think was 'yes'. She pulled her head back and pulled off her tank top.

Two of the most perfect buds of breasts popped out of her shirt as she pulled it over her head and tossed it to the laundry room. She went back to washing the dishes as if nothing had happened and I stood there completely still and stiff.

She picked up the tea towel and began to dry the bowls, the opened the cupboard and put them away. I was mesmerized. I knew I was no better than a peeping Tom at this point, but I could not stop staring at her small, pert breasts as she reached for the upper shelf and then returned her arm back to her side. She yawned, reaching up one more time. She closed the cupboard door, stretched and turned out the light, heading up the stairs.

Was she trying to drive me mad? This was _not_ over. I needed more.

I raced around to the window on the side of the house. I climbed up the side of the house and was at her window before she made it up the stairs.

She came in the bedroom with her arms over her chest, covering her nakedness. She closed the door and dropped her arms to her waistband. In one swoop, she pulled her loose pajama bottoms off and jumped into bed, lying on top of the comforter.

Naked. Pink, pale, dark-haired and bushy. She was a dream come true and she was naked. I put my hand over my mouth to keep from moaning aloud.

She laid there, motionless except for breathing, her long hair spread out beneath her. My view afforded me an unobstructed view of her sex, and I could not stop staring. After a few minutes, she began to play with one of the long strands with one hand, as the other ghosted across her collarbone and down to her nipple. She closed her eyes and bit her lip. I leaned closer to the window.

If she opened her eyes, she would definitely see me. Normally, this would have made me cautious, but I was so completely absorbed in her nakedness and her gentle stroking of her nipple that I lost all connection to the world and was transfixed watching her. It didn't seem as though her eyes were going to open anyway; her hand began to travel down her torso, across her smooth belly to – bingo! – her crotch.

I gasped. Even with my hand on my mouth, the beauty and sexuality of her own embrace was just too much to contain. She half opened her eyes; I was afraid I'd been discovered and that I must leave, when the most amazing thing happened.

"Edward, mmmm, Edward touch me there, yes," she said, her moan almost a hiss.

I think I began to drool. I could feel my cold precum on my boxers. All I could do was stare, and drool.

She dropped her other hand from her hair and squeezed her breast and pinched her nipple. Her fingers were circling in her crotch furiously now, and I could see she was close. "Yes, yes, come, Bella, come," I whispered, working my cock through my pants. As if on command, her body tensed and she moaned a hoarse "Edwardddd" as she came, forcing me to come as well.

I tried to gather my thoughts. I watched her relax and fall asleep, pulling the covers around herself as she cooled off. I was hard again, and I knew it was going to be tough to leave.

I waited until she was sound asleep, and slowly opened the window.

It was fascinating to watch her sleep. Her dreams weren't all that hard to decipher; her hand moved back to her crotch in sleep and she murmured my name again. My reaction was identical to my earlier episode: I was immediately aroused and completely stiff. I refrained from touching myself, just so I could let her moans and sighs control the moment. As dawn began to rise, I'd watched her touch herself three times throughout her sleep, each time with an accompanying moaning of my name.

* * *

I left by the window before she awoke and ran home to change. When the house came in view, I noticed Alice sitting on the stoop. Her head popped up and she stood up, smiling in my direction.

"Edward," she said, knowing I'd hear, "I'm glad you didn't wake her tonight. Tomorrow will be a different story." She flashed me a smile as I slowed to a walk.

"Alice," I said, "Can't a guy have a little privacy? Sheez!"

"It's not as if you give me any, brother. Don't think I haven't seen you listening to Jasper and me and having a little go yourself. It's kind of a turn-on, in a sick, twisted sort of way."

"Alice! I – " I wanted to deny it, but who was I kidding. "I try not to listen. Maybe if you two would have a little mercy on a man…"

"Oh, come on, Edward. You love it and you know it," she said, her impish grin returning. "Besides, your lust feeds Jasper, and we all know how good that is."

"Yes, it is good, Edward," Jasper said as he opened the front door and moved to the porch. "Your lust is potent, bro. Thanks."

I just looked at them. They were so self-satisfied and smug, I couldn't think of a single retort. I looked from face to face, my mouth hanging open. I dropped my gaze to my feet and tried to shuffle past.

"Hey. Edward – tomorrow night." Alice grabbed my arm as I pushed past her, looking at me with some urgency as if there were something big looming on the horizon.

"What is it, Alice? What about tomorrow night?" I was immediately worried I'd missed someone's approach or malevolent intent.

"Tomorrow night, go back. When she dreams tomorrow night, she'll let you touch her."


	2. Chapter 2: Dreamy

_A/N: All characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended._

**Dreamy**

All night, I took out my need on the keyboard. I imagined tickling her clit with my fingers as I trilled the high notes, and pounding my cock into her as the bass line roared. I was wild, my hands flying over the ivories and my hair flying as I played.

At one point, I noticed Esme standing near the stairway with the most peculiar look on her face. Her mouth gaped open until our gaze met, when she suddenly and involuntarily covered her mouth with her hand, eyes wide. As she turned away from me, I understood why; her thoughts of Carlisle, hard and naked, plowing into her in various kama sutra-esque positions was really more than I'd ever wanted to know about my parents. I tried to hold it down until Carlisle sped to her, put his hands in her hair, mouth over hers and carried her upstairs at the speed of light.

To all appearances, I was alone in the house. To me, however, all I could hear were the yelps and gasps and screams and sighs that proved I was anything but alone. It seemed everyone was having fun with my music. Everyone but me.

My hands crashed down on the keyboard. My cock was hurting from stiffness, but I didn't want to jerk off one more time – it all began to seem so useless. The three couples in the house, coupling like wild animals, didn't make it any easier. Their joy was as complete as my desolation.

I stood up, knocking the piano bench over backwards. "Damn it!" My hands were at my temples, fisted into my hair.

I turned on my heel and left the house, hearing my brothers turning their attention from their women to me. I didn't want that, especially not for Rosalie. She was hard enough to deal with already. I let the door slam as I broke into a run.

* * *

I intended to run to the meadow, but daylight was already beginning to color the sky. "Damn," I said again, knowing I had to find some release before school. I had to be on time for school today. I had something I wanted to do at school. Someone.

The babbling of the stream permeated my attention. I was near the most shallow run of the river, where the bed was flat and smooth and fast. I watched the spill move as swiftly as the day, imagining a lover's caress. I took off my shoes and socks, dropping them to the grassy bank. I waded to the middle of the stream and laid down.

The water was icy, but it didn't bother me. I laid on my back, head upstream, allowing the river to stroke me with a lover's tenderness and urgency. My clothes drifted and floated in the flow. I took my cock out of my pants and let it lay against my stomach. My shaft split the stream. The current rippled over my nipples and swirled in my hair. The water would splash and play, sometimes spilling over my face and smothering me in a lover's embrace.

I cupped the water with my hands, trying to grasp and hold it, weigh it, embrace it. It slipped away from me as elusively as the satisfaction and release I so needed. I swiveled around so that, with my head downstream, the water would rush over me and consume me. I stroked my cock, imagining Bella as the water, imagining her lips at my chest, her hair streaming into my face, and shot into the morning air with loud gasps and splashes.

By now, it was daylight. I stood up, and returned to the banks. I pulled my shoes and socks back on, laughing quietly to myself at my own ridiculous appearance. I ran back to the house to change.

* * *

I came in through the back door and could hear everyone moving about their business in the house. As I walked through the living room, I saw Rosalie sitting beneath Emmett's arm, listening to the baby names he whispered to her. He looked up, saw me, and burst into laughter.

"Edward, oh my God, Edward, Jesus," he laughed, struggling for breath as he laughed. "Shit, I know you needed to come, but I had no idea it was so bad, bro!" He bounced forward, bent over with laughter, until he pointed at me. "You've cum all over yourself, dude! What, are you some sort of fountain – no wait," he laughed, "A geyser!"

Rosalie snickered, and whispered to Emmett, "Good one. Told you he was repressed." Her smirk lingered a bit longer as she said to me, "Ah, maybe that's why you can't get a date. Sheesh, what a freaking mess."

I just looked at them, trying to formulate the insult I wanted to throw at them. "I..," I stammered. "I didn't… You – oh, forget it."

I turned to go upstairs, but Jazz and Alice came out of their room dressed in coordinating blue outfits, with coordinating smirks on their coordinating smug faces. Alice looked me over from head to toe. _Washer not working, Wetward?, _she thought, smiling and turned to Jasper, resting her head against his chest.

I took the stairs two at a time, trying to make sure I didn't knock anyone over as I fled. I closed my door behind me and they all burst into laughter.

I waited until I heard the garage close and Rosalie's car turn onto the main road. I dressed in a cream-colored sweater over blue jeans – dark blue jeans, just in case – and grabbed a scarf from the hall tree. I wanted to look nice for her, in an everyday sort of way, to put her at ease and make tonight easier. I walked through the living room and turned to go out the backdoor through the kitchen when Esme's thoughts stopped.

_Edward, I'm sorry. _She didn't need to apologize. _I know you're hurting. Can I help?_

She came around the corner into my line of sight. There was nothing but love and concern for me on her face. I walked over to her and leaned down to pick up her hands. "Esme. You never have to apologize to me." I bent towards her and kissed her head. "I love you, you know that."

_Your music really affects me, you know. I think I almost hurt Carlisle last night._

"It's alright, really. In fact, I should apologize to you. I know what music does to you; I should have been more careful."

Carlisle appeared behind Esme, looking directly into my eyes as he put his arm around her.

_We know how lonely you've been, Edward. Last night, it was just more obvious than usual, but we didn't realize it until you were gone, _he thought, and I could see the concern in his eyes and feel his worry in his thoughts.

"Carlisle," I said, and broke his gaze. "Esme. I love you both. Please don't worry. I'll get through this."

Carlisle smiled. _Don't let your brothers and sisters fool you – they're worried, too. They're just laughing to try to normalize the situation for you. _

I nodded curtly. I knew that was right, but I couldn't help feeling embarrassed. Nothing about this felt normal.

"I'd better get to school."

I sped from the room after their mental agreement. I didn't want to hear their worry or their pity, and I thought I'd break if I heard their love.

* * *

Finally, biology. I wanted to scream, I want to bounce in my chair, go look out the door and down the hall, but instead I sat stock still, only mildly fidgeting now and again to appear normal. I'd waited all day for class, for a glimpse or scent of her. And now, that time was at hand. The pit of my stomach fluttered and my crotch tingled.

She was wearing a deep violet-blue sweater over a white t-shirt, and talking to Eric as she entered the room. My eyes grew dark as her scent wafted towards me: musk, freesias, chocolate and sweet sex filled my senses. Her expression said dismissal, and her words spoke boredom. She seemed to be humoring him with thinly veiled distaste. Eric was thinking about her eyes, her playlist and her ass. I felt a growl building in my chest.

"Oh, there's the bell," she said, as the warning rang in the hallway. "See you." She moved away quickly as Eric stood with his mouth still open in response.

I looked out the window quickly as I saw the expression on my face through the eyes of the other students in the classroom. How could I see the thrust of her nipples through a sweater and a t-shirt? I could feel the fabric of my jeans tighten and felt a ripple of panic in the muscles of my abdomen. I took in a deep breath to calm myself, and got a whiff of her as she spread her legs to sit on the stool next to me.

I turned and looked at her. My frustration blossomed into full annoyance. Could this be the same woman who had called my name so pleadingly in her sleep as she rubbed her crotch? I was sure that if I could hear just one little thought from her silent mind, I'd have the confirmation I needed right away. Her expression said nothing of last night's arousal. Quite the contrary, she looked angry and slightly repulsed.

"Hello, Bella," I offered quietly. "You look very nice today."

"What? I… what?" Why was she so angry?

"You look nice. That color, it's you. You look good."

"Oh," she seemed genuinely surprised. "Uh, thanks." She looked down at her notebook and her eyes widened for a moment. She pushed her book around in front of her as the curtain of her hair swung forward.

I could see a bit of her face through her hair. She was blushing madly. The blue of the sweater cast an alabaster tinge over her skin, accenting the pink of her blush. _Perfect, _I thought to myself as I looked at her. She looked to the front of the classroom as Mr. Molina began his lecture. I stared at Bella.

A thought occurred to me as she avoided looking in my direction. I opened my notebook and tore a half page out of the spiral binding. I quickly wrote _"Do you dream?"_ on the paper and pushed it towards her. She looked down at the paper, glanced at me. She snatched up the note and read it as Mr. Molina drew a picture of planaria on the board. I watched her bite her lip as she watched the teacher while the blush painted her cheeks again. She wrote a quick reply and pushed the note towards me.

"Yes," was all it said.

Good.

"_Of whom do you dream?" _I scrawled, and pushed the note back to her. I kept my face forward, a slight smile touching my lips. She picked up the note, and her head jerked toward me as soon as she'd read it. I hit the mark.

She scratched out a hasty reply and pushed it back at me. The motion stirred her scent. The smell of sex and desire washed over me, sending an electric jolt to my crotch. I felt the hairs on my plot stir as my cock struggled against my pants to stand straight. I picked up the note.

"What's it to you?"

She was about to find out. I sat for a moment, savoring the moment of tension between us. My nipples were hard and my head swam. As Mr. Molina turned back to the board, I leaned over to her ear and blew the words in her ear as softly as I could. "It matters a great deal to me, Bella." I was rewarded with the scent of her hair, her skin, and her blood all working in tandem to blow pheromones out every pore in her body.

Her body was ganging up on my senses. I liked it, maybe a little too much. Venom flooded my mouth. She seemed to like it, too. Her heart skipped a beat and pounded in her chest.

I slowly withdrew from her side, and sat back in my chair. I slumped a little, trying to ease the stress on my cock. The closeness to her artery had been almost too much for me. I breathed deeply, letting her scent burn me as I smiled. I sat staring at the board, not listening to Mr. Molina's simplistic explanation of regeneration. I was dreaming of my own regeneration and rebirth in Bella's arms, laying between her thighs with my cock buried deep inside her. She would whisper my name as I moved, until the whisper became a moan, the moan a plea, the plea a scream…

It was getting close to the end of the period, and I had to make a move. I scribbled on the note and pushed it at her one last time.

Her shaking hand picked it up, and she read it. Her brows knitted together and she closed her eyes as she bit her lip. Then she turned to me and, looking right into my eyes, said, "Yes."

Excellent. I would meet her after school.

* * *

**The big night's heading our way. Remember, comments = love!**


	3. Chapter 3: Approach

_A/N: All characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

"Senora, Goff," I said. "Discúlpenme, por favor. Tengo un asunto importante al que deben asistir."

"Por supuesto, Edward. Por favor, vaya," she replied. I could hear her turn my simple request over in her mind, filtering it through the recognition that my knowledge of proper Spanish was more complete than hers.

"Muchas gracias, Senora," I said, and ducked out of the classroom.

The grounds were empty save the few strangling students who would be late to class. Their thoughts were of their own troubles and did not account for my presence. Still, I walked at a human pace towards the parking lot. I was preoccupied; I did not want an incident due to inattention.

Her truck was large, rusted and antiquated. I was certain its speed was as lumbering and slow as its appearance suggested; I could walk faster than it could move at top speed. Still, I found it beautiful for her sake. It was hers. It was beautiful.

I opened the unlocked driver's side door and slipped in behind the steering wheel. I trembled at the strength of her scent in the cab. The essence of Bella was all encompassing. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

Images of the violent ways in which I wanted her filled my head. I saw myself behind her, bending her, watching as my cock sawed in and out of her tiny frame. Her pale pink flesh was warm around my shaft and supple beneath my hands. Venom filled my mouth as I imagined my thumbs pressed into her cheeks, pulling her hips to me as she moaned my name. The scent of her made the fantasy more tantalizing. I was excited and hard, completely lost in a daydream of taking her, when a knuckle rapped on the window.

"Dude, not cool. Get out of the truck." Worry was painted all over Emmett's face. "What are you doing? Didn't you hear me?"

"Sorry, Emmett," I stammered. "How long were you there?"

"Long enough to watch you lose it, man," he whispered leaning forward as I jumped out of the truck's cab. "What if Bella saw you? This is big on creepy."

"Ah, right. You're right. I was just… daydreaming, I guess."

_Gee, really, Edward? Let me guess…_ An image of Bella's dark mahogany hair falling over her naked flushed breasts filled his thoughts, eliciting a hoarse growl from deep inside my chest. I took a step toward him.

"Sheesh, Edward, calm down. Look at you!" He pointed to my jeans, where a small wet spot appeared on the fabric covering my erection. "I've never seen you like this. You sure you're ok?" _Do you need me to stick around?_

"Emmett, I'm okay. Look, I have thirty minutes until she's out. I'll run. I'll be alright, I promise." I smiled sheepishly at him, trying to break his concentrated concern with a little humility.

"Okay." Emmett was so unlike me, naturally easygoing and carefree. He'd reached about the end of his ability to worry and accepted my vow. He turned to go back to school, then stopped facing away from me. _Run, dude. Do something. Go. _

I checked the parking lot for witnesses and, seeing none, took off at top speed.

I raced to the top of the hill behind school. Physical exertion had always been my release, even in my human days. I remembered chopping a cord of wood behind the house, sweating and straining as I tried to alleviate my first arousal. I don't remember what aroused me or why, all my memories were so dim, but using bodily effort as a substitute for sex was carried forward with me in my vampiric rebirth.

I reached the top of the hill and looked down on the school. How insignificant and meaningless life could be when viewed over distance and time. The days of my century blurred into a miasma of wasted effort and only came to a halt when Bella, bright and beautiful Bella emerged into my life. What would my world become with her in it? What would my world become if she were not?

Clouds moved across the sky in a mottled pattern of grey and light. Occasionally the light would strike my skin, warming me and setting my skin aglow, and then the grey would descend and cast me into gloom without shadow. I squatted atop a large boulder and watched the flashes of bright and dark, waiting.

I heard the bell and leapt into a run, reaching the truck before Bella got to the lot. I pulled myself up on the side of the truck's bed, and, perched there, sniffed the air for a scent of her.

She almost tumbled down the stairs to the grey lot. She checked side to side for bystanders who may have spied her small topple, but didn't see the one observer who watched her so intently. She finally looked up when she was ten feet away from the truck. The moment I came into view, a look of quick surprise was replaced with a haughty look of boredom.

"So, you wanted to meet," she said. It wasn't a question. "Here I am. What."

"Bella," I could feel myself half-smiling at her cold greeting, knowing it masked some other emotion. The muscles of my abdomen began to tense as my cock began its rampant salute. "I just wanted a minute to talk to you, that's all."

"So? Talk." She stood close by, her head almost touching my knees.

I realized, that from my perch, my crotch was level with her eyes. As if she'd had the same thought, her gaze focused on my burgeoning hard-on, dilating then constricting her pupils in surprise. I didn't want to scare her – it wasn't the gentleness she'd need to accept me. I lifted myself and slid down the truck to stand in front of her. She was so close to me, that my body slid against her as I jumped. She began to fall backwards, so I snaked my arm out around her waist to catch her.

"What – " she started, clearly excited and embarrassed.

"Sorry. I didn't realize you were..." my voice dropped down low and breathy, "...so close." I set her on her feet but didn't release my grip on her waist. I lowered my gaze into her eyes. "Are you okay?"

"Um," she began, her heartbeat and breathing erratic. "I… Whew." She shook her head as if dizzy, and I began to be concerned she'd pass out.

"Here, sit down." Holding her by the waist, I switched places with her and sat her down on the side of the truck. "Put your head between your knees." _Like I wish I could. _She obeyed and sat there for a minute, breathing through her mouth.

"Are you okay?" I asked, squatting down in front of her. I pushed the hair out of her face, careful not to touch her skin.

Her hand came up and moved her hair behind her ear as she lifted her eyes to mine and said, "Uh, yeah. I'm okay."

She seemed to recover her balance, so I stood up, standing close in front of her. Once again, my crotch was level with her face. Her eyes came to rest on my fly and she bit her lip. She was clearly thinking about something, and although I couldn't read her mind, I was pretty sure it had to do with my crotch; she didn't move her eyes from my fly.

"Bella? Are you sure you're okay?"

She didn't' answer for a moment, then her eyes closed, her head tilted up and she said, "Yes. What is it you wanted to talk about." I took a step back as she stood.

"I believe we were exchanging views on dreams," I said, looking directly into those deep brown eyes. I felt my skin begin to tingle. "I was wondering if you'd like to… talk a little more about that?"

She began to flush a pale pink and the small V appeared between her brows. "I… I have to go home to fix dinner for Char-, for my dad," she said. Her eyes dropped to her feet, then she moved to the door of the truck.

I didn't want her to leave; I wanted her to tell me she dreamt of me, that she wanted me to do all the things I wanted to do to her. I wanted to see the need in her eyes, feel the lust in her fingertips. I wanted her to call my name. I didn't know how any of this was going to happen.

"Do you know where I live?" She glanced up at my face as she asked, and I heard her erratic heartbeat return.

"Yes, Bella. I do."

"Want to meet me there? My dad's not home for a couple of hours. We could go for a walk, if you want to." I was getting conflicting signals: she seemed anxious to get away from here, but unwilling to be away from _me_. I decided to respond to her words and not her mannerisms.

"Yes, I'd like that very much, Bella. Should I meet you there?"

"Um, yeah, like, in twenty minutes or so?"

"Very well. Twenty minutes." I'd be there in three.

I tried to walk away normally, but I was nervous and excited. I saw Jasper, Alice and Emmett waiting by Rose's car and walked over to greet them as Bella opened her backpack, took out her iPod and put it in her ears.


	4. Chapter 4: Heaven Scent

_A/N: All characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended._

**

* * *

**It wasn't twenty minutes, it was more like four hours. It was one thing after another: telling my family about my meeting with Bella, waiting for the parking lot to empty, stopping that skidding van, filling Carlisle in at the hospital… It was a seemingly unending series of delays until I was in her company again, alone. But at last I stood in her room, watching her sleep.

It gave me a thrill to stand her, watching her chest move up and down with each of her breaths. I wasn't supposed to be here. It was her bedroom. It was forbidden. But what's a young vampire to do?

I waited outside her house and her scent was everywhere. Chief Swan's cruiser was an odd mixture of worry, love, aging male and leather, sprinkled with touches of blossoming womanhood. It was the last that called to me. I needed more.

"Edward." In an instant, my eyes rose from her chest to her face. "Edward, mm." Her eyes were still closed; she was dreaming again. "I- oh, yes, that's nice…" Her hand moved beneath the covers. She had my full, rapt attention.

"Edward? Please? Does this feel…," she drifted off into mumbled sleep talk. I gasped aloud as I watched her hand exploring beneath the bedding. I desperately wanted her to finish that sentence. I began to exhale, when I noticed her breathing had changed. I flashed a glance at her face. Her eyes were open, and looking at me.

I wasn't sure what to do, so I stood stock still, not breathing, not blinking. She started to turn on the bedside lamp, her eyes never leaving my face. As she reached for the switch, a quizzical look passed over her face and she dropped her hand.

"If I'm dreaming, I might as well enjoy it," she breathed, pushing the covers back. She was wearing her normal tank top and a pair of grey cotton boy-shorts that appeared to be wet at the crotch. Her smell was intoxicating, earthy and potent. Venom flooded my mouth and my cock. And I became painfully hard.

She tucked her legs underneath her and kneeled at the edge of the bed. With one hand, she reached out to me, grabbing my t-shirt and pulling me towards her. I swallowed hard as her lips formed around mine and her breath pushed into my mouth. Her fingers knotted in my hair; she breathed "Fuck," and gasped for air.

That was it. That was the signal my body had been waiting for and exactly what I had in mind. I pushed her back on the bed, my body flying over top of her as I pressed my body into the kiss. My arm encircled her waist, pressing her against my swollen cock and stone chest. She was warm and pliant and sweet and heady and I knew I could not hold out much longer. I wanted the moment to last forever. I let my lips enfold her mouth, and flicked my tongue over her lips.

She pulled back a little from my kiss, my exhalation escaping into her mouth. "This isn't a dream," she whispered, panicked. "This is real!" Her body tensed and eyes were wide.

I was afraid she was going to scream. I jumped back away from her and shot out the open window. I could hear her feet hit the floor as she jumped from the bed and turned on the overhead light. "What the hell - ," she shouted to the empty room.

Heavy footsteps pounded down the hall. The bedroom door flew open and I heard a man's voice. "Bella! What? Are you okay?" Chief Swan sounded groggy and frightened.

"Dad!" she exclaimed, wheeling around. She took a deep breath. "Dad, I'm sorry, I guess I was dreaming again. I'm sorry. I don't know why I do that."

"Bella, it's okay," he said, stretching. "I guess I should be used to it after all this time. Your mom was a sleeptalker, too, you know." I could hear him scratching himself through his bedclothes. "You sure you're okay? Going back to sleep?" His yawn started on the last word, and ending with a smack of his lips.

"Yeah, I guess so. Sorry, Dad." She turned and took a step, and the bedsprings creaked. "Night."

"Night, Bella. Sleep tight." The light switch clicked and the room fell back into darkness. I let myself breath a little, and decided I should run home.

* * *

The house loomed like a white blossom in the night. I walked to the front door, listening to the thoughts around the house. Most everyone seemed preoccupied with their own activities except for Alice, who was anticipating my arrival. I listened on, finding Carlisle playing chess with Jasper in the dining room. As I entered the house, I could hear Carlisle, relaxed as he sorted out his strategy to take Jasper's knight. Jasper was hesitant, worried, his mood picking up on mine and echoing it perfectly. He looked up at me as I entered the room.

"It's alright, Jasper," I said, trying to reassure him with words where my emotions failed. "I just need to talk to Carlisle for a minute."

Carlisle moved his bishop – a mistake Jasper would take advantage of – and said, "Let's go into my study, Edward."

"Thank you, Carlisle," I said, as I reached across and moved his bishop back. "Jasper, let him take that back. I interrupted his train of thought."

Jasper looked a bit crestfallen as he rationalized his forgiveness of Carlisle's hasty move. "Of course, Edward." He turned to Carlisle. "It's your move when you return."

"Thanks, Jazz," Carlisle said as he turned to me. "What's up, Edward? You seem… agitated." He closed the door to the study.

How much easier this would be if he could just read my thoughts. "Agitated's not the right word, Carlisle." He raised an eyebrow. "Try excited."

"Excited?"

"Yes, _excited_," I said, my eyes glancing down at my crotch and back to his face. "You know, excited. Aroused."

"Oh. _Oh!_" Carlisle exclaimed, getting my meaning. "So, what's the problem?"

"Well," I started, beginning to pace as I let my worry unfold. "You've been my friend, my father and my mentor these many years, but I'm afraid I need you to be my doctor, too." I glanced at his face as the fear of my suffering crossed his mind. "No, it's nothing like that. It's just… Well, you know, it's Bella. I can't stop becoming aroused when I'm near her or when I think of her. And that is all the time. It's embarrassing to have an erection at every turn, which no amount of self gratification seems to relieve. I feel somewhat out of control and that frightens me. And it's not just her blood that is stimulating me; it's her. I want her, but I want her all the time. I'm worried there's something actually wrong with me."

I stopped pacing and looked up at him as his first response formulated in his mind. _Edward, you're perfectly normal. She's beautiful and you've been alone such a long time. _His face was kind and concerned, without a trace of mocking. _And after all, you are stuck in a seventeen-year-old male body…_

"So, you think I'm alright, sound, not going insane?" I asked, brightened thinking there was hope for me yet.

_Edward. You're fine. _He smiled. "Is there anything else, Edward?"

"Yes," I admitted. "You know I'm… inexperienced."

"Ah," Carlisle sighed. The images running through his head began with his first nervous encounter with Esme up to his latest tryst, with no details spared. I turned away from him, at once grateful for the guidance and embarrassed by the imagery. "Oh, I'm sorry, Edward."

"No, Carlisle, I appreciate your candor. I only hope my first time will be with such a loving partner," I said, truly grateful for the direction. "You know you've always been my best counsel, my friend."

"Edward, you will be fine." He clapped me on the back and headed to the door. We left his office, his hand resting on my shoulder.

"Thank you, Carlisle," I said, trying with all I had to believe him.

* * *

I was not at rest.

I walked in the night, watching the burning stars, feeling the soft breeze and letting the night aromas fill my senses. I moved towards Esme's garden and stopped dead in my tracks. My body was tense, my cock immediately rigid.

Lavender. Freesia. The two growing side by side, mimicking Bella's blood and driving me wild.

Innocence and friendship found kinship with womanhood in this mingled bouquet that was the essence of Bella. I bent to the lavender and ran my hand through the bush, dreaming of touching Bella as lightly in her most private places. I let the light pink freesias brush my cheek, fantasizing of Bella's hair falling across my face and pooling onto my chest, her nipples brushing against my lips. . I rolled my tongue out over my lips and could taste the scent in the air. The thought of the taste of Bella shot an undeniable message through me, and I felt myself release as I sighed, "Bella".

I wanted more; I needed more. Soon it would be dawn, and I would sit next to her at school. The heavenly scents robbed me of my self control; her presence would strip me of my pride. I was undone.


	5. Chapter 5: Plans

_A/N: I've made this chapter a bit longer so that Edward and Bella were on more equal footing. All characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended. _

* * *

**Plans**

I tried to enter quietly through the back door, hoping to escape my embarrassment and slip unnoticed into my room.

Jasper stood blocking my path as I entered.

"Edward," he said, the sadness of his thoughts brushing his eyes. I knew he was holding back for my sake; he was worried and sad for me. "Do you need some help, brother?' Jasper's gift was such a burden for him in moments like these. He could feel my frustration and the longing that bordered on pain, but wouldn't take those away from me without a request.

"No, Jazz, thanks," I said wanting to move away but humbled by his gesture. "I _will_ work through this."

Alice was immediately at his side. Her golden eyes searched mine, and though no words formed, the futures buzzed through her mind, awash with my indecision. Through it all, her care and love for me rang strong and clear.

She took a step forward and brushed her hand across my cheek. "Does it help you to know that the strongest visions are the ones where you're with her?" Her hand dropped to my shoulder and she leaned forward to hug me, keeping her body away from me as she did. She was so small and delicate, but I knew this woman was made of stronger stuff.

"Really, you two, I'm going to get through this, I just need to figure out a plan," I said, breaking Alice's embrace. "I love you for worrying, but you know it's going to work out, don't you, Alice?" I looked into her eyes, holding her at arms length. Her eyes glazed over for a moment, and I saw my determination to end this frustration take hold in her visions.

"There it is," she said, smirking. "Yes. I see it now. C'mon, Jazz. Edward has things to do." She winked at me, turned on her heel and, slipping her arms through Jasper's walked off into the house. "Wait about a minute, then go up."

I was grateful for the warning. I really didn't want to see anyone else.

Once in my room, I turned on Saint-Saens Danse Macabre. I knew I had to have a plan. It was obvious to me that I couldn't continue to walk around campus with an erection threatening to explode at a whiff or whim of Bella. I grabbed my journal and began to plot my Swan strategy.

* * *

"Bella." There was really no need for her to know how much I'd longed for the moment when I saw her pretty face again. She did not disappoint. When she saw me, her face became even more pale than usual. Her eyes dilated when she heard my voice.

"Um, hi," she said, hesitantly. Yes, she remembered last night. Good.

"How was your evening? Anything exciting?" I asked, mainly so I could see her pearly skin flooded with her delicious blood.

As if on command, her cheeks were aflame, her eyes narrowed as she studied me. It was such an odd combination, embarrassment and confrontation. Odd and arousing.

"Where were _you_ last night?" she asked accusingly.

"I played chess with my brother and my father. I won," I lied, keeping my face innocent and clear. It was difficult to keep the smirk off my lips and out of my voice. "Is something wrong?"

She turned back to the front of the room. "No," she said, as that haughty expression returned to her face. She seemed to think we were done talking.

I leaned over to her ear and whispered, "Why do you do that?"

She shivered and took in a gulp of air. Her head turned to me and her eyes opened. "Do what? What are you talking about?" She was working to keep her look distant, unconcerned, but her trembling breath, rapid and uneven heartbeat and dilated pupils gave her away.

"Bella," I whispered, keeping my voice low and soft so she had to lean toward me to hear. I could smell everything about her when she was close like this, and my body tensed in response. "I have something for you. Something, personal. Do you want it now," she gasped, "Or later, after school?"

Right on cue, Mr. Molina walked in and started the lecture. I leaned close to her ear again. "Later, then. After school, in the woods behind the cafeteria." She shuddered again but didn't turn to me. Instead, a chill worked its way up her back, and she nodded as she shook it off.

Perfect.

* * *

Hours scraped by. How could anyone who has lived an eternity already be vexed by a few simple hours? It was a mystery to me, but an evident truth. Finally, the bell rang and I was free.

It was difficult to move at human speed to my waiting spot behind the cafeteria. Once there, I stood still, unable to breath, waiting for her. My body tingled and ached, my vision seemed blurred at one moment and acutely sharp at the next. This was one of the few times I was grateful for my unnatural existence, since had I not been a vampire, I would have been pool of nervous sweat.

At last, she appeared. She seemed perplexed and lost in thought. She glanced in my direction, then began to walk away from the school. Her eyes never met mine, but she seemed to beckon me to follow her. I willingly obliged.

Once up the hillside, she stopped in the gray mist of the woods. She stood with her back to me, and seemed to be panting with exertion. I walked up behind her silently, standing very close to her.

"Edward, you've –," she spun around, obviously unaware of my nearness to her. "Oh!" she gasped as lost her balance and began to fall back away from me. I reached out and grabbed her hands, pulling her up, into my arms.

Her face was so close to mine I could taste her breath. She was intoxicating and I wanted to drink her in. I leaned forward and put my mouth over hers, tasting her breath as her exhalation gushed into my mouth. Her heart was pounding. I felt the strength of its erratic rhythm throughout my body and my cock stiffened, straining against my pants. I held her in my embrace until her body began to lean away slightly, then I loosened my hold and broke the kiss.

She opened her eyes and the haughty Bella was gone. Before me stood a trembling, excited seventeen year old girl, awakened and ready. Her heart thudded irregularly and she unconsciously raised a hand to her head. "Whoa," she mumbled, and I saw her begin to teeter into a fall.

"Let me help you," I said, and picked her up in my arms. Heaven; soft, pliant flesh in the most aromatic and enticing package ever created.

"I'm not sure that's going to help," she whispered into my neck. Her warm breath sent a chill down my spine and made the muscles in my abdomen constrict.

"Would you like me to set you down?" I said, leaning into her smell. I prayed she would say no.

"No, no, uh, I think I'm okay here," she said, both of us exhaling in relief as she replied.

"Bella," I started, trying to sound confident and strong, when I was anything but. I was completely obliterated by her closeness and the floral scent of her skin. Her warmth was so inviting. "You may have noticed I can't seem to stay away from you."

The blush returned to her cheeks and traveled down her neck. I was lost wondering about the length and depth of that flush, when she said, "Really?"

"Yes, Bella, really. You've haunted my days and tormented my nights. I can't get you out of my mind."

"Me too," she whispered in a tiny voice, so uncharacteristic of her.

"Will you tell me about how you've thought of me?" I desperately wanted her to admit her desires and fantasies of me. I wanted to know. I _needed_ to know.

"Edward," she breathed, burying her head in my chest. "I don't think I can say it… say it out loud."

"Bella," I said softly as I sat on a fallen tree, her tiny body now nuzzled in my lap. "Tell me. Please." I leaned over and kissed her neck, leaving an icy trail over her warm, pulsing jugular. My lips felt aflame where they had brushed her skin.

"I dream of you," she said. She turned her head so that her hair fell like a curtain across her face. I could see her eyes were closed. "I dream of you touching me… I dream of you kissing me."

"Like this, Bella?" I put my finger below her chin and lifted her face to mine. As softly and as chastely as I could, I place a delicate kiss on her lips and pulled back. My eyes were open, watching her. After a moment, her eyes fluttered open. "Like that, Bella?"

"No," she rasped, moving in my arms. She turned her body to face me, her legs still to one side. She placed her hand at the back of my head and pulled forward. I bent forward, as if complying with her need. Her mouth slammed into mine, her lips parted, her breath ragged.

She continued to move in my arms until she was facing me, legs around my waist. My erection was no longer hidden or ignorable; she was sitting on top of my cock.

"Bella, ungh, stop," I said, trying to push her away and pull her closer to me at the same time. I pulled at her hands, now knotted in my hair, and leaned my forehead against hers. Her eyes held a tinge of hurt. "I'm having a hard time resisting you."

"Then don't," she said, moving to embrace me again.

"Wait. Just wait a second." She leaned back away from me and frowned.

"What? What is it?" Her pride was obviously hurt, but desire was her main driver.

"You should know everything about me first. It's important," I said, glancing up into her eyes. "Bella, how old are you?"

"Seventeen! Why how old are you?"

"Well, that's a long story," I said, setting her beside me on the tree. I stood up and paced a few feet away from her, trying to steel my resolve and execute my plan. "I need to ask you one other question," I said, watching her face for telltale signs of panic or fright. "What do you know about me?"

"Um," she started, clearly confused, but unafraid and unwilling to leave. "Your name's Edward Cullen, you have two sisters and two brothers, and your dad is –"

"No, Bella, not about my family," I interrupted. Standing these few feet away from her, my state should have been obvious. I put my hand to my chest over my silent, frozen heart. "About me."

"Oh," she said, and that delicious blush warmed her cheeks again. "You, personally? Besides that you're incredibly beautiful and", here eyes dropped to my erection, "incredibly… Sensual? Uh, I know you ditch class sometimes, but no one seems to care, and um, I know that you don't like to talk when you're hungry. I know you are strong and powerful and can get people to do things you want and I know you smell like sunshine and honey and lilacs and I know –"

I stopped her litany. "What? I smell like, sunshine?"

"Um, yeah, you do. I don't know how else to describe it. And it's stronger after lunch – I don't know why." She looked up at me from under her lashes and her hands twisted in her lap. "Did I say something wrong?"

"No, Bella," I chuckled to myself. "You didn't say anything wrong."

"Edward, why are you asking me this? I know there's something different about you – _and_ your family – sorry, but it's true – but I don't… I just… I only… " She started rubbing her forehead as if she were in pain or forgetting something very important. "I read a book, but…"

"But what?"

"It didn't help me figure anything out. I've never felt like this about anyone, Edward, never. The book said it's just teenage hormones, but I don't think that's it. I just know that I'm having a really hard time sitting next to you in class every day when it's as if your body was connected to mine with electrodes or something, and all I can think about is leaning over to touch you or climbing into your lap or pulling you down on top of me when I'm dreaming…" Her eyes were downcast and her lip was trembling.

"Bella," I said softly. I walked over and crouched in front of her. "I've been alone for so long, it feels like a hundred years. My heart's been dead and cold and still. Until you. Suddenly I can no longer control my body or my need. Haven't you noticed how much I want you?"

She didn't respond. I lifted her face with my hand, and she took in a sharp breath at the chill. "Is that why you seem so angry all the time? Are you hiding?"

I knew I had the answer when she blushed furiously. "Oh, Bella. Never hide from me." I pushed forward and pressed my lips to her. Her breath escaped into my mouth and I felt myself harden as I inhaled her, tasted her, breathed her. My voice was hoarse with want. "I need you, Bella. I want you, you and only you." I pressed her close against me, moving in for another kiss. "Bella, I'm in love with you."

Her scent filled my head and stole my breath. Her kiss was sweeter than her scent, more electrifying and intoxicating. I pressed against her as she began to tip backwards; catching her in my arms without breaking our embrace. I pulled her body against mine and pushed my chest against hers. My need overtook my judgment. I kissed her yielding lips, resisting plunging my venom-coated tongue into her mouth.

She shivered, and my concentration was broken. "I'm sorry. Are you okay?" I set her back on the fallen tree, but keeping her prisoner of my embrace.

"Yes, I'm just a little overwhelmed, I guess," she said moving her lips against my cheek. She shivered again. "I don't want to leave, but I'm so cold." She snuggled against my chest, trying to find warmth in my frozen embrace.

"Bella, let me take you to someplace warm," I said, standing and pulling her up with me. "Will you trust me to carry you?"

"Okay," she said, and I picked her up in my arms before she could change her mind. I raced to the nearby meadow, moving at a pace that suited my kind. I heard her gasp as she buried her head in my neck.

We reached the meadow and I slowed to a stop to set her down. "Bella, we're here. You can let go now," I said, leaning my mouth to her ear.

"Just a minute," she said as she clung to my neck. Her eyes were still closed, as if she were concentrating. I watched her form, savoring her warm wrap around my needy body. Her arms locked around my neck, her cheek over my breast. Her smell was strong and musky, attenuating my need and desire.

"Edward," she said, letting go of my neck and standing on her feet. She turned to me, picking up my hand and slipping it under her blouse. "Feel my heart beat." My hand was resting over her small, perfect breast; the heat of her skin sending dangerous signals to my brain. She began to pant and I felt her heartbeat race, becoming erratic and frenzied. I closed my eyes. Images of Bella naked beneath my hands seized me and clouded my thoughts.

I opened my eyes to find her staring into my face. Her gaze shifted from eye to eye, then dropped to her hand. She raised her hand tentatively, gliding it under my shirt up to my heart. "No heart beat," she said, staring into my eyes.

"No, Bella. No heartbeat."

"How -," she took a step back, stepping on a broken branch.

The wood scraped her ankle, breaking the skin and drawing her blood. She tumbled backwards. As I reached to catch her, the most delectable fragrance filled the air and the venom rushed into my mouth. I stopped inhaling, trying to exhale so that no scent of her was left in me, and took a step away from her.

"Edward, it's okay, it's okay," she breathed. "I'm okay. Just stay there a minute. Turn around."

I felt confused and molten. I did as she instructed without breathing, battling the bloodlust pouring through my brain. I tried to calm myself, but my abdomen clenched and my hands grabbed at the air. I didn't know how much longer I could last.

"Okay, turn around," she said. There was no fear or immediacy in her voice. She sounded oddly relaxed. I slowly pivoted where I stood, turning to face her. She sat in the meadow, one foot exposed, her shoe off and her sock tied around her ankle. "The bleeding stopped. You should be safe now." A small smile graced her lips.

"_I should be safe?" _I asked, not sure I heard her correctly.

"Yes. It's okay, Edward. I know. I guess I always known," she said, "I'm not afraid of vampires."


	6. Chapter 6: Knowing

_A/N: All characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended._

**Knowing**

My head was swimming with Bella's simple statement.

"Bella… What?"

"Edward, come on," she said, her mouth hanging open on the last word. "It's not like I can't tell. I knew something was up with the whole van thing."

"But how would you… How did you know?"

"Well, I have a friend who's, well, sort of different, too," she looked down at her hands. "Jacob, Jacob Black. He told me about you."

The Black's had been our peaceable enemy for many years. I hadn't expected that our secret would ever escape their lips, particularly knowing that sword cut two ways. But here was this young mortal, discussing these archetypal monsters as if it were as common as dishwater. There was still something about this that was missing, and it bothered me.

"Bella, why would Jacob tell you about us?"

"Oh, I -," she stammered, blushing deeply and looking down. "Um. I asked him."

"Why?"

"Because… because I wanted you to tell me about yourself but you never seemed to talk about you, you always asked me about me and how was I supposed to find out about the guy I was dreaming about all the time?"

She gave off that odd combination of embarrassment and fierce defiance and it was incredibly alluring. Her scent was strong, filling the air around her like a lavender fog, drawing me toward her. Since she knew, I found no reason to keep up the pretense; I was at her side sitting next to her, stroking her hair before she could find me with her eyes.

"Bella, you wanted to know about me?" I asked, startling her into a little jump. I watched her face. The blood tingeing her cheeks sent a hot pulse of freesia into the air; her sexual arousal sent a lusty musk to mix with the smell of her blood. I took in a deep breath through my mouth, tasting what already filled my head.

"Um, yeah, I did. I dreamt about you, too. Really vivid dreams," she said, as if tempting me to tell her they were real. I wasn't prepared for that; I remained silently, staring into her face as I felt my hardness return. After a moment, she quietly asked, "Do you dream of me, too?"

"Bella, if I could dream, it would be of you," I said. "But I don't dream because I don't sleep. Ever."

She looked down and her hair fell across her face in a sheet. I lifted my hand to her hair, exposing her face. "Bella, there are so many things to say, so many things to know. Will you tell me something about you, about your life, something I can know about you?"

"Like what?" I could sense her nervousness and her excitement.

"Why don't you tell me about your last dream of me?" I was cheating, and I knew it, but how better to gauge her reaction to me than in a situation that I'd already witnessed?

"Okay," she said, hesitant. "Well, I was dreaming that I was lost in a city, and I was cold. I was walking for what seemed like days, and I was really tired. I thought I'd sleep, but then I realized I was asleep already, and I dreamt I woke up. When I opened my eyes – in my dreams – you were standing there in the dark, watching me, and I thought," that blush again, "I thought you were really beautiful and if I was going to dream, I might as well, you know, like… _have_ you."

"Have me, Bella?" I knew what she meant, but I wanted her aroused, fully aroused. The smell of her sex was strong, alluring. I wanted more.

"You know, like… _have you_ have you." I kept my face innocent and open, although my ruse would be over if she glanced at my crotch. She looked away. "Edward, I wanted you to kiss me, to… "

"Bella…," I breathed in her ear. "Kiss me." My hand was in her hair pulling her towards me. Her lips, warm and willing, shaped themselves around my stone embrace. The heat from her was amazing, and her scent was stronger than ever. Again and again, I sucked the venom off my teeth and swallowed, inhaling deeply trying to calm myself. Bella at my mouth, Bella down my throat, Bella in my lap, in my hair, in my head – it was all too much.

I took my hands from her hair to try to release her. Her hands knotted in my hair, drawing me closer, fighting the retreat. I was doomed.

I pushed her down on the ground as we embraced. She completely enveloped me in her scent in her body. For half an instant, I was afraid I was smothering her, her body writhing below me, but then I realized that she was moving against me, trying desperately to get closer.

I broke the kiss and whispered in her ear, "Careful, Bella. I… ungh… I want you too much."

"Then take me," she breathed hoarsely into my ear. "Take me now. I want you, Edward."

The sound of those words invoked heaven and hell in that quiet secluded meadow. I wanted nothing more than to give her what she asked for, what I wanted so desperately. But hell would be unleashed if in my passion, I ripped her in two and consumed her.

"Bella, I can't, I can't. I'll hurt you," I breathed in her hair, letting my tongue flick against her earlobe. Her skin was suffuse with her smell, teasing my senses and my need.

"Edward, Edward," she said, grinding her hips against mine. "I need you. Touch me. Let me feel you."

That was more than I could stand. I leaned up and looked into her eyes. Her face was flush with need and desire; her chocolate eyes implored me. She mouthed my name, her lips pink as the bud of a rose, wrapped around the sound of my name.

I leaned back and grabbed her shirt. In one move, I ripped it in two, freeing her small breasts, decorated with two small cherry nipples shaking with the violence of the tear. A small growl erupted from my throat as I dove to her chest, licking, yearning to suck.

Bella was crushing into my crotch and moaning my name. Her skin was covered in fine sweat, even as she shivered with the cold of my mouth on her breast. I felt so near to tearing her apart, sinking my teeth into her soft and ready flesh, consuming her, drinking her…

"Bella," I rasped, lifting my head from her chest. "I can't." I stopped moving against her and pulled myself up on one elbow, so that I was near her, but not touching her. "You are too warm, too willing and I want you."

"Then what's the problem," she said, blinking furiously in confusion.

"I want to… hurt you. It's," I said and grabbed my cock through my pants, trying to soothe myself and calm down. "I don't really want to hurt you, but you bring out the wild in me. I want to lose control, and bite and suck and _have_ you… But I'm afraid."

"Edward," she breathed, leaning up to me and running her hot hand along my cool cheek. "What are you afraid of? Isn't that the way it's supposed to be?"

"No, Bella, it's not. I'm not human. I could kill you." I sat up, and looked across the meadow. "I don't want to damage you, or do something we'll both regret."

"Do you mean because I'm a virgin?"

"That wasn't what I was thinking, but I imagine that's a factor in this, too." I shook my head. "I have never wanted anyone as badly as I want you, Bella. I have never thought of touching or kissing any woman in the way I think of you." I moved on top of her again, my cock still hard and urging me to action. "Bella, I want you – all of you."

She leaned up and kissed me gently on the lips. She took my face in her hands and kissed my eyelids. Her hot mouth on my face set my body burning and brought me to the edge. I ground my hips to hers.

"Careful, Bella, careful," I whispered. I began slowly pumping my rigid cock against her even as I bade her to take care. I was losing control; I knew it and I liked it. "Bella, I need …"

My hand found its way to her breast. I began gently rolling her nipple between my thumb and index finger, savoring the smooth erectile tissue. She gasped in response. I shot a glance to her face to ensure she was not cold. No, she wasn't cold; she was hot. I leaned over her and kissed her, all the while palming her breast and letting my hand slide down her side. So soft, so very, very soft.

I sucked in my breath when I felt her hand slip inside my pants and wrap around my cock. I pulled back from the kiss and looked into her eyes. "Bella," I moaned as she began pumping my cock. Her hand was as softer than anything I'd ever felt or ever imagined. I watched her face, her eyes trained to mine. The honesty there made me weak, and I fought against coming.

"Can I touch you?" I asked, sure of the answer, my hand already moving from her breast to the first button of her jeans. She closed her eyes in assent, as I opened her pants.

I looked down at her exposed nakedness and inhaled sharply. She was pale pink, lovely; the flush of her cheeks traveling down her breasts and lighting each nipple. The small mound of pubic hair all but hid the rosy skin of her pussy. As I pushed my finger into her folds, I watched her face as I found that most sensitive spot.

She gasped and pushed her hips toward my hand. Her body begged me to continue. I ran slow circles around her clit, first with my finger, then with my thumb. Her skin was moist with desire. The aroma of her sex filled my senses and left me wanting more, needing more. I raised my hand to my mouth, and tasted her sweetness.

"Edward, please, please don't stop," she murmured. I had been so lost in the scent that was Bella I was startled when she spoke. I sucked her taste off my fingers and returned my hand to her clit. She moaned, her body arching, one arm clinging to me as the other pumped my cock harder.

"Bella, I –," I wasn't going to be able to hold on much longer. My senses were overwhelmed.

"Edward, I -, oh God!" she shouted as her toes pointed down and her body became stiff and still. Only her hand moved, furiously pumping my cock. I watched her moving beneath me, the scent of Bella filling the air, filling me, when it all became too much. I covered her mouth with mine, letting her excited breath fill me. I began to come, exploding up from my knees through my thighs and out the end of my cock.

* * *

Bella's face was happy and calm. I watched her as she laid in my arms, naked from the tops of her legs up.

"Are you cold, love?"

"A little, but it's okay," she answered, moving to refasten her pants.

I let her wiggle herself back into her pants. The truth be told, I didn't want her to move, unless it was to take off more than she had on now. But the sun was starting to set, and the cold was beginning to change the air.

"Edward, can I ask you a question?"

"Bella, yes. You can ask me anything," I said, looking into her eyes from under my lashes.

"You said before that you had never… thought of a woman like you did today. So how did you know how to, uh, how to…"

"How to touch you?"

"Yes."

"It's difficult to explain," I said, looking down trying to gather my thoughts.

"Have I embarrassed you? I'm sorry," she said, misinterpreting my hesitation.

"No, it's nothing like that. I'm trying to answer your question," I said. As I remembered the feel of her hand on me, my sexual hunger returned. I swallowed the excess venom that flooded my mouth. I wasn't hungry in the least, but the need reminded me of my appetite for her skin. "I am a virgin, but I've seen people making love many, many times."

"Oh God, you guys aren't like Peeping Toms, too, are you? Do you turn into bats and watch people… " Her face was horrified.

No, no! God no," I said. "It's just that, I can see what people are thinking." I watched her face as her horrified expression changed to fascination. "When someone considers making love to someone, I can pick up on those images. It's not always a gift, believe me, but I've seen lots of lovemaking. I just have never… executed it."

"You see what people think?" With a sudden flush, she asked, "Can you see what I'm thinking?"

"I wish I could," I said, feeling my body tingle with the idea of knowing the cause behind that flush. "Your mind is oddly quiet."

"Hmm," she replied, and I couldn't tell if that was relief or disappointment.

"I'm sorry about your blouse. You must let me replace it."

"This? No, don't worry about it," she said, pulling her hoodie around her sides and aligning the zipper. "I'm okay as long as Charlie doesn't see it."

"Bella, please. It would be my pleasure to buy you a blouse. It's the least I can do," I said, as I stroked her cheek. I could feel my body tingling with the soft brush of her skin against mine. "I could take you shopping on Saturday. In Port Angeles, if you'd like. It would be fun."

"Um, okay, yeah. Yes. This Saturday is great," she said. "As long as we don't have to shop all – wait! What time is it?"

"I'd say it's about six, six-thirty," I said.

"Oh my God! Charlie's going to be frantic! I got to get home!"


	7. Chapter 7: Anticipation

_A/N: All characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended._

**Anticipation**

I dropped her at her home, after she reassured me that she could handle Charlie. He was frantic, she was right, pacing back and forth in the kitchen, picking up the phone and hanging it back up. I gave her warning about his state; she just stared at me.

"What?" I asked, confused by her expression.

"It's just that you're so…," she paused, and I stopped breathing until she finished. "You're so special, Edward, in so many ways."

"Oh," I replied, relief washing over me in a huge exhalation.

"I'm sorry, I mean it in a totally good way," she said, thinking she'd hurt my feelings. "I think you're… um… wonderful."

I could tell by the immediate increase in her heart rate and the dropped tone on her last word that she was beginning to feel excited again. Inside the house, Charlie picked up his keys, preparing to go search for Bella. "You'd better go, he's worried." Her head swung back towards the house as she began to move away. "Bella, would you like me to come back later?"

"When?" She was struggling with the emotions that kept her here when she knew she should go inside.

"I'll be back when you go to bed, Bella," I said, lifting her hand and kissing it. The aroma of fresh grass and clover exuded from her back and hair where our encounter met the ground. The lavender fragrance of her skin was rinsed with the scent of my semen, and I felt my abdomen constrict with the excitement created by the aroma.

I dropped her hand, gesturing to the house. She ran to the door, pulling it open as Charlie appeared, ready for the search. I watched and listened for a moment, but she had him smiling before they both got back inside.

* * *

I wanted to linger outside her house, listen to her interactions with Chief Swan and wait for her to go to bed, but I really needed a little time to think things through. My plans had changed. Things were moving faster than I'd thought they would, and I needed to be prepared for where they were going. Running usually gave me the mental calm I needed to sort things out, but I just couldn't run. I wanted the feelings to last; I wanted her scent to linger; I wanted my thoughts of her to take over and send me where they may. I turned into the forest and began to walk.

I was so close to her. There was a point at which all my senses were attuned to her, and I wanted that moment to last forever. The meadow had been such a perfect respite for me for so long; how could I have ever known it would be a perfect place for us? On my own, I'd gone there for the beauty, seclusion and emptiness of other's thoughts. With Bella, I could enjoy all those things, as well as a warm and willing lover who thought I was "wonderful". I still couldn't quite accept she'd said that, especially after telling me she knew what I was…

That knowledge caused other issues to come to play, but I did not want to focus there. I brought my hand to my face, palm to nose, and inhaled deeply. _Bella._ It was as if the brightest star in my heaven had been sent to my grasp purely to please me. I licked the palm of my hand, tasting the remnants of her smell and I was immediately aroused.

Is this what Alice and Jasper felt when they were together, this gnawing, all-consuming yearning to complete each other? I began to understand the deep fire that burned in Carlisle's eyes for Esme, and the violent aftershocks in the wake of Rosalie and Emmett's lovemaking. I had seen glimpses in their minds before they'd brought their guard up, I'd always tried to tune these thoughts out as a matter of privacy and as protection from the pain of loneliness I'd feel. I'd come to believe that I would be alone, always, complete unto myself.

Bella changed everything. My world was upside down; I no longer wanted to be alone, to write, to run or do anything other than touch her one more time, kiss her one more time, everything, anything – I wanted it all – one more time.

The forest was dark, and I could hear the nocturnal creatures scurry in the underbrush. My hunger was growing and I knew I should hunt, but the ache of that need seemed to sharpen my desire for Bella even more. I wanted to enjoy the twist of need before going to her bedside.

I should go home. I should feed. I should do something useful with my time until I was with her again. I should… There were simply to many 'shoulds' to answer tonight. I was enjoying my need, the want, and the knowledge that I would soon be with her again. I thought about the feel of her warm hand on my swollen member, the friction as she pumped me into orgasm. Perhaps it was a result of my loneliness and longing, but was her hand not perfect in its clasp of my shaft? Wasn't every stroke as delicious and incomparable as my dreams of a perfect lover had ever been? I shivered thinking about my mouth over hers, sucking in her breath.

I climbed to a branch away from the path, high up enough to avoid a casual encounter and let my mind wander from memory to wish. Bella's kiss was molten and demanding; she made no secret of her desire for me. I dreamt of her kisses down my neck and across my frozen chest, her tongue lingering over my nipples, flicking the sensitive skin with that warm, wet tool. I rubbed my hand across my chest, aching with the want of Bella's sweet lap against my hard nipples. I fantasized her licks meandering down my chest to my belly, and let my hand mimic the dream. My body shook with the thought of that tongue caressing first the head of my shaft, then a pull into her sweet, hot mouth, my cock filling her as she sucked it down. My hand needed no guidance to substitute for her mouth; I was insistently rubbing my cock as I laid in the branches of the tree. I swirled the pre-cum around my cockhead and imagined her tongue, mouth open, ready and begging for my cum to shoot. I was only too glad to oblige, and too disappointed when the realization hit post-orgasm that I was, again, alone.

I leapt from the tree. I would not make it through tonight if I did not hunt.

* * *

"Watch out for Rosalie," Alice called to me as I came through the back door. She and Jasper were flipping through the pages of a lingerie catalog, a favorite pastime for both. "Ooh, Jazz, that's what you're going to buy me! Isn't it pretty?"

I headed up the stairs, taking two at a time to escape the scene. Rosalie's mind was blank as she stepped out of her bedroom, and I ran smack into her.

"Geez, Edward," she spat, "Why don't you watch where you're going? Honestly. You meet this Bella and you go all stupid."

"Sorry," I said, looking down. The images of Emmett, satisfied and smug filled her head. There were a few quick thoughts of Emmett's perfection compared to my deficits before she caught herself. I half-smiled, bemused by the imperfections she saw in me; those perceived imperfections kept Rosalie from wanting or touching me. The relief of these saving graces made me want to laugh.

"What?" Rosalie asked, her thoughts churning and raising a fury. "What's so damn funny, Edward? You like running into me? I don't think you'll feel that way when I tell Emmett."

Now I did laugh. "Rosalie, no, that's not it," I said, trying to stifle my giggles. "As I said, I'm sorry. My mind is elsewhere."

"Really? Elsewhere? Color me surprised. What a shock."

I stepped around her and went into my room to change. She started to follow me, but stopped when Emmett called her. The clear, crisp picture of Emmett tied to the bedposts, a willing prisoner fully erect and naked, filled my head. I tried singing the Battle Hymn of the Republic in my head and reliving the 1926 Boston Red Sox game I'd seen where Ira Flagstead tie the record for starting three double plays in one game from the outfield, just to drown out the images that were flooding from the her mind. She moved away back to her victim, taking her hard-core pictures along with her.

I was sticky and gummy from the day's activities. Pulling off my clothes to head for the shower, I caught a glimpse of my naked self in the mirror. What would Bella see when she saw me naked? Tall and thin, pale, a smattering of chest hair and a trail from my navel to crotch. My semi-erect penis was long and thin as well, mimicking my overall proportion. Would she look at me with desire or disappointment? I placed my hands behind me on my hips, and let my cock rise to a half-salute. I looked human. Was that what she would see, or would she see a killing machine, the inhuman monster that lurked beneath my skin? My hand rose to touch my breast where my silent heart hung in my chest. _Oh, Bella. _

I showered and dressed quickly, pulling on a black t shirt and a clean pair of boxers and jeans. I couldn't worry about what I wore tonight. My thoughts swam around Bella, her still form lying in her warm bed, waiting for me.

* * *

_A/N: Thank you to everyone who's left comments so far. Your words replenish me and keep my words flowing._


	8. Chapter 8: Close

_A/N: All characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended._

**Close**

The run to Forks had never taken so long. I was tense and anxious to return to her company, to her warm and beating heart. I wanted to hold her and feel her throbbing in my arms, small, hot, a perfect fit.

A small worry nagged at the back of my head, but I wouldn't let the concern come to the surface. I had to believe that there was a way for us to be together, not just today, but always. Did she understand that? Did she know what she was getting herself into? Did I? I dismissed thoughts of tomorrow and focused on delights of tonight.

I wondered what would please Bella most. I could touch her with my hands, running them over her most heated parts; I could hold her in my arms, letting her sweet body fall against mine; she could lie atop me, her slight weight managing only to excite me. There were so many things I wanted, needed from Bella, but was this what she wanted? If only her mind weren't silent, I'd know how to please her without relying on chance. But her quiet mind was part of the attraction, I had to admit. The idea of finding something in her that made her pant was like fire on my nerves, forcing me faster through the brush.

The house looked quiet and asleep from the outside, but I could hear Bella's breathing and Chief Swan's snoring. I stood beneath her window, checking the street both ways. I smiled to myself as I leapt up the wall of her house to the window. It was open the slightest crack. She was expecting me.

As I slid the window open, the most wonderful scent rolled across my face like the evanescence of morning mist. "Edward?" a tiny voice reached out to me.

"Bella," I sighed in joy and relief. "Thank you for the window crack. I'm glad you wanted me to come tonight."

"You're… welcome," she said hesitantly. "Um, have you been here before?"

I didn't want to lie, and yet I knew if I was completely forthright, I was afraid she'd think I was a complete pervert. I decided to turn the tables. "What makes you say that?"

"Um, well, one night, I thought I was dreaming, but," the flush of her cheeks was visible by moonlight. "I thought I had really kissed you this one night," she said, looking down at her pretty white feet that were crossed in front of her.

"How was that?"

"It was, um, good. Like really good. I wanted to do it again," she said, blushing, but lifting her eyes to mine.

"Show me how you kissed me," I said.

"You were there," she pointed to the exact spot where I'd stood the first night. "And I was here. Then I leaned up and", she sat forward so that she was leaning towards me on her knees. She was wearing a tank top and sweats, and I could see her nipples were hard. Her arm snaked out and grabbed the front of my shirt, and I allowed her to pull me to her, my arms closing around her when our lips met. She exhaled into my mouth and I almost came.

She ground her hips into mine as she knotted her fingers in my hair. My body was not slow to react, but it was with a different energy and drive than what I'd expected. She smelled good, too good, good enough to eat. My lips moved from her mouth to her neck and she gasped. I could see her hot blood pulsating below her translucent skin, and venom flooded my mouth. Suddenly, I was desperately hungry.

"Bella," I murmured. She pulled me closer. I wanted to resist, I needed to resist. "Bella, I can't!" I pulled back and broke her hold easily. I step back, leaning against the wall, my hands behind me. She was still kneeling at the edge of the bed, panting. Her eyes were wild, lust taking over where reason should stand.

"Edward, I want you… _now_," she growled. If the situation weren't so dire, I might have laughed at her kittenish imitation of a great cat. The parallel between what I ate and the woman before me wasn't lost. I needed to regain my composure so we could continue.

"Bella, please, give me a moment." I held my hand up to halt her advance and closed my eyes. I needed her to understand. "I need a moment to… _prioritize_ my needs." The burning in my throat was nearly as strong as the burning in my cock. I needed to ensure this was a competition of need, not a blending.

I swallowed hard, the flavor of Bella in the air. I opened my eyes and sought her face. My gaze reached her face as her chin quivered and crumbled. She fell back on the bed, arm over her face.

"Bella, Bella, no… It's not you," I said, gliding onto the bed next to her. "I _want_ you, want you more than I can say." My thirst immediately fled in face of the more demanding emotions. "Please listen. I have wanted you every day, every minute, every moment since I first saw you. You are all I think about, you are everything and everywhere."

She still laid with her arm over her eyes, embarrassed and unmoving.

"Bella," I whispered in her ear. "Do you remember the first time I spoke to you?"

She nodded minutely, but did not otherwise move.

"I remember that day, too, with perfect clarity. Your scent was –", I took a deep, unsteady breath in. "Your scent set my skin aflame and made my body burn. Since that day, I have been so afflicted. I am on fire for you, and you burn me with your touch."

She turned to face me, but buried her face in my chest.

"But, Bella, do remember how I looked that first day? How did I look to you?"

She didn't lift her head. She spoke into my chest, her warm breath bathing me in her delicious aroma. "You were… angry. Like you hated me. Like…"

"Like I wanted to kill you?"

She lifted her head and nodded, her eyes fixed on mine. "Yes, just like… Is that what you mean?"

"Yes, sweet Bella, that's what I mean. You smell good to me in so many ways. Your body calls me, and I can't help but respond. But my hunger for you gets confused with my hunger for your blood. When I feel these hungers at war, you become more to me than a lover. I must never let those lines blur." I placed a small kiss on her lips. "Never doubt that I want you."

"What does that mean, Edward? Does that mean we can never… you know, be close?"

"Bella, we have been close. And we will be close again, as long as you will allow it," I said, looking deeply into her eyes. "Things are just starting for us, they're new. I may need a moment now and then to put my baser nature aside. Do you understand?"

She broke my gaze as she nodded. "Yes, I understand." Even pulled away from my focus, I knew her face was a mask of disappointment. She was trying to be okay.

I put my hand under her chin, and raised her face to mine. Her eyes were open, and small, hot tears bled from the corners of her eyes. "Shh, shh, shh, don't cry." Each hush brushed her face, her cheek, her lips. She was the air, she was the sun glowing in my chest, the stars floating in my eyes. "I'm here. I will always be here. As long as you want me."

She sucked in a quick gasp and buried her held in my chest. I instinctively began to rock her gently in my arms, humming a tune that began to take hold in my thoughts. My tiny lover, so small and fragile; I must never forget her gossamer spirit housed in the glass shell of her body. The rhythm of her breathing changed, telling me she was asleep. Amazing. Death lies next to her, and her trusting heart lets her drift off blithely, safe in the arms of a monster.

I watched her sleeping in my arms, and I felt my love for her blossom and grow. Even in her sleep, her face relaxed and angelic, she began to bite her bottom lip as she moved into a dream. A small groan escaped from that warm mouth, and I lifted my arm, imagining my weight too much for her. She turned in my embrace, moving her back to me, and pulled my arm around her. She snuggled into my arms like a tiny animal burrowing into its dark home.

Her hips moved back to my crotch, and I found my body responding to her closeness. I was afraid I'd wake her, and yet anxious for her lucidity and response. She positioned her ass next to my hardening cock, so that I fit between her cheeks. Even through my jeans, I could feel her hotness envelope me. I wanted more.

"Mm, Edward," she murmured. I leaned up to see her face; her eyes were closed and her lips were smiling. "Edward, you're so hard."

"God, yes, Bella," I whispered in her ear. "You make me hard." Her hair was a tangled cloud of fragrance and I buried my face in it. "Bella, Bella, Bella," I whispered, doubting she could hear me even if she were awake. "It is not just the sex, Bella, it is you. Mm, Bella, me levar, eu sou teu. Always yours, only yours."

I laid there, listening to her breathe, lost in her scent and her beauty. My mind raced with fantasies of Bella and I together, our lives intertwined, our pleasures blended and savored. My body stiffened and relaxed over and over again, and though she did not wake, each time I became hard, her hips ground back against my groin. It was divine and it was torture. I was lost and I was found.

As the dawn began to light the windows, Bella's breathing changed and she turned to face me. She opened her eyes and a sleepy smile drifted across her face. "You stayed!" she whispered.

"Yes, beauty, I stayed. You were in my arms all night. How could I go?"

She smiled more broadly and snuggled into my chest. "I'm glad you stayed. I haven't slept that soundly in, well… ever," she said, and moaned as she pulled herself closer to me, her arms wrapping around my waist. She lay there for a few minutes, burrowed next to me, seemingly contented and happy. Then her breathing hitched and her body tensed. "Edward?" she asked, her voice worried and hesitant.

"Yes, Bella? Are you okay?"

"I'm okay, um. I was just wondering if _you_ were okay," she said, risking a quick glance at my face. "I mean, I know we didn't… uh, I wanted to… I was thinking we were going to… uh," and I could tell she didn't want to say it out loud.

"Bella," I said, trying to soothe her fears. "We didn't make love last night because I couldn't control myself. I know you wanted more – I wanted more. And we'll have more. It's just this is new for both of us. I need to be sure I don't hurt you."

"Or kill me?"

"Or kill you," I said, chuckling. "I need you, I need you to last."

"But, well, aren't you, you know? Horny?" She grimaced on the last word, as if she didn't want to sound uncouth.

"Bella, as long as you are around, I will be horny."

"Don't you want to do something about that?" She glanced up at my face, then held my gaze. "I mean, I do. I do if you do."

Her face was imploring and more bewitching than ever. "Yes, Bella, I do." I planted a kiss on her mouth, feeling the brush of air from her gasp. My cock was once again at full attention. I held her face in my hands, feeling her soft teeth as they nibbled at my bottom lip. I exhaled her name and tasted her in my mouth, in the air and all around me. "Touch me."

She bent forward and pushed up my shirt. Her eyes studied my abdomen, moving up to my chest. Her head pushed forward and her warm, wet mouth was over my nipples, licking and sucking and biting. I moaned in pleasure, and pulled my shirt off over my head. My arms came down around her and pulled her closer to me still. Her hand moved down my chest and below my waistband, finding my erection and wrapping around it.

"Mmm, you're so hard, Edward. I like that," she breathed, rubbing the skin of my shaft. Her skin was hot and smooth and insistent. I was in heaven. "Let me touch you, let me…" She began kissing my chest down the trail of my hair past my belly. Her breath crept underneath my jeans as her hands fumbled to free my cock.

"Bella, be careful, be – " Her lips touched the head of my shaft and I sucked in a breath of shock and pleasure. "Oh God, Bella, oh God…" Her soft, yielding lips rested on my head, while her hot tongue darted over the skin. She made delicious sucking noises and moans as she worked her mouth further down my cock. I was fighting the surge of release as hard as I could; the heat of her touch alone was enough to bring me to orgasm. "Bella, no… stop," I whispered, my attention focused on holding back my orgasm. I managed to find my voice. "Bella, stop, please…"

Her hands stayed on my shaft and stomach as her head pulled away from my cock with a loud smack. Her swollen lips were pink and wet, and her eyes held loving concern. "Edward," she said, her voice husky with desire. The sound of my name on her lips destroyed me; I could hold back no longer. My cock twitched as the cum shot across my stomach and onto her hands. She glanced at my shooting cock and back to my face, smiling.

"Oh God, Bella, I'm so sorry," I said, trying to find something to wipe her hands clean. I lifted my chest to sit up, and she placed her semen covered hand on my chest.

"Hey, don't go," she said. "That's what I wanted. You are _so _beautiful when you come."


	9. Chapter 9: Present

_A/N: All characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended._

**Present**

"Hey, don't go," she said. "That's what I wanted. You are _so _beautiful when you come."

I looked at her sweet face, smiling so beatifically at me. I felt relieved and grateful, and completely at a loss for words. I pulled off my shirt and began gently wiping her hands. "Bella," I said, her name like music on my tongue. "I don't know what to say. I have waited for you always. You are the reason I exist, you are – Charlie's coming!"

I sprinted to the closet as Bella dove beneath the covers. There was a short knock at the bedroom door just before it swung open as Chief Swan stepped in.

"Hey, Bells, I'm going fishing soon. Didn't you want to get up today?"

"Dad! Geez!" She yanked the comforter up under her chin, covering herself as if she were naked. "You need to give me a little warning! What if I was getting dressed?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, Bella. I just didn't' think. Sorry," He headed back out the door, and then paused, looking back at her over his shoulder. "You want me to fix some breakfast?"

"Dad, I really just want a little privacy so I can finish getting dressed. That okay with you?"

"Right. Sorry, really. Sorry." He pulled the door closed, and trudged off down the stairs.

"Are you still here?" Her voice was small and timid as she peered around the room. She was on her hands and knees on the bed, leaned over the side looking underneath.

I stepped out of the closet, holding my wet shirt. "Did you imagine you could get rid of me so easily?"

She leaned up, her head turning towards my voice. She gave me an easy smile over her shoulder, and I felt myself melting into to her chocolate eyes. Her ass in the air was almost more than I could stand; I was sure she had no idea of the pleasure she gave me. She'd given me so much, so willingly and still, she gave me this beautiful smile. I wanted to give back to her, give her everything, anything she wanted.

"Bella, what do you have planned for today?" I saw her brows knit together instantly, and my fears were realized. She had other plans. I moved to the bed, laying next to her kneeling form. "I don't mean to monopolize your time and I understand if you already have plans." I stroked the side of her arm with my fingertips.

"I don't have plans," she interrupted. "I was just thinking you were probably sick of me by now."

"Oh, sweet girl, how could I be sick of you? You've given me so much more than I had ever hoped, more than I could dream. And I've given you nothing, nothing but worry." I stroked her cheek, brushing her hair back over her shoulder. "And I don't mean just the sex, Bella, although I must say, you were spectacular."

I watched her blush tint her cheeks, her brows still knitted together. I wished again I could hear what she was thinking. I wanted to pull her into my arms and hold her, touch her hair, her lips, her… everything. "What are you thinking?"

She sat back on her heels and looked at me. "I must look awful. I feel sort of… grimy, I guess."

"You're beautiful," I said, thinking how her lips would taste in a kiss.

"Ah, not right now I'm not. I need a shower." She jumped off the bed, walked to her dresser and began digging and pulling out clothes. "Edward?"

I was standing by her in an instant, my arms wound around her waist. She looked up at me, startled, and began to tip backward. I pulled her closer to my chest to steady her footing.

"I'm not sure I'm going to get used to that," she said, her heart beating erratically. "I was going to ask if you wanted to stay while I took a bath, or if you wanted to come back later, after you…" She turned in my arms and nodded toward the wadded shirt in my hand.

"Hm. I suppose you're right," I said, still holding her in the circle of my arms. "I can go home, change, get my car and be back in – how long do you need?"

"Um, an hour?"

"Back in an hour," I said, smiling at the thought of returning to her. "I believe I owe you a blouse, and a few other things as well. It would be my honor to take you to shopping today, if you'll permit me."

"Uh, yeah, okay," she shifted backwards again, as if she was going to fall. "You don't' have to get me anything, though. It's okay. Really."

"Bella," I whispered, lifting her chin with my index finger. "I owe you everything. Today, a new blouse. The rest of the world tomorrow." I blew a kiss into her mouth and felt her warm, pliant lips softly form around mine.

* * *

How long had I been alone? The years seem endless.

I was a prisoner of loneliness before I changed. My mother and father were passionately in love as I remember; I had no one to call my own. The fateful day Carlisle gave me eternity was simply a continuation of my solitary path. It did not seem a burden as I carried it. But in the face of this love, this joy, this all-consuming need, my mind is unable to comprehend how the weight of my loneliness did not crush me.

As I ran through the trees, my desire fueled my speed. Get home, get changed, run back – back to her arms, back to a new beginning and a life without heartache – to her. I slowed as I approached the porch, raising the soiled shirt to my nose and losing myself in her scent mingled with my own. The aroma revived the pictures in my head: Bella's kiss, her neck, the rhythmic flow of blood beneath skin, her mouth descending over my erection. I was immediately aroused and erect.

Esme sat on the step between Carlisle's legs, her head resting back on his shoulder. He was kissing her neck. Carlisle's thoughts were heavy with desire and lust. _The luxury of your skin never fades, my love._

Esme turned toward me. "Edward!" she cried, and I heard her worries renew then resolve into one thought, _He's here._

"I'm sorry, Esme," I said sheepishly. I suddenly felt embarrassed, half naked and fully erect. I angled my body away from her gaze. "I spent the night at Bella's."

Carlisle looked up. _So it's going well, Edward? Is she alright? Is Chief Swan alright?_

"No one was harmed, Carlisle." As I reassured him, another worry broke through the surface of his thoughts. "Bella is still a virgin, and, well, so am I." I looked down out my feet and sighed.

"Edward, that's nothing to be ashamed of," Carlisle said. _You've been alone so long, Edward. I'm proud of you for restraining yourself. _

Esme leaned forward. "No, Edward, please don't be ashamed." Esme's thoughts were loving and tender. _He is my son. I hope he finds her as loving as Carlisle is to me._

Slowly, I walked over to the step and sat down across from them. "I'm not ashamed, I'm… happy. Bella is more than I could ever have dreamed. I'm going back to spend the day with her. We're going shopping." Their thoughts were a tangle of excitement and joy for me. Their love for me was such a gift. I didn't want to distract them from the good feelings they were experiencing, but I had to talk to Carlisle. "But I do need to speak with you, Carlisle, if you'll excuse us, Esme."

"Edward, I'm so happy for you," she said as she stood and leaned over me. Her hand on my cheek was soft and warm. "I'll let you two talk." She blew a kiss to Carlisle and went inside the house.

"What is it, Edward?" _Tell me, my son, what do you need?_

"Carlisle, I'm concerned about…," I found it a bit harder talking about the mechanics of sex with my father. "Could you act as my doctor for a few minutes?"

"Sure, Edward," he said as he thought, _Are you okay?_

"Yes, I'm alright, I'm just finding this a bit more difficult than I had originally thought. I'm concerned about Bella and…" I hesitated. "Bella and the venom. In my semen. The venom in my semen."

_Oh. That's a good question. _"You know, there's not a lot of research on this," he said, scratching his chin. _I've seen only a few things where the human actually lived. _"I believe that there should be no threat as long as the venom does not enter her bloodstream directly." _Swallowing and intercourse should not present a problem. _

"Thank you, Carlisle," I said, grateful for his ability to see this clinically. "I wasn't sure where else I could turn."

"Edward," he said, and finished with the thought as I stood, _I understand. Anything for you, my friend. _

I went into the house, heading to my room at top speed. I didn't see Alice, but her thoughts came through loud and clear. _Take a coat with a hood_._ It's going to rain._

* * *

I parked the car with one minute to spare. All the way here, I felt the tug of my need for Bella pulling me to her house, forcing me to push the car past its limits on the tiny, twisting roads of Forks. Now, here at last, my stomach was a twist of anticipatory knots.

I raised my hand to knock at the door, but hesitated. _Should I knock? Should I go to the window? Should I call her on the phone first? _As I stood with my raised fist, debating the proper entry for a vampire into his girlfriend's home, the door swung open.

"Oh!" she cried, clearly not expecting me at the door. "Sorry, I was just going to grab my coat out of my truck."

"That's a good idea. It's supposed to rain later."

"Hmm." She leaned back inside and grabbed her purse. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yes. Let's take my car, alright?" I gave her truck a quick glance, and then looked into her face. "I would feel better about it, if you don't mind."

"No, that's fine." I walked with her as she went to her truck, opened the door and pulled out her coat. "Where are we going?"

"I thought we'd drive along the 101, down the coast. I've seen several smaller stores there that should have something nice."

"You know, you really don't have to do this. That blouse – it was old anyway."

"Bella," I said, as I opened the door to my car. "I _want_ to do this. You've given me your body; would you deny me the pleasure of wrapping that present in something beautiful?"

Bella always surprised me. I thought that given what we'd shared in the past few days, the car ride down the coast would be filled with questions about my condition and existence. Quite the contrary was true, though; after we left Forks, we rode in quiet solitude, comfortable with each other and comfortable together.

"Isn't the sky beautiful?" Bella asked, leaning forward to look out the windshield. Her eyes were wide and searching, as if she were trying to take it all in.

"They are, love. Do you like cloudscapes?"

"Yes, um," she said, hesitating before she went on. "Before we… before we knew each other, I used to watch the clouds from my window. They remind me of your eyes, somehow. I felt closer to you, even if we weren't talking."

As I said, surprising.

"Did you think of me often before we knew each other?"

"I did. I asked some of my friends about you," she said, looking down at her hands. I'd begun to recognize her habits; self-revealing statements always brought the same response. I could tell she was blushing before I glanced at her face.

"Bella, there are so many things to say to each other, and I want you to feel comfortable and safe when we talk. You can tell me about yourself. I will never ridicule you, or reveal any secret you want kept private. And in turn, you may ask me any question and receive my complete and utterly honest answer. You have my word."

She lifted her eyes, searching my face. My mind raced, wondering if she believed me false or untrustworthy, when she asked, "You think I have secrets?"

I chuckled. "Bella, everyone has secrets."

"I don't."

"I'm sure you do. Think back through your life. Isn't there something that no one in your life now knows about you? Something you'd rather they didn't know?"

"Um. Well, yeah. One thing," she said, blush reliably returning to her face.

"Then that would be your secret," I said, returning my eyes to the road, to provide her a moment of mental privacy.

In a voice that was almost a whisper, she said, "I would tell you."

"If you'd like to, Bella, I'd love to hear your secret. It can be your test of me, if you'd like."

"Okay. But you won't tell anyone, right?"

"Not a soul."

"The summer before I left Phoenix, I, uh…," she said, dropping her head and allowing her hair to fall in a curtain between us. "I kissed a girl."

My body was immediately at war with my heart. I could feel my erection growing with the thoughts of Bella kissing another woman, but the fear that she was in love with someone else took my breath away. I sat for a beat. "Were you in love?"

"God, no. She just had a stupid crush on me, and I wanted to end it. We were friends. I kissed her and that was that. Friends again," she said, her tone indicating the end of the subject.

"Bella, I don't mean to pry, but 'that was that'? What does _that_ mean?"

Her head jerked up and the haughty Bella I'd met in class returned. "What? You afraid I'm gay or something? That bother you, Edward?"

"No," I said softly. "I don't think you'd do what you did to me if you were gay. I am not concerned about who attracted you before you met me. I just don't understand how you went back to being 'friends' after you kissed her. I can't imagine your kiss as anything less than intoxicating."

Her face softened and relaxed. "Oh. That. Well, it was just that I wasn't attracted to her and really, she wasn't attracted to me, either. She was lonely, and I wasn't bothered by her being gay. Sam was a good friend, and I wanted her to understand that we were meant to be friends, not lovers.:

"And your kiss proved that?"

"Pretty much. We talked about it later. She said it was like kissing a boy." She laughed at the memory. "I felt highly complimented."

"Your kisses don't affect me like that," I said, smiling with relief. My body was reacting to the idea of her kisses, specifically, her kisses on me. My heart joined in the reaction. "Is that your biggest secret?"

"Yes. So you're not freaked out by me kissing a girl?"

"No. I'd be 'freaked out' if you were in love with someone else. Knowing that you aren't in love with her, I feel relieved and happy." I looked at her face, watching her reaction. I wanted her to see from my face that I loved her, all of her.

"Thank you," she said, looking back out the windshield. She watched the clouds.

I imagined that we would ride in our comfortable silence now, but again, she surprised me.

"So, that's my secret," she said, still watching the clouds. "What's your secret?"

"You mean, besides I'm a mind-reading vampire?"

"Yeah, besides that," she chuckled.

"Besides that. Hmm," I said, trying to decide what to tell her. I would have no secrets from this woman; I would give her anything. She shared her biggest secret with me. I owed her an equal amount of honesty. "I don't want to scare you."

"Edward," she said, lowering her voice to soothe me. "You won't. You can't."

"You're sure?"

"Trust me on this. You can't. I'm not afraid of you."

"Very well." I inhaled deeply, her scent filling my lungs, burning me with the need to share with her. "I've killed people."

"Uh, okay. I guess I shouldn't really have said that."

"Are you afraid?"

"No," she said. "I trust you." She was trying to be brave, to take it all in stride. "How many people have you killed?"

"A few."

"Who?"

"It was a long time ago. No one you'd know." I began to worry that I had erred in my desire to be honest.

"Have you killed a woman?" She tilted her head to the side as she asked, and I felt disarmed by her curiosity. My answer would frighten her, I was sure, but lying now would ruin any chance of a relationship with her.

"Yes. One."

"Oh." She was quiet, the little V between her brows returning. I had the sinking sensation that everything had been destroyed by my inane need to give her honesty. Now my existence was at risk and my family's survival was in jeopardy, all due to my inept longing for this human girl.

"Bella, please tell me what you're thinking. Please."

"I was just…," she looked straight ahead, slumping back in her seat a bit. "Did you lose control with her?"

"No. She was a bad person. I thought I would be saving children's lives by ending hers. She lured children into prostitution."

Bella's body jerked up straight, then she turned her head and leaned toward me, a small smile lighting her lips. "So you weren't in love with her?"

"God no! Is that what you – is that why you were - ?" I began to laugh. It was unbelievably ironic that her concern over my secret was such an exact copy of my own. "No, Bella. I have never been in love. Never, before you."

Her eyes sparkled as she looked into mine. We were coming into a small seaside community, and I saw a upscale dress shop. I smiled at her and said, "There."

"What?"

"There," I pointed to the shop. "Let's look for something for you there."

* * *

I watched Bella sift through the racks of clothing, now and then stopping to examine an item more closely. She wasn't enjoying herself; each examination ended in a glance at the price tag.

"Bella," I said, leaning over the rack. "Please don't worry about the price."

"Have you seen how much these cost? I could get an entire new wardrobe for the price of this jacket!" She held up some loud, ugly floral coat. "And it's not even pretty!"

"Okay, let's find something pretty then." I turned to the rack behind me, sorting the hanging blouses quickly. A shade of blue caught my eye, and I pulled it off the rack. It was a plain, pullover top in a clingy knit. "I find this color bewitching on you." I passed the top to her.

"Edward, this is over a hundred dollars!"

"A hundred ten, to be more precise. Try it on."

"No!"

"Bella, please," I stepped towards her, letting my arm circle her waist. I looked deep into her eyes. "I'd love to see you in this top." I pulled her close, and breathed in her ear. "I'd like even more to see you taking it off."

Her frantic heartbeat told me I would get my way. I pulled back and watched her face. Her eyes were closed, and she was biting her lip. "Okay," she said as she opened her eyes.

"Can I help you?"

A middle-aged saleswoman approached us. Bella turned to her with the top in her hand. "Uh, yeah. I'd like to try this on."

"Come this way," she said, looking down her nose at Bella as she motioned to the fitting rooms. I followed the across the shop. She removed a bracelet with keys, and fit one of the keys into the lock. "Here you go. Just let me know when you're done." As Bella moved into the dressing room, the woman sucked in the sides of her cheeks. Her thoughts were hateful and prejudiced; she saw Bella's age and current clothing and decided she was unimportant and insignificant. She dismissed Bella as an annoyance, and moved back towards the cash register. I didn't like it; I turned to another rack of dresses to hide my displeasure.

I slid the hangers on the rack as I waited for Bella to emerge. Most of the styles were too old and too stodgy to showcase Bella's beauty, but I entertained myself by imagining Bella modeling the dresses, laughing quietly to myself.

"Well?"

Bella in blue was like poetry and song. The top clung to her in all the right places. As I appraised her beauty, I saw her small nipples become hard and poke through the top. "Beautiful. That color is so lovely on you. Do you like it, Bella?"

"Uh, yeah," she said looking down at the top. "It's good. Can we go now?"

"Anything you say." She turned and went back into the fitting room. After a moment, she handed the top out over the door. "I'll go pay."

"I'll meet you out front." It was obvious she was uncomfortable and just wanted to escape.

I walked through the shop towards the cash register. The image of Bella in blue burned in my mind, and I unconsciously began picking out every patch of blue in the store. One bit caught my eye hanging on a rack under a sign that read "Latest Fashion".

I walked to right to the dress, pulling it off the rack. It was of a soft knit fabric, one that would emphasize the shape of the woman who wore it. The front of the dress fell simply without decoration or seams; the back was Italian lace across the shoulders, gathered at the seat. The thought of the drape of the dress against Bella's skin set my skin on fire.

"We'll have these," I said, laying the clothes on the counter and turning my back on the woman. Her thoughts were rueful. _Sure, like you can afford these, jerk. This top alone is a hundred and ten bucks. Stupid kid. _

"Will this be cash or charge?" she asked in her snottiest tone.

"Hmm," I said as I turned back to her. I pulled out my wallet, making sure she could she the hundred dollar bills inside. "I don't want to use all my cash…" I pulled out my platinum American Express Card and laid it on the counter. Her breathing hitched. "Good thing I don't leave home without it."

_I bet he stole that from his dad. _"Can I see some ID, young man?" _Teach him a thing or two. _

"Sure." I flipped my wallet over and showed her my driver's license. She leaned down, reading the ID through the half-glasses sitting on her nose. I could hear her confused thoughts as she matched the signature on the ID with the signature on the card. "Can you hurry this up? My date is ready to go."

"Oh. Certainly, Mr. Cullen. Will there be anything – " She gasped. She finally looked at my face for the first time. "Can I…"

"No. Just hurry up. Box those up. And be careful!" I wasn't hiding my distaste for her attitude or her person. She pulled the clothes toward her as she pushed the sales slip towards me with a pen.

I signed the slip and pushed it back towards the register. I turned my back on the woman, looking out the front window for Bella. She stood with her back to the window, hopping from foot to foot nervously.

"Here you go, Mr. Cullen. Can I say what a pleasure –"

I grabbed the boxes from her and left the shop.

As I came out the door, Bella turned to me. Her hands were deep in her pockets and she was biting her lip again. "I'm sorry I kept you waiting. Are you cold?"

"Not really. Are we done?"

"Yes. Thank you for being such a good sport."

"No, thank _you_, Edward. The top is beautiful," she said as I opened the door to the car. She slid into her seat, and I handed the boxes to her. "Hey! Why are there two boxes?"

"Oh, it's a surprise. Consider it a birthday present." I shut the door and walked around the car.

"But it isn't my birthday," she protested as I started the car.

"Then consider it a present for me," I said, the growl of the engine echoing my thoughts.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry the story was a bit late posting, but I hope it was worth the wait. Post a review to let me know you forgive the late posting - remember, comments = love!**


	10. Chapter 10: Taste

_A/N: All characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended._

**Taste**

My thoughts were wild.

It was that damn dress. I imagined Bella's pale skin again the blue satiny material, the beauty of the pulse of her blood through her veins. The thought of the dress caressing her perfect breasts, and draping her round ass – mmm. The fine material would hold her scent but strip none from her precious pale skin beneath it. I felt a growl of excitement and desire building in my chest.

"Are you okay?" Bella's worried frown indicated I wasn't doing the fabulous job hiding my need I had imagined I was. The little V was back between her brows.

"Yes, I'm sorry. I was just thinking about something," I said, knowing I needed to change the subject before she asked what my thoughts were about. "I wonder –"

"What were you thinking about?" She was staring at me with curious intensity. I wanted to lie, to mislead her.

"I was imagining you in that dress," I said, amazed that I could not keep my ideas to myself around this woman. "More precisely, I was thinking about your scent and your skin." My tongue rolled out over my bottom lip reflexively, hungry, thirsty.

"Oh," she said, her blush rewarding my honesty. God, she was adorable and delicious. She sat with her head down, looking at her hands as the car sped up the coast. "Well, you know you can have as much as you want whenever you want it…"

"You probably shouldn't offer that so freely, Bella. I want you all the time," I said, listening to her heart race. Her gaze was still in her lap, as if some other problem had crossed her mind. I waited for a moment for her to divulge the issue, but she sat, quietly. When she lifted her head, she looked out the side window. "Bella, what is it?"

"What?" She didn't return my gaze.

"Tell me what you're thinking. You seem upset, and I don't know why. Did I say something wrong?"

"No, you didn't say anything," she said, returning her gaze to her lap. It was a dance of hesitancy designed to drive me mad.

"Bella, please. I'm on the brink of insanity," I said softly. I lifted her chin with my right hand, turning her face to me. When her eyes met mine, I whispered, "Won't you tell me?"

Bella was a mixture of boldness and caution, shyness and confidence. When aroused, her sexuality seemed unshakeable and insistent. In moments of uncertainty, such as she held now, she was vulnerable and withdrawn. I wished again I could simply read her mind, if only to free her from this internal tenseness she was experiencing.

"Edward," she started softly, eyes on her hands. "You like my body, right?"

"Very much so, Bella."

"And you like my… scent, right?"

"Yes," I said, bewildered that any doubt could be left in her mind given the intensity of my feelings for her.

"But what about me?" It was almost without sound, as if she couldn't bring herself to ask aloud.

"Bella, I'm confused. You… You are dearer to me than anyone on the planet."

"Because of the sex?" Ah. There it was.

I had worried that we were moving too quickly, and now it seemed my fears were justified. I pulled the car over to the side of the road, letting the quiet produce the calm needed to address her worries. I switched off the key. The only sounds in the car were the constancy of the tap of rain, her pounding heart and jagged breath. I turned in my seat to face her, picking up both her hands and raising them to my mouth.

"These hands," I murmured to her, "have brought me more joy and pleasure than I'd ever known was possible." I kissed the back of her hands, then placed her palm across my mouth. I let my tongue pull in the taste of her skin, and felt the muscles in my stomach tighten. Venom flooded my mouth. I swallowed hard. "Bella, look at me."

She raised her eyes, looking questioningly into my face.

I brought my hand to her lips. "This mouth, so soft and warm, has given meaning to my existence." I stroked her hair. "Those things alone, as wonderful as they are, could not tie me to you."

She tried to drop her head, but I held her face. "Bella, you, who you are, the things you say, the way you feel about everything. It's you, Bella. You tie me to here," I said, laying my hand over the heat of her beating heart. "I will want you always."

"But you hardly know me…"

"I know you more than you think I do," I said. "I'm a bit embarrassed to tell you how many times I've listened to you with your friends, or overheard your conversations with your father. I have been aware of you from the first day you stepped inside Forks High School."

"But, I'm not, well, interesting or beautiful or witty," she stammered.

"Bella, you are beautiful. I see you myself, and I hear the wonder that captivates nearly every male in all four grades of high school. As well as some of the instructors." She looked confused again. I wasn't saying what I really wanted to say. "I see you, Bella. Your skin is like an aphrodisiac, pale and smooth. Your eyes swallow me with every glance. All your physical beauty is nothing compared to your loving heart, quick mind and giving soul. These are much more rare than you might think. I can't prove this to you; I have to ask you to trust me. I have better insight to this than most."

At last, she lifted her gaze to me. Her lips were slightly parted, and her breaths coming in pants. "You like me?"

"Bella Swan," I said firmly, "I am falling in love with you. I can't stay away from you. And yes, I want you, too."

"Then, why don't you, um," she hesitated, the blush returning and deepening. "Why don't you do me?"

I leaned across the seat to bring my mouth to her ear. "Bella, love. I want to – more than I can say," I breathed into her ear. She shivered. I pulled back and looked into her eyes. "But I can smell your virginity, Bella, and I'm not sure how to move forward without hurting you."

"Oh. Um, you don't want to, take my virginity?" Her voice rose in octave in the question. Clearly, she didn't understand the problem.

I pulled back in my seat, and put my hands on the wheel. "I'm not sure how to explain this in anything but a clinical way." I looked at her. "Will you forgive me for sounding so formal for a moment?"

She nodded, her eyes wide.

"Your maidenhead holds a small amount of blood behind it. If your hymen is torn, that blood will be released."

"Oh, blood. Bad for you," she said, nodding.

"Yes, and bad for you, too. This has been worrying me for some time now, really. You see, I can smell your hymen. Sitting next to you in class, in your bedroom, here in the car," I gestured with my hand. "Your scent is very, very strong to me. It's like a drug, a highly addictive drug, and I want it. All the time."

"Really?" She crossed her legs as she asked.

"Yes," the reply becoming a growl with the thought. "You're like my own, personal brand of heroin." I closed my eyes and gripped the steering wheel again.

"What about, um, other things… like, uh, oral?" Once again her voice rose on the last word.

I kept my eyes closed. A low growl rumbled from inside me. "Yes. I want that. I want to taste you," I said, my voice more hoarse than it should have been. "I don't know if I can control myself when I am that close to you maidenhead. I'm having a hard time controlling myself at the thought." I realized my cock was straining against my pants to the point of pain. "Can we talk about something else? Can you distract me?"

"Edward, I don't want to distract you from that."

"Bella, I –"

"Look," she said, and I opened my eyes. She raised her hips up off the seat, unzipped her pants and pulled them down. Her naked skin fell back to the seat of my car. "You can have me, Edward. As much as you want."

My thoughts was scrambled and incoherent. I could not look away from the tender skin of her down-covered pussy, naked in the light. I felt the venom swimming in my mouth, so I sucked it off my teeth and swallowed hard. I couldn't think of anything else, could not look anywhere else, could not think of anything else but her delicate little qwim before me. I lowered my face to her crotch.

The aroma of her sex and virginity was a heady delight; the smell of her alone could make me swoon. As my mouth touched her lips, I heard her gasp and felt a shiver rush through her. With one hand, she pushed her pants down further, and pushed my head into her crotch with the other. I let my tongue seek out her heat, probing to find her most secret spot. Her clit was hard and pulsing, and the divine smell set me aflame.

I let my tongue flick side to side against the hardness of her flesh. Her gasps echoed her jagged breathing, and became my barometer for her pleasure. Her skin was so hot, and I knew she needed the heat combined with pressure to come. I let her skin warm the point of my tongue as I snapped my tongue across her clit as fast as I could. I could feel the heat of her pussy warm my lips.

"Edward, I, I'm going to –" she started, and I slowed my rhythm. I didn't want to stop, not yet. I wanted to taste her with all my tongue, feel her hard clit on my lips. "Oh, oh…" she moaned as the tempo gradually decreased.

Tasting Bella was an array of delight and sensation. Her wet pussy dripped nectar, and her skin was ambrosia. The smell of her sex and blood mingled together pushed me harder toward my own orgasm. She was unconsciously pulling my hair, pushing my face into her crotch. I reached back and adjusted my length so the fabric of my pants no longer cut against me.

One moment, she was breathing deeply, obviously fighting her orgasm. Suddenly, something changed. Her scent intensified as her heart began to race. "Edward, I'm coming," she moaned hoarsely and I felt myself begin to release. I wanted to chase this feeling and never stop, but Bella's body told me the time was now. I pushed my tongue back to her clit and beat the hard tissue with the tip of my tongue as fast as I could, letting my orgasm time itself with the throes of her pleasure.

Bella shouted and groaned, both hands pushing my face into her crotch. Her hips were pushing up off the seat, and her heart raced with her held breath. The heavenly smell, the heat of her come, the need in her voice – it was all too much. We came together, my cries of pleasured muffled in her pussy, hers cries resounding within the car.

Her hips dropped to the seat and she began to breathe again.

"Bella, are you okay?" I raised my head from her crotch and tried to look at her face. Her head was back against the seat and her eyes were closed.

"I ," she hesitated and her breathing became shallow. She didn't open her eyes and made no move to cover herself. I pushed myself up and watched her. She seemed to have passed out. I could hear her heartbeat, which seemed to be back to normal.

"Bella?" I was really beginning to worry. "Bella? Can you open your eyes for me?"

Her head lolled to the side and she slowly opened her eyes.

"Can you talk, Bella? Can you tell me you're okay?"

"Edward," she mumbled faintly. "Gah, where did you learn to do that?"


	11. Chapter 11: More

_A/N: All characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended._

**More**

I knew I had things to consider. My intimacy with a human could have dire consequences, not the least of which being a visit from the Italians. There was her father, my family, her virginity and my all consuming need for her to consider as well.

Once she had recovered, we'd driven back to Forks with a new closeness. She held my hand as I drove, allowing me to bring her hand to my face now and then, refreshing the scent of her in my head. It was a rush: each whiff of her skin re-invigorated the taste of her in my mouth. Venom flooded with each sniff, and my throat would burn and ache to feed. But each time, I'd swallow it away, teaching myself a different reaction in response to her nearness. By the time we'd reached the edge of Forks, each new whiff of her skin brought only a tiny trickle of venom and throat only tingled.

"Edward, how old are you?" She seemed to be lost in her thoughts, so the question startled me.

My voice broke as I gave my pat answer. "Seventeen."

"Really, just seventeen?"

"I lived seventeen human years before I changed and stopped aging in 1918." I let the answer sink in, expecting the shock and horror to show in her expression at any moment. I watched her face.

"Huh," she said, without a trace of surprise or concern. "How do you feel about lying about your age?"

"It's a necessity, so that we can stay in one place long enough to establish a normal life. I guess I don't think of it as dishonest, really, at least not in any actual, harmful way." She always managed to surprise me, and her line of questioning now was no exception. "Why?"

"Oh, no reason really," she said, looking down at her lap and letting her hair fall like a curtain between us.

"Bella. You should know you can tell me anything. 'No reason really' is a great response if you want to drive your boyfriend insane."

She looked up at me and threw her hair behind her shoulder. "Sorry. I keep forgetting. I know it's hard for you." She looked at our hands twisted together. The car was quiet for a few moments; she was lost in her thoughts again.

"Bella?" Her head jerked up as I spoke. "A little help here?"

"Oh, sorry, I got lost for a second," she apologized. "What was the question?"

I tried to keep my voice even and calm, unaffected by the frustration I felt. "Why did you want to know if lying about my age bothered me?"

"Oh, that. Um," she hedged. "Because everyone _thinks_ I'm seventeen, too. I'm actually eighteen."

"Really," I said, surprised and somewhat unbelieving. "Why the fib?"

"Well, my mom actually got pregnant before she and Charlie were married. Charlie had just joined the police force, and you know how people were back then. He didn't want her pregnancy to hurt their standing in Forks – it's such a small town – and they were going to get married anyway. Renee didn't really start showing until she was, like, six months along. She went home to her mother's to have me, and came back when the timing would be right."

I pushed the gearshift into park with our hands still joined and looked at Chief Swan's cruiser in the driveway. "So you hid your age to protect them. Did it ever bother you?"

"Not really. By the time I found out, I was really twelve, but all my friends were a year younger than me. It didn't make that big of a difference." She looked at her house. "I guess I'd better go in. Uh…"

"What is it, Bella?"

"I just wanted to tell you I had fun with you today. I can't remember a day where everything was about me – the presents, the company and the…," she hesitated, the scarlet blush coloring her skin. "Um, well, the … sex. Thank you."

"Bella," I said lowly, lifting her chin to look at me. I leveled my eyes directly into her gaze. "You never need thank me for sex. It's what we do for each other, a gift for both of us. I swear to you, I enjoyed it as much as you did."

"Uh, okay," she said, batting her eyes in shock. She was still then, one hand in mine, one hand on the door, her eyes glued to my face.

I liked the effect this had on her. I lowered my head as I held her gaze and poured everything I felt into the look. "Shall I come back tonight?"

Bella's heart began to beat erratically, and her scent intensified. "Yes," she whispered, still watching me, hypnotized and unmoving.

I realized I had just used one of the oldest vampire tricks in the book – mesmerize your victim. I broke my stare and leaned back in my seat, disgusted with myself. I released her hand.

She blinked several times, trying to regain her composure through her confusion. "Okay, okay then, uh, see you… later?" I could tell she was baffled by my withdrawal.

I turned my face back to her and smiled. "Yes, Bella, tonight. Leave your window open if you want me to come in."

* * *

I headed back to my home, mind and car both racing. I was elated that I'd been able to please her orally without losing control. Sure, I'd come in my pants, a little juvenile perhaps, but I had resisted biting her and draining her blood. I felt that was fair.

I could still smell her sex on my face as I pulled into the garage. Rosalie was a pair of legs sticking out from beneath Emmett's Jeep. Emmett sat next to her, handing her tools as she asked for them. He looked up as I got out of the car.

"Hey, bro, how was your –", he broke off mid-sentence as a strange look came over his face. "Jesus Christ, Edward, dining at the Y much?"

_God, how long did you have your face in her bush? I can smell it from here! _Emmett was smirking while pictures of Bella's legs thrown over my shoulder filled his thoughts.

"It wasn't like th-," I started when a new voice popped into my head.

_Mmmm. I guess we should call you Ed Head now…_ Rosalie's thoughts drifted away to images of Emmett at her crotch, licking and teasing her. I began to feel sick; the images were crisp and clean, although the lasciviousness that accompanied them was anything but.

"Rosalie, please. You're making me sick," I slammed the car door shut, moving to the switch to close the garage door. "I really don't need any more pictures of you and Emmett in my head, thank you very much."

New images of she and Emmett _in flagrante_ began to pour forth. I put my hand over my mouth in a useless gesture and shot up the stairs into the house.

"Nice one, babe," Emmett laughed as he laid a wrench across her palm.

* * *

I just wanted to avoid any further embarrassment and take a shower. I sped through the kitchen and living room, hearing Alice and Jasper on the couch. Neither spoke or tried to detain me: Alice had already foreseen what had happened and Jasper was glad to have me leave and take my anxiety with me. I rushed into the bathroom and closed the door.

I leaned over and turned the hot water on. Typically, I showered in cold water – it was less expensive and the temperature didn't matter to me – but today, I turned the heat on full blast. As I stepped into the streaming water, I sighed. The water felt good against my skin; it was hot like Bella's sex, but all over me. I ran the soap over my skin, rubbing it up into a later. The thought of her burning touch and hot box affected me immediately; my cock was stiff and straight again. I let my mind wander over the day with Bella, relishing it. Her blush and her smile, the small nibble of her lip while she thought, all were delectable. But my thoughts always seemed to return to her pushing my face into her crotch, the heat and the scent of her skin and virginal blood eliciting a soft guttural growl from my chest.

I dropped my soapy hand to my cock and closed my eyes. Waves of images of Bella half-nude, panting, grabbing my hair, burying my face in her pussy – begging me, wanting me – it all flooded through my mind as I felt the muscles in my stomach tighten in response. The lather grew as my hand sped, working the come up my shaft. I felt the come building as the images of Bella flew in my head: her perfect nipple, her soft pink lips, her mouth over the head of my cock… My orgasm was deep and long as I shot against the walls of the shower stall.

My legs were weak from coming, but my one thought was overwhelmingly strong. More. I needed more.


	12. Chapter 12: Family

_A/N: All characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended._

**Family**

I rubbed my hair with the towel, leaving it tousled to dry. I pulled on the ivory sweater with khakis; they seemed to lend a downy pliancy to my marble hardness, which was exactly the effect I wanted to present to Bella. I wanted her to know how my life was changed by her, even if my skin would never change.

I still had a few hours before I returned to Bella's room. The insistent tune growing in my head demanded a outlet, so I went downstairs to the piano. No sooner had I sat than I heard Alice thinking about Bella.

Alice had seen Bella coming long before I did. When I'd seen the vision of Bella, I'd felt an odd fascination with her image and her words, but it wasn't until I'd sat next to her that I'd known the siren call of her blood, the obsessive draw of her blushes and the fever emanating from her skin. Alice had seen my life and body intertwined with Bella's, the blossoming of our love that engendered the friendship between Bella and Alice. My growing love for Bella wasn't happening as quickly as Alice would have liked.

Alice was thinking about music, time with Bella and I together, and Jasper's control over his bloodlust as she approached the grand. _I know you love Years of Pilgrimage, and it's playing tomorrow in Port Angeles. Jasper has agreed to go with us, and the box you like was available. You need to tell Bella._ The hall filled with a rapt audience, all focused on a solitary figure at the piano pouring over the ivories occupied only half of Alice's thoughts. The other half was occupied with the warmth sleeting off Bella as she sat between Alice and I, enthralled with the concert. Alice was impatient, ready to set her friendship with Bella in motion.

"What time?" My fingertips lightly brushed the keyboard, whispering an echo of the song in my head.

_The concert isn't until 4:00, but she'll come here first to meet the family. _She had my immediate attention. I looked up to see her impish grin as she winked at me. _It's alright, Edward, she just needs to know what she's getting into._

"Is that a good idea – I mean, so soon?" I trusted Alice's visions, but Bella was human. Surely she had limits of what she could accept and what she could not.

My head was instantly barraged with images of Bella's interaction with each member of my family. Bella's casual acceptance of each member of my adopted family was nothing less than phenomenal. I would need to steer her away from Emmett's smirking and Rose's open hostility, but other than that, it would be a very pleasant afternoon.

"Alright, Alice, I'll tell her tonight," I said, convinced by the veracity of her visions. "Thank you."

"It's my pleasure, Edward," she said, turning away from me and walking slowly towards the stairs. "Besides, if I left it to you, I might not meet her until she was thirty."

"If then," I muttered to myself, returning to the keyboard.

* * *

Bella's window stood open wide, though the weather was chill. Seeing the invitation filled me with a nervous excitement and longing that pulled me past the pane to stand inside the window. "Bella," I said softly.

She blinked rapidly, as if she were surprised, even though she had been watching the spot where I now stood.

"Are you alright, Bella?"

"Um, yes, I'm fine," she said, recovering herself a bit. "I'm always startled by your speed, I guess."

I shot to the bed to sit next to her, bending to whisper in her ear.. "You mean this?"

"Yes," she shivered, closing her eyes. I kissed along her jaw, letting the warmth of her skin burn me. Her scent flooded my senses, and my internal struggle began. I wanted to taste her, to press the pulsating jugular to my lips – just to feel her life beneath me, I told myself – but my need began to mingle with my thirst and I was not sure which would win. I closed my eyes and reluctantly pulled my face away from her.

Her eyes fluttered open and a small pout formed at her lips. "Edward, I love it when you kiss me like that. I wish you didn't have to stop."

"So do I, Bella. You skin is sweeter than words can say," I fumbled. She was so much more than sweet: delectable, luscious, alluring, divine… "I simply must remember where I am when I'm kissing you."

That adorable, heavenly blush returned to her cheeks and she dropped her gaze in embarrassment. I was certain she had no concept of the effect this had on me. My body began an immediate response, and I knew I needed to slow my reactions so that I could do more than simply satisfy our mutual longing in a heated rush; I wanted time with her, devotion filled with hours of worship.

I saw the cd player on the nightstand, and used it as my prop for conversation. "Bella, do you like music?" I popped open the machine and extracted the contents.

"Some," she said uncertainly. "It depends on the artist, I suppose."

"_For Emma, Forever Ago_. Yours?" She nodded. It was an unusual choice for such a young woman. "What do you like about it?"

"I don't know. It seems melancholy to me, sort of forlorn," she answered as if she were thinking aloud. "I don't know what was going on for him when he wrote this, but it sounds to me as if he'd been alone and sick or something." She was so perceptive. "Do you like Bon Iver?"

"I do. I believe when this album was written he was recovering from mononucleosis alone, in a cabin in the woods. I like it for its otherworldly, searching sound," I said. I placed the cd back in the machine and turned on _Woods_. I leaned close to her and sang "I'm up in the woods, I'm down on my mind…"

She shivered. "Your voice is beautiful."

"Thank you, Bella. Thank you for sharing this with me," I whispered, brushing her hair away from her ear and over her shoulder. She wore a navy strapped tank over her slight frame. The bareness there was nearly impossible to resist. "There are so many voices I'd like to share with you. Do you think you could spend tomorrow with me, so that I could share some of my favorites with you?"

Her heartbeat was wild as she replied. "Sure, Edward, uh, where do you want to go?"

"There's a concert in Port Angeles. I have tickets for you and I, as well as my brother and my sister. And I believe I owe you a trip to the city." I bent forward to kiss her shoulder just as she pulled away.

"Your 'brother and your sister'? Are they," she inhaled a deep breath before continuing, "like you?"

I pulled back and looked into her eyes. "You mean, vampires? Yes, all my family are vampires. None of us, however, drink human blood."

"I'm sorry," she sputtered. "I didn't mean –"

"Bella, you don't have to apologize. We _are_ vampires, after all. I would worry if you weren't concerned."

"It's not that, really. I just wanted to be sure they knew I was human. You know, maybe they don't like humans. Maybe they won't like me…"

Incredible. "So, you're not worried that you'll be in a house full of vampires… You're worried whether they'll like you," I said. I was a little stunned, and a surprised chuckle escaped my lips as I shook my head. "You'll be fine. Alice has already decided you two will be the best of friends. Will you accompany me?" I looked into her eyes from below my brows.

"Yes, uh, I mean sure," she answered, shaking her head slightly as if confused. "What should I wear?"

"It's not formal. You could wear your new top, if you'd like. That color of blue is particularly beautiful on you." The pallor of her skin pulled me to her shoulder once again. So delicate, so frail… So giving beneath my lips…

I suddenly realized Bella wasn't there. "Bella, what is it?" I began immediately tense and concerned; had I pulled some invisible trigger that had frightened her? Were Alice's images changing? Her eyes were far away and unfocused.

"Nothing, it's just… Edward are you sure?" Her body was tense and still, and her heart beat shallowly in her chest.

"About you, Bella? Yes. I have never been more sure in my entire existence," I said, trying to understand her concern. "But I sense this isn't about my feelings. Bella, tell me," I lifted her chin to look in her eyes. "Please tell me what's bothering you."

"This," two fingers swung between us, pointing first to herself and then to me. "I know it's new for both of us. Does your family know about, um, us having, uh… sex?"

"Bella," I whispered, trying to soothe her concern, "my family knows I am happier than I've been in over a hundred years. They know there is some physicality to our relationship, but I've not spoken of our intimacy to any of them. That is ours. It's private," I said, leaning in to kiss her. "But I suppose you should know that Alice sees our relationship as a part of our future, and most likely shares that with her husband, Jasper."

"And they're going with us tomorrow?" She seemed to pale and blush simultaneously.

"Yes."

"Okay, good to know. The rest, though," she looked to me for reassurance once again.

"I've consulted with Carlisle to understand the effects the venom would have on certain interactions with you, although I've not elucidated on exactly what's transpired. He may have shared that with his wife."

"Great, so your parents, your sister and her husband know. Great."

"Uh," I stammered, unsure how to break the rest to her.

"There's more?" Her eyes were wide with horror.

"Well, you may have noticed that we have heightened senses," I started. "Emmett and Rosalie sort of, well, smelled you on me the other day."

"When?"

"The day we went shopping."

"Oh." I watched her face as she began to recount the day's activities and put it all together. _"Oh!"_

"Bella, breathe," I said, listening to her racing heart. "It will be alright. There's no judgment in my family. They're all very happy we're together." _Almost all of them,_ I thought to myself.

She inhaled a sharp, ragged breath, and blew it out. "Okay. At least I know what I'm walking into." She shrugged and snuggled down beneath the covers. "What time tomorrow?"

"I can call for you at noon, if that would be alright," I said, stretching out next to her and pulling my arm beneath my head.

"That would be great. Noon. I can tell Charlie…," she trailed off. I waited for the finish to the thought, but her rhythmic breathing told me she'd fallen asleep. I watched her face, amazed at the trust and comfort she had around me to fall asleep before her predator. Her eyelids fluttered as her body shifted, and she curled around me laying her head upon my chest.

"Sleep, love. Sleep while I watch over you." I pulled the comforter over her, and began humming the insistent melody as she began to dream.

* * *

I always wondered how someone who hated being dirty could spend so much time under cars, and how Emmett could stand watching her.

"Look, just take it easy on her, that's all I'm asking," I pleaded, listening to his outlandish plans to extort everything I held dear from me in return. Emmett seemed fixated on my box seats for the Seahawks. "You can have the season tickets, Emmett, I don't care."

_You are such a wuss, Edward. I would have been cool without them, you know._

"Are you certain? Alice saw it a bit differently," I said.

"Yeah, well, she isn't always right," Emmett muttered under his breath.

"I'm counting on that. Thank you, Emmett," I said, patting him on the shoulder. I turned to face Rose as she slid out from beneath the jeep.

"Is there something I can offer you, Rosalie, anything? I need this to go well for Bella."

"You don't have anything I want," she said. Her thoughts were as cold as the expression on her face. She slid back beneath the car.

"Rose, please. Could you just do it for me, then? I'd owe you one." I didn't like owing Rosalie anything, but I wanted Bella to be safe and comfortable when she came here.

"Don't worry. I won't embarrass her." She immediately began thinking about sex. I couldn't stomach her images, and she knew it. It was her way of repulsing me.

"Thank you, Rose," I said, turning away from her before grimacing. I hopped in the Volvo, raced the engine and sped up the winding road to bring Bella back.

* * *

"Bella, this is Esme, my mother, for all intents and purposes," I said as I led Bella into the room.

"Bella, it's so wonderful to meet you," Esme said, leaning forward to embrace her. "Thank you for coming."

"Thank you for… having me," she said. Her heart was thumping in her chest, although I'd assured her all the way here that she would be very welcome.

"You remember my father, Carlisle," I said as Carlisle stepped up behind Esme.

"Yes, I do. It's good to see you again, Dr. Cullen," Bella replied.

"Please call me Carlisle, Bella."

"Uh, okay, I mean, thank you," she said, unsure of how to respond to the informality.

"Do you remember Rosalie and Emmett from school?"

"Yes. I saw you at the cafeteria. It's nice to meet you," Bella said, getting a hold of her nervousness.

Emmett smiled. "We've heard a lot about you," he said without the faintest hint of leering. _We've gotten quite a whiff of you, too, and you do smell good. _"Edward was telling me about you at the last Seahawks game." _Last one you'll see for a while, bro. _

I put my arm around Bella, hoping to pull her away to my room.

_Edward. _Rosalie thought my name in a very deliberate manner, trying to get my attention. I turned to face her, and saw she stood at Emmett's side, his arm around her. _If you tell Emmett, Bella will regret it. _

My expression must have conveyed my confusion. A small smirk lifted the corners of her mouth, and her mind exploded.

_Rosalie stood in the center of the room, her hands tied above her and her legs spread below. Her perfect legs balanced on black heels, her body forming a perfect, naked X. Hands came from behind her, slowly appearing up her sides to cup then knead her breasts. Emmett's legs appeared behind her, also naked. He pulled her close to his body and Rosalie moaned. _

I felt desperate to get away, but Emmett was chatting up Bella. "Yeah, Edward's the musician of the family, but I'm the sports nut…" Rosalie's sex fantasies were always graphic and sickening. I tried to keep the revulsion off my face and the tension out of my grip; I needed this to go well for Bella. I looked at Rosalie, begging her with my eyes to stop. Her innocent smile grew as she glanced at Emmett. She turned back to me.

_Emmett was fully erect and pummeling Rosalie from behind. His face was lost in pleasure as his shaft sawed in and out, lifting Rosalie off her feet._ I didn't want to see this, but Rosalie was shouting at me in her thoughts. I swallowed hard. Bella looked up at me for reassurance; I tried to smile. _The picture shifted, and I could no longer see the front of Rosalie's body; in her mind, I saw my face, grunting and panting as I forced myself into her anxious body. Emmett still stood behind her, and his face was lustful and raw. He bit at her ear as he smiled at me. _I was sure I was going to be ill. Rosalie simply let her smile grow. _I could feel Emmett's cock sliding against mine as we both fucked Rosalie, tied and unable to resist. I leaned down and licked her nipple, nibbling and biting as we continued to pump her._

Emmett's story was coming to an end, and I had never wanted to run away as badly as I did that moment. I was furious with Rose, and yet completely unable to do anything about it._ I felt Emmett's marble length slide against my own through Rosalie's membrane. Emmett and I both began to come, pumping Rosalie harder. She cried out as we came, and I saw Emmett's mouth moving toward mine… _

_Don't _ever_ tell me that "you'll owe me one", Edward. Ever. Next time you want something from me, Edward, you better offer me something I want._

I nodded quickly, turning Bella away as Jasper and Alice came into the room. Alice danced up to Bella. "Hi, Bella! I'm so happy to meet you! We're going to be great friends." She quickly embraced her and turned to me. "It's time!" _Just ignore Rosalie, Edward. I always do._

"We'd better go," I said, moving Bella quickly out of the house. "We can finish introductions in the car."

* * *

**_A/N: Just to clear a few fuzzy points::  
Rosalie's fantasy was simply to torment Edward when he could take no action. She used what she knew he hates the most - her mental images. Emmett was blithely unaware of Edward's torture by Rosalie's thoughts; Alice saw what Rosalie would do, but not in enough time to warn Edward. _**


	13. Chapter 13: Music

_A/N: All characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended._

**Music**

"Nice meeting you!" Bella called over her shoulder to Carlisle and Esme, Emmett and Rosalie. She had no idea of the excruciating mental picture Rosalie had chosen to torment me, and even less understanding of my haste. She turned to me in the garage. "Are we late?"

"No, we'll be early," Alice replied. _Edward, get hold of yourself. Rosalie's just nasty._ Her impish smile twinkled up to me as I twisted to see her face. I raised an eyebrow, and Alice thought, _Bella doesn't know why you're rushing. _

"I'd very much like to get going, Bella, and I apologize for my rush," I said, trying to recover a bit of my composure. "I'm anxious to hear the piece they're performing today."

"Oh," Bella said, her mouth making a perfect little pink circle before her brow creased. Something crossed her mind, but I had no idea what it could be. I opened the door for her as Jasper opened the door for Alice. "Thanks."

I walked to the driver's door at a human pace. I wanted our double date to seem as normal as possible for her, considering she was in a small car with three gifted vampires. Alice and Jasper's thoughts were purposefully blank; they were trying to be normal as well. I slid into the driver's seat.

"Edward?" Bella called my name, apprehension in her voice. I glanced at her as I pulled the Volvo out of the garage. "What happened back there?"

"Nothing, Bella," I lied. "Family gathering to meet my new girlfriend, I felt a bit awkward is all."

She lowered her head and dropped her voice. "You seemed really uncomfortable. Did someone think – was it Rosalie?" She wore an expression of absolute concern, her chocolate eyes deep with worry as they watched my response.

_She doesn't miss a thing, does she? _Jasper began to realize the depths of Bella's keen perception. _Do you need some help with this? Just nod._

I looked over my shoulder, and gave a quick nod. Jasper leaned back against his seat and I felt the calm seep into the car. Bella relaxed noticeably. I seized the opportunity to get us back to today's outing.

"I promised to introduce you properly in the car, Bella. You've met Alice, my sister. This is her husband, Jasper."

Bella turned and smiled at the two vampires in the backseat. "Hi, nice to meet you," she said, her words slightly slurred. I shot a sharp look over my shoulder at Jasper, and the sedated laziness began to retract.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Bella," Jasper replied. _Alright, Edward, I was only trying to help. Sheez._

My shoulders shrugged imperceptibly.

"So, Bella," Alice started. "Tell us about yourself."

"Well, there really isn't much to tell," she said, and I could tell she was uncomfortable being the center of attention, even in this small group. "I'd really rather hear about you."

"Oh, we're boring," Alice quipped. I saw the twinkle in her eye before she tapped Bella on the shoulder. "Let's see… What's the first memory you have of Forks? You tell me, and I'll tell you."

Bella turned in her seat to look at Alice, then glanced to me, imploring me with her eyes. I looked back at the road, smiling, and reached out to take her hand. It was hard to resist Alice when she was being charming. "You might as well play; Alice can be persuasive."

Bella looked down, shaking her head and chuffed a breath of air. I watched her face; it was apparent that her small gesture was an attempt to buy a moment to think. I looked in the rearview mirror, trying to get one of the two in the back to offer something to help Bella out.

_Is it always going to be this much work, brother?_ "I'll tell you what I remember about my first day in Forks," Jasper said, rolling his eyes at me in the mirror. "I remember the smell of the dogs. It really hung in the air. I don't think any of the humans noticed it, though, but wow. It was strong."

"Really? I never noticed that many dogs in the area," Bella said, that little V forming between her brows again. "My first memory was the trees, and my dad's face in front of them. He looked a lot younger, and really happy to see me." She stopped for a moment, half a smile lighting her face. "Charlie always looked forward to me coming to see him, but, well, it couldn't have been much fun. I wasn't a really talkative kid, and I was always falling down, breaking stuff and getting hurt."

"I bet you were adorable," Alice gushed. I turned to Bella and smiled. I could just imagine how cute she must have been. Bella bit her lip and looked at our joined hands before turning back to Alice.

"Well, fair is fair, and I did promise," Alice said. "The first thing I remember about Forks was Edward." My head shot up to look at her in the mirror. She had a devilish grin on her face. She was enjoying herself. Her thoughts were filled with music – pages and pages of music, scribbled on parchment, songs that I'd read once long ago and memorized. Among the images were very pieces we were on our way to hear. The day I met Alice and Jasper, where I was, what I was doing… It was all there in her head, the meeting and the music.

"Me? Why?" I said with a laugh, deciding to play along. Bella smiled and raised her eyebrows as she shifted in her seat to watch Alice.

"Well," Alice began. "We'd been running to meet the Cullens – I'd seen them in a great white house near Forks – and I –,"

Bella put up a halting hand. "You… _saw_ them?"

_Edward. Really. _"So my brother told you about himself, but didn't tell you about me or Jasper?" Alice gave a _tsk tsk tsk_ as she shook her head, smiling. "Well, Edward can read minds." _I saw you tell her that._ "Jasper can read and manipulate emotions, and I see the future."

Bella's mouth hung open as she uttered a small, "Oh." Her eyes didn't leave Alice's face. So much for my plans for normal.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I should have told you," I said, glancing between her and the road. "I didn't share out of habit, and it's not my story to tell."

"No, it's okay. I get it," she said, regaining her calm and innerbalance. She may have lacked physical grace and dexterity, but mentally, she lacked nothing.

"So, as I was saying," Alice began again with emphasis, "We'd been running to meet the Cullens as they moved into the great white house outside Forks. I knew there were five of them, and I knew Edward could read minds. But every time I'd seen our first meeting, there was a feeling of disorder and chaos about it, and Edward wasn't there."

I began to wonder if this was the right story to tell Bella. We had just begun to know each other, and the time I'd spent before meeting her was still a mystery. My brow began to furrow when I heard Alice. _Edward, she'll love this. Don't be afraid. _I trusted Alice. I reigned my need to control the situation back in, letting my brow relax first to show Alice I had recovered.

"We walked into the parlor, and Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie and Emmett were waiting for us. I was a little concerned because I knew there were five of them, but the maniacal music in the background was a dead giveaway. I greeted each member of my new family by name and told them that Jasper and I were here to join them. I explained who we were and why we were there, and the whole time, music is pounding for a few moments, dead silence for a moment, and then pounding again. Each time it started again, Rosalie jumped." She giggled and turned to Jasper who smiled.

"I finally asked, 'Where's Edward?' and after Carlisle got past the fact that I knew their names, he took me into Edward's room." Her tone changed from playful and excited to low and conspiratorial. "Edward wasn't in a good mood."

"To be fair, Alice, I was having a hard time," I said sheepishly, embarrassed about the tantrum I'd thrown over fifty years ago. "I was searching for the right piece to express my thoughts."

"He was having a day where he recognized he was alone," Alice said, her tone mild and gentle. "It's not easy hearing everyone else's thoughts when all they think about is their mate."

"It was a bad day," I said. I suddenly wanted this conversation to end. I didn't know what Bella was thinking. She must have thought I was a complete and utter ass. Bella was looking at our hands, her eyes downcast again. "Bella?"

"Um," she said, looking up at me. Her eyes were filled with tears.

"Bella, what is it?" I said, my voice hushed and quiet. I was frightened beyond breathing that something had upset her, that my past darkness reached through time to push her away. I hated myself for my outburst that day so long ago. I hated myself for trusting Alice and allowing this conversation to hurt her. I turned the car to the side of the road and slammed on the brakes. I couldn't let go of her hand, but I couldn't bring myself to touch her further and feel her repulsion. "What _is_ it, Bella? Please tell me."

Bella pushed the heel of her hand across her eye, wiping the tears away as she sniffed. "Edward, how long were you alone?" She looked into my eyes, the love shining through her gaze and into my long dead heart.

"There has never been anyone for me but you, Bella," I said, bringing my hand to her tear-streaked cheek. "I may have been alone, but you changed all that. Since I've met you, time has become meaningless."

She raised her hand to rest it atop mine against her cheek. We sat motionless, looking into each other's eyes, sharing a moment of union and joy. Jasper's light cough and Alice's gushy, cooing thoughts brought me back to the car as Bella pulled away. Keeping one hand in hers, I turned back onto the road and pushed on to the city.

* * *

The concert started promptly with a short introduction from a student writing his thesis on the composer.

"He's got that wrong," I whispered to Bella. "Liszt was a spiritual man, true enough, but he was a man of the flesh as well. He was far earthier than this one gives credit."

"Edward, did you _know_ Liszt personally?" Her eyes were wide and disbelieving, her face a mask of shock.

"No," I said, chuckling lightly to myself. She seemed to relax and turn back to the program. I looked at her soft skin, and inhaled deeply, her scent burning my sinus. I leaned to the side and added, "Carlisle did."

She gasped as the downstroke of the baton harkened the music to life.

* * *

"What did you think?" I asked as we walked to the car. Alice and Jasper walked ahead of us, deep in their private conversation. The music had affected them; they were taking a moment to work that out before getting on the road again with Bella so close by.

Bella had sat quietly through the concert, her expression one of concentration. Her eyes didn't leave the stage and her body had been tense. The music had affected me as well; it had been difficult to keep my mind on the program. Fantasies of Bella below me, above me and around me seemed to have been fed by her proximity, her scent and the raw sensuality of the music.

"It was good," she said in a small voice. "I liked it. Did you?"

"Very much," I said. "It was interesting listening to this piece today, in light of Alice's story."

"Why?"

"Because that dark day she remembered? This was the piece that finally gave me a voice."

"Really?"

"Yes," I said, and wondered if I was unwise to mention the memory again. I watched her face for changes indicating a change to a darker mood.

"I'm glad she told me that," she said, smiling up at me. "Before today, I didn't know you played the piano."

I felt silly, as if I'd forgotten to tell her my name or something equally important. I opened my mouth to apologize, but she cut me off.

"How did this give you a voice? Was it because Carlisle knew him?"

"It's true, having a personal association with a composer does put their work in a different light, although that's not the only reason. On that particular day, I felt like a monster, a pariah, doomed by who and what I was to exist alone. Carlisle had given me the manuscript of the music years before as a gift, and I'd never opened it. When I saw it that afternoon, when I saw the sensual spirituality in the music, I felt as if there had been at least one other being who had carried my burden. Liszt was mobbed by women who thought they knew him, but loved by few and never married. When Carlisle knew him, he was sad and alone, living in a monastery. He told Carlisle, he carried 'a deep sadness of the heart which must now and then break out in sound.' That's precisely how I felt, and his music gave me that voice."

"Wow. That's… ", she trailed off for a moment, "amazing. Do you think the music would have moved you if Carlisle hadn't known him?"

"I'd like to think it would. I think so. Yes." We reached the car, Alice and Jasper already in the back seat. I opened the door for Bella, and she moved to face me by the opening.

"Edward, you're not a monster. Not even close," she said softly, stretching up on her toes to kiss me. Her lips were softer than rose petals and far more fragrant. I inhaled her scent deeply, letting her sweet aroma fill my head before she pulled away and sat in the car. I felt lightheaded and high from her kiss. I floated to the driver's door and slid into the car.

"Great concert, Edward," Alice said from the backseat. "Yours was better."

"Thank you, Alice," I said. I wondered if she understood how much I was truly thanking her for.


	14. Chapter 14: Calm

_A/N: All characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended._

**Calm**

"Jasper, can you take the car home?" I saw his answer in my mind before I heard the words escape his lips. He had plans for Alice, and taking the car home would fit perfectly into those plans. I could feel his sudden desire seeping out in a circle, enfolding Alice in his desire, and brushing against Bella and I. Without the familiarity of Jasper's gift, the mood must have felt to Bella as if she were suddenly sexually awake all on her own. A small, sharp gasp escaped her mouth as she looked up at me with hungry eyes. I worried I'd never get her in the front door of her house. "Jasper, could you… wait for us to leave the car?"

_Sorry, Edward._ "Sure, Edward. Have a good night," he said, opening the back door as I climbed out the front. Bella stood as Alice opened her door. Bella smiled, the sex blush now explained for her.

"It was wonderful to get to know you a little, Bella," Alice said as she slid into the passenger seat. "Now, when I see you, your path will be that much clearer! We'll have to do something again soon." She turned to me. "Edward, I'll see you at home." _You and I should talk._ I gave a quick nod.

Bella looked down at Alice and smiled before glancing up at me. "Uh, sure. Soon," she said, closing the door. The Volvo purred into life before either Bella or I could move, the sexual heat dissipating as it sped away. Even so, I held out my hand to her, eager for the warmth in my palm. She looked up to me from under her lashes, her face bright with some inner excitement.

"What?" I asked, chuckling a little, my hand still outstretched. I was suddenly concerned Bella's extraordinary perception picked up something I wasn't expecting, or I'd missed something altogether. There was no cloud of worry about her; I felt sure she hadn't picked up on my brief communication with Alice, but I just didn't know what was in her mind.

She reached for my hand and grasping it, said, "Edward, I loved that." Her face was still brimming with light, and I realized she was simply happy.

I smiled, bringing her fingers to my lips. I laid a small kiss across her knuckles, looking into her deep brown eyes. "What did you love, my Bella?"

"The concert, meeting your family… everything. It was just, I don't know how to say it! It was wonderful!" She pulled my hand to her side, and grabbed my waist with her other arm. "I don't want the day to end. Can we just stay together awhile longer? It's not dark yet."

"Yes, Bella. What would you like to do? Go for a walk?" I was so pleased at her request, she could have asked me for the moon and I would have tried to give it to her.

"A walk would be nice."

The woods behind her house presented us with a perfect getaway, as if the woods knew of our need to be together and found a way to oblige us. As we entered the woods, I felt my own inner darkness rising, trying to strangle my jubilant mood. The air was fresh; the smell of the cedar in the trees sharp, the moss deep and earthy, the bracken green and sweet. Bella's expression was cheerful and satisfied, her own delicious scent to the musky, animal aroma of the forest. My thirst rode the tide of my gloom, aroused by the wild, primal aroma filling my senses. I pushed it away, holding it at arm's length. I focused on Bella, trying to allow her happiness strengthen me.

"I love these woods, don't you?" she turned to me as she asked, watching my face for reaction.

"I do," I said, hoping my momentary plague of carnality had escaped her attention. "Especially with you, like this, happy and relaxed." At the expression of cheer, the gloom pushed back at me again, a thief threatening to steal this brief moment of light clouding it with fear, need and lust.

She stopped, still holding my hand, turning to face me. "Edward, what is it." Her voice was flat and toneless; obviously, I'd need to work on hiding my inner demons from her. She didn't seem angry or worried, but the mild concern she displayed demanded an answer.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I don't want to spoil the mood. It's just fear, really, and nothing more. The years before you threaten me; now that I've found you, I can't imagine existing without you. It overshadows moments like this, when we are simply enjoying each other. The woods," I gestured with my free hand to the treetops blocking the sky, "are beautiful. They also hide those who could take you from me. Sometimes, I'm not the most dangerous thing out here."

"What do you mean?" She took a step towards me laying her hand on my chest, glancing from side to side. "Is there someone else out here now?"

"No. No, not now," I said, scanning the trees one more time. "But there have been others here, recently. Again, it's just my worry, love." She smelled so good. It was as if the earthy musk of the forest combined with the desire and need her scent aroused was inspiring an unquenchable hunger in me. I forced myself to remember who I was, who she was, and what we were together. I took her chin in my hand and lifted it to my mouth. "Just promise me you won't come out here alone, please."

As the plea left my mouth, her lips retuned to mine. Her mouth was warm and sweet, and once again, I inhaled her deeply and sighed. I closed my eyes, holding her close to me, her hand on my chest. Bella's heart beat hard and fast. Holding her in my arms, her pulse began to echo in my own long-still heart. I pulled away, the kiss broken as venom rushed to my mouth, flooding me. I swallowed hard, and opened my eyes.

She looked up at me. "Too much?" Wordlessly, I nodded. She stepped back, turning away from me but still holding my hand. "Come here, there's a place I like just up ahead." She sounded even and happy.

Bella wasn't made for the woods. Though I let her pull my hand as if she were leading the way, my grasp on her allowed me to constantly correct her misguided balance and keep her on her feet. We walked a hundred yards or so, coming to a large fallen tree next to a rotten stump.

"See," she called, dropping my hand and stumbling to the rotten stump. She sat down in the middle of the morass, the stump acting as a sort of decaying throne. Her scent mixed with the moss and resin of the forest amplified her delectable appeal. She was unaware of the affect she had on a vampire's appetite, or the affect the her totality had on me. "I like to come out here to think." That small V of worry darkened her brow, and she added, "Or I used to."

"Bella, I –," I started sheepishly, fearing I'd trampled her feelings of independence with my fears and need to keep her safe. The venom flow had receded, but threatened to flood me in the blink of an eye, on the lift of a breeze…

"No, it's okay, Edward," she interrupted. "I get it. I don't want to lose you, either." She reached her hand to me, inviting me to join her in her slivering organic chair. I swallowed hard, trying to stuff the fear of loss and loneliness down, away from my mouth. The pitch of my shadow needed barriers to her light. I walked to where she sat and grasped her hand. She inched sideways, scooting to one side to make room for me. She patted the damp stump of the tree. "Sit with me."

"Bella, I don't know how close I should be right now. It's not safe. You're not safe," I took a quick breath, anticipating her rejection of my assessment of her safety. "I'm not safe."

She watched me with large, unblinking eyes as she stood next to me. A new desire that had nothing to do with thirst began to rise in me, and I felt the pull of fabric against my cock. It was somewhat embarrassing, needing her so badly; her eyes never left my face as she moved closer to me.

"Edward," she said softly, holding my gaze. "I'm willing to match your pace, whatever that pace may be. When you're dark like this, I don't know what to do. How do I love you? How do I keep you safe?"

She'd misunderstood my words and her danger. It was so Bella. She was so close to me, my chin rested on my chest as I held her gaze. She was impossibly warm; her arousal was obvious. Her aroma was heady, musky and inspirational. I pushed forward against her and she moaned just a little before she put her hand on my chest and stepped back.

"I think we know we want each other," she said softly. "I need to know how to calm you when you're anxious about, well, me."

Since Bella had come to Forks, I'd spent much of my time alone thinking about her contradictory state: she was beautiful and sensual, and at the same time uncoordinated. Since we'd first kissed in the meadow, I'd decided to reduce her opportunity for injury and risk by spending every moment I could with her, even when she was unaware of my presence. Since the first time she'd touched me intimately and allowed me to touch her the same way, my concerns centered around keeping my caresses from accidentally damaging her.

Now I stood with this young woman, the very essence of frailty, as she tried to make _me_ feel safe. The tables were so abruptly and completely turned, I felt my stunned, speechless, and calmer than I'd felt since the beginning of our walk.

"Bella, being close to you," I whispered as I stepped toward her, "taking time, going slowly – it calms me more than there are words to express. Thank you."

She moved back into the circle of my arms, and I kissed the top of her head. She pulled her head back, looking up at me. "Want to sit and listen to the forest for a minute?" She shot a glance back at the tree, her expression hopeful.

"Only if you'll let me run you back when we're done. It's going to be dark soon, and I don't want your father to worry."

"Deal," she said. I dropped my arms as she grabbed my head and pulled me to the stump.

* * *

Time with Bella always ran quickly, sifting like sand through my fingers. Running her home through the twilight air felt so natural and right, I wanted the time to stretch into forever.

I stopped running and left her down just outside the line of sight of Charlie's house. She was breathless and a little dizzy; I held her in my arms to steady her. "Are you alright, Bella?"

"Sure," she said, shaking her head a little as she pitched to the left. She didn't fall; I would never let that happen. "I don't know if I'll ever get used to that."

"Having me carry you?"

"No, having you carry me at the speed of light! You are _so_ fast, Edward."

I smiled. Pulling her closer, I whispered softly into her ear. "Bella, I could get used to carrying you forever at any speed." Her sweet floral scent filled my head as I inhaled, and I grew hard. A small shiver rolled down her spine, and I wasn't sure it was from the cold.

We walked toward the house, hand in hand. I had it all: Bella's warmth in my hands, her scent in my head, and the twilight shining back to me from her eyes. I inhaled deeply as we came upon her driveway.

"Bella, would you like to spend the day with me tomorrow at my house? We could spend time with my family, if you'd like. I know Alice –"

I broke off as the shouting grew louder and more insistent. My head jerked up, looking to the road to identify the unwelcoming, thunderous complaints hurled in our direction. I realized the noise was not coming at _us_; it was coming at _me_.

"Edward, what is it?"

The Black's truck was pulling up the street, forcing a wall of noise filled with curses and obscenities into my head. I turned back to Bella, whose eyes were searching mine. "Complication," I said, nodding my head towards the truck. I pulled her hand to my mouth and kissed her fingers. I inhaled her sweet aroma just once more as a new string of obscenities hurled in my direction. I was out of time, for now, my regret immediate and overwhelming. "I'll come back as soon as I can."

She leaned forward and kissed me ever so softly on my cheek. It was sweet, innocent. It was a tiny moment to treasure and cherish, but only one of the countless experiences that made up the best part of my being, my moments with Bella.


	15. Chapter 15: Future

_A/N: All characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended._

_A big thank you to my readers who have left feedback and told me what you wanted to see. I have incorporated a couple of ideas here from those who spoke out (you know who you are) as a little nod of appreciation. Thank you also goes out to my beta readers, Mr. Big and Sunsplinter. You rock!_

**Future**

_Finally. _

I heard Alice's sigh before I saw the house come into view. I could hear her anxiousness, but her thoughts were scrambled and unclear as if so many things occurred to her at once that she couldn't concentrate. I slowed to a walk and approached her carefully.

"I know it's only been a couple of hours, but it feels like days!" Alice squealed as she leaned forward and grabbed my hand. "I really need to talk to you." She pulled me towards the big, white house, her shoulders tense and rigid.

Naked bodies ran through her head so quickly that it took me a few seconds to comprehend that one of those naked bodies was mine. And the other was…

"Alice, what's going on? Why is Bella –", I stopped in mid-sentence as Alice's thoughts transported me.

_Bella was utterly nude, her body flashing pink from her perfect, pale knees to the small hard buds of her nipples. "Edward," she said, her voice low and husky with lust. "I'm not afraid." _

_My hands reached forward, touching the downy skin of her belly. I was already hard, and the sensation of her skin beneath mine strengthened my hardness to the point of pain. A thrill shot through her, and she threw her head back, her long chestnut hair spilling down her back like rivulets in night. My hand slid down her belly to her soft mound, and my shaft came to rest on her hip– _

"Alice! What– why did you stop there? What is –"

_My face was buried deep between Bella's legs. She groaned and writhed as my tongue sought out her clit. Her tiny box was sweet, warm and tantalizing. I watched her eyes: she would close them in ecstasy and reopen them with hunger and need. Her skirt was around her waist as she clutched it to give me better access. Her skin hummed with a vampiric sparkle, her eyes golden and voracious – _

The image abruptly changed to dank stone walls, gray, plaguing, unending and encompassing. I felt muddled and confused by the abrupt shift in mental images.

"It's been like this all day, ever since we drove away, Edward," Alice said, her voice pinched and annoyed. "What changed between you and Bella? Tell me _everything._"

"Nothing, real– " Alice's focused slipped again and _I felt my legs tingle as the orgasm moved up my legs. I had to see her face, I needed to look into her eyes – _The stone wall descended around Alice's thoughts again, jarring me back from a thought I didn't want to leave.

"Oh, and Jasper says thank you," she said, rubbing her temples. "The images weren't so strong at first. They just made me, well, sort of passionate. But after about a half hour, I was altogether fervent and frenzied. Jasper got the worst of it," _Bella's face as she cried out in orgasm _"Not that he minded." _'Oh, Edward, I'm coming!'_ "Like he said, thanks."

"Alice, what in hell is going on?"

"Like I said, Edward," she growled, "Something changed. My head's been spinning all afternoon. What did you do to Bella? Your paths are…" _Bella's mouth approaching my the end of my cock_ , _tongue extended for a _"Really hot. I can't tell what happened."

I was torn. On one hand, this voyeurism was humiliating and entirely wrong on so many levels. I felt as if the intimacy Bella and I shared had been ripped from me, ceded without my invitation or consent; on the other hand, I was completely mesmerized and bewitched by the salaciousness of the images in Alice's head, images she didn't seem to be able to control. I stared into her pixie-like face, seeing both the little imp and the dank, stone walls simultaneously. I was repulsed and enthralled.

"Edward, tell me what happened." Her voice was urgent. "I have to keep my eyes open, or else_ –_" _Bella ran to me, throwing her arms around my neck and lifting her legs to wind around my waist. She was naked, shaved –_

"Okay, Alice, I get it, would you get a hold of your thoughts, please?"

"I'm not doing it on purpose," she said flatly, her voice monotone as she stared at my face. "That's why I need to know what happened_ –_ " _My tongue ran across her lips, sucking in every scented breath she exhaled _"Sorry. I'm getting a headache." Her head lolled from side to side.

I held her gaze with my eyes. "After you dropped us off, Bella was happy. She loved meeting you and Jasper, learning about your talents, the concert. She didn't want the day to end. We went for a walk in the woods. She smelled so good, Alice; it destroyed me. The woods, the ground, her scent… Everything was so heightened my skin was on fire every time I touched her. I had to fight the impulse to let myself have her blood, and Bella noticed my struggle. She –" I swallowed, remembering the flood of venom, and her concern for my safety. "She wanted to know how to love me, how to keep me from worrying about her so much. She wanted to _protect me_ from my own worst fears." I blinked and looked down.

_Bella lay on a large white bed canopied in net. Her body was glistening with sweat, her breath was shallow and fast. I stood at the end of the bed, watching her as she held out her arms to me. 'My wife' I said, my voice soft, proud, filled with need. My length was rampant and ready. Bella leaned up on her elbows, looking at my erection. 'Mmm, _my_ husband… _

"Alice, stay there a moment, please." I needed this vision; I needed her to stay with this as it unfolded.

'_Mmm, _my _husband, come here' Before the words died on her tongue, I was next to her, kissing the gentle curve of her jaw, letting my tongue linger on her skin. 'Bella' I breathed into her ear, 'I am at last finally and forever complete in your arms'. My lips move to the sweet skin of her neck below her earlobe, where I could feel the pounding of her vibrant heart echo on my lips. Her blood was millimeters from my mouth, and yet there was no pull of thirst, no need to drink. The compulsion to satisfy myself was seated much lower in my body._

"Edward, ew. I can't do this," Alice said, wrinkling her nose. "I think I've been pretty good, what with you jerking off like every five seconds, but this is kind of creeping me out.'

"I apologize, Alice," I said, embarrassed by the stiff pull of my pants against my erection. "That was just… irresistible. What do you think it means?"

"You didn't make any decisions today?"

"No. I was concerned for her safety and asked her to stay out of the woods," I said, more of a question than a statement. "She showed me where she came to think and sort things out…" A thought occurred to me. "Do you think she might have made a decision today? Is that why she showed me where she liked to 'think' about things?"

"Is that what she told you?" _Bella's mouth moved furiously over my cock. 'Bella, I'm –' I didn't want to come yet. I was holding back, and the dresser was worse for that decision. I felt the wood begin to splinter in my hand. 'Bella, please…' She slowed and looked up at me, her face distended as my cock filled her mouth. _

I moaned audibly and Alice stood stock still. _Her lips pulled back over the head of my shaft making a soft smack as she released me. 'Edward, are you ready to fuck me?' Her face was angelic and beautiful and her words were so raw, so indecent. The combination annihilated my self-control and restraint. _

'_Yes,' I growled, picking her up and carrying her to the bed. 'You must tell me immediately if you have any pain, Bella. Promise me,' My need pounded in my groin, my thoughts dark, desirous and urgent._

'_Okay,' she said casually, moving to her knees on the bed, reaching for me as I stood above her. _

'_Bella. Promise,' my tone and expression spoke my worry more loudly and insistently than my words. 'Please, love.' _

'_I promise I –' my mouth curtailed any discussion from those lips. I hoisted her legs up and laid her on the bed. My cock pulsed with the need to enter her; my breathing was ragged and rough. Gently, as gently as I could, I positioned the head of my penis at her opening. A delicious blazing heat encircled my head, the fire burning down to my hair as I pushed forward. I took in a sharp breath at the exact instant Bella did the same. I closed my eyes, willing myself to move slowly, carefully, although the urgency in my cock grew in intensity. I opened my eyes to see a trickle leak from Bella's eyes. My hips jerked away from her._

'_No, no! Don't stop, Edward! I'm not hurt! I just want you so much!' Her voice caught with her need and she stifled a sob. 'Please, Edward. Please. I need you. I need this,' she cried and I could not deny her. I would give this woman anything. _

The moment was so intimate and stirring, the need for privacy overtook me. I turned away from Alice and mumbled, "I'm sorry." I felt ashamed, suffering Alice to have a moment with Bella, a moment yet to come, one that I needed to believe so desperately that the longing ripped through me like knife.

Alice approached me quietly. She placed her tiny hand on my shoulder, tugging and comforting at the same time. "Edward." She gently tugged again, trying to turn me around. I resisted. I couldn't look at her. Not yet.

"Edward."

I inhaled deeply, giving in to Alice's insistence. I let her tug turn me, glancing sheepishly into her face.

"Edward, you're my brother. I love you," she said, her voice gentle and kind. "I know it hasn't been easy for you, walking around hearing us all hornified day in, day out." I snorted at her linguistic invention as she chuckled. "You've put up with us without complaint. Let me show you now that I am truly your sister, and extend that courtesy back to you."

I raised my head to look her in the eye. I wasn't sure what to say. "Thank you, Alice."

"Besides, I think you're right."

"About?"

"I couldn't tell before because I kept looking away," she said, breaking my gaze and moving to sit on the porch step. "The last time, I felt it. It's Bella. She decided to let you in, to let us all in. She is yours now."

My mouth dropped open as I stared at my impish sister. "Mine?" I asked incredulously.

"Yes, Edward, yours," she said, smiling slightly. "She decided to give you her whole heart, her whole body, everything she is. She will stay with you as long as you'd like, do whatever you want her to. She is yours."

I blinked several times and turned back to Alice. "How long do I get to be with her? Do I hurt her?" The words tumbled out of me driven by my fears and worry. I leaned over Alice, closing the distance between her prophecy and my fear. I felt I needed an answer, I needed to know before I could return to Bella. "Will I kill her accidentally?"

"Edward," Alice chided, "You know it doesn't work like that. Right now, no, you don't hurt her, you don't kill her and you can be with her as long as you'd like." Her eyes darkened and her brows knitted together for a moment before she continued. "But I do see something you won't like."

She glanced up at me, trying to make her expression more hopeful than afraid.

"What? Alice, tell me," I said, my nerves exploding with tension. "_What?_"

"You can be with Bella forever if you want to, Edward." She waited a moment for her words to take hold and expose their full meaning. My expression shifted in confusion; I looked back at her, shaking my head slowly from side-to-side.

_Bella becomes a vampire, Edward. I've seen it._

I was so unprepared for her words, I dropped to the ground, mouth agape. "What?" My voice was a rasping whisper. "No. No – that just – no."

"You'd better get used to the idea," Alice stood, brushed off the seat of her dress and opened the front door as I sat dumbfounded in the dirt. _She has._


	16. Chapter 16: Release

_A/N: All characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended._

**Release**

I raced to Forks with my thoughts wild and uncontrolled. Bella, a vampire? _No._

Bella's skin was pale enough, but when her blood flushes her face in embarrassment or excitement, she was the essence of living. Her erratic heartbeat bespoke the rhythm of my life: strong and steady until in her presence, then untamed and reckless with a touch. The branches broke against my skin as I ran. My mind could not escape the thoughts of Bella, sweet, fragile Bella, her soulful eyes, her caring heart.

I slowed to a pace as I realized that my thoughts seemed to revolve around her delicacy of her mortal existence. I wanted her, I longed for her, but my fear of ripping her to shreds and consuming her had restrained me, keeping her virginal blood intact. I didn't know how I would stay with her; I didn't allow myself to think further than the next moment I was with her, when she would touch me and soothe the loneliness that threatened to devour me. But did I want her fragile? Was she only desirable as long as she was human?

I stopped walking and sat on a fallen tree. I needed to understand my motives before I was with her again.

First, there was her blood to consider. I was nearly overcome with bloodlust the first time I met her. Her sweet, delectable scent aroused the monster in me and I struggle to cage it again. The memory of that first whiff forced my eyes closed, and my cock stiffened. I opened my eyes, realizing for perhaps the first time that it wasn't simply my vampire need that drew me to her, as powerful as it was. No, my thirst was more deep rooted, more complex; I thirsted for her kiss, her sex, her touch. I thirsted for everything that was Bella.

This was not love. This was want, this was need. Lust.

I had to consider her tenderness. Many relationships fail after the a few abortive attempts to connect, simply because the need takes over and pushes the heart aside. Bella had never allowed this to happen. She took time to be honest, took time to find me, see me. She saw beyond the monster, beyond the physical, to see the essence of me and who I truly am. And she still saw someone worth wanting, someone worthy of kindness. Even as I had toyed with her at first, voyeuristically intruding into her dreams, she had only seen me with loving eyes.

This was her love for me, not my feelings towards her.

In the end, it boiled down to one question. Why did I love Bella?

_I love Bella for the beauty of her love, her soul. She so often hid from those she cared most deeply about, protecting her feelings for them as fiercely as she protected those she loved. She would stand by someone left behind by others, lending them her strength and support in their times of need. She honored those in her life with care and kindness, considering their feelings before her own. She was good. Bella was good. _

_I love Bella for the wonder she finds in life. A simple walk in the forest fills her with joy and satisfaction; she wants for little and asks for nothing. She is perceptive because she looks for the extraordinary in all things; her strength of heart comes from her ability to see the strength in others. It's not that she is blithely optimistic or carelessly hopeful, no. She sees the good and the bad, but her courage trusts the good. She acts on what she wants to see in the world. _

_I love Bella for who I am when I am with her. I want to be a man worthy of her kindness, worthy of her love. I want to be the man to give her all the things she will never ask for, to be the man who sees her bare and beautiful, to hold her in my arms and call her my own. _

_I love Bella because she is all. She is the sun, the moon, the stars; the air, the earth, the water of life. I cannot think without the thought of her. Music – nothing! Nothing without her. Bella is my soul, my beating heart, my forever. _

Bella's soul held all the promise, all the hope, my own silent heart could not. Her mortality may have been only skin deep, but her humanity was the stardust of the universe. I would not risk her soul, her humanity. I would not risk Bella, no matter how the need would injure me.

I stood, alone in the forest as night fell. My love for Bella was certain and unchangeable. I would protect her life, each breath she took. Her soul's shroud, her mortality, would remain for as I long as I walked with her.

I ran to her side.

* * *

"Bella," I breathed into her ear as she lay sleeping. "I need you."

She turned in her sleep, curling her body to fit the contours of mine. A soft grunt escaped her and she smacked her lips, comfortable again and falling back into deep sleep. I laid in the dark, the warm sleeping girl next to me, Alice's visions of Bella to keep me company. Each time she moved, each sleepy readjustment acted as punctuation to a memory, and I found myself coming over and over again as she slept.

As dawn broke through the window, I extricated myself from the embrace of my love. I was a mess, and I didn't want her to see me this way. I moved to her desk and scratched a quick note to tell her I'd pick her up around eleven to play baseball with my family. I left the room, stealing one last look of my sleeping beauty before I touched the ground.

* * *

The day did not go as planned.

I had believed myself a monster, thirsty and vicious, but the beast inside of me was a choir boy in comparison to James. His twisted, sadistic mind reveled in the idea of Bella's torment; that she was my lover only made the game that much more enticing. His tracker instincts immediately identified her virginity, and the call of her maiden blood fueled his frenzy to rip her apart in the most depraved and ferocious way.

I did not send her from me lightly, but Carlisle was right. The tracker felt certain I would not leave her. He couldn't see my mind, could not decipher my path, but my panic and fear for her was clear to him as the scent of roses in sunshine.

Giving Bella to Alice and Jasper had been my only alternative. As I released her to Alice, James's path took shape in Alice's visions. _His mouth open, teeth exposed as he shoved her legs apart. 'It's too bad Edward chose to keep you a fragile little human,' he hissed, swallowing the venom that gushed into his mouth. He leaned further between her legs… _The images of Bella screaming in pain and terror as James devoured her starting at her softest core were sickening, repulsive and horrifyingly vivid in Alice's mind. My voice was hoarse. "Alice, can you keep your thoughts to yourself?"

"Yes," she said, and a moment later, Bella was gone.

Alice's voice came urgent over the phone. "Edward, she's gone."

My heart dropped through my stomach with her words. "What do you mean, gone?"

"I saw the path the tracker was taking, leading him to a ballet studio," she whispered. "What I didn't see was what Bella would do when he called. She went to him."

_No!_ "Alice, why?"

"He said he had her mother. He doesn't, but now he has Bella." Her voice trailed off into a choked sob. I knew Alice loved Bella, and would blame herself for Bella's compassionate act to save her mother. "Alice, I'm in Phoenix," I said in a low, urgent voice. "Tell me where to go."

Alice fed me the information through the phone. I snapped it shut, and took off at top speed.

The monster had her on the floor, her blood flowing freely from his savage disregard for her life. The intoxicating perfume of her blood mixed with the bitter tang of fear she emitted. Her leg appeared to be broken; his hands dug into the denim covering her. My stomach lurched in excitement, nausea and adrenaline.

I kicked the monster away from my trembling beloved. She was a torn and broken feather in my arms. A whispered apology died on my lips as I tried to move her to safety; the monster grabbed and threw me away. I watched in terror as he bit into her, his original plan foiled, a new one taking shape.

Rage overtook me as he touched her. I saw nothing but her fear, knew nothing but his death. He would never know rest again; he would never know peace. For each drop of her blood he'd tasted, a piece of his flesh was ripped from him. I tore at him, ready to destroy him piece by monstrous piece. All the while, the siren call of Bella's blood pulled at me, tempting me away, seducing me to come to her, drink of her, consume her. The warring efforts confused my thoughts until my own caged beast was released, shredding James as substitute for Bella's blood.

* * *

Carlisle reminded me that I cleansed the tracker's venom from Bella's wounds. I scarcely recalled the effort; my thoughts had been muddled with rage and bloodlust. The heady musk of her perfume lingered in my mouth as I sat by her bed, willing her recovery into reality.

"Edward?" Her voice was dry and raspy, and my heart leapt. I moved silently to her side, bringing the cup and straw to her lips.

"Here, my love," I murmured as she grasped my hand and took a sip. Her skin was hot, hotter than it should be. I placed my hand on her forehead, trying to cool the fire that burned there.

"That feels good," she said, smiling weakly. "Have you been here the whole time? Are you going to stay? Is everyone okay? Where is the tracker – is Alice alright?"

"Bella, shh, shh… rest now. You need to heal. Everything's alright. We took care of the tracker. Alice is fine. I'm here for now." She was so fragile and ill. I wondered if my presence was helping, as she seemed agitated and alarmed since she spoke my name.

"Edward, what do you mean – for now?" She was so perceptive. Her deep chocolate eyes watched my every move, gauging each minute change of expression that crossed my face.

"Bella, I'm here. You need to rest. I won't leave without you," I said, trying to calm her fears without a lie. "Please, Bella. Close your eyes."

"You, you promise you won't leave?" She stammered her question, anxiety clear in her voice.

"I promise. Close your eyes." I leaned forward and kissed her forehead. She closed her eyes as she reached up to pull my sweatshirt down to her.

"Hold me," she whispered, a soft baby-voiced request. I could not refuse her. I let her head fall to my shoulder, and positioned myself next to her in the hospital bed. The IV drip released more pain medication as she drifted off to sleep. I lay with her soft snores as my heartbeat, images of Bella from Alice's mind once again my companion. Each time she moved, each sleepy readjustment acted as punctuation to a memory, and I found myself wishing for the release of tears as she slept.


	17. Chapter 17: Pull

_A/N: All characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended._

**Pull**

"Jasper, I'm not sure what to do," I said, holding my head in my hands. I was uncomfortable feeling so desperate for Bella's love, and so lost in the concern I had for her safety. "I can't seem to think about anything else."

Jasper cocked his head to one side. His thoughts were a mixture of curiosity, empathy and incomprehension. He couldn't understand my feelings for Bella, given her frailty and the short time she and I had known each other, but he empathized with my desolation and felt the waves of despair washing over me.

"Would you like some help, so you could think clearly for a while?" Jasper never forced an emotion on me – a gift in itself and one for which I was quite grateful.

"That'd be great, Jazz. Just help me relax enough to think this through," I said, sighing.

A ripple of calm swept over me, unraveling my nervousness and fear. I lifted my head and looked into Jasper's eyes. "Thank you, brother." He simply nodded, his lips pursed in concentration. "Here are the things I know: I want to be with Bella, I believe she wants to be with me, and I'm unsure how to keep her safe in our world."

"She seems to emanate an inner strength, Edward. Are you taking that into consideration?" He sat facing me on the couch, considering how to best help me face the problem.

He was right, of course. Bella was strong. Her physical and emotional heart beat sound and true, and her mind was completely in tune with that heart. "Yes, I am, Jazz. I'm just not sure it makes a difference. In our world, there are so many perils. We're the odd men out. Vampires like James are the norm, and she is very tempting."

"She does smell good," he replied, and a sudden rise of bloodlust broke across my chest.

"Jasper, tread carefully here," I growled. "This is my heart you wish to consume."

The lust withdrew quickly, replaced with a calming surge that made me question what had irked me in the first place. "Sorry, Edward. Her pull is strong through you."

When I realized my own desires were inflicting thirst and want in Jasper, I sheepishly smiled at him. "Sorry, Jasper. I'll try to lock that down." Serenity permeated the room again as Alice came in to sit next to Jasper.

"What's going on, guys?" Although she asked innocently enough, I knew that her presence was no coincidence. She may not have understood the details, but the mechanics of the situation were clear. Her thoughts gave confirmation to the images in my head.

"Jasper's helping me stay calm so I can sort out how to keep Bella in my future," I said. Alice's mind filled with images of future Bella. I could feel the waves of peacefulness seeping through my skin and bones as they flooded Alice's thoughts.

"You're going to have to face that she'll be one of us eventually, Edward. I've seen it so many times. She's made up her mind," Alice said, her face relaxed and smirking. "You've seen what I've seen. It's pretty well set."

"I have seen it, and I know it's set. I'm not worried about her once she's transformed, it's until then that concerns me," I said. "She needs a normal life at least until she's out of school. She needs to have a choice, to have choices, to know what she's getting into. Right now, her immediate goal is aligned with mine, and I'm afraid for her it's more about lust than commitment." It wasn't a judgment; it was more of a fear. What if I changed her and she was filled with regret and resentment for me for the change? That would be intolerable.

_Edward. Look. _I saw her mental images that were ambiguous and confusing. In one image, Bella was golden-eyed, laughing and happy with me; the other displayed a twisted and resentful Bella, running through a forest – alone. I stared at Alice's knitted brow, afraid to meet her eyes. "She's confused right now, too. She's not sure what she wants."

Bella's uncertainty made the decision easier for me. "I can't let our relationship go any deeper unless and until she's sure." I glanced at Jasper. "Thanks, Jazz. I know what to do now."

_Anytime, Edward. Be careful. I can feel your hesitancy and need. Don't get pulled off balance._ I gave him a quick, short nod and stood. I needed to see her.

* * *

I watched Bella as the sun rose. Her heartbeat gave away her wakefulness, even though her eyes were still closed. Her chestnut hair tousled around her face, and her breath was sweet and savory. She looked every drop the angel I believed her to be.

"Good morning, love," I whispered, brushing the hair away from her face.

"Hi," she said, struggling to shift to her side. Her leg still bothered her, even though she was out of the cast and wearing a surgical boot to walk. I tried to remain still while she settled, not wanting to hinder her progress or infringe on her independence. "Were you here all night? Why didn't you wake me?"

"Bella, you need your sleep. You're still recovering." Her scent was becoming stronger as she came to full alertness; the aroma of freesias and lavender was almost overpowering. Her fingers toyed with the neck of my tshirt, dipping below the neckband to stroke the hair of my chest. She was aroused; her scent grew stronger. "Are you going to school today? There are only a few days left of the schoolyear."

"Is Charlie still here?"

"No. He left about four this morning."

"I had an idea. What if we didn't go to school today, and just stayed in bed? I could tell Charlie my leg hurt." Her breathing hitched and accelerated, and her pupils dilated.

"Bella, I – ," I began to protest, when she cut me off.

"We could go all the way, Edward."

I looked deeply into her eyes as I felt my penis stiffen with excitement. This fragile human girl was offering me all I wanted – the joy of her body wrapped around me, her living heat thawing my frozen heart. But Alice's visions called me back, tethering me to the reality of her choices and the urgency of her commitment before her change. "I don't think that's a good idea, Bella."

Her face broke into a mask of disappointment. "Why? Don't you want me?"

"Yes, Bella, yes. I want you more than life itself." I leaned forward and kissed her pouting lips, her aroma delicious and strong. She wasted no time pouring herself into my mouth. Kissing Bella was like rejuvenation and rebirth: joyful, awakening and needful. And insufficient. I needed more.

"Bella," I breathed into her mouth as her tongue washed across my lips. The tip was hot and wet, making little circles around my mouth in hungry exploration. I felt her hand slide down my chest, past my t-shirt and into my pants. Her hot hand grasped and tugged on my cock, and a moan escaped my lips. I was lost and destroyed in her touch, and restored and revived by her desire. "Ugh, Bella, that feels so good."

"Edward," she said, her breath sweet on my tongue, "Touch me." With her free hand, she pulled my hand to the top of her legs. Her hot box pulsed with need, and I plunged my fingers into her folds. Slick, smooth and soft, the sensation of her sex in my hands made me shudder with excitement. She sighed into my mouth and moved her hand to my pants, undoing the button fly slowly.

"Careful, love, careful," I said as I sunk my fingers inside her. Her body was a flame, throwing heat all around me. I tried to remember Alice's visions and Jasper's cautions, but they were a distant echo muffled by the longing to make love to this burning woman before me. She pushed at my clothes, trying to strip them from me and envelop me. I found my feet pulling at my pantlegs, as my free hand pulled and tore at her clothes. The time for caution was gone, and I was past caring.

I pushed myself on top of her, my penis now free and pushing against the cloth of her panties. I couldn't speak; I watched her face as she gulped and inhaled raggedly. She wriggled below me, desperately trying to free herself of the thin material keeping us apart. At last, she succeeded, and I felt her pubic hair brush against my penis. My eyes followed the feeling, seeing my cock laying atop her pussy. I pulled my hips back, angling my shaft to enter her. She wrapped her legs around my waist and pulled her sex over mine.

I felt the head of my penis emerged into wet flames, slick and silken and pure bliss. Bella writhed and shifted around me, but I held back. I wanted to prolong the thrill of entry as long as I could, savoring her scent. I leaned toward her long neck, smelling her heady aroma. My tongue licked her neck, tasting her flesh. The pulse of her blood sang against my tongue. I leaned closer still, my mouth clamping her skin, allowing her perfume to fill my sinuses and completely engulf me. I opened my mouth wider, extending my tongue, swirling it over her skin.

"Edward," she breathed. She pushed her hips toward me as my teeth brushed her shoulder.

Her throaty moan slapped me with awareness. I saw the image again - Bella, crazed, resentful, fleeing through the forest – alone and angry. I heard Jasper's words – _Don't get pulled off balance_ – and realized where I was and what I was doing.

I jumped back off the bed, my back to the wall. I pulled my pants up, struggling to push my hard shaft back into the now too-small fabric. As I buttoned the top of my pants, Bella opened her eyes and sat up.

"Wha – what are you doing?" Her voice was still hoarse, but her tone was confused and disappointed.

"Bella," I said softly, "Do you know what almost happened?"

"Yes! We almost made love!"

"Bella, I almost bit you. I almost killed you."

"Edward, I don't care. Bite me. Change me. You're all I want." She moved to the end of the bed, leaning out reaching for me.

"No," I mumbled, pushing my hand out to ward her off. "I can't. Not now."

"Why? What are you waiting for?" Her eyes streamed tears.

"Bella, I – …I can't explain it. Please," I stammered. Her scent was so strong in the tiny room, I felt dizzy and weak, my need making my words feeble. "I have to go." I turned to the window, my back to her. Once more, I wished I could cry, wished to release the frustration and pain in a quick sob.

"Edward, hey, don't go, please," she pleaded. "Or let me come with you."

I couldn't turn around. If I looked in her eyes, I would stay and never leave again. "Goodbye," I said, and leapt from the window.

* * *

Jasper and Alice were waiting at the side of the house. "We came as soon as I saw, Edward," Alice said as she read the desolation in my face. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know it would be so difficult."

"I didn't either," I whispered, ashamed of how I'd acted. "I almost killed her."

"Don't berate yourself, Edward – " Jasper's words were cut short as Bella's stumbling footsteps could be heard.

"I can't stay here. If she asks me to stay, if I smell her, I won't have the strength to leave," I said, my emotions mixed with hope and fear.

"Go, go!" Alice whispered, pushing me towards the forest. "Stay back in the trees. We'll talk to her."

I sped towards the darkness of the woods. The trees provided a perch from where I could safely see her, but stay out of the trail of her aroma.

"Edward! Edward!" Her eyes swept from side to side, expecting to find me as she called. Alice stepped forward, Jasper directly behind. Bella drew in a small gasp.

"He's gone, Bella," Alice said gently. Jasper sent waves of comfort towards Bella, taking the sharp edge off her emotions.

"Why did he leave, Alice? Why did he go?"

"He was afraid he'd hurt you."

"But…" Bella looked down at her feet, her brows pulled together in confusion and pain. The torn expression on her face pulled a knot into my chest. I wanted to touch her, soothe her, hold her. I began to remember the smell of her skin, the taste of her neck…

Several things happened at once.

Jasper growled as the longing in my chest pulsated toward him. He took a step forward, now standing beside Alice and directly in Bella's view.

Bella turned her head to the side, eyes scanning the forest. Her sudden movement threw her off balance and she tottered to the side. She put her hand out to keep herself upright, and tore the skin of her palm against the side of the house.

I saw the flashes of bloodlust as they flew through Jasper's thoughts; the flipbook pictures of the future as Alice saw the possible outcomes; Bella's sudden realization that she was, once again, bleeding before a bloodthirsty vampire.

Jasper lurched forward as Bella fell backwards. I dropped from the tree and raced to grab Jasper. Alice moved in front of him, directly in his pathway to Bella. Though she was small, she was strong, and she knew Jasper would never hurt her. I came up behind him, locking his arms in mine, my hands gripping his shoulder. I shouted, "Alice, take Bella!"

Alice had Bella away in a flash. I heard the bedsprings creak as Alice carefully dropped her and raced back to us. Jasper was regaining himself, his composure now in disarray from embarrassment and shame instead of thirst. "Edward, I –," he started as I shook my head.

"Jasper, no, I get it. I'm as much to blame." I looked up to Bella's window to see her watching us, her hand wrapped in my tshirt. "Let's go," I whispered to Jasper as Alice returned to us. I could not tear my eyes from Bella's face, tear-stained, broken and confused. _Goodbye,_ I mouthed, and sped away into the forest.

* * *

Edward had told me about Bella's scent, and I'd witnessed it myself in the car, but I never imagined the pull of her blood to be so powerful. My baser tendencies aside, she smelled sweet and desirable and utterly delicious and I wanted nothing more than to have her, to consume her, to let her breath as she gasped and fell to be her last.

But it would break Edward's heart. It would break Alice's heart. I would hate myself. I did hate myself. I felt useless and weak, not worthy of calling myself a Cullen.

Of course, Edward took off, and demanded we take off as well. That was all right with me; I needed time away, away from Bella, away from Edward, away from Forks. I grabbed Alice's hand and ran.


	18. Chapter 18: Escape

_All characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended._

___A/N: This is the beginning of Blue Jasper, and takes place during the time of New Moon. Thanks to Mr. Big for his incredible beta'ing. _

**Escape**

"Jasper, stop," Alice said as I dragged her behind me. The forest was a green blur around us, the rushing river our constant companion. I was tense and tightly-strung; I knew she wanted to slow my thoughts and calm me. My head was full of escape; I wanted to run as far away as I could, knowing full well that I could never escape myself or my self-loathing. I could feel the well of her anxiousness as my own grew. "Let me talk to you - let me help."

From the moment I'd met Alice, I'd been amazed at my good fortune. She gave me so much in so many ways, sharing her innate goodness with me as she taught me to control my thirst. In her, I found a partner who could withstand my gift and help me work through the problems it incited in others. It was uniquely her, and she was completely mine. I decreased my speed, slowing to a fast walk.

"Alice, it's hard to accept this," I said, still pulling her hand behind me as the brush slapped against my legs. "Bella is my friend, and Edward's lover. I shouldn't want to kill her, or hurt him, however inadvertent the action was or how sweetly she smells."

"Stop," she said, jerking my hand and pulling me to a stop. She stood firmly watching my face, searching my eyes for reason and calm. I was not sure those qualities could be found, but I felt her confidence in me growing, reaching out like a warm blanket. I focused on the acceptance of her love, letting her calm seep into the wall of tension I'd created. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, and a wave of reassurance swept over me.

"Thank you," I said, still trying to inhale her mood and breathe deeply. "I'm trying to calm down."

"I know. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself, Jazz. We've run right out of the States, you know." I looked around, really noticing the still in the forest and the rush of the water. I glanced at her over my shoulder, my eyes resting on her impish face. Her eyes glazed over with the foretelling stare that was a part of her nature. "We're in Canada now, and we'll be here for a while. Would you like to talk?"

I turned to face her. Her eyes were large and dark, watchful, waiting for my agreement. I took a step toward her, letting her pull me to a nearby stump. I could not deny her; her resolve permeated my tension and weakened whatever resistance I had. We sat close together, sheltered by the deep pine and brush. The forest was thick with insects and humidity, as if the air itself were alive and buzzing.

"Jasper," she began, holding my hands in hers. "I know you. I know it's hard for you. But Edward knows it wasn't your fault, he even said as much at the house. Bella is safe, and you didn't hurt anyone. Edward left for his own reasons, reasons that I'm as much to blame for as anyone."

"What? That can't be true, Alice."

"Why do you think he left?" Her question caught me up short, and my face showed my confusion. "He left because he's afraid of what will happen to Bella. I saw two alternative futures when she'd been changed, and unfortunately, Edward saw them, too." She pressed her lips together in a grimace. "He didn't know what she would choose, or why. I wish he could see what I see now."

"What do you see?"

She looked at her feet. "Mostly heartbreak, for both of them." Sadness pooled around her aura/ I wanted to alleviate her remorse and guilt, but I was touched by the depth of her anguish and could not shake the despair.

"And I'm responsible," I said, unable to escape the weight of my actions and the bleakness of the situation. I'd hurt my friends, my family, my love. Edward may have relieved me of guilt in _his_ mind, but my actions were clearly reprehensible.

"We're all responsible," Alice said. "You, me, Edward – even Bella. That's how life works, Jazz. Choices. Bella made her choice, Edward made his. Those choices led us here." She gestured to the forest surrounding us.

"Alice, I – "

"No, Jazz. Shhh." She raised my hand, still clasped in hers, to her mouth. She laid a kiss in my palm, her eyes meeting mine. Her impish smile slowly blossomed on her lips. "Shhh. It's okay now. Everyone is safe for now."

My wife. My friend. My savior. How many times had she saved me with her quiet assurances? Her confidence in me was tempered by love, extending to me beyond her gift. She saw the best in me, the man I was and the man I would become. I could never resist her, nor would I wish to; it was as if she had been created for me. My body responded immediately to the touch of her lips on my skin.

"Alice," I whispered, bending forward to kiss her lips. "Take me away from here."

* * *

We walked the rest of the night, letting the river guide our course. The moon shone brightly on the water, casting a blue glow on our skin. Alice was so beautiful and at peace with herself, I was able to forget my reckless behavior for a while and concentrate on her. The moonglow settled into her skin, casting a faint radiant shimmer off her face and hands. I knew that as much as I looked at her, studied her, stayed with her, I would never tire of her beauty and never behold all her gifts. Every day with Alice was a discovery, some new found reason to love and adore her. "Alice, you are my blossom in the night," I whispered, pulling her closer to me.

"Only for you, my husband, only for you," she cooed back to me. Her eyes stayed locked on mine, and I could feel her desire rising. The fact that I was the only man to witness her like this – sexual, erotic and intimate – fed my ego and filled me with desire building to lust. My hand caressed her hair, smoothing her spiky locks made wild by the run. She leaned forward and kissed me deeply, her eyes open and watching, brimming with sexual energy.

Without dropping my gaze, her lips slid down my chest as she unbuttoned my shirt. Each small caress was like a point of light and heat as she slid down my body. I held her gaze until her kisses found my navel; I moaned softly and closed my eyes. I knew I had to restrain my need, careful to protect her from my carnality and animalistic desire. My body could do nothing but respond to her touch; I was fully erect, ready for her, needing her embrace. Her soft lips continued to follow where her hands left me bare.

"Jasper," she whispered as she grazed the head of my cock. "Let go. I can feel you holding back. Let go, Jasper. Escape into me. I can take it." Her breath was warm on my erection, a sweet invitation to total abandonment. I was torn: I wanted to let go, to give her everything, but I was afraid for the torrent of need I would release. She settled her mouth around my head, and my ambivalence was gone with my self control.

My whole body fell into the rhythm of Alice. Her tongue sent chills up my backside as she perfectly swirled around my cock. I felt wild and feral, a low and vicious growl escaping me. My emotions were rampant, and I could feel the resulting effect on Alice. The never-ending mirrored passion reflected back into passion was overwhelming and heady; the rawness of the passion reflected back to me from her mouth on my erection set me loose, and I felt my orgasm erupting from deep within. I screamed her name into the night as I came, the trees, river and moon witnesses to my endless love and need for my wife.

Alice still knelt before me, waiting for me to regain my wits, but my passion was unabated. I needed her orgasm, I needed her naked flesh beneath my fingers and tongue. I bent down, lifting her to her feet and pulling her close to me. Her breath was ragged and expectant, and a small snarl escaped her as she stared into my eyes, teeth bared. She flung her hand around my neck, and crushed my lips into her mouth. Her tongue sought my tongue, and her body was aflame.

I dropped to my knees, letting my hands stroke her body as I moved down. Before her, I felt her raging need and want pulling at my heartstrings. I yanked her pants down, desperate for her skin. Her pale, naked flesh burned beneath my fingers. Her scent, cinnamon and lavender, filled my senses and I knew I had to consume her. I pulled her body to my mouth, and let my tongue find her most sensitive, needful places. She gasped and moaned, losing herself in my hands, finding her own escape in my touch. She knotted her hands in my hair, pulling my face close to her body. I buried my face in her pubic hair, letting her need build and feed me as I lapped in her sweetness. My tongue knew exactly how to please her, the proper pressure to arouse and excite her. "Jasper… Jazz, oh God, Jasper…" Her voice trailed off as she took a depth inhalation of breath and began to come. Her body shook with intensity and release. Her knees went weak and she began to fall; I held her upright as she came.

I rose and brought my lips to hers, her taste still on my tongue. "Alice," was all I could manage to say; it was the essence of love for me.

* * *

We continued our walk in the moonlight, two lovestruck immortals, until the stars began to fade and the day began to break. The night had revealed us to each other once again, allowed us to escape into darkness and emerge into light. I knew we would need to hunt soon, but for now, the peace of the dawn and the hope of a new day was all, and it was enough.


	19. Chapter 19: Stranger

_All characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended._

_A/N: I'm really hoping that you'll leave some feedback so I can tell whether to continue with the story. _

I would do anything to be in Alice's presence – anything. It had been that way since our first days together. Just knowing she was nearby calmed me in such a profound way, I often found it difficult to speak when first I saw her. Even when her visions confused or panicked her, even when she was tormented by what might happen, she calmed me like no other. She stole my voice with her hope-filled light.

I was watched her as we walked the Canadian forest. I had watched this woman for so many years, seen her face countless times. Each glimpse of Alice simply took my breath away. She felt my regard rest on her elfin features and turned to me, smiling, enchanting me anew. Her eyes shifted from my lips to my eyes, and she held my gaze. Confidence, trust, love – the waves of it peeled of her like the soft petals of a rose. She was so open to me, as I was to her, and the knowledge curved my mouth into a lopsided grin.

It was peaceful to walk together, simply following the stream. We had nowhere to go, no one to run to – or from. Her visions slowed as Edward left. She didn't search the future for him, or for Bella; the restraint was out of love, respect. Her glimpses of the future had become less frequent simply because she was watching only our future, and she knew where we were going.

"Alice," I said, just wanting to hear her voice. "Tell me something I don't know." It was a game we played when we were alone together – the sharing of inconsequential details that inhabited our day. The longevity of our time together had taken all our secrets; there were no grand discoveries to be made. But watching a leaf fall from a tree, or a reflection of the clouds in a storm window – it filled our immortality and made existence somehow more precious. These were our secrets, our treasures. It was one of the ways we spoke love to each other without being sickly sweet and cloying.

"I saw a turtle swimming in the river this morning at dawn," she said, watching the water. "When I thought about its little life, I saw a future - short, but happy." She grinned and looked up to my face. "Your turn."

"I needed to hear your voice. I haven't had candy since the war, but your voice is just as sweet," I said.

She smiled more broadly, then shook her head. "But I already knew that, silly."

"Not that I needed it _now_," I said, allowing a gentle teasing to slip into my voice. "I know you think I just need you all the time. And I suppose you're ri – " I closed my eyes and broke off as a wave of frustration shattered the calm around us. My body was at full attention. I inhaled deeply and scanned the woods for the intruder.

"Jasper," Alice said, immediately picking up on my sudden shift in my mood. "Jazz? What is it?"

"Somebody's nearby. I can feel them," I said, my jaw tense with anxiousness. "They're angry and frustrated…"

Alice's eyes took on a glassy sheen. "I don't see anyone in our immediate future," she said as her gift asserted into her vision.

I felt a draw to the north. My head snapped in that direction, and before I could sort out my feelings or explain why to Alice, I was speeding through the darkness of the forest in the direction of the emotion. The river turned slightly away from us, and I could hear the rapids splashing ahead. The feeling of frustration emanated from the rapids. I came to an abrupt halt and crouched, sensing a predator nearby. Alice stayed behind me, the familiar twinge of her curiosity and nervousness pouring out. The wind shifted and picked up our scent, carrying it over the rushing water.

Frustration shifted to alarm and vanished. I ran to the riverbank, anxious to see the owner of the emotions. The trail of feeling grew less and less discernible, drifting just out of my grasp. I pushed forward with all my strength, trying to follow the mental path stretching away from me. My own agitation filled the air as the track of frustration left me running to nothing.

I smelled blood on the banks and scanned their lengths for the source. A lynx lay near-death on the shore, blood flowing freely into the water. It was sedate, comatose, and close to death. The animal's fear kept its heart pumping.

Alice stood behind me. "Jasper?" Her voice was a soft whisper that carried no further than my ear.

"They're gone," I said, my voice at its normal level. "I don't know who it was, but they left as soon as the wind shifted. They could smell us, which means – "

"Whatever it was, it was one of us," Alice said.

"Yes," I agreed. "Another one of us."

* * *

My reconnaissance of the area yielded a few scents. Nothing I could track or identify, but I could tell it had been a woman; the scent was just slightly more mineral and sweet. I returned to where Alice stood, watching the future cascading around her.

"I don't see anything, Jasper," she said, confusion constricting her voice. "We're fine. Our paths continue on… I've looked so long my head hurts."" She closed her eyes and rubbed her temples.

"Maybe it was nothing, Alice," I said, moving up behind her and folding my arms around her waist. "You know I'm overcautious about strangers. C'mon." I kissed the back of her neck and inhaled her scent. "Maybe the cool water will clear your head."

I wasn't truly ready to let the situation go, but there was nothing more I could do, and Alice was suffering. I pulled her behind me, her hand so small in mine. She hesitated for a moment, then released the vision. Alice didn't waste time, ever, though she had eternity to spare. When her gift reached an impasse, she either fought her way around it, or let it go. Pain or suffering were not deterrents for her. I rarely knew which she would choose, but I had decided long ago that whatever decision she came to, she would have my support. Tonight, she let it go, and I followed suit.

The river glistened in the night. Bats flew low over the river, scooping up the teaming insects that hovered over the water. I turned to Alice and looked into her eyes as my hands came to unbutton her blouse. "We don't want that to get wet, now do we, ma'am?" Her face tilted up to me as she let the cloth drop from her shoulders. She pushed off her shoes as I undid her jeans and dropped them with her panties to the ground. "Why, Miss Alice," I teased, "you're naked."

"Why yes, Mr. Jasper, I am," she answered in a mock southern accent, hands on her hips. "Care to join me in a dip?"

"Yes, ma'am, I most certainly do," I said, shucking my clothing as quickly as I could without tearing it. Alice trilled a laugh as she ran to the water's edge and dove in. Her skin glittered like the current itself, radiance bouncing in the moonlight. Alice resurfaced to watched me as I walked to the shore. I walked slowly, completely aware of her inspection. "I want to join you in so many ways."

She stood up, finding a rock to lift her from the water. Her pearlescent skin was only enhanced by the rivulets that streamed down her perfect body. She shook her head, and tiny channels rained over her collarbone, across her chest, dripping off her breasts. She was beauty personified. "My God," I mumbled, completely enraptured and erect.

I flashed to her side. My skin, now wet with the river, slid against hers. "Can I _join_ you?" I whispered in her ear. She shivered her consent, her hand gripping my cock. She stroked my length gently as I kissed her neck in the moonlight. I exhaled, sighing into her hair, and bent forward to kiss her. Her head shifted back away from me, teasing, and she fell back into the water, pulling me with her.

Alice was directly below me, her body close to mine. She still gripped my rod, and she used it like a leash to pull me toward her. I pushed myself through the water with one sweep of my arms, letting one hand come to rest around her shoulder, the other at the small of her back. She saw my intention; she brought her hand to my shoulder just as I plunged inside her. We resurfaced through the water as I let out a groan. She was wrapped around me completely; I let the lunges of swimming fuel my thrusts into her.

"I believe I have joined you, ma'am," I said laughingly as we moved with the current. Alice hung around my neck, watching my face, panting. She dipped her head back, letting the water flow through her hair, releasing the headache that had plagued her. She closed her eyes, and I could feel her lust replacing her pain, her pleasure replacing her tension. "Better?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"Yes," she cooed. I pushed forward again, deeper into her. "Yes, you feel good… You make me feel…" she dipped the back of her head again, getting lost in the sensations. "You always make me feel so much better." I felt her smile more than saw it.

"I aim to please," I said, turning our bodies in the water to face against the current. A bat swooped overhead, startled by our sudden shift upstream. "Careful there, brother," I said, pushing Alice's body to settle more deeply around me as the force of the water pushed against us. I held our spot easily; the current made a perfect cushion against Alice's back. I laid a kiss on her collarbone, then straighten, thrusting my hips against hers.

"Are you talking to the bat?" Alice asked, playfully.

"Well, our relationship is legendary," I responded with a thrust.

"Oh, oh, yes, I see," she said, her eyes closing again.

"It's been said we're one in the same." Thrust.

"Jasper," Alice said, her eyes opening and finding mine. Raw passion exuded from her. "Stop talking and fuck me."

"Yes, ma'am," I said, letting my hips take over the communicating. I slid her up and down on my marble cock, rocking her, pushing deep inside. My body explained my crushing desire and need to her; my devotion seeping around us told her of my love and lust. Alice clung to me, nibbling my ear and pulling my hair, lost in the emotional pool of flesh and feeling. Her body gripped my sex, and I felt the beginning of her orgasm.

Her body was my invitation. My climax barreled up from the soles of my feet, bursting from the tip of my cock. I was on fire, electric, burning bright. I arched my back and drove deep into Alice, who moaned and sighed and gasped in one unified groan of pleasure.

I stopped swimming and wrapped my arms around my tiny lover. "Alice… I love you," I whispered into her hair. She squirmed in my arms, pressing up to kiss me. We began to sink, letting the current pull us under. Neither of us cared. We were in love.

* * *

We made our way back to our clothes, lying on the grassy banks waiting to dry. Alice watched the stars as they moved in the heavens; I watched Alice.

"Do you think they'll come back?" she asked in a small voice.

"Who?" I was completely distracted by her closeness and the love we shared.

"The vampire by the river," she said, still looking up at the stars.

So she hadn't let it go. "No, I don't think so. They were frustrated here; why would they return? Besides, darlin', you'd know better than I would."

"I know," she replied. "I'm not seeing them, but I don't know what or who I'm looking for. I know that we're going to meet up with the rest of the family soon, but I don't see anyone I don't know."

"Soon? Is Edward – "

"No, not Edward. He," she stammered a bit. I knew it was hard for her: Edward was more her brother than any other sibling. She still looked toward the stars, but her eyes were glazed and expressionless. "He can't take being around us right now."

"I'm so sorry, Alice," I said, the remorse returning.

"It's not you. It's him. He doesn't trust himself." She leaned up on one elbow and kissed me. "Jasper, you'll have to trust me on this one. It's not you."

I pulled her close to me and kissed the top of her head. We settled into each other's arms, listening to the sounds of the night. Somewhere far off, an animal cried in pain and rage, the river sped by us with incessant bubble and rush, the bats continued their nightly feast. I pulled Alice tight against my chest, and looked out to the stars.


	20. Chapter 20: Pumpkin

_A/N: All characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended._

Pumpkin

"Four thousand, three hundred ninety-two, four thousand three hundred ninety-three," her voice trailed off into the stirrings of daybreak. I listened to her counting the stars, completely happy and content to do so. She would stop every so often and reminisce about something she found tragic, amusing or interesting. I was content to hold her and listen to her small voice.

"I'm going to start calling you pumpkin," she said, her impish smile slowly spreading on her face.

"Pumpkin? Am I getting fat?"

"No Jasper, you're just about perfect," she said, leaning forward to kiss my nose. "I was just thinking about your brother's balls."

"I beg your pardon?"

"You know," she said, making little wing motions with her hands, "The bats? Your 'brother'?" She laughed. "Bats have really big balls. If you were a bat, you'd have balls the size of pumpkins. So, 'pumpkin'." She wrinkled her nose as she giggled. I loved it when Alice was relaxed and playful. Our gifts so rarely allowed this, unless we were alone, removed from the outside world. She tickled me and I scooped her into my arms. She sighed and snuggled deeply into my embrace, counting stars again. "Four thousand, three hundred ninety-four…"

My mind wandered as the stars twinkled into dawn. The stranger, the woman by the water. The frustration I had felt was raw, bordering on a insistent gnawing. It was like hunger, a desperate all-consuming ravenousness, bordering on obsession. But the anger that accompanied it was altogether different. it was temporary, a flush, a feeling of being put out and annoyed. The two emotions, usually so closely related in intensity, had been out of balance and unusual for their inequality.

"Jasper?"

"Hm?"

"What are you thinking about?"

"Just listening to you, darlin'," I said. She pulled back, lifting her head from my chest. She was watching me. I knew something had piqued her curiosity; I could feel it rolling off of her. I sighed and tsked. There was no sense in pretending she had my complete attention; she knew me too well. "I suppose I was still thinking about that stranger."

"What were you thinking?"

"I was trying to reconcile the difference between the expanse of her hunger, with the shallowness of her anger. It's odd."

"Odd, how?"

"Usually, when frustration and anger come at the same time, they share about the same intensity. Her emotions were varied, on completely different levels. I couldn't associate the one with the other."

"And you're sure it's a female?"

"Fairly certain."

"Hm." She was quiet for a moment. Something was bothering her.

"What is it, Alice?"

"I can't escape the feeling that this has something to do with Bella and Edward. I'm just wondering if I should break my promise to Edward," she said, looking out over the rushing river. "I can feel it at the edges of my mind, and I want to look, but I've really been holding out for his sake."

"Alice, you know that never ends well."

Her head fell forward. "I know," she said softly. I would never pressure her to look, to use her gift. I trusted her judgment completely and implicitly. She raised her head again, returning her gaze in the direction of the river, but focused within.

"Oh, I don't want Edward to do that. He's so…," she trailed off as she watched his future. "As long as he stays on the path he is now, we're going to lose him." She paused. "And he will never know love."

"What about Bella?"

"Bella," she repeated. "Bella stays pretty unhappy as well. She – " Alice's eyes widened as shock took her. "Bella! Oh no, Jasper. She's one of us!" She put her face in her hands, shaking her head. "Not in a good way. Oh no, oh no, oh no. Someone else has changed her, and she doesn't understand what's going on. She's angry and hurt, running through the forest… She's looking for Edward, even though –"

"Though what?"

Her voice was hushed, barely a whisper. "Even though she knows he's dead."

* * *

Alice would not be calmed. She paced back and forth, wringing her hands, only stopping to look at the future. She'd seen the same scenario again and again, and could not release the images.

"Alice," I said, facing her and stopping her by the shoulders. "You've got to calm down. Look around it, find something around it."

"Don't you think I am?" She pushed my hands off her shoulders as she shouted past me. "I have looked and looked, but I can't see anything but Bella when Edward's –" She broke off. She didn't want to say it again.

"Do you want me to help?" I knew she would be able to see if she was calm. She was so scared, so worried for her favorite brother, that it intensified in my gift and exaggerated how I felt. Now, my panic was affecting her. "Maybe we can find more together."

Her eyes searched mine. I pulled her close to my chest and gave her a hug. The action relaxed me immeasurably, and I felt my emotions seep out to her. The knots of tension began to unwind, and I pulled her into a seating position as I dropped beside her.

Her eyes were open, glazed with the nightmare of the future. I concentrated on calm, serenity, peacefulness, sending waves to her as she searched, and pulses when she tensed. She remained quiet, watching the invisible tableau before her. I stayed watchful as I calmed her, listening to the animals making their way through the forest. I heard a big cat yowling in the distance, it's voice cut short by some new activity that captured its attention. My eyes stayed trained on Alice. The day dissolved into twilight, and twilight bled to night.

* * *

After several hours of sitting stock still, Alice finally moved. "Jasper, thank you. I think I have it, but it's still so hard to tell." The day had passed, and we sat alone in the dark. "I saw Bella changed, but not like us. She had red eyes and was feral, afraid. Edward wasn't with her."

The panic she'd felt earlier began to bubble up, pushing at my serenity. I pushed back and fed more calm to Alice. "Take a breath, Alice. Go on."

"Edward's future isn't…," she paused, "…long. Until something changes, they are both going to have really unhappy lives until they meet their separate ends. The problem is, I can't see the catalyst. I don't know who changes Bella, or why she's so wild."

"Edward is another story. At some point, he thinks Bella's dead. I can't see how that is or why. There are too many options, too many things left undecided. It's confusing." She shook her head, her face pinched in pain.

I reached forward and pulled her into my arms. "Shhh, Alice, shhh." I rocked her in my arms, trying to soothe away the worry and confusion she felt with my gift. Her emotions were strong, straining back against at the calm I sent to her.

She pushed away from me and sat upright. "Jasper, we've got to do something. We have to protect Bella, to keep whomever from changing her."

"But, Edward said to leave Bella alone. To let her have a life…"

"I know what Edward said and I know why he said it. He thought that Bella would turn feral if _he_ changed her before she was ready. But that's not it! I thought it was, and he saw that in my head! But that's not it, Jasper, don't you see? She turns feral because someone _else_ changes her. Someone who doesn't care about her, who leaves her to fend for herself – without love, without hope!"

I knew that feeling. I would never willingly let little Bella go through that hell. "What do we do?"

"I don't know exactly what to do. We can't go back to Forks – not now, not yet – but I'll watch Bella. Let's move down the coast. When we get to Seattle, I'll call Carlisle to let him know where we are and I'll try to talk to Edward."

I stood to leave, offering my hand to Alice. She slipped her little hand into mine. Her sensuality in small, unimportant actions always took my breath away. I kept my feelings in check, though. Now wasn't the time to be aroused by my wife.

* * *

We ran through the night at a steady pace. Repeatedly, I stopped, looking behind me, chary of attacks. I felt fear and curiosity moving faintly behind us, but each reconnaissance I conducted yielded no visual results and no scents to trace. Was my caution of strangers getting the better of me?

"Jasper, what is it?" We had stopped for the third time, and I had no more information than after the first.

"I just feel someone, Alice," I replied, slowly shaking my head. "There's no trail of them, no signs, but I_ feel_ them."

"What do you feel?"

"Fear and curiosity, in equal measure," I said, still watching the woods behind us.

"I see us hitting Seattle before daybreak," she said, her eyes distant for a moment. "I don't see anyone with us, and no one we're talking about."

"Alright," I said, reticent to let this go, but unable to find a reason to hold on. "Let's go."

We ran through the Mt. Baker National Forest, avoiding populated areas as much as we could. We stopped to feed on the outskirts of Skykomish, finding a herd of elk in the area. We killed four elk between us, the rest scattering in the attack. I let Alice eat first, watching the woods around us for the stranger I could feel but not see.

Alice beckoned to me to eat. I still felt the unease of feelings not my own, following us into where the herd had stood, but the burn in my throat was overwhelming. I quickly drank the two I killed, and returned to my vigilance. As I stood to leave, the herd ran toward us, stampeding. Their hooves flashed and their eyes were wild with fear.

We ran. The stampeding herd fell fall behind us almost instantly, and the trees flew by. The fear began to dissipate behind me as we approached the outskirts of Bellevue. The sun began to rise, although the clouds and rain prevented any shadow to be cast. "We better find a place to hole up for a while," Alice said. "The sun's going to come out around three."

I was feeling for myself again, and felt comfortable taking lodging. Still, as Alice checked us into the small hotel in Sammamish, I remained outside watching, waiting, anxious for the fear to return. Alice joined me at my side, dangling a key before me. "Room number nineteen, Pumpkin. Give you any ideas?"

I looked down at my tiny wife. The impish grin had returned to her face, and I knew what she was suggesting. "Yes it does, honey. I hope you are ready for a workout."

* * *

_A/N: Thank you to those of you who wanted to see the story continue and told me so. I hope you'll enjoy it and remember, comments are the only way I know if you like the story. Comments = Love!_


	21. Chapter 21: Feral

_A/N: All characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended._

**Feral**

"Alice, let me check the grounds," I said, straining to resist her offer. "You know I won't relax until I know you're safe,"

"Jasper, hurry," she said, jangling the key in her hand. She was affecting my self-control; my eagerness to be with her was translating to her impatience.

In a blink, I circled the motel's immediate perimeter, noting the exits and entrances to the structure. I forayed a larger area on my second pass, familiarizing myself with the smells and sounds that were typical. Understanding what was normal was key to understanding when things were amiss. I picked up our scent in the underbrush of the forest behind the motel, and followed it in to room nineteen.

I rapped on the door twice, waited a beat and knocked once more. Alice opened the door without looking at me, already turning to sit on the bed. "I could have told you we were alright, Jazz."

The room was stark and sterile, a typical motel room. I leaned my head back against the door as the lock _smicked_ closed. "Darlin', I know that. I just needed to see for myself."

"Well," she said, mischief coloring her tone, "Now that you've seen the grounds, what else would you like to see?" She sat pertly on the edge of the bed, feigning an innocence that was undermined by her sensuality. She was sin and salvation in one irresistible package.

"Why Miss Alice, how you do talk," I drawled. I began to unbutton my shirt as I pushed off from the door. I walked to her slowly, dropping my shirt. Her eyes were hungry, her expression searing. She licked her lips as I came to stand in front of her. "I do believe we have a workout in store?"

Alice responded with her hands, grasping my belt buckle and undoing it in a touch. She was anxious for my body, as anxious as I was for hers. I felt her desire fueling mine, my lust stoking the flames of hers. This was the only time I had to control my gift around Alice; our sexual drives, when heightened, could lead to harm and our very destruction. I slowly and carefully pulled my lust back, taming the fire within me. Alice dropped my pants and pulled out my erect member, her lips on the head before I was undressed.

I had made love to women before Alice, but I never experienced anything like her hungry caresses on my cock. This woman could suck, stroke and lick like no woman I'd ever met. The slick wetness of her mouth soothed the almost painful swelling of my shaft and teased it into a still harder state. Never in a hundred years had a woman so enraptured me. I looked down to her head bobbing on my cock and thought, _She is my wife_. "Careful, there, little lady, I'm not quite ready yet. I still need to see you," I breathed. "All of you."

Alice pulled away from my cock with a smack. She reached up, resting her hands on my shoulders and pressing me into a turn that ended with me sitting on the bed before her. Her hands lifted to her waist, pulling her blouse and undergarment over her head. As I undid her pants and pushed them down her legs, she once again rested her hands on my shoulders. My mouth followed the trail of her pants, with my lips brushing like breath down her legs, as I exposed Alice's beautiful, pale body. I planted tiny kisses along the inside of her leg as I made my way back up. When I reached her downy mound, my lips formed a circle over her as I exhaled onto her clitoris. Her hands reflexively knotted in my hair, and I felt her knees go weak.

Tiny Alice fell into my arms, and I pulled her on top of me on the bed. Her breath misted around my lips like an intoxicant, and I inhaled her deeply. Her taste lingered on my tongue, in my head, my senses filled with her. "Alice," I breathed, closing my eyes and inhaling her aroma again. "You smell… Mmmm."

Her mouth crushed over mine, her little pointed tongue darting over my lips, into my mouth, against my tongue. I answered her in like language, letting my tongue play against hers, tasting her mouth. The flavor of her breath was like caramel and cinnamon, sweet and hot. I felt my need growing as I pressed my tongue into her mouth.

She pushed up to sit on top of me, her hands still on my shoulders. I was flat on my back, her pert breasts before me. I wanted to taste her nipples, stroke her breast in my hand, caress her, but her hands pinned me against the bed. "I believe there was some talk about nineteen?" she asked, looking into my eyes.

"Why, yes there was, ma'am. It would be my pleasure," I teased. I held out my hand to help Alice turn around on top of me. She pushed her perfect ass toward my face and let her face fall to my crotch. That sweet mouth glided down over my straining member just as my tongue tasted her honeyed pussy and pushed inside her. She licked up the shaft with her tongue swirling expertly; I slowly withdrew my tongue, letting the tip flick along her lips. Once more she hungrily ate the entirety of my erection, and once again I plunged my tongue into the musky sweetness of her sex. She sucked my cock, all of it in her mouth, and cupped my balls. I sucked her box, darting my tongue in and out of her in a smaller version of the fucking we both craved.

"Alice," I breathed into her. I didn't' want to come, not yet, not like this.

"I know, pumpkin," she sighed as she released my cock from her mouth. Her hands held my balls, her fingertips pressing up against the root of my cock. "It's just, my God, Jasper, you taste so fucking good. Your balls are mine." I felt my dick dance as she swore; the words were for me, because of me. Her dirtiness drove me wild.

She pulled her ass toward my cock, still facing away from me. I watched as her tiny pussy slowly descended over my manhood, a soft groan escaping her lips. She was moving so slowly, gently, dulcetly down my shaft, I could do nothing but watch her descend. As she swallowed me whole, my hands reached for her hips, lifting her so she could repeat the process. She obliged, again and again, and I was lost in the sweet agony of it all.

My consciousness was consumed by Alice's movements over me. I felt my hips moving, thrusting up to meet her, shortening the gap of time as she moved. I felt curiosity welling inside my head, and the heat of violence growing in my breast. I wanted her to move faster, to ride me, hard, heavy and breathless. I sat up and pulled her legs out straight. I caught her as she began to fall forward, a little "oh" escaping her lips.

In a flash, I was above and behind her, her face in the sheets of the bed, my cock driving deep. I pulled her onto to my shaft, bouncing her body like a plaything for my pleasure. The lust roared in my ears, and I felt savage, untamed and feral. I was aware of my name being called urgently, but the direction or source didn't matter. A low, ferocious growl erupted up through my chest and out of my throat, vicious and violent. I was wild, a beast, an animal and she was –

"Jasper!" Alice yelled my name again, as I came to my senses.

"Alice! Oh God, Alice! Are you hurt?" I stopped moving entirely, aware for the first time. "This isn't me! There's someone else, something –"

"Oh my God, Jasper, yes! I'm okay, I'm better than okay, I –" she started, then broke off into stillness. Her eyes glazing over in vision. "Go see what it is, Jasper. Hurry!"

I was off the bed and in my pants before she finished. I ran outside, pursuing the trail of emotional wildness. The darkness held no secrets from me, and yet I was unable to find the owner of the wild emotions that had temporarily possessed me. The feeling began to recede, and vanished altogether as I crossed the track Alice and I had made coming in. The familiar scent held a muskiness that belonged to neither of us. I followed that smell to the room, where a cloud of it hung outside our window.

I pushed open the door. "Alice, they're gone – whoever it was." I picked up my shirt and pushed my arms through the sleeves. "Stay inside. Wait for my knock, and keep the door locked until you know it's me." I turned to go back outside, and hesitated at the door. "Did you see anything? Do you see anything? Will you be safe"

"I wasn't watching before," she said, staring into space directly before her. "I see you running a patrol, but you don't find anyone. Animals in the brush, but nothing else. I'm okay," she said, as the vision broke and she met my gaze.

I nodded and left the room.

* * *

I swept the perimeter more than a dozen times, never finding the scent anywhere other than the trail that led to our room. Alice was right; there was nothing to find other than the few animals that shivered and hung back in the bush, frightened by my patrol. I returned to the room, a mixture of dissatisfaction and concern hanging about me like a blue fog.

I began my knock as Alice opened the door. She was on the phone. "No, we're outside of Seattle. We can meet up at the house." She paused, listening. "Yes, I know. I saw that, too. She won't know we're back. She's hanging out with a… friend. Have you talked to Edward?" Listening again, she looked up at me. "Oh, ok. No, I haven't either, but I was hoping…" The pain in her eyes was obvious; Edward was still out of reach. "Ok, then we'll see you tomorrow. We'll run ahead and get the house ready. It will be dark when you get home. You should probably eat before you come into Forks, and tell Rose not to wear that dress unless she never wants to wear it again. Bye." She turned to me. "Didn't find anything?"

"No."

"I talked to Carlisle. They're coming back to Forks with Emmett and Rosalie. Edward is still out of reach." She watched me, her eyes trained to mine, as if waiting for my reaction. I looked down, remorse creeping back into my form as I stood by the door.

"I can't figure out who or what is tracking us. They move like a frightened animal, but their moves definitely follow our path. Every so often I get a twinge of curiosity, but it's mainly feral anger, a rage." I looked up at Alice, watching me from the bed. "I was afraid I'd hurt you, darlin'. I was afraid I'd destroy us both."

Alice stood and walked to me. She slipped her tiny hands into mine and looked up into my face. "Jasper," she said, eyes bright, "You can't hurt me. You won't, I know that. I've seen it. We are tied together forever, my sweet, and there will never ever be a day when you forget that. Never."

"Thank you, sweetheart," I said, swallowing the catch in my throat. How I loved this woman. "Did Carlisle say anything about Edward? Is he coming home?"

Alice winced and looked down. "No, he's still… away." I knew my wife. She saw more than she was saying.

"I wish I could take it all back, Alice."

She returned her gaze to meet mine. "It's not your fault, Jasper. It's not."

"Alright," I said, trying to accept what she offered me once and for all. She radiated confidence in her answer, and I knew what she said was her truth. I resolved to make it my truth as well.


	22. Chapter 22: Wolves

**A/N: Thank you to all my readers. I know from the reviews left that many of you were dying of curiosity about the stranger, as well as how and when the story lines would converge with Edward and Bella. Although I can't give it all to you in one chapter, I can tell you a lot of your inquiries are resolved here. **

**Thank you to Mr. Bigg for being my beta, keeping me on track and keeping me going when I became unsure of myself. **

**Please leave reviews. I show my love for you with the story; show your love with comments. **

**

* * *

_All characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended._**

**Wolves**

We ran at night. Though we were safe from human eyes in the dark, I let Alice run ahead of me so I could protect her against an attack from the rear. I was no longer sure we were being followed, since the only emotions I sensed were our own.

As daylight began to spread, we rented a car and headed for Forks. Alice and I left each other to our thoughts as the miles flew by until we were on the ferry.

Seeing Carlisle, Esme and Emmett again would be a welcome treat. Rosalie? Now there was a reunion I could do without. She was my brother's wife and my sister, true, but I wasn't looking forward to her company. Being a gentleman became a heroic act in her presence. I knew she'd have choice words for me when we were reunited. It was not something I happily anticipated.

The water roiled beneath the boat as we crossed the Sound on Kingston Edmond ferry. The day was overcast and drear, clouds reflecting in the water that stretched miles away from us. I stood watching the water rolling beneath us, Alice's hand in mine. It seemed important somehow, significant, that the same water that so peacefully reflected the sky was the water that beneath us lifted and fell in constant, bubbling motion. The waterway was much traveled and in constant use, and watching the churning wake beneath us brought to mind the nature of our lives: timeless, unchanging and eternal. I thought again of Edward's crisis, and how the need to change could so easily damage our existence.

As the shore came in sight, Alice pushed away from the railing. I followed her to the car.

I thought of a tune Edward had played on the piano shortly before he had left. The rhythm of the tires on the bridge below me seem to follow the steady cadence of the little melody he'd crafted, and I could not release the song. It was as if the song carried a memory, a time before our family faced the challenge of change. I drove on at a speed constant with the pace of the song.

Alice's face was turned away from me as the forest rushed by. The muscles in her neck were taunt against her alabaster skin. "Alice," I said gently, "Are you alright?"

She didn't turn to face me, and knew the answer would be bad news. Still facing the window, she said, "I just don't understand, Jazz. The picture of Bella changed and wild is getting stronger. The picture keeps forcing itself into my head and I can't get it out."

"When did this start?"

"Yesterday. It's more persistent today." She finally turned to face me. "And I see Edward, too." She looked down at her hands, and a small sob caught in her throat. "Oh Jasper, it's just not good. Edward will stay away trying to protect her, but his heart is broken. He won't answer the phone – I tried yesterday – and I really think he needs to come home."

I increased my pressure on the gas pedal. We needed to get home and stop whatever was threatening Bella. I just felt strongly that it was the key to bringing Edward home, the key to solve Alice's pain and sorrow. "We'll be home by noon, Alice," I said, and she turned to stare out the window once more.

We pulled down the familiar drive to the big white house just as the sun reached its highest peak. The place was completely deserted; the grass grew high and leaves littered the grounds. All signs of life had left the house, leaving it stand as a ghostly reminder of the family who once lived here. As I got out of the car, I wondered what would happen if we were unable to save Bella, if Edward never rejoined the family. Our lives would become as this house: empty, vacant, haunted by ghosts.

We set about readying the house for the family. Alice directed as she sped through the house, pointing to rooms and issuing small commands. It was mindless work, and for that, I was thankful. For this small time, she was relieved of her visions. For a small time, she had some peace. I took her directions with gratitude.

As the house took on the semblance of inhabitance, Alice stopped me with her small hand on my arm. "Jasper, why don't you go hunt? You've got to be thirsty, and, well, I need a little time to myself to take this all in." She tapped the side of her head. My concern for her immediately returned and radiated out towards her. "No, I'm okay," she said, her brow creasing. "I'm going out back to cut some of the lavender and freesias to bring into the room. It will soothe me, really. Hunting will soothe you, I promise."

"You've looked ahead?" I wanted to be sure she was safe.

"Yes, some… things keep changing but I don't see anything bad for the family," she said, concentrating on her vision. She broke, and looked into my eyes with her impish, sassy smirk. "Or for me or you. Now go."

"You're certain, Alice?"

"Jasper," she said, placing her hands on my shoulder and turning me around to the door. Confidence seeped from her pores, and bathed my nerves as a slight swat fell across by backside. "_Go!"_

* * *

I raced the river that ran behind the house, listening the familiar sounds of the forest. I would hunt, but for the moment, being back in my home territory felt right and satisfying, and running the river was my only thought.

I ran the treaty line, and thought about my days in the military. Back then, borders and treaties were for storming, overtaking, overrunning. What would my small troop say if they could see me now, all but indestructible? I chuckled to myself, imagining their confusion.

The imagining of their confusion somehow began to amplify within me. I slowed to a stop, and looked around. The river separated me from the Quilluete reservation, and I could see no one along its banks. I searched the points behind me, feeling that same fear, frustration and confusion we'd left behind in Sammamish. It was _here_. A coldness settled in the pit of my stomach as I realized the stranger was in our homeland.

I moved to an outcropping of stone and positioned myself below the viewpoint's horizon. From here, I could see the banks, feel the stirring of emotion and keep watch for any approach to the water. I stood stock still on the promontory, searching for the center of emotion I was picking up. Confusion turned to frustration, frustration shifted to tension. Whoever was watching was ready to spring, but waiting, watching. Time flowed around me like the river around a rock as I continued my vigil.

I felt a familiar twinge of hope and concern approach from behind me, and I ducked my head to see Alice. She was at the base of the promontory, looking up at me with anxiousness. I reflexively motioned to her for silence, although she already knew silence was essential. Her eyes alternately watched me and scanned my future. I returned to the watch.

The sun began to set, shadows growing longer as we held surveillance. The stranger had not emerged, had not swayed, had not relaxed. What was she waiting for? What would be the catalyst that would propel her into action? I looked down at Alice. Her glassy stare broke as I saw her and she had a short, sharp intake of breath.

On the banks of the river, a lynx walked to the edge of the water, sniffing. It did not drink, nor did it touch the water. It was unusual for this type of cat to inhabit these woods. Forks was not cold enough for this species, and was far too wet to allow the animal to flourish. As it walked soundlessly along the banks, curiosity with thirst and desperation flooded my emotions. My guard was down; I had not anticipated an animal to emit emotion of this strength. I stood up, unthinking, fascinated with the animal below me.

The cat's head swiveled in my direction, a hiss escaping its mouth. My own breath caught as I beheld the blood red, vampiric eyes of the lynx, watching me as it poised for attack. Suddenly, I realized what had been stalking us through the forest. I crouched in response, ready to fight. I knew the animal's emotions were affecting mine: I welcomed the battle and was fascinated by my prey. I struggled to come back to myself, to find my own strength of will and break free of the powerful, raw energy of the cat. My body was taut, humming with the need to kill. I breathed deeply through my mouth, tasting the violence in the air…

Alice gasped below me, and drew me back to myself. I glanced down, expecting her vision to be held by the future, but she was staring up the river, mouth agape. I followed her line of sight.

A woman with hair like a flame was racing down the banks directly toward the cat. She was one of us, and she was afraid. I knew her, Victoria, the one with the wicked curve ball. Her speed was a response to her terror, which washed shallowly over me. I raised my head to find the point of terror behind her.

I had seen wolves like this only once in the near century and a half of my extended existence. Werewolves. A huge, red-brown wolf was in the lead, followed closely by several others. I understood her terror. Where was Alice?

I began to turn in a circle, ready to bring the wolves down on myself to protect Alice, but she caught my hand as I turned. She nodded to the river, and we both turned in time to see the cat leap into the forest. Victoria speed by, and the wolves chase her in hot pursuit.

Alice and I exchanged a quick glance, and then leaped out, following Victoria. The wolf pack was on the opposite side of the river, focused on their prey, but we kept to the forest as we monitored the chase. We ran at the same pace as the pack, knowing the chase would soon be changing. The forest line abruptly stopped, and we froze to maintain our cover. The cliffs were a sheer drop to the ocean, and if the chase continued, we would not follow. Victoria took the only escape route available to her and dove into the water, disappearing into the ocean.

The big russet wolf watched from the cliff, searching the water for a reappearance. After several minutes, he turned and sniffed the wind. The wolf pack turned as he did, and began to race back to the river, across from the promontory where I'd held watch.

I motioned for Alice to go, desperately afraid for her safety. She tilted her head to the side with her impish smirk, and held out her hand. I took it, and we retraced our trail back to the rocky crest.

The wolves were on the shore, pacing back and forth over the area where the cat had crouched, sniffing. They seemed to hear each other, their movements unified and purposeful, a lupine ballet. The russet and black wolves studied the ground, as the three remaining flanked them, in constant protection from attack. They were an ultimate fighting unit, and I found a soldier's respect rising in my chest as we watched them. They were my enemies, to be certain, but their interaction and solidarity were awesome.

Suddenly, as one, their bodies tensed as their ears flattened to the sides. Their muzzles sneered revealing large, razor sharp teeth. They did not growl, but became deathly still and alert, lethal.

I watched as the cat emerged from the woods in the midst of the wolves. The animal's blood red eyes shifted from wolf to wolf, studying the attackers with the confidence it would win. It was thirsty and desperate, and had misjudged its prey.

The pack allowed the cat into the center of their circle, waiting, watching, teeth bared. As the last wolf closed the path of escape, the cat recognized its mistake and crouched to spring. The leap was fast and high, but could not clear the enormity of the wolves. The russet wolf snapped at the cat in mid-leap, snapping the underbelly of the lynx away from the rest of its body. Utter surprise radiated from the cat before the emotion flickered out as the wolves tore it to pieces.

I watched silently from the promontory, Alice by my side. I couldn't tear my eyes away. The wolves destroyed the cat, relieving me of the wild tension and fear that had gripped me since the day we had stumbled into Victoria's aftermath in the Canadian forest. She was not like us; she must have felt desiccated and dying to turn to drink an animal. Our scent had alerted her as she began to eat, and must have pushed the animal aside as the venom had begun to spread. The cat had changed on its own; without reason or companionship, it had been consumed by frustration and confusion. Although it had stalked us, I felt a pang of regret for the animal as the wolves destroyed the cat.

Once the cat was eradicated, the wolves turned in unison and ran up the river. I watched them go, awestruck and admiring. The treaty line was indelibly and forever marked in my mind; on one side was our lives, and the other, the wolves. I turned to Alice to motion to go.

Alice's face was a mask of horror. I gripped her arms and came around to face her. "Alice, what is it?"

"It's Bella," she croaked, "She… jumped." She came to the here and now, her eyes focused on mine. "She… oh Jasper, she killed herself!"


	23. Chapter 23: Grief

**A/N: Just an alert – no smut in this chapter. The smut will return, but we have to take care of the situation at hand first. Trust me. **

_All characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended._

**Grief**

I grabbed Alice by the shoulders, spinning her to face me, breaking her gaze into the future. "Alice, Bella? Bella would never do that! Where? When?"

Alice eyes were large as she searched through her thoughts. She was rooted in the here and now, but desperate to make sense of all she saw. "She… she's been so sad since Edward left," she said in a panicked whisper. "She was talking to Edward, and then she jumped… She jumped into the water and then she was… just… gone…" Here eyes unfastened from the present and scoured her vision of the future, looking for some explanation or reason. Her face broke as her hands reached for me. "There's nothing after… Oh Jazz!"

"Alice, it's alright, shh," I said. My mind was racing, trying to sort out where this left us. It hadn't happened yet. Could we prevent it? "Alice, how much time do we have?"

"Not enough, Jazz, the sun's in about the same place as it is now," she said, as she turned and looked skyward over her shoulder. She continued, her voice flat and resigned. "We need to get back to the house. Carlisle's almost there. I'll go to Bella's and wait for Charlie. It would be better to hear it from a friend."

Her hands dropped from my shoulders as her head lolled forward. Her loss was overwhelming, the grief and resignation hitting me with such force, I closed my eyes against the pain.

We walked back to the house in silence. Alice's hand seemed smaller than ever in mine. Her anguish was so consuming, she seemed to shrink and unravel before my eyes. I felt myself coming undone, disengaged and disintegrating as we approached our home. Alice lifted her head, seeing Carlisle's car in the drive. I watched her in agony; I couldn't speak.

"Jasper," Alice said, "I'll tell Carlisle and the family. Rosalie isn't going to take it well; she'll blame us both – you for making Edward leave and me for not watching Bella."

I opened my mouth to speak, but couldn't utter a word. Alice put her tiny hand over my mouth, stepping in next to me. "You are not to blame. This is just the way it works. Rose doesn't understand that, and she never will. And there's no sense in you trying to help her through it, my darling. Just know I love you, I have always loved you, and I will always love you." She ended the sentence with her lips on mine in a gentle, loving kiss. "Just be prepared for the confusion. It is not yours to solve, ok?"

I nodded, looking into her eyes. Alice knew me so well – knew me and loved me anyway. I was hers forever.

* * *

We walked into the house to see Carlisle and Esme standing beside the big table. They turned to face us, and smiled despite the gravity of the situation. Rosalie and Emmett waited toward the bottom of the stair, their faces grim and tense.

Esme embraced Alice and held her at arm's length, studying her. "Alice, I missed you," she said, looking into Alice's worried face. She held her gaze for a moment, love seeping out of every pore in her being. She turned to me, still holding Alice's shoulders, still pouring love into the air around her. "Jasper," she said, and turned to embrace me. For a moment, the strength of Esme's love erased the pain and anguish that surrounded Alice and I. I felt the word 'home' throughout my being and sighed as we broke our hug.

"What is it, Alice?" Carlisle watched Alice's face, his jaw set and prepared for the news.

"Bella," Alice started, and the flood of grief permeated her aura again. "Bella killed herself this afternoon." I braced myself for the emotional onslaught invoked by these words. Even so, the force of it was staggering. I closed my eyes and reached out for the table; I felt Esme's shaking hands guide me to a seat. "I'm going to go to the house to wait for Charlie. I don't want him to be alone when he finds out."

"Why? How? Why did she…?" Emmett's words trailed off into a low, lamenting growl.

"She jumped off a cliff," Alice said softly. "She was despondent over Edward."

I opened my eyes as a feeling of relief washed into the air. The faces of my family were anguished and raw, except for one. Rosalie.

"Did you tell Edward?" Rosalie was trying to conceal her smug satisfaction over Bella's death, but her feelings betrayed her face. She was vindicated, free of her role as the naysayer. She felt as if everything she'd said would happen had come true in a neat little package that left her blameless. Uncharitable thoughts crossed my mind as I struggled to find the balance of emotion I needed to stay grounded.

"No," Carlisle said, shaking his head. "No, we shouldn't tell him until we're with him. I don't know what he'll do. Has anyone heard from him in the last month?" He lifted his head and searched the faces of the family.

The room was cold and silent as we thought about our lost brother. After a moment, Alice murmured, "I'd better get over to Charlie's."

"Alice, take my car," Carlisle said, tossing her the keys. "Let us know what we can do and how Charlie takes it. I can only imagine his despair."

Alice moved to my side. "I'm going to change my clothes." She leaned over my shoulder and whispered in my ear. "Jasper?"

I stood, taking her hand from my shoulder. I looked around the room. The faces of my family were burned into my mind, their individual feelings traced to my nerves. "I'm sorry," was all I could manage to croak out before Alice and I sped upstairs.

* * *

Alice moved through the room at top speed, her voice a whisper. "How did they take it?"

"Pretty much as you'd expect. Carlisle and Esme were devastated. Emmett was as sad as if he'd lost his sister. Rosalie…"

Alice stopped and turned to me. "Was she happy?"

"That's not the right word," I hissed, still remembering her feelings. "A better word would be satisfied. I don't think she wants to hurt Edward, but she knew this would end badly. She felt vindicated."

"That seems about right," Alice said. She sat down on the bed and took my hands in hers. "I have a cell phone, and I'ill call you once I can get Charlie calmed down."

"Would it be better if I came to help?" I asked, so wanting to alleviate the burden Alice had taken on.

"No, Jazz. Stay here. Don't…" she stopped, looking down at our interlaced hands. "Don't take their emotions as yours, Jasper. You aren't responsible for this. You have to remember that."

I looked into her eyes, the compassion and love she felt emanating into the space between us. "Alice, I love you so much."

"I know. I love you, too." She leaned forward and kissed me on the mouth. A feeling of desperation filled the room. We were so close, so tangled up in each other, I couldn't tell if it came from her or me. We held the kiss, lips and hands touching, reaffirming and communicating more than we could say with words. She broke away, sighing, then whispered, "I'll call you."

* * *

Hours in the face of immortality seem almost meaningless and inconsequential, but the next few hours were the most stressful I'd ever experienced. I didn't like being away from Alice, especially when I was confined to a house full of grieving, anguished vampires who held me in some measure responsible. Finally, the sun began to set and twilight was upon us. Charlie had been a creature of habit, and typically he came home around dusk. I expected a call from Alice. I was anxious and on-edge; I needed to hear her voice.

I watched the river rush past trying not to think about anything too deeply. Instead, I concentrated on the center of my emotions, finding the peace I needed, the goodness that only Alice saw in me.

The worries of my family buffeted me. Their anxiety wrapped them in a whirlwind, each with a uniqueness identity: Esme centered on the loss of a child; Carlisle worried for Charlie's pain, and feared for Edward's heart; Emmett grieved for the little sister he had imagined, not allowing himself to worry for Edward; and Rosalie… Rosalie wanted her family back; she was tired of the anguish over Bella and wanted things to go back to how they were before Bella entered our lives.

Each of their fears, heartaches and concerns were a part of what I felt – even Rosalie's – but I held fast to what Alice had told me. _Don't take their emotions as yours, Jasper. _I repeated it over and over in my head until it became my mantra, my saving grace.

The buzz in my pocket woke me from my hypnotic trance. I flipped it open.

"Jasper, I have to go to Italy with Bella." Alice's voice was impatient and stressed.

"Bella? Is she…" I felt the attention in the room shift and pinpoint on me.

"Alive? Yes, she's alive, but Edward thinks she's dead, and now he wants to have the Volturi kill him."

"_What?_" I was shocked and overcome with worry for Edward. I couldn't understand what was happening, how this could come about.

"Someone told him she was dead. Just a few minutes ago."

"Who told him that?" As soon as I spoke the words, I knew the answer. Rosalie's cloud of smugness suddenly swelled and overflowed.

"It doesn't matter, Jasper. Bella and I are going to go and try to stop him. We're leaving right now. I'll leave the car at SeaTac – can you pick it up there?"

"Alice, let me go with you," I said. I needed to go. I needed to take care of her. Edward and Alice didn't know the Volturi; they would need someone with them who did.

"Jasper, no. Stay with the family. Edward won't believe anyone but Bella. I want to get there before it's too late. Bella's coming now – I have to go. Trust me, Jasper. I'll call you later."

"Alice, I love you," I said, unable to quickly formulate any other response. As it was, my sentence hung in dead air. She was gone.


	24. Chapter 24: Hejira

**A/N: There may be a few who will recognize this story. Although it had been published previously, it fits perfectly into the story at this point, and so I've included it here. **

_All characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended._

**Hejira**

Anxiety emanated from Carlisle, Esme, Rose and Emmett.

i was having a hard time differentiating between what I fed to the room, and what the room was feeding me.

I worried for Edward, who had become my brother in so many unspoken ways. The thought losing my brother forever instilled a fear in me I'd never known before. The weight of the knowledge that it was borne out of my own unbridled bloodlust only added guilt to my fear.

And Bella, so small and fragile, whose panic and longing for Edward was so undeniable that even if I had not had my gift, I would have felt it just as strongly.

Fear. Panic. Longing.

And my guilt.

These were nothing compared to the mad, stark, naked terror I felt for my wife.

Each member of the family stood with their own pinpoints of turmoil and anxiety, worried for the outcome, concentrating on the component highest ranked in their heart. They'd become frozen by intense horror into absolute stillness. My violent fears only added to the uncontrolled and unreasoning fear; Alice's call had done nothing to allay my blame-ridden distress.

"Carlisle, I have to go," I said quietly, using all my available strength and inner discipline to keep an even and measured tone.

"Jasper, where? Where will you go? Certainly, there's nothing to be gained by following them to Italy." Carlisle's fear of the loss of his friend and son was only heightened by the possibility of losing his daughter and his daughter-to-be.

I thought for a moment, tasting the apprehension in the room. "I thought I'd go south, no where in particular. Just for a while." I could feel the palpable sigh of relief permeate the room.

"Jasper, go if you must. Take our care with yofu, and come back to us soon. Let us know what you hear."

* * *

I drove down Pacific Coast Highway with abandon, speeding to a fate unknown. The drive during the daylight hours had seemed endless, moving at human speeds to avoid attention. Finally in the wee hours of the night, the darkness shrouded my accelerated rush to find solitude, though I knew none existed.

I searched for signs, signs that all was right in the universe, signs to comfort my ravaging self-reproach, signs that my love was safe, protected. Nothing. Nothing but endless night fraught with worry and fear. In the absence of comfort, I sought signs of familiarity and recognition as substitutes.

I saw the sign for the Seal Beach Naval Weapons Station. Military; familiar. I instinctively headed in that direction. As I parked the car, I could discern the silent surveillance that surrounded the base. I shoved his fists into my pockets and began to walk towards the smell of the ocean.

As I returned to the Coast Highway, life began to teem around me. Even in the small hours of the morning, fishermen and surfers abounded. I turned north, following their expectant moods and feeding on their drunken and wasted emotional atmospheres. I felt a minor shift in my mood as I was pulled into their abandon and carelessness. I gave myself over to the emotions of the night dwellers; still, I maintained a distance as I floated along in their numbed emotions.

The light from the Bay Theatre marquee snapped off as I approached, causing me to look up. the marquee announced "Wings of Desire: The Angels Among Us". As I brought my gaze back to street level, I noticed a "Help Wanted" sign in the window. I looked down the street as a gust of ocean spray carried on the wind around me.

The haze of expectancy mixed with drugged-induced complacency led me through the streets to the ocean. I allowed the mood to pull me out to the pier, past the sparse population dotting its sides. "No Overhead Casting" signs marked the fisher's bounds. My thoughts were aimless and desperate. I began the pensive pace along the waterfront, stopping now and then to gaze out into the seemingly endless sea, lost in the black of night.

I had complete faith in Alice's abilities. Time and time again, her visions gave her the confidence to act assuredly, and the outcome was always favorable. Yet Edward's determination and drive when he set his mind to a task were formidable. Could Edward be stopped, saved by love? Would Alice arrive in time? Would the Volturi harm Alice? Could this crisis of my creation end well?

The probable outcomes had extremely finite indications of a favorable end; the strategies were not in my favor. Try as I might, the scenarios that ran through my head were vulnerable to failure on so many fronts that the possibility of success was remote at best. The panic and hopelessness of the situation seized me momentarily, yanking me back from my dazed stupor.

The pier populace had changed. I looked around, only to find several groups of the people who had been fishing were on their knees or lying flat on the pier; some were sobbing gently to themselves. I stared blindly, wondering how a group prayer had seized them, until I realized I needed to withdraw from the crowd, taking my emotional unrest with me.

* * *

I wandered the night streets, unfocused and adrift. As the crowds thinned, my feelings returned to me and they were all my own. My guilty despair returned. I resolved that I would not indulge in these emotions; I would find the one outcome that would return Alice to me, whole and vibrant. My pace began to quicken.

I came up quickly upon a woman standing in front of a church. My approach must have startled her: her head swung to me and she dropped the sacks she was holding. As the contents of the bags spilled to the ground, she turned her whole body to face me, and smiled.

The air around her felt… different. She was obviously unafraid of me, though my rapid approach was enough to set most on guard. I was confused my her lack of fear and her… was it hope? My eyes found hers, trying to decipher the situation and I was bathed in the oddest sensation of familiarity and recognition.

The cans from the bag rolled to a rest against a stop sign. I walked toward her, stooping to pick up the spilled bags and said, "Ma'am, let me help you." Cans of food rolled on the ground, while sugar and flour held the bags in the spot where she'd dropped them.

"I'm so dimwitted sometimes. I just let them go!" she laughed as she bent to help me. Our faces were about level, only a few inches apart, when it struck me.

If Alice could grow physically older, if Alice could age, my wife would appear to be a twin of the woman now before me. I stared at her in wonder as she worked. She seemed to be unaware of my open-mouthed curiosity, but she smiled more broadly as she worked.

"I usually come earlier, when the doors are still open, but I just couldn't get away tonight," she breathed, clearly out of breath in her efforts. She stood up, placing her hands on her hips and stretching her back. "I'm not as young as I used to be." She groaned a little as I heard her vertebrae snap back into place.

Slowly, I began to rise, watching her. She reached toward heaven and brought her hands to her sides. She stood facing me, framed in the background by the doors of the Angel Food Ministry.

"Thank you for helping me pick that all up. Would you mind helping me move it over by the door?" She picked up one of the bags with an unabashed grunt and began to trudge towards the church doors.

"Please let me help," I said, still fascinated with her features and expressions as I took the bag from her hands. _So much like Alice_, I thought.

"Oh, thank you. I usually have to do this by myself," she said. "Not that I mind, really. I like to feel useful, and it helps people, you know?" She looked at me expectantly as I set the groceries by the church. I turned to check the church doors, hoping to set the groceries inside. "They're locked," she said, watching my movements. "Darn shame, too, used to be you could go in whenever you want. Were you hoping to go inside?"

I smiled and looked down at my feet. "Not really," I chuckled. "I'm not sure I'd be welcome there."

"I know how you feel, brother. It can be a lonely road." She continued to watch me. The emotional bubble surrounding her was calm, peaceful and accepting. It felt good; her mood began to pierce my despairing sheath. I smiled, thankful for the relief she inadvertently gave me.

As I walked back to where she stood, she cocked her head to one side. "Loneliness cuts deep," she said. "I know, I've been there. Add fear and guilt to that loneliness and you've got yourself a living nightmare."

I stopped where I stood and watched her, dumbfounded, unable to formulate a response to her keen description of my emotional state. I felt my anxiety and tension slipping away, flowing into the aura of acceptance surrounding her. It was stunning, coming from a stranger, a human stranger. I opened my mouth to speak. Nothing came out.

She looked at me as my mouth hung open. She seemed to take my whole countenance into consideration. "Hey. I bet you're hungry. Why don't you walk with me?" She turned and began to walk away from the church, arm outstretched to usher me along side her. "Don't be shy, now, I'm not going to hurt you."

The image of a mother bird stretching her wing over her chicks came to mind as she stuck out her other hand to shake mine. I looked down at her hand, and considered her outstretched arm. "It's nice to meet you, my friend. Be a gentleman and help an old woman to get something to warm her bones."

My upbringing didn't allow me to refuse her request, but at the mention of being hungry, I realized it had been too long since I'd hunted last. I moved toward her, holding my breath, and grasped her hand.

"Wow!" Her sharp intake of breath punctuated her reaction to my cold hand. She yanked my hand, pulling me under the protection of her outstretched arm. Her words seemed to falter for a moment, then she recovered. "You, ah, you got a … Whoa. You got a firm and cool handshake, there." My body stiffened in the irrational fear of discovery, but I did not stop moving with her. As if she hadn't noticed, she went on. "There's a little coffee shop up here I like," she motioned to a sign in the distance. "Will you help me get there? I can't see very well in that dark."

I didn't understand her outreach to me, and I couldn't understand my reactions to her. I was not emoting calm in any manner; to the contrary, my mood was filled with confusion, anxiety and fear. I could detect my feelings beneath the wave of calm that bathed my spirits, and I recognized that it came from her. As we shuffled slowly down the sidewalk, my arm reflexively wrapped around her waist, supporting her. I glanced up at her face and once again, saw Alice.

"She's got you worried, hasn't she?"

I stopped dead in my tracks. "I'm sorry?"

She took a step or two forward, and stopped. She turned to me. "Your woman, she's got you worried. She's left you, hasn't she?" She stood looking at me intently, her eyes twinkling with some inner secret.

"Ma'am?"

"It's okay, she's coming back. She loves you, always has, always will." The right corner of her mouth pulled her lips into a half-smile. "Yes, I can see it in your face. You love her, too." Her smile faded. "You see, I don't know how or why, but ever since my stroke, I know things about people. I like to think of myself as a helper. I help people – it's just what I do." She smiled her half-smile again, Alice emerging in her features. "You see in me that which you hold dear."

My dark eyes were wide with fascination. "I don't understand," was all I could manage to say.

She took a step toward me. "Look. Here's what you have to do," she said in a low, conspiratorial tone. "First, get yourself something to eat. I'd feed you myself, but I have a few more errands to do before I'm done. Besides," she said, "You wouldn't be happy with yourself taking food from me." She glanced up at me. "You've got to go home. She'll come back."

"How do you – you, you can't know that..." I sputtered. As the words tumbled from my lips, I felt hope spread in my core and out through my limbs.

"I told you," she leaned in and whispered, "I _help_ people. I'm helping you." She righted herself, pulling herself up to her full height. "You've got to forgive yourself and go on. Who you are, what you know – your family will need you soon."

"Ma'am, I don't know wha-" She cut me off with a gesture. Her raised hand seemed to stop the words as they pushed themselves to be uttered.

"Look. God gives us all different gifts. You got yours, I can feel that. I got mine," she said. "I knew what you needed, God gave it to me to give to you. It's a gift I give to you." She turned her face to me, bringing her face close to mine. "You've struggled for so long with who you are and who you want to be. The Almighty, He knows that," she emphasized her words with a finger jab to my chest. "He _sees_ you."

She leaned back and looked away from me, over her shoulder. "Your car's over there, about a mile up. Sun's starting to rise; I got to go. Got a few more errands before I'm done."

She turned, and shuffled away down the sidewalk as I stood watching her. I felt the acceptance begin to leave me, and I took a step in her direction. She didn't turn, but lifted her arm to point in the direction of the car, then waved as she walked into the dark.

I turned, and began to walk to the car.

* * *

I decided she was right: I needed to go home. I drove south to catch the freeway, knowing the quickest route took me up the Interstate. As I passed Angels Stadium, I smiled to myself, still riding an emotional high and knowing, somehow, that things would turn out right. Los Angeles passed in a blur.

The calm didn't leave me until I was halfway back to Forks. I felt stronger, revitalized and more assured that Alice would be successful. She would come back; she did love me, despite my weaknesses. I gunned the engine, anxious to return to my family who needed me.


	25. Chapter 25: Homecoming

_**A/N: So many of you had concerns about Edward's return. This chapter should put those concerns to rest. **_

_**This chapter is for everyone who has left comments for the story, telling me what you want and need. I love hearing from you and I thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. **_

_**A big thank you to my incomparable beta, Mr. Bigg. You rock.**_

_All characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended._

**Homecoming**

My head was filled with angels and the dark of night. Driving home, I knew I would soon hear from Alice.

As if on cue, the cell phone in my pocket buzzed, waking me out of my reverie.

"Alice?" Before I checked the caller ID, I knew it was her.

"Jasper," she breathed, her voice heavy with relief. "Well, we did it. We have Edward and we're coming home."

"Alice, sweetheart, are you okay? Was anyone harmed?"

"Surprisingly, we're all okay. I can't wait to see you." Her voice was angel song.

"Did you tell Edward about your visions? Does he know they've changed again?"

"No, not yet. We've been… busy," she said, weariness echoing in her words.

"I understand," I said, breathing into the phone. "Come home to me, Alice. Come home and tell me you love me and call me pumpkin," I whispered, feeling desperate for her touch. "Tell Edward and Bella I'm happy they're together again."

"I will. Jasper, I love you. I can't wait to hold you, too, pumpkin." I smiled to myself as the line went dead. I floored the car, hoping to visit with the family before we left to meet Alice at the airport.

* * *

"Jasper says to tell you he's glad you're together," Alice said, placing the airphone back into its holder. Her eyes darted from my face to Bella's and back again. "You _are _together again, aren't you?"

Bella didn't respond. I turned and looked at Bella's face, painted with exhaustion and pain, her eyes wide. She stared at Alice without saying a word and her hand gripped my arm. She stopped breathing, and her heart was beating an irregular pattern. She shifted her gaze from Alice to me, her eyes refocusing on me as they had when we boarded the plane.

"Alice," I said gently, twisting back to face her. "Give us some time. Please. Bella needs to sleep." Alice's impish face fell into a pout, but she nodded and turned to look out the window.

I turned to Bella, lifting her hand off my arm and holding it in my hand. "Breathe, Bella," I murmured, hoping that my words will coax her into relaxing. "You look so tired. Really, you should rest." My needs would wait, now that she was here with me. What else could I need or want?

"I can't, Edward," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. Her eyes didn't leave my face. Her trembling hands belied the calm she tried to project. "Promise you won't let go of my hand, okay?"

"Yes, Bella. I promise," I whispered back. Her hand was so tiny and fragile in mine. I lifted her hand to my mouth and kissed the back, and she gasped. Her scent was strong, and I inhaled deeply. I was a man who had been suffocating, drowning, holding my breath waiting for the air, and here she was, filling my lungs, helping me breathe, giving me what I'd lost when I left her in Forks. She smelled like everything good in the world: comfort, safety, home. The tang of sweetness that had burned my throat so many times before was still present, but no longer held any strength as an impulse to fight. Instead, it was the proof I needed that I was actually near the woman I love. This woman, so stubborn, so beautiful, so enticing in so many ways she was completely unaware of. My eyes could not look away from her, my hand could not release her. I wanted to lean into her smell, nuzzle her hair and kiss her neck. I wanted to take weeks simply smelling every inch of her and sampling her bouquet, smelling the skin of her cheek, her chest, her belly. I wanted to bury my face in her sex, breathe deeply, inhale her, make her part of me…

"Edward?" Bella's face was worried and scared, her voice timid and tremulous.

"What is it, Bella? What's wrong?" Had she been able to tell what I was thinking? I had inadvertently touched her, alarmed her, hurt her?

"Will you hold me a little?" Her voice was small and childlike, filled with need.

I switched hands and lifted my arms around her, encircling her. She squirmed and let go. She wrapped around my torso, and she snuggled in, hanging on my shoulder with her cheek pressed against my heart. I knew she was holding me as tightly as she could, exerting too much effort to stay close to me. She finally settled and was very still. _This is where you belong_, I thought. She perfectly filled the Bella-shaped void that had consumed my life. Her arms were as fragile as butterfly wings, yet her hold on me was stronger than any chain of iron or steel. And my hold, my hold could never be broken again. I would love her forever, even if she couldn't love me back, could not forgive me. The bond I felt for her was unyielding and steadfast.

She seemed to shake with tension, radiating heat onto my skin. She was so warm. I wished again, as I had so many times before, that I could tell her how her humanness touched me. I knew I had no soul; it had been lost a hundred years ago in a desperate act. But her heated touch, so full of life, stirred deep within me, giving me the illusion of a soul, a soul that would be hers forever. The fire in her touch ignited such desire in me; no matter how much restraint I exercised, I was always two breaths away from utter abandon. The thought was intoxicating and I allowed my mind to wander, imagining having my way, feeling the warmth of her arms around me as I pushed into her soft wetness from above, her pussy around me, scorching and dripping, pumping me as I repeat her name over and over like a prayer of salvation, a treatise of love. I dreamed of pushing deeply inside her, wanting and needing more, always more, the muscles in my stomach clenching and holding back, needing to be deeper inside her, a part of her. Her need bowled me over, as she pushed herself in a roll atop me, lifting and plunging her sex down over my erection, her softness enfolding me, burning me. Her eyes could not leave my face, and mine couldn't leave hers as the orgasm built and began to erupt, both of us lost in the joy of reunion, the ecstasy of homecoming.

I shook my head to clear my daydream, inhaling sharply and opening my eyes. I hadn't realized I had closed them; my fantasy had been so real and fulfilling. Her arms were still around me, holding me. I bent my head to see her face, eager to see relief in her expression. But no, her eyes were still wide, obviously fighting sleep. Her arms were trembling more profoundly, and I sighed, expecting exhaustion had finally gripped her. I pulled her closer, instinctively, hugging her to my chest. Her teeth began to chatter as shivers passed through her body. She was cold – from holding onto me.

Gently, I pulled at her arm, breaking free of her hold. She jerked back to examine my face, terror in her eyes. "No! No, don't go!" She fought me as I tried to lift my arm from around her shoulders.

"Bella," I started, but the fear that crossed her delicate features prevented any further dialog. I couldn't hurt her, not again. She needed heat, I needed to warm her, but she needed me to hold her and would not let me move.

I looked around, front and back. No one was watching. I moved at superhuman speed, setting Bella in her seat, standing, grabbing a blanket from the overhead bin and scooping Bella up in the blanket. I set her on my lap, all before she had a chance to protest. There were no witnesses, save Alice. "There, now. Isn't that better?" I asked, rubbing her arms through the blanket.

She didn't answer. Her eyes were large and filled with tears. She worked one arm free and flung it around my neck, her head once again burrowed next to my heart. The vehemence of her embrace took me by surprise and I gasped, my hands reflexively reaching around her to hold her close to me. I held her, my nose buried in her beautiful, dark chestnut hair.

Her scent was everywhere, her warmth was everything. How long had I dreamt of holding her again? How deep did the dearth of Bella's embrace run through my psyche? I had never known when I left her how I could keep her from a wild future, one filled with fear and regret. I couldn't live with the idea that I brought this into her life. She would never have welcomed any such change until she knew me, and I had kept the horror of this existence from her. She only knew me as a man, her lover, and not as the monster that held my shape.

With her in my arms, I remembered the night I had almost taken her life in one selfish plunge, to deflower her and consume her in one moment of pleasure, one moment of passion. But now, the thought of consuming her did not hold heavy in my head, although the thought of the pleasure we could experience was affecting other parts of my body. I wanted to be joined to her, to be inside her, to feel myself encased in the heat that was Bella. I wanted to hear her breath, ragged with need and lust, panting in my ear as she twisted her hands into my hair. I wanted to give her all of my length, and watch her face relax in ecstasy. I wanted to give her everything I had, everything I was or would ever be. I wanted to excite her body with pleasured hands. I wanted to taste her lips, her skin, her neck, her nipples, her sex and lick away every single drop of pain I had ever caused her. I wanted to please her, give her anything, everything she had ever wanted. I had wanted this before, but she was too delicious to separate the acts. Now, having enduring the separation and the madness in her absence, now I knew that I could never leave her again.

She was completely exhausted, but she would not close her eyes and rest. So much the same, even in times of dire need and on the verge of collapse. My stubborn, stubborn girl. So willing to relinquish the essential parts of life in return for a moment of her desires. I wanted to tell her of my desires and what I would give up for those desires, but I wanted her to rest and be calm. I should put her back in her seat. I should tell her to rest. I should tell her how every day away from her was mindless, loveless agony, a walking death. I should tell her that I cannot again endure the absence of her in my life. I should fall on my knees before her and beg her forgiveness.

There were so many things I should have done, but in that moment, all I could do was hold her, breathe her in, rejoice in her warmth and pray she never let me go.


	26. Chapter 26: Window

_All characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended._

**Window**

When I first brought her in and deposited her in her tiny bed, the strength of her scent was a heady, intoxicating fog that Charlie's angry protestations could not penetrate. Her essence surrounded me and cut me off from the rest of the world, a safe haven sheltering me from the storm. It was ironic; the scent that had been my undoing was now my protector.

I turned to Charlie, leveling my gaze into his eyes. "Take this downstairs. Let's let her sleep." My voice was low but urgent, and Charlie's thoughts became confused and worried. His pupils dilated slightly. He turned on his heel, walked over the threshold of her bedroom door, and impatiently motioned me out of the room in an overdone and grandiose gesture.

I followed Charlie's lead, exiting her room unwillingly. I wanted nothing more than to sit by her bedside and watch her breathe, sleep and dream. But Charlie loved her and had worried over her, and he deserved an outlet for the screaming anxiety that obscured every other thought.

At the bottom rung, I turned to Charlie above me on the step. "I know you worried about Bella, Charlie. So did I." He continued down the stairs, walking by me dismissively. I watched him move past me, and onto the front door. He pulled it open and turned back to me. _How's this for worried, kid._ He made the same grandiose gesture, ushering me out of the house. What I couldn't read in his thoughts was clear in his actions.

I stepped down from the landing of the stair, forcing myself to move slowly and deliberately. He needed me to feel wounded, rejected by him. I hung my head and walked to the threshold. "Charlie, it wasn't her fault. You can kick me out, but please don't punish Bella. She loves you."

Since I'd shown up at the door with Bella in asleep in my arms, Charlie was beset with the anger behind the relief a parent feels after hours of worrying about their child. He wanted to feel vindicated from the helplessness he'd felt when she was lost, to feel as though he'd actually done something to bring her home. He needed to be her champion, her savior, although he knew he hadn't been able to do anything to ensure her safe return. Now that she was home, safe, asleep in her bed, his anger raged, breaking the normally calm surface of his mind. It gave me more insight to him than I'd ever had. And I heard something in his thoughts I'd never heard before: He was afraid of me.

"Look, Edward. Bella may _think_ she's in love with you, but I've seen young love in action. While you were off gallivanting around, she was torn apart. Now, you want to come back and act like nothing happened, everything's okay. Well, it's _not_." _Not by a long shot. _"You aren't welcome here. I don't want you to ever cross my doorway again."

I opened my mouth to act as if I had something to say, knowing full well what was coming next. "And don't tell me how to raise my daughter." With that, the door slammed in my face.

I wasn't surprised. I stood staring at the door, giving Charlie the momentary satisfaction and release he needed. As he slumped against the back of the door, his thoughts centered around relief. I heard him push himself to standing as I nosily clomped down the porch steps. It was only fair to give Charlie this moment of victory; after all, he'd gone through the same frenetic panic I had when I thought Bella was gone forever.

Alice and Jasper were standing by the car as I returned. "How is she?" Jasper asked, at the same moment Alice said, "She'll be fine." They looked at each other for a long moment, their longing to be together plain even to those without mind-reading capabilities. I shook my head, looking down at my feet.

"Do you want the car, or should I drive it home?"

Jasper broke the locking gaze and turned to me. "Are you okay to drive?" He felt my worry and need for Bella like a sickness rolling off me, and his thoughts were sharp. His need for Alice was almost as deep as the emotions I felt for Bella.

"Yes, Jasper, I'm okay to drive," I said, acknowledging their need. "Go."

Jasper stood where he was, waiting for Alice to walk around the car. Alice gave Jasper a knowing look, and Jasper nodded to her.

"Edward," she said, her impish voice as serious as she could be, "We're both glad you're back. We missed you. But there's something we need to tell you about Bella."

The mention of her name drew me back to her, sleeping in her room. I looked to her window, knowing I wouldn't see her, but desperately hoping I would. I wanted to go to her, watch her while she slept, and protect her. Alice cleared her throat, and I turned back to her.

"You remember what you saw from my visions when you left?"

"Alice, what is it? Is she in danger –", I said, turning to run to her window.

"No! Hang on a second, Edward! Jeez! Get a grip!" Alice's thoughts were as disordered as an overstuffed photo album that had fallen to the floor in disarray. I saw one picture that caught my interest.

"Alice, what was that?"

A sly look came over her face. She picked up Jasper's hand and pulled his arm around her shoulders. "What?" Her eyes were full of mischief. She let her mind flip through the pictures again.

"That one - right there. Stop teasing and tell me," I growled.

"You're no fun." She closed her eyes and held the picture I wanted to see. I'd seen this before; _Bella running in the forest, laughing, happy, with me. Her eyes were golden and her skin, pale. She turned to me and smiled, then sped away as I raced to catch up. _

"What happened to the other vision?" I asked. "The one where she was lost?"

_It's gone. _"I've been trying to tell you! Jasper and I saw it – it was a lynx Victoria had changed accidentally. And it's gone now." _The werewolves killed it. _

"Werewolves?"

"Yes," Jasper said, "We saw them chasing –"

Bella stirred in her sleep, crying out my name. I shot Jasper an apologetic glance, then bolted to the house, up to her window, and sat at the sill.

"Edward, please," she said, her eyes still closed. She was talking in her sleep, again. "Edward. Where are you? Oh, Edward…" her voice trailed off as she thrashed from side to side. I hesitated. Charlie was nearby. "Edward!" Bella's voice was high-pitched and shrill.

"Bella, Bella!" Charlie threw open the door and ran to her bed. He shook her gently by the shoulders, leaning over her and blocking my view. Though his tone was urgent, his voice was soft and careful. "Wake up, honey, you're having a bad dream. Shh, shh, I'm here, shhh."

"Dad," Bella sighed. "What are you doing here?"

"You were having a bad dream, honey, remember?"

"I was looking for Edward, and I couldn't find him." Her voice caught and she rubbed her eye with the heel of her hand. My chest tightened, and I leaned toward the glass.

"Well," Charlie chuckled, "You won't find him in here!" He sat up laughing, pleased with himself. I saw Bella's face as he straightened, and she saw me. Bella's sharp intake of breath caused Charlie to lean back over her. "What is it, Bella?"

"Dad, you can't make jokes about Edward," she covered. "He's important to me. You're just going to have to accept that."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. But you, young lady, are grounded," he said with a bravado he didn't feel. "You go to school and come home. That's it."

"For how long?" Bella's voice was small.

"Until I say otherwise. Now, get some sleep. School tomorrow."

""Kay. 'Night dad."

"I love you, Bells."

"Love you, too. Sorry."

"Get some sleep." Charlie closed the door gently as he left the room.

Bella watched her father close the bedroom door. As soon as it latched, she turned her head to me, with an expression I'd never seen before on her face. Hopeful? Anxious? Angry? I couldn't tell. I watched from outside the window, fascinated with her simple beauty and quiet mind. I wanted to touch her, kiss her, taste her, but I needed her to want me to come inside.

I raised the window slowly, watching her face. She was staring at me, her eyes unwavering as the window rose. I could hear Charlie moving around downstairs, his thoughts muffled, as if he were trying not to think. The front door creaked open and Bella's face changed to a mask of panic. "Edward, come inside!" she called in a hushed breath as she sat up straight in bed. Her hair was tousled, sleep frowzy and utterly enchanting. I stepped inside, stretching to my full height as I stood by the window.

"Bella," I murmured, her name a little prayer on my lips. "I heard you dreaming. Are you alright?"

Her scent was an aphrodisiac, pulling me into the room and clouding my thoughts. I didn't dare move, not until we had talked.

"Yes, I'm alright," she said, biting her lip. "Are you really back?"

"Yes," I murmured.

"Why don't you come sit with me on the bed?" She cocked her head to one side, patting the mattress next to her.

"Bella, I –" I wasn't sure I could resist her. I wasn't sure I wanted to. "I think we need to talk. I can't trust myself near you while we try to sort this out."

"Because of my blood?" Her emotions played across her face, her mood uncertain. She was confused and afraid.

"No, not your blood," I said gently, trying to calm her fears. "It's so much more than that, Bella. It's all of you, so close. I want to… I need to talk to you with a clear head."

"Oh," she said, still watching my face. "I guess we should talk. You should move away from the window, though. Charlie might see you. You can sit over there." She pointed to the rocking chair with her chin. I walked towards the rocker, aware of the erratic beat of her heart. I turned and sat, leaning back into the chair.

"So, talk," she said, lifting her nose slightly and looking irritated. This Bella I knew; this was the hiding Bella, the one trying to protect herself. Her shield was up; I realized she was hiding because she expected me to hurt her, to cause her pain.

"Please don't do that," I said, leaning forward so my elbows were on my knees. I tried to gaze into her eyes tilted away from me.

"What? You wanted to talk, so talk," she snapped, her shield rising with each passing moment. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Bella, I don't want to hurt you."

"I think I've heard _that _before," she turned her head to the side, looking to the window. The door opened and closed downstairs, Charlie back inside. The TV clicked on and a game droned into life.

"Bella," I said, trying to regain her confidence. She continued to look out the window. "Bella, look at me."

She dropped her head for a moment and rubbed the left side of her face. I realized she was crying.

"Bella, please," I whispered, desperate to connect with her. I needed to find the real Bella behind this haughty mask she put on to protect herself. "I need to talk to you, please."

Her head came up at the words and for just a moment, her eyes were full of worry and fear. "What?" she whispered back to me, and I saw her shield melt away.

"I have so many things to tell you, but the greatest of these must be thank you," I started, watching her face. "Thank you for coming to Italy to save me. I thought you were gone forever, and I couldn't bear it. You put yourself in worlds of danger for me, even risked your life."

She pulled her bottom lip into her mouth and kept her eyes trained on me. "You're welcome," she said, her brows knitting together in worried confusion. She dropped her gaze and mumbled, "Is that all?"

"No, there's much more," I said, hoping she'd look up at me. "Bella, I don't want to assume anything about our relationship, if we still have one. Can you forgive me for leaving?"

"Uh, sure," she said, still looking down.

"You sound… uncertain."

"Do I?" She lifted her head, looking into my eyes. "I'm not uncertain about how I feel, Edward. I'm uncertain about what 'forgiving you' really means." She looked down again, staring at her hands. "I was a wreck while you were gone. I couldn't tell anyone why I was a wreck, or why you left. Now you're back, and asking for my forgiveness for leaving. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say."

I felt my face frown before I understood what I was feeling. She forgave me, but it didn't heal her. She'd been a wreck while I was gone, and that was my fault. She was in too much pain to consider being with me again. I had done this. I had broken her.

How did she find the strength to go to Italy? Why had she gone to Italy? I didn't know, but it seemed obvious that her reasons were hers alone, reasons she didn't necessarily want to share with me. Had the pain been too much to bear, so much that it destroyed any care she'd ever had for me? Had she simply persevered, lived her life, found someone else? Was there nothing I could do to fix this? How did this fit with Alice's vision? All these questions ran through my mind as I stared at the floor before me.

"Bella," I said, my voice now hoarse with fear and longing. "I don't really have an answer. You should speak what's in your heart, what you feel, knowing that I am listening with my heart. I know I hurt you –," I looked into her eyes, "And I will never forgive myself for that.

"While I was gone, I couldn't hunt. I couldn't eat. I couldn't think. The only thing that mattered in this endless world was here in Forks, here in this room. I ran to the ends of the earth and railed at God for the curse I carried, the curse that kept me from you. Each new dawn brought the hope that you would find a way to be whole, to heal, to continue on with your human life. I was sure that as my existence was over, yours had truly begun."

"You… thought of me?" Once more, her voice was small and fragile. The surprise in it destroyed me; that, too, was my fault.

I fell to my knees before her. "I thought of nothing else, Bella."

"Oh," she said, the unexpected truth shifting her features. "I tried to move on, Edward… I tried to hang out with my friends and just be normal. But even hanging out with Jacob didn't take my mind off you."

"Jacob?" I felt jealousy rearing it clutches in my chest. I struggled to keep my expression calm and serene.

"Yeah, he's a friend of mine from the reservation. I think I told you about him once," she said. Her voice seemed lighter to me when she spoke, my stomach sinking and twisting with the mention of his name. "We knew each others as kids, and he kinda took care of me while I was… sad."

"You love him," I said softly, trying desperately to hold back the rage I felt for my own stupidity.

"Yeah, I guess, like a –"

"I should go," I said standing and moving to the window.

"Edward," she said, and stood up to touch me. I didn't want to leave; I wanted to touch her, kiss her, taste her, but I couldn't stay. She no longer cared for me. My heart was broken, and I had no one to blame but myself.

"Edward, please don't go," she said, pulling my arm. I let her ineffectual tug turn me to face her.

"Bella, I want you to be happy," wishing I could cry to release the pain and frustration of the moment. "I won't keep you from your life, or the love you deserve."

"Edward – "

"I'll leave you to your heart. I love you, Bella, I will forever. Be happy," I said and turned to leave her by the window.

"Jesus! For someone as experienced as you are, you don't know shit!"


	27. Chapter 27: Goodnight

_All characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended._

**Goodnight**

I spun around to look at Bella in time to see her throw herself on the bed, face down. It was so unlike her to be petulant and demanding; I'd never seen her like this. I'd never heard her speak this way before. It had a very strange effect on me: I was immediately hard and curious.

"Bella?" She laid on the bed, unmoving, unresponsive to my voice. I could hear her heartbeat thudding strongly in her chest, the beat more rapid than usual. "Bella? What's going on –"

With a huff, she flipped over, folding her arms over her chest and rolling her eyes. She crossed her legs and her mouth became a hard line. I wanted to go to her, to kiss her, to give her anything she wanted just to soothe her. I didn't understand why she was so angry. I took a step forward.

"Don't. Stay right where you are," she said, sitting up. I froze where I stood.

"Edward," she said in a low, guttural tone. Her face was tight and angry, and her eyes wet with tears. "If you care about me so much, why are you always so ready to walk away from me? Or should I say run?" Her anger was growing as she talked instead of subsiding.

"Because I –"

"Because you were afraid you'd hurt me, right?" I gave a slight nod of my head, still too frightened to move. "And just now, you think I've got the _hots_ for someone else, for _Jacob_ for God's sake, and you're ready to run again, without talking to me or asking me what's what or anything. How do you think that makes me feel? How am I supposed to trust you?" Her features were hard. She stared at me, waiting for an answer.

"I –"

"Why would I drag myself all the way to Italy and back, risk my life, risk my father's pissed off mood for months, suffer through being grounded… Ooh!" In her fit of pique and frustration, she tossed herself back on the bed, missing the headboard by millimeters. "I swear! You are so, so… frustrating!" She blew a long breath through her teeth. "You're always playing tag. You touch me, then retreat, touch and retreat. This last time? You ran away."

I really didn't know what to say or do, so I continued to stand by the window, watching her, saying nothing.

"Edward," she said, sitting up, her body tense. It was obvious from her tone that she was trying to find patience. "I've never been in love before. I've never had a boyfriend. I've never met anyone who makes me feel the way you do. Never. Jake included." She slumped down, releasing the tension she had been holding. "Leave it to me to fall in love with a vampire."

I felt drawn to her side and fixed firmly where I stood at the same time. As I wavered, trying to find my path to her, she looked up at me. "I just need to know where I stand." She crawled across the bed towards me, sitting on her knees facing me. "I need to be able to say something stupid, or do something stupid, or get hurt or bleed and know that you're not going to leave."

"Tell me to stay, and I will never leave. Never." I moved to the foot of the bed and knelt before her, so that we were face to face, eye to eye. I picked up her left hand and kissed her fingertips. "Shall I promise, Bella? Shall I tell you of my heart?" I turned her hand over and kissed her palm, my eyes closed. "Tell me, Bella, and I am yours forever."

"Edward, I'm… afraid."

"Bella," I whispered, releasing her hand and caressing her hair. I ran my fingers through it, feeling the silky luxuriant slip through my grasp. "I'm afraid, too. I've never been in love before. I've never had a girlfriend. I've never met anyone who makes me feel the way you do. Never." I moved my gaze back to her eyes, searching. "Leave it to me to fall in love with someone so beautiful and fragile, someone so human, that my very embrace could kill her." She smelled so good, her breath coming in shallow gasps. She held her bottom lip in her teeth, drawing my regard to her mouth. When she released her lip, it was wet and soft and irresistible. "Bella," I breathed as I leaned to kiss her.

I knotted my hands into the rich flows of her tousled hair, pushing her face deeper into our embrace. The tips of our tongues dipped and struggled in a hungry battle, searching for the wholeness lost during the time apart. I was home and I was lost; she was the embodiment of heaven, a taste divine, my gift from God.

I broke our embrace as the footsteps sounded on the stairs. _I hope she's asleep now. Maybe I can finally get some rest, too. _

"Bella! Charlie!" I panted in a whisper as I leapt into the closet. She was quick, turning on her side away from the bedroom door, just as Charlie peeked around the door.

_Poor kid. She was just a baby yesterday. And now she's traipsing all over the world after _Edward. _I hope she's asleep. When did she get hips like that? Sleep little Bells. Sweet dreams…_ Charlie pulled the door closed quietly, a tiny shush and click sounding as the latch fell into place.

I waited for a breath, listening to Charlie's mind as it clouded over with thoughts of sleep. I stepped out of the closet, my eyes watching Bella. I put my finger to my lips, letting her know that Charlie was still within earshot. She watched me, barely breathing, as I listened to Charlie's thoughts. After several moments, his mind became quiet and completely obscure, followed by his soft snoring.

"He's asleep," I said quietly, returning to kneel on the floor beside her as she lay in bed. She was motionless as I pulled my hand to her head, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"Where were we?", she asked, pulling her lip between her teeth again.

"I believe we were kissing," I said, leaning up to gently peck her on the lips. "And you were going to tell me to stay with you."

"Stay with me, Edward."

"Forever, Bella."

* * *

Even though it was completely Bella, it always surprised me when Bella would curl up onto my chest and leg when she slept. Within moments, her chin began to tremble with the cold, but she did not pull away from me. My sweet girl, loving what was worst for her. I pulled the comforter around her in an effort to keep her close and warm.

How had I ever walked away from this woman? The idea of leaving her now gripped my silent heart like a vice and choked my throat. I could never leave her. I'd given my word, and I would keep it long past her lifespan. She had my heart before I ever spoke the words. I would never leave her again.

My life was a complete and utter failure when I was away from her. I found no joy regardless of where I stood; I found no release in the run, no slaking of the thirst that burned me in the hunt. I was hopeless, aimless, lifeless and sick.

I had run to the ends of the earth, railing against God to spare Bella pain and sadness. Surrounded by dead trees, icy streams and grey clouds, I pleaded with a God who did not know me, and beseeched a happiness for my love. I could not understand how a merciful God could damn a woman who took pity on a monster to teach it love. And for all my grieving, all my pain, no answer came. Alice warned me no answer would, but the compulsion to stand naked in the light before God and beg for her, beg for us – this I could not deny.

Had God answered me with the exaggeration of Bella's death? Or had He answered some other prayer to reunite us? I would never know, but resting here with this woman curled against me, I gave thanks nonetheless.

Just as the prayer ended, Bella shifted in her sleep. "Mmm, Edward," she mumbled, still deep in her repose. Her leg shifted over me, her knee brushing against my crotch. "Mmm," she sighed, and snuggled closer to me. I could feel her body heat through my clothes, warming my ice cold flesh and melting my heart.

"Bella," I whispered, knowing she couldn't hear me. "I need you so much. I need your touch, I need your warmth, I need you next to me all the days of your life. Don't ever leave me." The moment the breath left me with those words, I understood her fear. The depth of her words finally struck me, and I understood her anguish. My breath caught, the need to cry and release the pain crushed in my inability to shed tears. Once again, my existence foiled my life.

Bella pushed her face into my chest, her mouth near my nipple, and sighed again. Her heartbeat was strong and regular, and my senses were attuned to it. I gently moved the hair away from her face, and she rewarded my efforts by moving her bent leg against my crotch, up and down. "Edward," she mumbled, and I realized she was dreaming. I watched her face, so young and beautiful, completely relaxed. Her lips puckered slightly then fell open, and she readjusted her position on my chest. Once again, her knee rubbed against my crotch; this time, my length grew and became hard.

I watched her face, my emotions warring. I wanted her to get her rest, but selfishly, I hoped she would wake. Each time her body shifted, she seemed to be closer to me, more accessible and nubile. Her leg rubbed against my fully erect cock, up then down every five minutes or so. Through her parted lips, a small puddle of drool wet my t-shirt, wetting my nipple below. She never moved away, never shifted her hips or dropped her knee. It was as if, even in her sleep, this woman knew how to excite and bewitch me, letting her body give me pleasure, even though her mind was unconscious.

I was afraid to breathe or move, for fear I'd disturb or disrupt her dream. I wanted this night of pleasure for her. As her slow torment persisted, I became aware of a wetness where her crotch rested against me. I smiled to myself, and she moaned, "Edward," and thrust her sex against my hip.

"Oh God," I sighed. She was so soft, so hot, so wet. She pumped her pussy against my hip in response.

All through the night, all through her slumber, she stroked my straining cock through my jeans. The hours passed, and I had no desire to curtail this long, slow jacking off. This night had became the most delicious, erotic point in my entire existence.

My body was tense and poised to come as dawn bled in through the window. What would I do if she woke? I knew my state would be obvious; there was no hiding the erection that strained against my jeans. She moaned once, and began pumping against my hip, her leg moving faster than it had all night. The sudden movement ignited me, my balls and cock ready for release. The pool of wetness on my nipple became sensitive and electrified. I tried to hold my body still as she pumped against me in her sleep, willing my orgasm back. She abruptly jerked her hips against me, shaking, coming in her sleep. Her leg pressed deliciously against my erection, and I could no longer hold back. I came with my dear, sleeping girl, both of us enraptured by her movements.

Her body relaxed and she smiled. Her leg moved back on top of mine, and she slept. My thoughts were wild, amazed and greedy. That Bella had given me this heavy dose of eroticism in her sleep convinced me as I'd never fully realized before, that she would have been my soul mate, if I'd had a soul.

I watched her sleep for an hour, when she finally stirred. "Good morning, sweet girl."

"Good morning, my man." She smacked her lips and noticed the drool on my shirt. "Oh, sorry," she said, wiping her mouth.

"Don't be," I whispered, kissing her forehead. "It was a glorious night."

* * *

_**A/N: Special thanks to Mr. Bigg, for his fabulous, patient beta reading. You are the best. And special mention to fisher27 for the encouragement and direction. See? I can follow directions once in a while!**_


	28. Chapter 28: Reunion

_Thank you to my alpha beta, Mr. Bigg, for helping me work through this long chapter. You, sir, totally rock. _

_All characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended._

**Reunion**

Bella's face flushed a lovely pale rose as she leaned back to study me. "Was I talking in my sleep again?" Her face twisted into a grimace, the v appearing between her brows. I raised my hand and stroked her cheek.

"You only said my name," I whispered, trying to hold back the flood of emotion I felt for her in my post-orgasmic bliss. "But your body missed mine."

She glanced up, startled, her eyes searching mine. I knew my expression was goofy and soft, but I was so deeply and desperately in love, I did not try to hide it. "You left other wet spots on me, too, Bella." She flinched, causing me to rise and wrap my arms around her. "Please, please, don't be embarrassed or upset. It was everything I needed." I kissed her forehead and hair in an attempt to comfort her and allay her bashfulness.

"I just wish I'd been awake, is all."

I picked up her chin with my forefinger. "Me, too," I said, looking into her eyes. "Bella, remember. We have forever, love. I will never leave you again. There will be time."

"Will there be, Edward? What happens when I get old… and fat… and –," her words falling out in a tumble.

I leaned forward and kissed her as gently as possible. "Bella," I breathed into her mouth. "There will be time." I glanced at the clock, and back to her. "But if you want to go to school, time is running out."

She sighed and inhaled deeply, breathing me in. The corners of her mouth lifted into a calm smile as she leaned her head against my chest. I waited for the reaction I knew would come, and she didn't disappoint.

"Holy crow! Look at the time!" There it was. I released her from my embrace and watched in amusement as she collected her clothes for school. "I'm sorry," she sighed in exasperation, "I've got to get ready for school." She pulled up short and looked at me. "Don't you? Aren't you going to school today?"

I pushed off the bed and walked towards her, arms outstretched. Her face was so small and delicate between my hands. "Yes, Bella, I have to go to school today, but I can miss the first few periods. My family just got back to town and the school will understand." I turned toward the window to leave.

"Oh, your family," she breathed in sudden realization. "Have you talked to them yet?"

"No. I suppose I'll have some explaining to do when I get home." The idea didn't please me, but I knew it had to be done. "Get dressed. I'll meet you for lunch."

"Edward– ?" Her voice was rife with worry and fear, and she was holding her breath.

I turned back to her and held her in my arms. "I'll be there, Bella, I swear. I will never leave you again." I planted a chaste kiss on her forehead.

"Thank you," she exhaled with a small sigh.

"Bella, I owe everything to you. I love you," I said, and leapt from the window.

* * *

The closer I drew to the big, white house, the more dread I felt. It was only right that I address their concerns and answer the countless questions they would have, but I wasn't looking forward to it. I wondered what Alice and Jasper had told them about my return, about Italy and about the reasons I'd left. Opening the front door, I knew I was about to find out.

_Edward! Edward! _Five minds reached out, calling my name, some with reserve, some with relief, all with a quiet joy. Their need to see me, to touch me, to know I was alright permeated their thoughts. Carlisle stood watching the landing, waiting for my entrance; Esme stood near the piano. Alice hugged Jasper from behind, as he stood quietly looking out the window, focused on the beauty of the river in the morning sun. Emmett was balancing a swirling basketball on his fingertip as he moved from side to side. Something was dampening their excitement; I offered up a silent thank you to Jasper as I slowly climbed the stairs, listening to their thoughts and piecing together my approach. One thought stood apart from the rest, surprised and yet still focused on rebuilding an engine. Rosalie. As I turned the corner from the landing, I decided I would not let her petty meanness ruin the reunion my family needed so much.

"Edward… son," Carlisle whispered as he drew me into a hug. His mind raced through memories, each tinged with both love and heartache: his wonder in the first vision of me, playing the organ for my dying father in the church's makeshift hospital ward; his fear and empathy as he witness my agonizing transport from death's door to my immortality; his laughter as we raced across the riverbanks of the Grand Canyon; his dismay and regret as I left him to seek a different path; the love he felt for me as I embraced the transformed Esme for the first time; his happiness at the end of my loneliness as he met Bella. The images were infinitesimal and infinite, brief and overwhelming, all swirling in the love and joy of his embrace.

"Father. It's good to be home." He patted my shoulder and pulled back to study my face. _Are you home, son? Are you restored?_

I smiled weakly. "Yes, Carlisle. I'm well." _Edward, you're home. They're all anxious to see you._ He dropped his hands from my shoulders and turned to the room.

I looked to the piano and had a fleeting moment of longing to touch the keys. Songs rushed by me, filling my head with well-spent memories at the keyboard entertaining my family. Bella's lullaby swam in my head with such longing and need that I was momentarily confused by the origin of the thought. I drew myself to my full height inhaling through my nose, and stepped toward the instrument, trying to contain my befuddlement. I touched the ivory; warmth, desperation and invitation swept over me. Suddenly the origins of these thoughts were clear; Esme stood next to me, waiting for me to notice her.

"Mother," I said, bowing my head to embrace her. Her embrace was unexpected and forceful, nearly knocking me off my feet.

"Edward, I've been so worried." _Tell me you're okay, tell me Bella's alright. Alice told me but I need you to say it! _

She hugged me with such ferociousness, I could not have resisted her request if I had wanted to. "We're all right, Esme. We're home, everything's alright."

"Thank God, Edward. We came so close to losing you," she said, her voice catching in her throat. "I don't know what I would have done."

Carlisle stepped up, pulling her at the shoulders. At the touch of his hands, her body relaxed and began to loosen her grip around me. I suddenly felt chagrinned, embarrassed and apologetic for the problems I'd caused. I caught Esme's gaze as the songs continued to flood my mind. "It's okay, Esme. We'll have a concert soon, okay? Just you and me."

She gave a reluctant smile and nodded her head. She had no sooner stepped back into Carlisle's embrace when Emmett's basketball zoomed into view.

"Bro," he said, grinning crookedly at me. "At least your reflexes are still good." _Even if you are pussywhipped. _I had to laugh; Mr. Kettle accusing Mr. Pot. In two strides, he was at my side pulling me into a bear hug.

"Careful, Emmett," I choked out as he locked his arms around me. "I'm very delicate, you know."

He snorted and let me breathe, stepping back to look at me. "Pansy," he said, punching me in the arm. "I'm glad you're home." You had to love Emmett; his thoughts and words were so in line, his speech was like an echo.

Rosalie stood apart from everyone, still thinking about engine rebuilds – specifically, on designing a better lift ring to rival the engine hoist pivot plate. She sat at the table, looking at her fingernails, completely unimpressed with the morning's goings on. That was fine with me; I hadn't forgiven her for the call that had exaggerated Bella's demise for her own selfish ends. I could not understand Emmett's fascination with the woman. She was a pain in my backside and not worth the trouble. I ignored her.

I walked to the window and clasped Jasper on the arm. "Thanks, Jazz. Thanks for everything." He focused on my eyes and nodded silently. _Remember her strength, Edward. You are going to need it._ I nodded in return. "I'll keep it in mind." Serenity oozed into the room, sending a stillness into the air.

Alice didn't say anything, but smiled up at me. Maybe because of her gift, Alice was my closest sibling. Watching others futures carried a burden similar to knowing their secrets, their thoughts. She protected me when she could by clouding her mind, working out impossible tasks. I wasn't sure why she was masking her thoughts now. "Gilgamesh? Really Alice? I didn't know you knew Akkadian."

"Learn something new everyday, Edward. Beside, you have enough to worry about without crawling around in my head right now," she said, her impish smile curling around her lips. "Better wash up for school if you want to be there by lunch."

"Voyeur," I said, unable to hide my amusement with my favorite sibling. I looked around the room and smiled to my family. "Thank you. Thank you for taking me back, for loving me." I turned to the staircase and shot up to my room.

* * *

After such a long period of neglect, the shower felt refreshing and pleasant. Still, I didn't want to linger. There was someone waiting for me, someone more refreshing and revitalizing than anything I'd ever known. I wrapped the towel around my hips and walked into my room, rubbing my hair. The closet had been replenished with new clothes, and thumbing through the sweaters, I wondered when Alice found the time.

I pulled out a gray cashmere sweater and a pair on black jeans, letting the towel drop to the floor. Ah, it was good to be home again. I pulled on my jeans and sat on the chaise, when I became aware of guarded thoughts hovering outside my door.

Rosalie.

I stood, pulling the sweater over my head and opened the door. "What is it," I said flatly, genuinely disinterested in what she had to say.

"I suppose welcome back is in order," she said, her usual snotty tone barely held back. "I wanted to tell you something."

I sat down on the chaise and pulled on my socks and shoes. "Just get on with it, Rose, whatever it is. I have somewhere to be."

"You really don't make it easy to tell you anything, Edward," she sniffed, her haughtiness returning.

I stood and walked to the dresser, my back to her. I busied myself with getting dressed, adding finishing touches to my attire: watch, wallet, loose change. "Then don't bother. It makes no difference to me." I turned to her and snarled, "I have to go."

As I took a step forward, she reached out to stop me. "Wait," she said, her tone changing to one of desperation. "I can't say this, Edward. I keep getting in my own way.

"I know I don't have the right to ask anything of you, but please bear with me," she said, looking up into my eyes. I opened my mouth to dismiss her when she said again, "Please."

I didn't want to hear what she had to say. I'd accepted that I'd never truly understand her motivations about anything. I stared angrily into her eyes, knowing that if I didn't give in and listen, it would hurt Emmett. "What."

"Just close your eyes, Edward, and listen." She gently pushed me to the chaise, which I allowed. "Please trust me, even if it's just this one, last time." I wanted this to end. I closed my eyes.

I felt Rosalie sit down on the chaise, next to but not touching me. She inhaled deeply and sighed. I wasn't sure what was going on, and wondered idly if she'd left the door open. The last thing I'd need was –

I stopped my musing as Rosalie's thoughts painted a scene in my mind. She was pacing, angry, yelling at Emmett.

"_Finally! We finally get to come back home because Alice says it's okay. Geez. Why did we have to leave in the first place? Just because Edward can't keep his dick in his pants or just fuck her? God! He's such a dick!" I pulled another blouse from the suitcase and pushed it onto the hanger. _

"_Rose, it's not like that," Emmett said defensively. "It's more to him. He doesn't want to hurt her." _

"_Who the fuck cares? She's just a human. No big deal. It's not like he's never tasted human blood before."_

"_Jesus, Rose, don't be such a freaking monster," Emmett warned, "Look, it's not like that. Stop this petulant shit and think about it." He paused, looking down at his feet. "Why did you carry me back to Carlisle?"_

_The change of subject happened so fast, I didn't have time to respond to that monster crack. I started to scoff at his stupid question, but the look on his face told me he was serious and stopped me cold. I took a deep breath and answered seriously. "Because you were hurt." _

"_But lots of people get hurt all the time, Rose. Why did you carry me back to Carlisle?" _

"_Because you were dying," I said, still not understanding where he was going. "Because it was you, Emmett." I brushed up against him, hoping to soothe his anger and make him look at me. _

"_Right, Rose, because it was me," he growled through his teeth. "What if you had been the one to maul me? What if you had almost killed me? How would that make you feel?"_

"_I would have felt awful, Emmett. You know that. I never really want to hurt you, baby." _

"_Right. That's how Edward feels about Bella." He was still angry, trying to make his point as simple as child's play. "Edward loves Bella. He wants her. He can't have her because it'd drive him mad trying to fuck her and not accidentally kill her. That's why. Get it?" He clucked his tongue, clearly pissed off that he had to explain it to me. _

"_But it's been so long. Everybody misses him. You miss him, don't you?" I tried to say it as sweetly as possible, still hoping to return to his good graces. _

"_Yeah, I miss him," he said with a sigh. "Don't try to make this about me." He stood up and grabbed his jacket. "I'm going for a run. Maybe you should stay here and figure your shit out."_

_I sat down on the couch, pouting. I didn't want him to leave, at least not without me. Everyone kept leaving. First Edward, then Alice and Jasper, and now Emmett… _

_Was I really a monster? I thought about Bella, her fragile little human form and big cow eyes. Who did she think she was to latch onto a Cullen? Little nobody! _

_And Edward! Horny and lovesick and mooning over her… As if he'd never seen a girl before. As if he'd never been… in… love… And then it dawned on me. He'd never been in love. He'd never seen a girl before - until he saw Bella. _

_I remembered how I felt when I saw Emmett for the first time. Sure, I'd had men look at me before – lots of them! I was beautiful _before_ I was changed, and afterwards, well. It just got better. But when I saw Emmett, lying there in the grass, his life slipping away, it was as if I'd never seen a man before. He looked up at me through his dying eyes and saw an angel – that's what he'd told me after the change. He didn't resent what had happened; he was happy. Because he said he'd never seen anyone as beautiful as me. Did he feel that way, too, like there was no woman in the world for him but me? What if he'd died? Would I be alone forever? _

_The pieces began to fall in place. Edward had watched us all with our mates and never, ever complained. He never looked at us as male and female, and I never saw him look at anyone else that way either. He'd been alone, he suffered through having no one to adore him and tell him he was beautiful – until Bella. Oh. I get it now. _

_So why did he leave? Why didn't he just change her? _

_I remembered how anxious I'd been while Emmett changed, even though I knew he'd live through it. He was strong, and the venom was healing him. It wasn't like I really had a choice. It was either save him, or be lonely forever…_

_I wouldn't wish that loneliness on anyone. Not Edward, and not Bella either. Sure, I had my regrets about this life, but without Emmett? This would be hell. _

_Alice's shrill voice rang out from the living room. I ran downstairs to see Carlise, Esme, and Emmett gathered in a semi-circle in front of Alice and Jasper. Alice was really upset. _

"_We saw the wolves kill it. I'm not sure who turned it, but I have a feeling it was following Victoria."_

_Esme gasped and reached for her throat. "Victoria? Here?" Carlisle wrapped his arm around her shoulders instinctively. _

"_The wolves chased her off," Jasper said, stepping forward to stand beside Alice. "These weren't ordinary wolves, mind you."_

"_Quilluettes, the treaty. I didn't know they were active," Carlisle said softly. _

"_That's not the worst part," Alice said, her voice low and worried. I felt a sort of sick, sinking feeling as I moved down the stairs. Emmett turned to me and extended his arm. Our fight was over, forgotten in the face of something worse than werewolves. _

"_I saw Bella kill herself," Alice whispered. Esme's gasp filled the air, and I think everyone stopped breathing. "She jumped off a cliff on the reservation and then her life just… stopped."_

"_Alice are you sure?" Carlisle's brow was creased with worry. _

"_I only know what I saw. I'm going to go over to Charlie's to let him know we're back and see what he knows. He's going to take it hard." _

_Esme's voice was barely audible. "What about Edward?" _

_We all looked at each other as the ramifications of her question took hold. All the thoughts I'd just worked through seemed to come alive, almost as if I'd willed this into being. But I didn't want this! I didn't want Edward to suffer – not anymore! Not forever!_

_:"We should call him. He needs to know.." It was only fair, and now that this life had dealt him such an unfair blow, I knew he deserved fairness and the love of his family. I needed to tell him how sorry I was. _

"_No. He needs to be with us when he finds out, and he won't take our calls," Carlisle said. _

_Alice turned to Jasper. "I'd better go. I need to find out what happened."_

"_Take my car," Carlisle said tonelessly. "Let us know as soon as you hear, Alice. We'll have to find a way to contact Edward." Carlisle and Esme sat down on the couch, holding each other, their faces masks of shock. Alice and Jasper whispered to each other, discussing communication and saying goodbye. _

_Emmett turned to the stairs, taking me with him. "C'mon babe. Let's go upstairs." I let him lead me, but my mind was made up. Edward deserved to know. He needed his family, and after all this, I wasn't going to let him down. Maybe no one else knew how to get him, but they didn't know him persistent I could be. _

Rose sighed and opened her eyes, her thoughts a tangle of apologies and regret. "I'm sorry, Edward. I know I caused you pain, and I know that was the last thing you needed. I wanted you to know why I did it. I hope you'll believe me when I say that I didn't mean to hurt you – or Bella. And I know it was my fault."

The tenor of her mind made her sincerity obvious and undeniable. "Thank you, Rose." I was touched by her gift, and words failed to express my gratitude for her love. She may have been the most shallow vampire I'd met, but her heart was deep.

"You'd better get off to school," she said, standing up and smoothing out her dress and regaining her composure. "You have a date. And you don't want to be late."

_**A/N: Who'd have thunk it? A contrite Rosalie. Will wonders never cease. **_


	29. Chapter 29: Ambiguity

**_A/N: Thank you to all who waited so patiently for this chapter. Life has been happening all around! This chapter is a little longer than most; I hope that makes up for the wait a little._**

_All characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended._

**Ambiguity**

Returning to school was much more difficult than I had thought. The smell of her still stung my nostrils, intoxicating and arousing me. How would I make it through today?

Knowing Bella was there, yards away, in a classroom was almost more than I could bear. I wanted to run my hand along her thigh in class and watch her struggle as she kept herself looking calm and relaxed. I wanted to hear the irregularity of her heartbeat when she felt my gaze upon her. I wanted to undress her with my eyes, letting her know exactly what I had planned for the next time we were along together.

My cock stirred and stiffened in my pants, my fingers digging into the desktop. _Edward, _Jasper thought very pointedly, _down boy. _I looked over to where he sat behind me. His eyes widened in a silent plea, his mind much more articulate.

_I get it, bro. You want her, she wants you. But you're in class and so am I. I swear I can feel your excitement from here. Look under my desktop. _I dropped my gaze for a moment and saw Jasper's tent pole hitting the underside of the desk. _How the hell am I supposed to stand up? And you're too far away; I can't help you right now. The raging teenage hormones in here are not helping, either. _

I swung my gaze around the room, checking below the desks of my fellow classmates. The boys were erect and several actually had a hand "resting" on their crotch. The girls were cross-legged and squirming, the scent of their arousal filling the room. I looked back to Jasper's pleading expression and damped down my thoughts of the things I wanted to do to Bella.

Instead, I focused on the things I didn't want to do to Bella. I never wanted to leave her again. I didn't want to hurt her anymore. I didn't want to be without her.

But there would come a day when she would leave me. I knew it as certainly as my name, as I knew my own skin.

Someday, death would take her and she'd be gone from my life forever. What would I do then? Return to Volterra, knowing that the Volturi would want to coerce me into their legion and enslave me for the remainder of my days? That's what Aro wanted, Alice and I at his side. I knew having them help me leave this world behind was no longer an option. I might be able to convince my brothers to help me…

I was getting ahead of myself. I had time to decide how to end my existence as long as Bella was still alive.

The bell rang waking me from my reverie. I picked up my books with deliberation, exerting effort to move slowly, normally, at a human's pace. Jasper stood by my desk.

"Hey, Jasper," I said sheepishly. "Sorry about that; I just let my imagination get the better of me, I think."

"It's alright, Edward. I think you're entitled," he chuckled. He waited as I assembled my things. "Are you lunching with Bella today?"

"Yes. We agreed to meet and walk to Biology together."

Jasper tipped his head towards the parking lot and my eyes followed his line of sight. _Who is she talking to? _

"It's that… boy," I said, feeling my chest constrict with jealousy. Instantly, I wanted to speed to her side, push him away. I wanted to look away and pretend I'd never seen him. I wanted to hear what they were saying. I didn't want to hear what they were saying. Fear gripped me.

All these conflicting feelings froze me in place, and I couldn't look away. My head was pounding and I couldn't hear my own thoughts.

"Edward," Jasper said quietly, gripping my arm. His expression was bewildered and fearful. I could feel his calm washing over me, but the emotions that plagued and warred within me turned me to a boulder in the river of serenity that flowed from him; I was unmovable, unreachable, stuck in the mire that threatened to pull me to my knees.

"_Edward,_" Jasper said my name again, increasing the volume and tension on my arm. "Brother, return to me. You have to –"

In suspended time, Bella's head turned and she looked over her shoulder to where I stood. Air flooded my lungs as I inhaled, her gaze, her attention, her face all my salvation crashing into my fear. She turned away to the boy and my breath stopped. She hugged him and the air that fed me only moments before strangulated me, closing in my throat. I fell forward on Jasper's arm, my eyes closed at last, away from the horror of another's hand on my love.

"Edward," Jasper's voice was suddenly urgent. _She's coming, Edward. Brother, she's coming!_

Moments passed before the words coalesced into meaning in my head. I pushed away from him, raising my head and inhaling sharply. I opened my eyes. "Thank you, Jasper. I'm alright now." My stomach knotted, my nerves blazed. I turned to face her.

"Edward?" Bella's voice was curious and sweet, until her gaze took in my countenance. She gasped. "Edward! What is it? What –"

"Bella," I whispered, breathing through my nose. "Why was he here." My voice was as flat and devoid of emotion as I felt. Bella stood on the shore, reaching out to the icy rock that withstood the stream.

"He came to tell me…," she began, trailing off as my body stiffened in response to her words. "What difference does it make, Edward? I mean, really, he makes no difference." She stepped forward, reaching for me. Again, I couldn't breathe, could not move. I didn't want to touch her, and I never wanted to let her go. She laid her head against my chest and I felt my mooring in the stream loosen and relax. "Edward, I love you."

Jasper cleared his throat. _Edward, say something. Touch her. _At last, his calm reached me, penetrating my frozen desire and warming me to her touch. I lifted my arms and wrapped them around the heartbeat at my chest.

"Bella," I breathed, the scent of her hair, her skin flowing back to me with my next breath. "I don't know what happened."

"Are you guys ready for lunch?" Jasper was clearly uncomfortable.

I glanced sideways to where he stood. Alice walking quickly across the quad, but still at human speed. Her expression was guarded. "Sorry, Jasper. I don't know why I keep making you so uncomfortable today." Bella pulled her head away from my chest, her hands still at my waist, my arms still wound around her.

_Not uncomfortable, _Jasper thought. _Exhausted. _His expression still carried the bewilderment and fear he held at bay as he sent the river of calm to me. Alice popped in next to him, and still he held my gaze. _I've never seen someone resist like that, Edward. What is going on in your head?_

"Hi Bella," Alice said, the cheer in her voice absent from her thoughts. "You going to lunch today?" _You and I need to talk, brother. Right now, grab your girl and get happy. She has no idea what's going on. I'll take the car home. _"We better get over there before all the food is gone."

* * *

Bella and I walked hand-in-hand to Biology. The silence between us was not cluttered with unasked questions or confusion; she was warm in my hand and I was content in her company. Crossing the threshold, she dropped my hand and strode to our table, waiting for me to pass before she sat.

Bella slid onto her lab stool as I took my seat. I watched her as she pulled her notebook from the backpack, her moves choppy and awkward. Her backpack fell to the floor, and she readjusted herself to the stool. It was Bella poetry, Bella dance. Each uneasy shift as she opened her notebook to a blank page, each jerk as she wrote the date on the paper, every twitch as she settled in for class – it was all her and all I wanted in the world.

"What?" She smiled.

"You." It was all I could manage, all I meant, all that meant anything to me. I shook my head and opened my own notebook as the instructor began the lecture.

The class was not unaware of the space between Bella and I. I tried not to listen, but the thoughts were loud and telling._ Geez, get a room. _Across the room, a female panted. _I wish he'd look at me like that. _Behind us, a boy panted with the same thought, and I closed my eyes, embarrassed.

A note shoved against my hand. I opened my eyes, and opened the small folded paper. It simply read, "Are you okay?"

_You are exquisite, and I cannot stop thinking of you. _I pushed the inadequate note back to her and was rewarded with the warm flush that painted her cheeks.

She scribbled a line and pushed the note back to me, just escaping the instructor's notice. I waited for a beat, then unfolded and read _Wait. _

I spent the rest of the lesson lost in my thoughts wrapped up around the word "wait". A simple word, really, just a stalling, an expectancy. The time that stretched before me in that word was filled with desire and longing, the need for her touch, the lift of her chin in laughter, the smile that lit her eyes. I did not dare look at her; I would not be able to wait.

I found myself years ahead of now, wandering into the future and our life together. Bella would age beautifully, naturally, her face and skin taking on a softness mine would never know. Her mahogany hair would fade, dull at first, relaxing into flecks and streaks of gray, then white. Her eyes would burn bright until the gray overtook their vivacity and replaced it with wonder.

And I would stand by her side, in love with all that Bella was, all that she would be to me as I stood unchanging, immutable and constant.

Why was I obsessed with these thoughts today? What morbidity possessed me, bleeding the joy of today out into endless night?

My absorption was broken by the movement of her hand as she reached for mine. I turned my arm, flipping my palm face up just as her tiny, hot hand fell into the perfect void of my grasp. Electricity shot through me, lightning quickening through my nerves to my nipples and crotch. She felt it, too; her heart lurched and faltered, regaining a rhythm as she turned to look at me. Her eyes were wide, and I looked into their chocolate depths and thought, _I want you. _

The bell rang, surprising us both and breaking our clasped hands.

I stood, pushing the stool back. "Ready?"

"Yes," she said, scooting off the stool, her backpack already in tow.

I offered her my hand. She reached up and grasped my waiting reach, a tacit contract hanging in significance of the act. We had much to discuss.

* * *

Outside the school's perimeter, away from human eyes, I ran to our meadow, Bella clinging to my back. I was charged with excitement, the chance to be alone with her without fear of intrusion pushing me ahead. We reached our meadow as the afternoon sun slanted in the sky, launching prisms from my skin and onto Bella's face.

"I don't think I'll ever get over how beautiful you are in sunlight," she said, holding her hands up, allowing the rainbows to play along her fingers.

"Nor I, you," I said, laughing at my own verbal clumsiness. I pushed the hair back over her shoulder, leaning in to kiss behind her ear. Her scent caught me as I came near. "Mmm. You are ambrosial, love."

"Ambrosial?" She was amused. "Are you drinking me in?" She fell on her back amongst the flowers.

"Every drop," I murmured, leaning forward on all fours to kiss along her jaw. I was not thirsty for her blood, but I was ravenous for her taste. My mouth moved instinctively down her throat, and I licked across her collarbone as I crushed against her. She shivered and squirmed beneath me, my cock responding to her movements. I moved to her breast, mouthing her nipple through her clothes. Her hands rose up to knot in my hair.

"Holy crow. That feels really good, Edward," she breathed. She dropped her hands, moving them to the bottom of her t-shirt, as if to lift it over her head. I leaned back and laid my hand over hers, stilling her movement.

"Love," I sighed. My body did not want her to stop, and the contradiction of stilling her actions warred with my need to communicate. "I need to talk to you."

She moved to sit up, her face immediately puzzled and worried. "Why? What is it?" Her voice carried more concern than I'd expected.

"It's just that…" I looked away. How did one begin this conversation? How could I tell this beautiful human girl I needed more of a commitment from her than she could give?

"Edward, you're not trying to say goodbye again, are you?" The panic in her tone pulled my gaze back to her face. Her eyes were wide, her skin pale and devoid of color.

"No, Bella, love, never. Never again," I lifted her hand to my lips and gently kissed her knuckles. "We've tried that, and that didn't work so well." I chuckled humorlessly. "I don't know how to tell you how badly I want you in my life, how much I need you."

She waited, and I could tell she was holding her breath.

"Bella, tell me how you feel."

"I love you, Edward," she said, as if explaining her feelings to a child. "You're everything to me. I want to be with you, always – forever."

"Really, Bella? Are you certain? Do you realize what that will mean?"

"Uh, yeah. I think I get it – I'm with you until I die," she retorted, her tone indicating she was slightly offended.

"Yes, Bella, I will always want you, always. Until you die," I said softly, trying to help her see. "No matter how you change, how you age, I will always want you. Always." My hand rose to her cheek, stroking her skin with exaggerated care. "But I will always be seventeen. You do realize that, don't you?"

"Oh. _Oh_," she said, the implication becoming obvious. She stared into my eyes, surprise and shock registering there. She seemed to search the momentary gaze for an answer, a solution to the recently-perceived disparity. She blinked several times in rapid succession, breaking the spell and finding the remedy she sought. "You could always change me."

"Bella," my voice low and steady, "Is that what you want? Ending your life, changing you into a parasite? Forever, Bella?" Again, my body warred with my mind. Asking Bella for an eternity together filled me with lust and joy, despair and hopelessness. I wanted her, I wanted her forever. I wanted her to say yes, to give herself to me. But it was too much to ask, to desperate a choice: me or life.

"Yes, Edward! Forever, that's what I want." The words didn't match the tone; she was flip, impatient and temporal. Her sacrifices were not in consideration.

"Love," I began, "There is nothing, nothing, I want more than you beside me forever. But it's more than just becoming something different. It means leaving your life behind, your family, your…" Images of the boy flashed through my mind, her arms around him and he intertwined with her. "Your friends. It means giving up, Bella. Everything you know, everything. It means giving up your life."

"Edward, I _know,_" she said, and for the first time in all our life together, I heard a petulant teenage girl in her response. "Why don't you kiss me and we'll talk about this later?" Her hands reached out to me. This would not do.

"I don't think you do," I replied, grasping her wrists before she touched me. I was trying with all my might to stay impassive and calm. "I love you, Bella, but I just don't think you understand. I can't…"

"What? What do you think I'm not getting?" She pulled her arms back and crossed them against her chest. "Do you think I've never thought of this before? Do you think I'm stupid?"

"No, love, no," I responded, gently shaking my head. "It's just, I need you to be sure. I need it, I need to hear it in your voice, in your heart, in everything you are and everything you do so that I will know you will never regret what you gave up for me. I wish there was some way…"

"So you don't think I'll keep my word?"

She was taking this all wrong. It wasn't her resolution I doubted, it was her conviction. I needed to know she was sure. "Bella, I need to know beyond all doubt that you will never have a moment's sorrow for the choices you've made."

"Edward, make love to me, you'll see. You'll feel the choices I've made, the things I've considered." She was pleading, and oh, the offer was so appealing. I wanted to give in, to touch her, to feel her hot hands on me, her heart beating against my chest filling me with the life that had left me so long ago.

"Bella, love," I said as sweetly and urgently as I could. "I am yours, forever. Show me you are mine forever." I swallowed hard as the venom flooded my mouth. "Give me your troth as a promise of eternity together."

"What?"

"Marry me, Bella. Be my wife."

* * *

**_A/N: Thanks to my beta, Mr. Bigg, for your patience and perseverance. My playlist for this chapter was all Evanescence, The Open Door album. _**

**_Please, as Alice would say, "Show the love." Leave a review! _**


	30. Chapter 30: Control

_All characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended._

_Thank you to my ever-helpful beta, Mr. Bigg. Couldn't do it without you, sir._

**Control**

"Whoa." It wasn't a statement or a question. It was a reaction, and not the one I'd hoped to receive. I looked into her eyes, trying to express my desire and my need without forcing a decision. "So you just go there, right to marriage?"

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but it was you who just casually requested to be changed into an everlasting monster, was it not?"

"Yeah, but that's different."

"I'm sorry. I don't follow you. How is it 'different'?" I smiled in spite of the seriousness of the discussion. It was unfathomable to me that marriage would be more objectionable than ending your life to be changed into a blood-sucking parasite for eternity.

"It just is. Kids today just don't get married, unless they're pregnant they've just given up."

"So you believe I've just given up?" I was completely baffled.

"No," she said, the little v between her brows returning, indicating she wasn't' expressing her thoughts clearly. She leaned forward to sit up; I fell backward on my haunches. "No, it's not that. I guess, well, I just don't get why you're asking me that, Edward." She searched my eyes for a moment, then dropped her gaze to her lap, her hair falling forward, a curtain against my scrutiny.

"Bella," I whispered, brushing her hair behind her shoulder. "Do you remember how old I am?"

"Yes," she said, and blood rushed to her cheeks, painting her with a pale blush. I had no idea why she was blushing.

"When I was human, when I was your age," I began, finding her hand and pulling it into mine. "Marriage was the deepest commitment you could make to someone. It was an expression of love, love for life. Divorce was not rampant as it is today; marriage meant a commitment that extended beyond the grave." I paused, giving her a moment to consider the full meaning of my words. "It meant that even in the hereafter, you were indelibly attached to that person, your love, your heart, your hopes intertwined. Nothing could pull you apart – no crises, no person, family or friend…"

She glanced at me, her face full of surprise. "Is that what this is about?"

"Yes, Bella, it's about commitment, life without regret. It's –"

"No, I get that," she said. "This is about my friendship with Jacob, isn't it?"

"You believe I've asked you to marry me because of someone else? Is my love for you so, so …" I was at a loss for words. Could she believe me so shallow?

"So, it's purely coincidental that you saw me talking to Jacob today and now, this," she said, dropping my hand and gesturing to the meadow. Our meadow. As if it were pretense or stage. She stood to leave, brushing her jeans exaggeratedly.

"Bella," I said, standing to join her. I felt my temper rising and I struggled to keep the anger out of my voice. "I don't understand. Why are you angry? Why are you leaving?"

"I have to go. It's almost time for me to be home." There was no room for argument in her voice, no room for discussion in her mind. "Can you take me home," she deadpanned, "or should I walk?" She turned and took a step forward, heading out in the wrong direction.

I moved before her and scooped her onto my back as I began to run. Her words burned in my brain as I sped towards her home. How could she believe my love was so hollow, about possession instead of commitment? I wanted no regrets for her, no longing for a past she could never have. The run, usually so refreshing and exhilarating, brought me nothing but dread as I sped towards her home.

* * *

As her house came into view, I slowed to a walk, grasping her hands around my neck. My heart told me she needed time, but my fear tore at me, demanding access to beg Bella to acquiesce, to see me for who I truly was. I bent my knees, still holding her hand, and let her slide down my back.

"Bella," I began, turning to face her. Her face was wet, her expression hard. I raised my hand to her face, stroking away her tears with a soft caress. "Don't cry. Please, love, don't cry."

"I'm angry and confused, Edward," she said, shaking her head and looking at the ground. "I'm not sure how to react, and I don't want to believe what I think I hear."

"What do you think you hear?" As the words left my lips, I heard Charlie's thoughts from inside the house, cursing and watching the clock.

"I think I hear you hiding your jealousy behind your love for me. I don't like it." She looked up into my face, her soft, sweet lips slightly parted. The v forming between her brows shadowed her eyes, casting them with sorrowful questions. My heart fell in my chest, and I felt slightly sick. Charlie paced in his room on the second floor, his thoughts loud and sharp.

"I will never hide from you, Bella," I whispered. "Never again." I lifted her hand to my lips, inhaling her honeyed skin as I brushed my mouth over her knuckles. "Charlie is getting anxious. You'd better go. I can come back tonight, if you'd like."

"Um," she hedged, biting her lip and breathing deeply. "Yeah, I'd like that. I love you." She reached up on her tiptoes to plant a tiny kiss on my mouth. I wanted to pull her to me, embrace her, kiss her deeply, but her father beckoned. I had to let her go.

"Tonight," I whispered.

"Tonight." She pulled away from me and I felt the ache for her pulling me apart with each step she took towards the house.

* * *

Alice sat by the river, looking into the sunset. "Hey," I said as I approached.

"It's about time," she said, her gaze unbroken. "So, Edward. Are you happy?"

"Not particularly, no."

"And you thought raging about that boy would bring you both joy. Hmph."

"Alice, I know you've seen what's happened, I can see it right _there_," I said, tipping my chin towards her head. "Why torture me about this now? You know I'm dying inside."

"Not torturing, Edward. I'm trying to educate you." _You need to acknowledge what you're doing, so you don't do it again. _

"I know. I have so little first hand experience and knowledge in this area. I feel clumsy and awkward. I'm afraid, Alice. I'm afraid I'll push her away as I try to become what she wants, what she needs."

"Edward," she said with a hint of pique and irritation seeping into her tone as she turned to face me. "You _are_ what she wants, who she needs. Now that you know you love her in a forever kind of way, you're gong to have to do something that we're not all that good at doing." _Change._

"I know. Tell me what you see, show me. Help me."

Her mind presented the graffiti scrawled across the Berlin Wall in exacting minutiae. "Edward, I could tell you, but it wouldn't help. You wouldn't hear me right now anyway." She dropped her gaze back to the river, then looked away into the sunset. "I can tell you this." The wall dissolved and in its place stood the image of Bella hugging the native mutt. My chest swelled with rage, the sick burning returning to my mind. A low growl grew and choked my throat. "That thing you're feeling right now? That's your first hurdle."

I felt the anger subside as her words hit home. My natural reaction to Jacob was the very thing that had pushed my beloved away from my embrace. "Remember this feeling," she said, turning her gaze back to me. Pity filled her eyes. "When you feel this rising, remember Bella risked her life to come to you, _for_ you, in Italy. She was willing to die, Edward, just to save you."

The anguish of losing Bella forever settled in my chest, cooling the heat of anger caused by the remembrance of that boy touching my sweet love. I felt awakened, rising from a bad dream. Bella, my sweet love, my beating heart. Of course, seeing me seething over an innocent embrace would push her away! Especially after all she'd been through…

"Thank you, Alice," I breathed, still stinging with the pain of realization. "Is there no other way to learn?"

"No, Edward. We all learn this way," she said, lifting her hand to rub my back. She pulled me closer to her, comforting me from my own internal torment. "Just remember, you can hurt inside, and be sad, but it won't help Bella. You need to find a way to trust her."

Alice stood and left me by the river, the wall in Berlin a never-ending kaleidoscope in her head. I wasn't sure why she blocked the future from me, but then, I seemed to be short on trust today on all fronts.

When she'd flown to Italy, Bella had left her life here to come for me. Not simply in the figurative day to day routine of her friends and family, school and work, but literally left life behind for me. From what I'd gathered from Alice's thoughts on the plane, Bella made the decision instantaneously, without hesitation or faltering. And Jacob had begged her to stay.

Why did I let him intrude on all that she offered me so freely? Was this my true motivation to offer her my troth? Surely it was twisted into my intentions. The clarion of truth sounded as the facts rang out . I wanted Bella. I wanted her for my wife, my love, my life. Yet I had to ensure her decisions would never cause her a moment, not one instant of regret.

My mind wandered to the conversations we had shared, the intimacy and fieriness of our sexual explorations. She was virginal; the scent of her maidenhead was nearly irresistible when she was aroused. I had a difficult time understanding how she could be untouched and so sensual at the same time. Maybe she'd had lovers before me but had remained chaste… It didn't seem likely. She was not shy sexually, at least not with me.

Did she understand my virginity? Though I walked the earth for more than a century, I had never taken a woman. There were times when the loneliness would grow so immense that I considered taking a lover, and there were those who were willing and able, but the physical act devoid of the involvement of my heart simply did not appeal to me. I didn't need just a woman, I needed one woman in particular. One whose scent of freesia and lavender intoxicated and seduced me, one whose heat inflamed my desire and burned me from within. Bella, I needed Bella. I would give my virginity to no one else.

I would never regret giving myself to Bella. She could have me, literally and figuratively, body and soul. I would forsake everything and everyone for her, and never doubt the propriety of the act. Did her love for me burn as true? Would she look back in disappointment at her decisions? Of course, her decision to be my lover was entirely different. To be mine, everything she knew must be left behind. One unmeasured thrust would damage her beyond repair.

How could I control the possibility of her regret? I could not make the decision for her; nor could I manipulate her, however subtly, to choose me over another. Had she already made the decision? Could my spontaneous rage make her waver in a decision she had already made?

Perhaps that was the path. By taming my irrational self-doubt and jealousy, I could support her decision, allow her to accept it as right. Alice was right; I needed to recognize the feeling and associate it with Bella's sacrifice whenever it threatened to break through the flexure of our growing lives together.

I looked out as the river flowed past, watching the splash and bubble of the rapids breaking over the rocks. My love would remain steadfast, these useless fears would flow away from me. I would learn. I would change.

* * *

The window was open, a sliver of hope in the dark night. I raised the sash cautiously, afraid to disturb her.

A form sat up in the darkness. Bella's eyes glistened in the night, watching me as I moved to her side. Her breathing hitched with her heartbeat. "Edward?"

I was at her side in an instant. Her smell, the heat of her skin, the rhythm of her heart – it all confirmed that I was exactly where I should be. I scooped her into my arms. "Bella, love, I'm here. Are you all right?"

"Yes, I've just been sitting here, thinking," she said, leaning her head against my shoulder.

"What about, Bella?"

"Mainly about you. You and me."

"And?"

She pulled back, considering me, searching my eyes. "And how much I want to be with you."

"You are with me, silly."

"No. I want to _be_ with you, you know. I want to have sex, I want to…" She broke off, suddenly shy. The heat from her face told me she was blushing. "I want to fuck you, Edward."

Her words, her voice, her desire so obvious in every gesture and expression, sent an electric current through me, igniting my own desire. My cock immediately stiffened, and I struggled to keep the rest of my body still. "Bella, you shouldn't speak to me that way." I swallowed the venom that flooded my mouth, and sucked it from my teeth as the pace of my breathing accelerated.

"I'm sorry, Edward," she said, pushing away from me to face me. "It's true. I want to touch every inch of your cold skin, and feel you inside me." She moved forward to kiss me as I lay there, struggling to remain immobile. I watched her crawl towards in the dark, swinging one leg over my waist, sliding her hands beneath my shirt. "Don't you want me, too? I think you do…" She tilted her sideways, lips slightly parted, to descend on my mouth.

Her hot touch burned my marble skin as her palms glided towards my nipples. Her lips engaged mine, forcing first her breath and then her tongue deep into me. Her scent was everywhere, filling me, enveloping me, engaging me in a sexual war I was sure to lose. Her mouth broke its embrace as she pulled back to lick my hard and aching nipples. I did not dare breathe.

"Bella, oh God, Bella, please," I sighed, wanting her to stop, never wanting her to stop. "Bella, my God, your tongue is so wicked."

"Edward," she breathed, returning to my mouth, "I want to feel your cock inside me." She kissed me softly, her licking my lips as she pulled back. "Give it to me. Give it… to… me…" Her words were cut off as she forced her mouth back to mine, and her body stretched out over me.

My arms instinctively rose to hold her. She should have been cold, shivering, but her skin seemed to be on fire. I grabbed her, plunging my tongue into her mouth and rolling her onto her back. I stretched my neck, pulling my face toward the ceiling and pressing my straining cock against her. I knew I could not resist much longer.

"Ow." Her small, short gasp returned me to reality, deflating my erection. I leapt off the bed, kneeling at her nightstand, watching her face.

"Bella! Bella, are you okay?" The panic rose inside me like a stream of molten earth, scorching its way to the surface.

"Um, yeah, I'm okay," she said, rubbing her crotch. "Your cock is just, um, really hard." She bit her lip and reached toward me. "Come back, please, I'm alright."

"No, Bella, no." I shook my head and caught her hands as she reached for me. I had to remember where I was, who I was. I closed my eyes, shutting her out. "I'll hurt you."

"It's okay, really. It didn't hurt that bad."

"You don't understand," I said, barely able to breathe. "I _want_ to hurt you. I want to fuck you until you can't walk."

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_A/N: Evanescence continues to inspire me, and Lose Control was a big contributor to this chapter. Please leave your reviews... they're like a drug to me..._


	31. Chapter 31: Insatiable

_First of all, I want to give a big shout out and thank you to LolaShoes, who coined the term "love day", making an indelible impression on the Twilight world. Her words have ignited so many sparks, and I owe her a great debt. Thank you!_

_Enormous thanks go to my incomparable beta, Mr. Bigg, for inspiration, motivation and in admiration. You know why. _

_And lastly, thank you to my pocket fisherwoman, for the nudge in the right direction. I hope this delights you as much as it did me._

_All characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended._

**Insatiable**

I was sure that, had I been human, I would have blushed. I'd never said these words to any one in all the days I walked the earth, and until very recently, never imagined they would fall from my tongue, But the words were true; I wanted her more than I wanted anyone or anything, more than air, more than sleep, more than blood. Just the recognition of that truth made a deep growl erupt from my chest.

She reached for my face, the heat from her hand raining down on me. I wanted to lose myself in that fire, to plunge into her soft burning flesh over and over again, redeemed and restored by her sex, until the coldness of my skin evaporated into steam and we were forever joined. I knelt by the bed, aching to touch her, yearning for her touch on my skin, but knowing that one touch would be the undoing of us both.

"You're not safe right now," I whispered, leaning back out of her reach. I pushed myself to standing, and felt immediately consumed by embarrassment. My erection strained against my jeans, pushing out the top of my waistband. I turned away from her, trying to surreptitiously adjust the unmistakable sign of my arousal. "I want you so much, too much."

"Then what's the problem, Edward?" She was on her knees on the bed, reaching for me still. "I want you, too." I turned back to her, her voice a siren's call that urged me forward. Her hand was outstretched, reaching to touch my shoulder. I struggled to remain where I stood, though the thought of her was a near irresistible beckon. I blinked in rapid succession, trying to find my self-control and self-restraint before she reached me. I fell backward a step, sensing her need to touch me, moving away from her reluctantly. If she touched me now, she would not survive the night.

"Bella, I don't know how to explain this," I stammered, tongue tied in the conflict between word and deed. "Tonight, I am all need for you. Your body, your scent, everything about you torments my body like a fire beneath my skin. I burn for you, my existence threatened in the fire of your touch." I inhaled and exhaled deeply, intensely aware of the expanse of her skin left uncovered by her skimpy tank top and alluring boy shorts. My tongue darted out across my lips, and I felt myself lean forward, leveling my hungry gaze into her eyes. Her eyes grew wide, her pupils dilating and her heart thumping wildly and erratically in her chest.

She was afraid. Good.

"The time away from you was hell. I ached for you, yearning to hold you close to me, in my arms. Knowing that I could kill you so easily, just one moment of delight for me that would cost your life… I ran to escape myself, as ridiculous as it sounds. I could not forget your body beneath mine, your hands in my hair, the taste of your sweet virginal pussy…" The venom flooded my mouth as my cock stiffened, impossibly harder than it had been before. I gulped a swallow, forcing the poison away. "You were always with me, Bella. Every road, every path, they all led me back to you, back to your window, back to your burning kisses and your feverish body.'

Her eyes dropped to my crotch. I followed her gaze to find my hand unconsciously rubbing against my pants, stroking my cock beneath. My body hungered for release, unwittingly moving my hands to relief my tension. I had been unaware of my own masturbation caused by the desire to touch the woman I so desperately needed. I pulled my hand away, once again, embarrassed by my traitorous body.

"No, don't stop," she sighed, falling back onto the bed. Her hand snaked down into her boy shorts, and I could see it moving beneath the fabric. "Take it out. Let me watch you." Her skin broke into a fine sweat, her tiny feet arching with pleasure. "Touch your cock for me."

A thrill ran through my body, down my stomach, straight to my engorged length as I watched her pleasure herself on the bed. Her eyes were glued to my crotch as I pulled the buttons on the fly open, releasing my cock. My muscles clenched in my groin with the anticipation of friction against my shaft. Her lips parted and a small grunt escaped as I pulled my shaft free and fisted my hand around its base.

I could not take my eyes off her. She was writhing on the bed, one hand wriggling beneath her shorts, the other pulling up her tank to reveal her small, pink, erect nipples. They were pebbled and hard, and the sight of it made me sigh and pump faster into my hand. How could she so easily reduce me to this man of stone, cock in hand, beating off to her sighs? Her body was sex, her mouth was sin. I felt my balls contract with sexual tension and desire.

Her hips bucked up off the bed. She shoved her shorts down to mid-thigh, exposing her rosy, delicate, burning pussy. I wanted to taste her, run my tongue in her soft folds and seek her hard clit. She kept her ass off the bed, and I began to stroke faster. She was close, her body straining on the edge of release. What sweet torture to watch her masturbate, knowing I could not touch her without needing to plunge deep inside her, repeatedly and savagely. I tightened my grip on my shaft, pumping furiously. My eyes roamed from her exquisite crotch to her perfect, heaving chest to her beautiful face, twisting in ecstasy. The moment my gaze met hers, her eyes squeezed shut and a strangled moan escaped her throat. My sweet girl was coming.

I pumped my fist faster around my cock, imagining my length inside her tight, coming box. The pull and thrill of orgasm grew up my legs, through my balls and out the end of my cock. I cupped my hand over the head to catch my orgasm, my eyes closed in release. My mind fed the images of Bella's orgasm through my thoughts, reliving her enraptured frenzy. Time stood still as I ejaculated, spilling my lust into my hand. The release brought no relief, though; I felt another orgasm building in the wake of the first. "Oh God, Bella, _fuck_," escaped from my throat in a strangled groan as the second orgasm began to shoot, bleeding out through my fingers.

I opened my eyes to see Bella lying on the bed, shirt still hiked up exposing one breast. She was smiling, her face luminous and angelic in her post-orgasmic bliss. She hand me a t-shirt drenched in her fragrance, which I took reluctantly with great mortification.

As I cleaned myself, she scooted to a seated position, pulling down her top over her perfect pink nipple. I tucked my cock back in my pants with a struggle; my cock was once again building to an erection and it longed to be free. Much to my relief, Bella seemed not to notice and patted the bed next to her, motioning me to sit.

I could not resist her. I slid next to her on the bed, unable to tear my eyes away from her face. "Don't you feel better now?" She was obviously happy, relaxed and released by her orgasm. I wanted so badly to agree, to give her every word she desired to hear, but my body still strained forward, yearning to touch her, to taste her wicked tongue in my mouth. I could not bring words to my lips; I could only breathe shallowly through my mouth as I slowly shook my head no.

The tiny v that formed between her brows heralded her confusion. "Why not? You came, didn't you? I mean, I saw you come."

"Yes," I whispered, my voice barely audible. Suddenly, the space between us became very still and close. "Twice."

"Twice? Really? Are you kidding?"

Her scent was everywhere. "No." My thoughts raced wildly. She smelled so good, freesia and lavender overwhelming my senses, and her proximity intoxicated me further. I was an addict, here and ready for my fix, which meant nothing less than crawling inside this woman and taking my drug by force, if need be. I felt savage and uncontrollable. I saw my hand reaching for her – and I jumped back in panic.

"Edward? What is it?"

My body was captivated by her, entirely tense and ready to spring. The monster inside me growled with delirium and desire, a wild beast pacing in its cage. I did not thirst, but to drink from her lips; I did not hunger, but to consume her in ecstasy and lust. My mind knew nothing but what was before me: my love, accessible, available and without guile within reach. I took a step backward.

"Bella," I breathed, unable to say more. I sought her eyes, pleading for her to find meaning in my gaze and understand the cravings that were driving me mad, cravings I didn't understand myself. My need for her was all-consuming, and I stood enraptured, unable to leave, and afraid to stay.

"I'm here, Edward," she whispered, kneeling forward and reaching out to me. Reflexively, my hand raised in a motion to stop, and I stepped away, my back against the window.

"Don't… please."

Her face crumbled in confusion and hurt as she fell back to the bed. Her supple ass rested on her tiny, perfect feet. I wanted to suck those toes, lick that ass. I drew in a ragged breath, trying to gain enough strength to speak. I let my eyes close, reluctant to look away from the essence of the heart that once beat in my chest sitting there on the bed. I sucked in a deep breath.

"I don't know what's happening to me, Bella. I feel… weak, unwell and –" I opened my eyes to see her again. "Insatiable." I could not close my eyes again; the moment she had been away from me had been too long, I saw the concern on her face, and felt it ripple in waves across my skin. She bit her tender lip, the flesh puckering between her teeth. Why did she injure me this way? Instantly, the need inside me surged, splintering and destroying any caution and restraint left within me. I rushed to her, wanting nothing more in that moment than to stroke her brow, calm her fears and worries. "Shoo, shoo, don't worry, little love." Her skin was silk in the wind beneath my fingers, smooth, soft and charged with electricity. I brushed my fingertips across her forehead, willing the worry away. I needed to kiss the evidence of her distress, to own it and take it back into my body. My lips brushed her forehead, hot, hot and inviting. My lips melted into her skin, my kiss oozing down her face to her mouth. Her eyes were wide as I inhaled her delicious breath, her mouth fragrant and strong. I needed her tongue; I wanted her tongue,

My hand slid beneath her top, seeking the soft petals of her flawless nipples. I sighed into her mouth as my touch affirmed what my heart dreamed of: they pebbled in excitement under my command. I let my tongue taste hers, fencing in a delightful battle we would both win. My need grew with each sensation I experienced; I let my mouth move to her jaw, to her neck, to her collarbone, to that perfect nipple. I pushed her back to the bed with the strength of my embrace, letting my hand slide down her flat, exposed belly to the waistband of her panties. The flimsy barrier gave me no resistance, but added to the thrill and anticipation of touching her downy hair and slick folds. I drew in a sharp breath and she shivered responsively; I was destroyed, lost in my need for her. My fingers probed further.

A slight breeze carried the scent of familiarity, and I spun around, willing the uninvited visitors away with a growl. I shielded her with my body; she was mine, and I would not share her. The moment the growl erupted, a weariness washed over me, breaking my protective guard of Bella behind me.

"We came as soon as I saw it, Bella," Alice said, rushing towards us. "I'm sorry I wasn't here faster, but it wasn't until he touched you that it started."

I wanted to lie down. Where was Bella? I needed her, she needed to be near me. I exhaled, the breath leaving me in exhaustion. My body still clamored to be next to Bella, but the incredible weight of fatigue was too much to bear. I slumped into a heap, then rolled onto my back.

"What is it, Alice? What's wrong with him?"

A faint touch of hysteria was in her voice, calling me to her to soothe her nerves, to kiss away each woe, but I was far too debilitated to rise. "Bella," I whispered, the weight of the word pinning me to the bed.

"I don't think he knew, Bella," Alice explained, her voice soothing and melodic. "But Edward's having his first love day."

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_**A/N: If you have not read all of LolaShoes' work, go search for her profile RIGHT NOW. You can thank me later. **_


	32. Chapter 32: Tender

_I owe a major thank you to my beta, Mr. Bigg. Thanks for sticking with me in the journey through this chapter. _

_All characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended._

**Tender**

Two sets of hands held me to the bed, but they weren't the hands I wanted. "Bella," I croaked, straining against the iron bands gripping my arms. :"Bella, I need you." My voice sounded strange to me, syrupy and sluggish.

I heard the background humming noise of Jasper and Alice's thoughts. Where was Bella? Why were they here? Where was Bella? "Bella? Bella, are you all right?" I couldn't lift my head or open my eyes. She was near; I could smell her and hear the wild thumping of her heart. Why was her heart racing? What were they doing to her?

"Jasper, can you…?" Alice's voice sounded irritated; I didn't understand. Was Jasper hurting Bella? I would turn him into ash if he harmed one hair on her head. I tried to rise, to find her, to take her away from here. My body was so heavy and so restrained. Why couldn't I move?

"Alice, I'm doing what I can. We're going to need Emmett," Jasper said, his voice next to my ear. I heard the tones of his cell phone sound as he pushed in the number. _Edward, relax, relax, Bella's right here and she's okay. _

"Jasper, why can't I see her? Why is her heart pounding? Why can't I see her?" I wanted to scream, to launch into attack until I found her again.

"Bella, come over here," Alice said quietly, still holding my arm and hand.

The bed bounced and dipped and suddenly, the heavens opened up and there was God's greatest angel, her face before me, saving me, resurrecting me from the hell I suffered in her absence. "Bella," I breathed, my relief palpable.

"Edward, I'm right here. I won't leave you. Jasper and Alice," her brow furrowed as she looked to the vampires in the room. What worry had they caused her? How had they mistreated my sweet girl, my Bella, my angel…? "Jasper and Alice are just helping. You need to calm down." Bella's gaze returned to mine. How perfect, how lovely. I was seized with the need to hold her.

"We won't be able to hold him much longer," Alice sighed, struggling to hold me down. The pictures in her head were dark, evil, and horribly wrong. Was she trying to frighten me?

"Alice, I would never hurt Bella," I breathed, trying to speak quickly and quietly to spare my love the moments of regret these words would bring. My thoughts were quick and quiet, but the weariness I felt thickened my tongue and slurred my speech. The moment the words convulsed off my tongue, Bella's face creased in worry and her head shot up, scanning side to side. Her long, chestnut hair fell across my face, an exquisite torture given my current restrained position. "Alice?"

_Edward, listen to me. You're having a love day. Think about it – think about Jasper in a love day. Use your head, Edward._ Was she scolding me, or trying to help? Her face appeared next to Bella's, too close, pushing Bella to one side in a disrespectful gesture. A low growl began to build in my chest. _Edward, it's a love day. LOVE DAY. _

Immediately, Alice's memories flipped through to Carlisle and Esme, inseparable, mooning over each other, unable to speak coherently unless touching each other. Memory after memory, watching their agonized moments when the world around intruded on their need for each other. _Remember?_

An explicit memory floated to the surface. I was sitting at the piano, playing a tune for Esme. It was 1934, and the little tune began to take shape as I watched her drawing a sketch of a child's face. Her thoughts were on her lost child, and though regret tinged her memories, she was thinking of how that loss had led her to the greatest joy she'd ever known with Carlisle. I was unconscious of how strong and poignant her thoughts were, though they swept through my mind to the keyboard. The sweet melody began to turn lusty and licentious, and soon I found I was rock hard and pounding at the keys. Gripped in the hold of her thoughts, my fingers pulsed so hard, the piano shook for a moment then disintegrated into a pile of splinter and wire.

My mouth had dropped open as I broke contact with Esme. Carlisle sped to the room, beckoned by the clamor, only to find me still seated on the bench, and Esme, bent, clutching her stomach, breathing with difficulty through her mouth.

"Rosebud?" He reached to touch her, to see what was wrong, and her thoughts went wild. I had to look away, out the window, pretending not to hear or notice or care about the deep desirous thoughts my mother had about my father. Her voice was raw as she called his name, and, understanding her need, Carlisle had whisked her to their room. I didn't seem them for three days.

Finally, once the possession had passed, Carlisle and I had discussed it in length. It made sense; our need for blood, denied by our own choosing, created other needs that carried the same intensity and strength. We had laughed that day, discussing it, believing it to be a phenomenon unique to Carlisle and Esme, but the first time Rose and Emmett destroyed their house, we began to understand its pervasiveness among our kind.

"A love day?" I asked Alice, coming to my senses a bit, straining to lean up. Bella was still there, watching me with eyes wide and frightened. She laid her hand over my heart, offering some sort of contact as she broke my gaze to face Alice. Her touch was my compass, my rosetta stone; the world made sense again and I could breathe. I was home. I fell back to her bed and sighed, let my head loll to the side.

"Alice? Tell me what's going on. I can't take it, seeing him like this," she moaned, her voice raw with fear. I ached to hold her, to stroke her brow, kiss her cheek, lose myself in her… I felt my body react before I knew what was happening; my crotch was again on fire and I ached for Bella lips against mine.

"Jasper, talk to him," Alice cried.

_Edward, brother. Relax. We're here with Bella – Alice is going to explain what's happening with you to her. I know it's impossible, Edward, but you've got to get calm. I can help you, but you have to help me, too. Can you try?_

My eyes shifted, trying to find Jasper. "What… what do I do?" It was all I could manage to croak out.

"Just lay back, Edward and don't fight it. Close your eyes." Jasper spoke slowly and deliberately, letting his soft Texas drawl slide into his voice. I knew he was manipulating me. He nodded to Alice and Bella. As they stood, Bella's hand lifted away from my chest and I felt as if I'd been cut into and left with an icy wound in my chest where that marked the absence of her. Nausea washed over me and I felt my falling into a grand abyss. I closed my eyes, and Jasper was speaking to me.

_I know it feels bad, Edward. Take a deep breath. _I inhaled deeply. _Good. We all know you love Bella. Remember how tender she is? That's going to be your touchstone. We'll work through this, but I want you to remember: Each time you think you're falling or can't breathe, remember, Bella is tender. Can you do that?_

"Bella is tender," I murmured, keeping my eyes closed.

"Bella," Alice's voice rang softly in the dark room. "Don't speak for a few minutes. Let me tell you about a love day.

"We 'vegetarians' get these every so often," she explained. "I don't know if there's an equivalent in the human world. Carlisle thinks it comes a natural byproduct of the suppression of our natural needs. When we're in a love day, the earth, the air, water and fire – everything – is about and for our mate." She wasn't explaining it right. It was so much more than that. Bella was sex, love, desire, sentiment, thought, deed, beauty, goodness, light… The more I thought of her, the larger the chasm loomed, pulling me, tumbling to its center. _Bella is tender, Bella is tender. _I sang the words over and over in my head like a mantra. My mind's eye saw her skin beneath my hand, so fragile, so delicate, necessitating the utmost care. _Bella is tender…_

"It usually happens after the… uh," Alice was stuttering. I listened to her thoughts, saw the world through her eyes for just a moment. I understood her hesitation immediately, and felt the sting of shame flicker inside me. The head of my penis was peeking out the waistband of my pants, my arousal obvious for all to see. I raised my hand limply, trying to cover up the source of her embarrassment, but only managed to brush my shirt open more.

The direction of Alice's voice changed. "Jasper, maybe you can lighten up a little? Just enough so…"

"Oh, sorry," Jasper whispered. _What is Bella, Edward? _His thought was pointed, poking directly into my consciousness. As the consuming wave of exhaustion peeled back infinitesimally, I thought, _Bella is tender. _

"Bella is tender," I said hoarsely. And the veil of fatigue lifted a shade higher. I pulled my shirt over my waist, rolling to my side and bringing my knees toward my chest. Bella was right where she should have been, where she always was in my world; I was curled around her in a giant C. My fingers sought her skin; her hand moved to touch my face. The breach opened before me, beckoning me to allow myself to fall. _Bella is tender, Bella is tender…_ The chant of the words stilled the dizziness and allowed me to enjoy the warmth of her touch.

"I guess what I'm trying to say, Bella, is that usually this happens after the first few times you go all the way," Alice continued, her voice delicate and ringing. "He just really, really needs you."

I wanted to open my eyes, to see my Bella, to know I was in the safety of my lover's gaze. My eyes fluttered open, and the reward for my effort was to see her angelic face, peering down in the darkness. The look of love in her eyes kindled the fires inside me anew. _Bella is tender…_

Without shifting her eyes from mine, Bella asked, "Is that why he's like… this?"

Jasper answered unexpectedly. "No, that's my fault," he said, his voice hushed. "I'm keeping him fatigued so he doesn't react so violently."

Her head snapped up, and my cold heart fractured into tiny slivers as she looked away. "Violently?"

"Bella?" I tried to lean up. I longed to hold her, she needed me to hold her. _Bella is tender, Bella is tender, Bella is tender…_ The fatigue increased and I slumped under its weight.

"He doesn't know it, but if he were allowed to let the love day run its course, you'd probably end up severely injured, Bella."

"Our bodies are like living stone, Bella," Alice said consolingly. "It could rip through your skin."

Bella gulped convulsively, and I shuddered. The truth of the words rang in my head so loudly, I moved my hands to hold my head. _Bella is…_ Why did the truth hurt so much?

"You're going to need to sleep, Bella, and we need to get Edward home," Alice whispered. I felt the muscles in my chest constrict, choking me at the thought of leaving her side. My hands shot from my head to her sides, wrapping around her waist in a clench.

A short "ugh" escaped Bella's lips, as if I'd knocked the breath of her. Immediately, the fatigue returned, loosening my grip on her and knocking me back to the bed.

"Can't he just stay here tonight?" Bella's voice was tight and worried. _Yes, love, I will stay with you always, forever. _

"It's going to be kind of hard to explain to Charlie in the morning, don't you think?" Alice chuckled a little. "Your vampire boyfriend, curled around you in a listless heap, with his brother and sister standing in your room and his other brother waiting outside?"

I had to protect Bella. _Bella is tender._ Protect Bella. It was my reason to live, my reason to - a strangulated moan escaped me – my reason to go.

"Jasper, help me up," I croaked. I felt the fatigue ease a hairsbreadth, and I sat up. I turned to Bella, her eyes moist and concerned. "Bella, love," I said, gently lifting her delicate pale hands to my lips. "I want, more than anything, to stay with you. But Jasper and Alice are right." I tore myself away from my beautiful subject, looking to my siblings. "Please help me leave."

Alice scooted next to my chest, lifting my arm over her shoulders without a word. Jasper grabbed my other arm as she lifted me. "Come on, Edward. Let's go home. Emmett's outside." We moved to the window, my feet dragging as I tried to walk.

"Oh sweet girl, how I want to stay! Know that Bella; know I would stay if I could." I wanted to run to her side, to hold her. Every step toward the window, I fought the howling agony of separation.

"Ready, Edward?" Alice nodded to Jasper. In unison, they leaned forward through the window, falling through the night air, tormenting anguish blazing through me as we fell.

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_**A/N: **__**Thank you to all the readers who have left comments, questions and suggestions. You're my strength and my motivation! Honestly, your words feed me. **_


	33. Chapter 33: Ring

_Happy holidays, my friends. I have so much to be thankful for this season that it's hard to know where to start, but I would like to give a special thanks to everyone who left reviews for the last (or any) chapter. You are my strength – and I owe you so much. Thank you. _

_I know this chapter has been long forthcoming. It's been tough finding time to write, what with the holidays and my mister's bout with pneumonia. Thank you to all who have stuck by, waiting. (And yes, he's better…)_

_As always, a huge thank you to my beta and muse, Mr. Bigg. Thank you for inspiring me and keeping me on track. _

_All characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended._

**Ring**

I lay on my chaise, trying to make rhythm out of the raindrops pounding against my roof. The plink plunk seemed to tap out the essence of my need: _Bell-lah, Bell-lah. Bell-lah. _

All night, my body would not respond correctly, would not comply to my commands. _Get up. Pull yourself together. Do something constructive._ Still, here I lay, deeply lethargic, lost in a mist of exhaustion and need.

Mentally, I chastised myself for the many nights I'd been annoyed with the incessant romantic preoccupations my family had indulged. I had no understanding of the need, the fiery river that coursed down their nerves and through their brains. It had been weakness, an indulgence, a hedonistic intemperance they permitted themselves, something they _chose_ not to control. In the midst of my own love day, I began to understand how truly devastating payback could be.

And through it all, through the pain and need and want and worry, _Bell-lah, Bell-lah. Bell-lah._ It was enough to drive me mad.

Alice and Jasper appeared to be sitting casually by, engaged in a quiet, meaningless conversation. Their thoughts were idle, but carefully so. I imagined this was for my benefit, giving me time to work through this mess.

How would I get through this night without touching her? Moreover, what would happen tomorrow when at last again I saw her delicate skin lit by her inner fire? I needed an outlet for this unrest, a shelter for my need. Both existed with Bella: she was both my release and my safe harbor. But I could not bury myself within her. Even now, simply considering her nearness, the warmth of her sex, a soft moan escaped my mouth, giving air to my need.

Both Alice and Jasper's minds went blank, as the considered my reclining form. "He's not getting better," Jasper whispered to Alice.

"He's working it out, Jazz. Give it time," she comforted, leaning forward to place her tiny hand on his. They exchanged a look, and their thoughts flared with desire for a instant before their control set in.

Control. I needed control. _Bella is tender. _That had to be my control.

There will come a day, soon I hope, when I will give Bella everything. I let my head loll to the side, away from my siblings. My eyes came to rest on the cabinet where I kept the remembrances of my parents. The ring. Someday soon, I will offer her the ring.

As my father before me, the ring will be the physical symbol of my love for her. The precious misstep in excitement; the blush of discovery of the woman behind the mask. Each time her lips pursed with the second syllable of my name, or pressed thin in determination. Every thought, every gesture, every aspiration or embarrassment; I would cherish them all and all would be bound together forever, unending and symbolized in the ring.

The ring would be my offer of chastity, save for her. I would complete in her sweet, soft kiss; aglow from her desire. My body would shield and protect her as we melted into each other; I would be her armor as she would be my sanctuary. I would be whole in the circle of her embrace, and she would find asylum surrounded by my arms, forever symbolized by the ring.

I brought my gaze back to the roof. Would she wear my ring? I would offer it freely, offer myself freely and accept that the ring, like my love, was hers to accept or reject as she chose. She was strong, she would choose. I would always be in her command, no matter what the cost.

Would she have my heart? The first time her scent had reached me, I was hers, completely and totally abandoned to her whim. I had no will, save what she would have me do; I had no desire, save that which pleased her heart. I had no control, save that she gave me and bade me give back to her. She was free. I wanted her free. Free to ignore me, free to choose me, free to reject me, free to love me. I was hers, no matter what she chose to keep for herself or discard.

Would I find the strength to restraint myself? In Bella's strength, I would. Would I survive as she learned? Would I last through her decisions? Would I ever get off this couch?

"Jasper," I croaked, my throat dry and raw, "Let me up."

Jasper watched me from the corner of his eye. He seemed suspicious of my motives, as if I'd disappear the moment he pulled his lethargy away. His thoughts confirmed his look, and added the story of his concern for my pain.

"It's okay, Jazz," Alice chimed, "He's not going anywhere."

The heaviness rolled away from me like the morning fog over the coast. I felt weightless and buoyant, and took in a deep breath. The pain of separation overtook me as the air filled my lungs. A little moan escaped my mouth.

Alice was at my side immediately. "It's going to hurt for a while, Edward," she comforted, "But you'll be in control soon."

I rolled to a seated position, letting my head fall into my hands. I still wanted her, still needed her, still craved the circle of her arms. "The ring," I uttered, issuing from me like a prayer. I stood and walked to the cabinet, pulling open the little drawer.

"Edward, that's perfect." Alice jumped up from the chaise with excitement, throwing her arms around me from behind with childlike abandon. "You found your control. I love you so much." She pulled me tightly to her chest, her cheek flat against my back. I grunted softly, and immediately her arms were gone.

"C'mon, Jazz. He's figured it out." I turned around as she skipped to Jasper and picked up his hand as he stood. "We're going upstairs, Edward. Don't leave without us." _I need to help Jasper with everything he's been fighting. _

"Jasper," I blurted out before they could leave. "Thank you. I can't say what outcome would have come to pass if you hadn't been there."

"You know the service always here, brother," Jasper said, as a wave of relief swept the room. I smiled.

"I know, Jasper, thanks."

Jasper bowed a little, announcing his exit. "If you'll excuse me, Edward. It's been a tough day with all the emotional upheavals. And my lady awaits." He turned and sped up the staircase after Alice. His thoughts were not at all gentlemanly or proper; he needed time away from my love day, time to recoup from the pent-up emotions with his wife. His need stirred me, and for a moment the dizziness overtook me. I raked my hand through my hair.

The slow sunrise was just tinting the sky. I stood at the glass wall, hands in my pockets, looking out into the denseness of the trees. The night would end, another circle complete. Dawn would break soon, and I would, once again, be with Bella. My Bella. My tender Bella.

"So, is this like a scientific experiment to see if a vampire can die of blue balls?" Emmett's snide remark boomed through the room. "Or maybe you need some advice about what goes where…?" He snorted in delight over his insipid joke.

"Emmett, you're as funny as a crutch," I said laughingly.

"You mean like you needed back at the Swan's nest?"

"Yeah, I guess so," I replied, apologetic. "Thanks, Em."

"Ah, forget it. You would of done the same," he dismissed me with a shove. "'Sides, who else I got to make fun of?"

_Edward's a pretty easy target… _Rosalie leaned against the jamb of the door, her thoughts unusually charitable. "Emmett, leave him alone. I need some help resetting the piston rings on the beemer."

Emmett glanced at Rose with irritation. "Really, bro, you okay?" _I can hang around if you need me. _

"Yes, Em, I'm fine. Go help Rose."

Emmett punched me softly in the arm and walked towards Rose, his outstretched arm extended. She reached to her, circling his waist. "C'mon, baby. Let's make that motor purr." His thoughts made it clear he wasn't talking about the car, and Rose giggled as if she knew that, too.

'

I still had a few hours to kill before I picked her up for school. I looked at my chaise and considered writing, but my recent musings while incapacitated urged me out of the room. My piano popped into my mind, the idea immediately appealing.

I padded down the hallway at a human's pace, a little melody repeating and cycling in my head, all inspired by the rich color of Bella's hair. I followed the melody, soft and sultry, letting the tone halo my mind as it led me through the house to my piano. Without thought, I passed by Alice and Jasper's room.

"Alice," Jasper breathed, lust heavy in his voice. I tried to hurry past, feeling awkward and intrusive.

_Two cocks _are_ better than one. Jasper and Edward sitting before me, naked, hard, and waiting. Their hands rubbing their cocks, their faces expectant. On my knees, my hands run up their thighs. Take Jasper in my mouth, stroke Edward. Jasper's cock twitches beneath my tongue; Edward's hand on my hand, stroking him harder. Switch. Mm, Edward tastes good, too, his shaft is long and straight and hard. Jasper's harder, watching me suck Edward's cock, stroking himself, his other hand on the back of my head as I go down again…_

Alice and Jasper, making love, fantasizing. Oh God.

_Alice's ass is a thing to behold. _The lust poured forth, emotional and needy. _Ride me, Alice, squeeze my cock with your tight box. Good God, that is indescribable. _I had to remember to breathe; my fingertips searched for the steadiness of the wall as I tried to walk. _I want to fuck your mouth, your breasts, your hands, I need your hands on me now. Yes, darlin', just like that; flip over and show me that mouth…_

I shook my head. Under the spell of my own love day, the emotions and desires of the unexpected fantasy made me gulp. I leaned against the wall, struggling for breath. I felt prurient and unclean, oversensitive and aching. I squeezed my eyes closed against the onslaught of thoughts and tried to find strength to move away.

_Yes, Jasper, move behind me and fuck me, slap my ass. Ride me like a pony, ride your little Alice. The idea of these two, oh darkness! Edward in my mouth, Jasper impaling me, slow and deliberate, his stroke matching my head. To have both cocks hard and inside me. What if they were both in my mouth? _

I had to move, had to move. I dropped to my knees and crawled down the hall, working with every reserve of strength and speed I had to get away. I knew it was just fantasy, nothing that would ever be acted on, but I couldn't endure it now, not today. The images grew more vague and indistinct with each inch away. _Three Jaspers, fucking my tits, my box, my ass, Edward in my mouth…_

I finally made it to the stairs, and sped down the spiraling staircase to the back door, outside.

It's not that I've never overheard fantasies before. I know Alice bears no conscious lust for me, nor I for her. They are thoughts, stray musings designed to heighten the arousal – that's all.

I walked past Esme's garden to the river. My senses were heightened by my need for Bella; the sexual cravings of my siblings did not set me at ease or lighten the load. Though everyone fantasizes – often about very wrong situations – not everyone knew the fantasies of those around them. Knowing their longings, their needs, the desires of everyone in the world _except_ the one woman who held the key to my undoing… It felt as though there were some cosmic joke set in motion in my life, letting me slide down a winding helix, a never-ending circle of desire and restraint..

Temptation, desire, want and need; it all burned within me so darkly, a hidden force I had to control. How easy it would be to give in, to release those reins of control holding me back from my desire! How light, how sweet, how free I would be…

I watched the river flow and once again thought of good and evil, right and wrong. With my own free will, I had chosen to walk this path; with my free will, I chose to resist my baser nature. Bella's blood was my first baptism by fire; her sex was my next.

Light swallowed the darkness around me, and time pressed on. I stood, watching the river flow, wondering where my life would take me next, and if I would survive the journey.


	34. Chapter 34: Intentions

_I'm sad to say only a few more chapters now, which is probably why this chapter is extra long. Thank you to all the readers who've stayed with me on the journey. Every time you review, it is heartsong for me, and I can't tell you enough how much I appreciate it._

_As always, a huge thank you to my beta and muse, Mr. Bigg. Thank you for inspiring me and keeping me on track. _

_All characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended._

**Intentions**

I felt my breath trapped in my throat as the front door cracked. In a moment, an instant, she would be standing before me, all beauty and love come to life and packaged in the most perfect of human bodies. I fought against the urge to rush the porch.

Bella looked flush and concerned as she pulled the door closed behind her. Her eyes found me immediately. I felt the muscles in my chest twinge with guilt as I saw the small v between her brows, signaling that her worry hadn't ceased. She needed reassurance; I smiled crookedly, trying to offer what she needed.

"Edward, are you all right?" I felt my body stiffen as her scent overtook me. Her delicate features were indescribable, from the silken cords of her hair on her head, to the feathery brush of her lashes against her cheek, her heart-shaped mouth, to the petite and adorable feet that brought her to me. She tripped in her progress towards me, and immediately fear gripped me. I struggled to keep a happy-go-lucky expression on my face.

"Yes, Bella, I'm quite well, thank you," I bantered, trying to sound flippant and teasing. She was so damnably observant; did she sense the desires my façade restrained? I opened her door, waiting for her, hoping against hope that I appeared as if nothing significant happened last night.

She peered into my eyes, standing so closely that leaning forward and down would reward me with a kiss. A soft, wet, warm, pliable kiss… I knew I mustn't think that way. Getting through school fighting my desires would be difficult enough in her presence; and letting my love-peppered musings get the better of me would certainly end all my best efforts. I stood stock still, not breathing, allowing her to take inventory of me.

"Well?" Her voice was soft and mellifluous, kind and concerned. I wanted her to breathe all over me. "Are you really all right? I mean, last night, I was so worried."

"Yes, well that," I replied, motioning her to take a seat in the car. She did so, her eyes leaving me only long enough to find her position. I sped around the car, entered and sat, turning on the engine in a fluid motion. "I'm sorry you had to witness that. I'm much better now." _And I love you more than ever, my heart, my life…_

She turned, facing me, her eyes narrowed in examination. "And you think I'm going to buy that." It was not a question.

"There's nothing to buy, Bella." I tried for wounded, but my bright, observant, beautiful girl would have none of it. She turned her gaze to the road, and I could almost hear the gears turning as she processed the information. Almost.

I glanced at her face in profile, confirming that she's coming to her own conclusions. I knew I had to do better than this, better at explanation, better at divergence, but the pieces would not align. It was as if something huge and undeniable kept moving in between what I wanted to do and what I should do, and Bella noticed. Could she see the enormity of all she meant to me? I resigned myself to the silence of her mind as frustration met futility.

"Really, Edward, sometimes I wonder."

"What do you wonder?" Her tone was irritated. I wanted to stop the car, pull to the side, scoop her out of her seat and promise her anything, just to make the irritation go away. I knew the love day had me in its grips, but hearing any displeasure out of her lips was almost more than I could bear.

"I wonder what it will take for you to trust me." She turned to me, her features hard. _Oh Bella, please…_

"Bella, love, I _do_ trust you."

"You don't trust me enough to tell me the truth, though," she said, wounded. "Alice said you were having a love day, and Jasper has to incapacitate you to keep you still, then you all just _fly_ out of the room like there's no tomorrow, and today you're, what - quite well, thank you? Do you think I'm that stupid? That thoughtless?"

I gulped. She was right.

"No, I don't think you're thoughtless or stupid," I said softly. "It seems those monikers would apply to me." I glanced at her as we pulled into the school lot. "I'm sorry."

"Just tell me what's going on, then, Edward. _Please._"

"I –, " The screeching in my head was thunderous and unwelcome. Swinging my head, he came into view across the lot, leaning against a black motorcycle. I felt the hackles stand on the back of my neck, and immediately, uncharitably, I wondered if Bella had called him here.

"Bella," I said, speaking lowly and with urgency. "Will you spend the day with me, so I can explain?" Her eyes were immediately alit with consent, until she saw Jacob.

"Do you want to spend the day with me, or are you just trying to keep me away from _him_?" She pointed at Jacob with her forehead, but her expression spoke the betrayal she felt.

"Please," I begged. "I was apologizing before I heard him."

She studied my face, searching for traces of deception, or… jealousy, perhaps? I knew she would find none. My heart was at last open to this woman, for whom I would give anything, _anything_, to keep and please. Her eyes flitted back to Jacob.

"Hang on, Edward, okay?" She leaned across the seat to touch my hand in reassurance. The gentle caress of her skin opened the gates of heaven. Angels sang as her tiny, delicate, oh so human skin brushed against the cold marble of my own. All my careful planning unraveled and fell to the floor, my mouth dropping open and a short, violent inhalation jerked through my body. My eyes found her hand on mine and all I could do was let them feast on the beauty of her skin against mine. She followed my gaze to her hand, and startled, unconsciously pulled it away from mine. I was in freefall, tumbling and plunging, lost without her touch.

The rapping at my window brought me back to the rainy, Forks High parking lot. Jacob was at my window, waiting for me to lower it. I adjusted myself in my seat, and took a hard swallow.

"Jacob."

"Blood sucker," he quipped. "Bella." He sensed the scene between us, his thoughts confused about what was actually going on. "I just came to tell you, we've seen the red-headed leech on our lands again. Hope she's not anything to you. This weekend should be her last." _What's going on here? Is Bella hurt?_

"No," I answered both questions. "But thanks."

"Jacob, please. Be careful. She's dangerous and -," Bella started, but Jacob cut her off.

"We know what we're doing, Bella. 'Sides, looks like you have enough to keep you occupied." His eyes flashed to me before he turned and walked away. Bella's gaze followed him.

"Do you want to go talk to him?" Every muscle in my body tensed in anticipation. I knew the answer, but I prayed she wouldn't say it.

"It can wait. You and I need to talk first," she said, and I felt my body relax. "Are we ditching school today?"

I didn't need another cue. I turned the key and pressed my foot to the accelerator. The rain began to fall on the windshield. "Do you mind getting a little wet?"

"Uh, in case you haven't noticed, we're in _Forks_." My sweet, funny Bella. "So, you wanted to explain?"

"Yes," I said, gulping down my tension. "Should we start with love days?"

"I think that's a great start," she answered dryly.

"Carlisle and I have talked about this at length," I began. "We suppose it's because of our 'vegetarian' diet. The best we've been able to determine given the lack of research is that by suppressing what our bodies crave, our chemistry seeks other outlets for physical gratification. We call them love days, because they happen for a vampire with their mate, and never with anyone else." I turned onto the highway.

"So you just _love _someone, then?"

"Well, yes, but with a physical need that borders on addiction. The urgings are so strong, that to be separated from one's mate causes physical pain." Her brows knitted together as she processed the information.

"You're in pain?"

"Well, you're here, with me, so I'm okay." _Crawl over to me, love; make me whole. _

"You didn't answer my question. You need to tell me, Edward."

"Yes, Bella, I'm in pain." _A pain only you can end._

"Is that why you gasped when I touched your hand?"

"Yes."

"So, it's like a super-lust or something?"

"Yes and no; mostly no. It's more than lust. It's like a synaesthesia, a blending of the senses. You touch me, and my chest swells with love for you. You're display disappointment, and my arms ache to hold you." She was watching me, taking in the information. "I don't know that there's a human equivalent; the closest I can approximate is that a woman feels for her newborn child, or the cravings of a drug-deprived heroin addict."

She looked out the rain-streaked window for a few moments, considering what she'd heard and matching the information to the images in her head. She leaned forward and looked out the front windshield. "I can't see the clouds." She seemed to be talking to herself in a calming way. Had what I'd said upset her? What went on in that head as she worked this into understanding?

"Bella, please tell me what you're thinking before I go mad."

She pulled back slowly to her seat, settling in with a small grunt. Still gazing through the front windshield, she said, "I guess I'm just trying to take it all in, Edward. I sort of get the pain part of it, but why did Jasper have to keep you, uh… down?"

"That's fair enough," I said, breathing a sigh of relief. She wasn't angry or frightened, and we seemed to be on the path to understanding. "You remember Jasper's gift, right?"

"Yeah, controlling emotions," she said, a question hanging in her answer.

"It's a bit more than that. He can manipulate emotion, change the level higher or lower, yes, but he also senses it and is affected by it. He could sense the level of need I felt for you, the physical aspect of my desire. He felt my feelings, and knew that if I followed my emotions to satisfy myself, you would be harmed in the process. He also has a sort of back-up sensor, in that he knows how my actions will affect the future."

"Alice," she whispered, picking up my meaning.

"Yes. Alice saw the course my emotions would run, and saw danger for you and me, both."

"Both?"

"Yes, both. You, for the physical damage I could inflict on you. And for me, the emotional damage I would carry because of that physical damage. I wasn't in control."

"But you're with me today?"

"Yes, I couldn't stay away. I need to be near you. Physical pain, remember?" The turnout for the trail head appeared on the left. I swung the car around and parked. "I found my control, and its that control that guides me today. Here we are."

Bella's face lit up with excitement. "The meadow?" she asked, smiling as she undid her seat belt.

"I thought… It's where we've had our most enlightening conversations, and I thought today should not become an exception." I watched her expression fill with eagerness and satisfaction, as if this were her idea as well. She opened the truck door and swung her legs over to jump down. I was there before she hit the ground, scooping her into my arms. She was a bundle of love, all mine, now and always. Her mouth dropped open, her eyes wide and questioning. "We have important things to say; I can't risk you being hurt."

I set her down taking her hand, small and warm in mine. She let me lead her to the mouth of the path, so trusting and unafraid – so Bella. "Are you ready?"

"Yes," she said, her chin dipping slightly.

I turned my back to her, pulling her hand and arm around my neck. The sweetness of her scent burned through my senses, scorching me with desire and sensual penury. "Ready?" She didn't answer, but clutched tightly at my neck and pressed her sex against my back. I was encircled by love. "Close your eyes."

* * *

The meadow glistened in the soft rain, quiet and untouched, as if it had been waiting for our return. Flowers, bathed in the rain, released their sweet fragrance, welcoming, beckoning. I came to a stop beneath a sheltering hemlock, touching my love's hands encircling my neck.

"Open your eyes," I breathed over my shoulder. Bella's scent fused with the meadow, creating a heady mélange that whispered _home_. I bent my knees, allowing her to ease herself to the ground. As she stood, her hand sought mine.

"Edward, it's so beautiful," she murmured, taking in the full range of the meadow. Our meadow. "I've never seen it in the rain."

We stood together, Bella watching the quiet rain bathe our heaven on earth as I watched Bella. Her silent reverence for our secret place was no mere devoir; the awed hush she held as she regarded the rain, the flowers and the earth demonstrated to me exactly what this meadow meant to her. My chest was full with love and pride as I stood behind her, sharing the vista, my arms circling around her waist.

I leaned down, letting my breath find her ear. "Bella," I whispered, breaking her reverie. "This will always be ours."

She turned within my arms, facing me, love emanating from her eyes. "Thank you. Thank you for this secret, for bringing me here. For bringing me here today." She raised up on her tiptoes to kiss me, and it was all I could do to resist lifting her and plunging my tongue into her mouth. She dropped to her feet, arms still around my neck.

"Will you sit with me?" Her brows pulled together as she moved.

I led her to the trunk of the tree, where the branches sheltered her from the rain, and sat facing next to her. The rain found its way to me, now and again pelting me with tiny drops that spread into blots. "Are you comfortable, love?"

"Edward, I'm fine," she said, looking directly into my eyes. "Why did you bring me here?"

"Have I displeased you?"

"No, not at all," she whispered, breaking her gaze and searching the meadow. "This is my favorite place on earth, when you're here with me."

"I'm sorry," I sighed, letting my nerves regain composure from grip of momentary panic. "I'm doing my best to control the love day, but I think it gets the better of my composure." Her face was relaxed and non-judgmental. "This is my favorite place on earth, too, which is exactly why I came here.

"When I'm in your presence, Bella, I feel more myself than at any other time. You've let me share with you, and give you parts of myself, something I'd been missing."

"I know, Edward, I feel the same way. I feel like there was a whole side of me that was missing before I met you. Something no one else knew to even look for, and you saw it in me right away. You made me feel special, and I can't imagine why you see me that way."

"Even though I can't read your mind, I can read your heart, which is more beautiful and giving than I ever imagined. It's your heart that calls me back, love, it's your warmth. And I don't mean solely physically, although that's been pretty spectacular as well." She blushed crimson, and I melted. I felt the love day rising to the surface, threatening to take over, and I gulped it down, willing it into reserve.

"What is it, Edward? Are you alright?"

I chuckled. "See? That's what I mean. Who else sees that? Who else would ask after my well-being, knowing that I'm fairly indestructible?" I leaned toward her, lifting my hand to run through her damp, silky hair. "Only you, Bella. Only you could care for one such as I.

"I know you want more from me, and I long to give it to you. Since Italy… Since I came back…," I stammered, trying to find the right words. "I have never felt so awkward, trying to say something so basic," I muttered, more to myself than to her. "I've gone over this in my head so many times. Bella," I took her hand and looked into her eyes, "You've made me realize what I've been missing, what's kept me from feeling complete. It's you, you were missing from my world. And now that I know that, I don't want to waste another moment. I want to give myself to you, however you will take me." I dropped my eyes, and picked up her tiny hand, kissing the knuckles.

"Really?" Her eyes were bright with excitement, her expression eager.

"Yes, love. Really," I whispered, stroking her hair. "You may have noticed I can't keep my hands off you."

"Isn't that just because of the... ," she hesitated, the concern creasing her brow once more. "Because of the love day?"

"The love day has impacted me, yes," I whispered in her ear, "but it's far more than that. It's you. Your scent, the smell of your skin," I said, running my nose down her neck and up her throat. When my lips reached hers, I pulled her head closer to me and breathed into her mouth. "It's the taste of your tongue." Her eyes closed as I darted my tongue into her hot mouth, and she returned my kiss. The sweetness of her embrace was intoxicating and overwhelming. Our tongues sparred in mock battle, a war we both would win. Her heart was pounding, inviting, promising me everything. My control began to slip and with great reluctance, I pulled back.

She opened her eyes, clearly unhappy with my retreat. "Um, I thought you, I thought we were…" She trailed off, the pale blush returning to her cheeks.

"Oh sweet girl, I love you." I leaned in and kissed her chastely at the corner of her mouth. "It's cold here, love, and you are not protected."

"But then when? Where?" Her eyes searched mine, demanding an answer. "I want this, Edward. More than words can say, I want this." She was on her knees, her arms around my neck.

Our foreheads touched as we moved closer together. "Wherever you say, whenever you say, as long as you're safe, love."

"Can we go somewhere?"

I pulled back to examine her face. "Where do you have in mind, Bella?"

"What about…," she bit her lip, thinking, completely capturing my attention with that small gesture. "What if we went to Canada this weekend?"

"Uh, isn't there a small problem with that?"

"What do you mean?"

"Charlie?"

"Oh," She bit her lip again. I watched with intense fascination as she ran it between her teeth. "I can say we're going to visit Renee. Renee will be okay with that, I'm sure."

It was my turn to consider the possibilities. A whole weekend, uninterrupted, alone with Bella. No running away at dawn, no teasing siblings to deal with… It could be… "Perfect."

"Really? Oh, Edward!" She pulled me close in a hug, her heart pounding once again. Her warmth permeated my damp clothes and threatened to undo me again. I pushed her away lightly.

"Oops. Sorry," she apologized, sitting back on her feet. "I'll call Renee tonight, then we can tell Charlie on Thursday."

"Bella," I started, my throat suddenly dry and constricted, "I've been examining who and what I am.

"Though my skin is not tender, my love for you is. My heart may not beat, but it yearns for you and no other. I can live without water," I held my hand out as a raindrop fell into my palm, "I can live without sun, stars, air or breath, but I cannot live without you.

"I've searched myself, trying to find that which is not made whole by you. And I can tell you truly, that part does not exist. You have saved me in more ways than I can count, never thinking of yourself; you have risked your entire being for my benefit.

"I can think of nothing else in my existence that has given me so much _joy._ In this place, holy to us, I pledge all that I am, all that I have, now and forever, to you."

I scrambled to my knees, and took her small hand in mine. "Bella, I will give you my love and devotion from now until eternity. Will you marry me?"

I couldn't read her expression, and panic seized me as I waited. After a millennium, she whispered, "Yes." And my heart soared.

* * *

_**A/N**: I hope you'll leave a note of review and, as Alice would say, "Show me the love."_


	35. Chapter 35: Weekend

_Just a few chapters left in the story, so let me say some thank yous now so I don't forget! I want to thank everyone who marked this as a favorite, with even bigger thank yous to all who left reviews. It means the world to me. __As always, a huge thank you to my beta and muse, Mr. Bigg. Thank you for inspiring me and keeping me on track. _

_All characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended._

**Weekend**

"Edward, don't you love me anymore?" Alice chirped like an angry hummingbird. "Don't you think you're being just a bit _selfish_?"

I hadn't considered Alice's feelings when the plans for the weekend took shape in my head. One would think after all these years, remembering how important celebration was to Alice would not be difficult. "I'm sorry, Alice. I wasn't thinking."

"Hmpf," Alice grunted. "Well, lucky for you, I'm a good person. I know just the place, and I've already made a reservation and taken care of the details. Because _I _love _you._" She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. An entire tableau appeared in her mind's eye, sparing no detail. The room was perfect for our weekend. I felt my face smiling before I could take it all in. "Bella will love it," she smirked.

"Alice, it's perfect. Thank you," I beamed. She really had thought of everything. "What about –"

"I've taken care of that, my brother," Jasper said from the doorway. He shoved an envelope towards me. I opened the envelope and saw that everything was completely in order. _Consider it an early gift._ "Don't ask about the details. I have connections."

"Have I made you suffer so much that you would take care of all of this without asking me?" I was chagrined, imagining all the trouble these two had taken to arrange so many things on my behalf.

"Not suffer so much," another voice chimed in with her thought finishing the sentence, _Worry. We all love you and want you to be happy, even if it is with a _[disgust]_ human._ "Emmett and I don't want any scenes, so we put new tires on the Volvo. You _are_ taking the Volvo, aren't you?"

"Yes, Rosalie, we'll take the Volvo," I answered. "Thank you." Laughter erupted from the garage as Emmett's little joke floated into my head. I spoke a bit more loudly to ensure my seriousness was not mistaken. "Take out the box of lube, Emmett."

"Ah, jeez, can't take a joke!" Emmett's disappointment bubbled up from the garage, and the rest of us burst into laughter as we shared a few moments of jovial fellowship.

"I can't thank you enough, though, seriously," I said, then turned to Alice. "And I promise not to be selfish for long. As long as it's agreeable to Bella, you can start playing the big wedding you've had your heart set on, Alice."

Alice trilled her excitement and threw her arms around my neck. "It's going to be so beautiful, Edward, I promise! Bring Bella by on the way home, so we can talk dresses and dates!" She grabbed Jasper's hand and danced out of the room.

"Remember, Bella has to agree! It's her wedding!" I called after her.

"I know! I know!" Her elation was uncontrollable, and I was smiling in spite of myself.

I crossed the threshold of my room, walking slowly with Rosalie. "I think she'll be good for you, Edward." _And I'll try to love her like a sister._

"Thanks, Rose," I said, feeling closer to her than ever before. "I'd say I'd owe you one, but I know better than that." She immediately checked my expression to ensure I was teasing without anger. I smiled at her and pushed her with my shoulder. She smiled and pushed back, taking off to join her husband.

I was fairly certain that Carlisle and Esme had been informed of the plans just as Rosalie and Emmett had, but I still felt nervous and humble facing them. They were my friends, certainly, but in all the ways that mattered, they were my parents. Their opinions and counsel were most important to me, although if they objected, the objection would lie useless between us. I had already decided to take this step with Bella and I would not change my mind. As I walked to Carlisle's study, I mulled the possibilities of their reactions in my mind. The door seemed larger and heavier than usual, a product of my nervousness, no doubt. I knocked gently.

"Come in, Edward," Carlisle responded, and I opened the door.

Carlisle and Esme sat in the office, holding hands, looking as nervous as I felt inside. I smiled weakly, unsure how to begin the conversation.

"Edward, Alice told us about this weekend," Carlisle began, taking me off the hook. "We're so pleased and proud of you. Do you have any questions for either of us?"

I felt a rush of love for my parents. They would forego their own embarrassment to ensure I was prepared for what was coming. I had heard their thoughts of love and lust for each other many times, but this… This was such a different proposition.

"I haven't any particular questions," I started, hesitantly forming the question I really wanted to ask. "I've seen images in the mind of others, so I'm fairly certain of the mechanics. What I really need to know is… Well… From a woman's point of view, what is most important?"

Esme gazed at me with love. "Edward, I'm so proud to be your mother. This is a really important question, and I'm glad you asked.

"Take your time. Let Bella realize how much you love and cherish her. Watch her breathing and the way she acts, the little things that give you clues, and help her through the moments when she might feel rushed or anxious. Let her see you at your best and your worst, so she knows you won't hide from her. Most importantly, make sure she understands that this is your love, forever, and you'll do fine."

The images in her head were private and detailed, showing me exactly how Carlisle had given her each of these things. I was humbled by her intensity and commitment. "Thank you, mom."

"There's only one thing I can counsel you on, son," Carlisle said, shifting his gaze from Esme to me. "As you come together, be prepared for the onslaught of deep emotion you'll feel. Even as I say this to you, I realize there's no way to be prepared for it, and that's what makes it so important, so special. Just don't fight it. Let her see it in you."

"Thank you," I said quietly to both of them. "It's so good to have your support for something so important. Our lives will be irrevocably changed, and I believe for the better."

"You have our blessings, son," Carlisle said softly as they both rose to hug me. Esme stepped toward me, arms outstretched.

"Don't worry about the wedding, Edward. But promise me we'll have a big one later so Alice will be happy." She pulled back from the hug to look me in the eye.

"I've already directed Alice to Bella after this weekend," I promised, leaning down to kiss her on the cheek. Her hug was strong.

Carlisle stepped forward to embrace me. "Son, Edward, I am so happy for you." I felt a lump rise in my throat, hearing his blessing upon us. "Be sure to keep her safe."

"I will."

We all walked together down to the garage, where my siblings were waiting. The sunlight was just chasing away the night, with clouds peppering the sky. It would be a perfect day for a long drive.

I climbed in the Volvo, started the engine and lowered the window for the final goodbyes. Emmett leaned into the window.

"Edward," he whispered, "I took out the box, but dude, there's still a tube in the glove compartment. Just in case, you know." His mind was as unclouded as his thoughts, making his ideas crystal clear. "You can tell Bella it was my idea."

"Thanks, Em," I said, smiling at his excitement for me. "I might keep that detail to myself for now. I think it may be, I don't know, just a bit much for her right now."

"Sure man," he said smiling, standing back from the car. "Get outta here." The family waved as I sped up the dirt road on to Forks.

* * *

"I'm so glad to see you," she said with a huff as she threw herself into the seat and tossed her bag into the backseat of the car. "I don't think I could take one more chorus of 'be careful' from Charlie."

I leaned into her, her delicious aroma besieging me as I brushed her cheek with my lips. I pulled back quickly, before my body had time to wage battle with my resolve. "He didn't object to the trip?"

"No. He didn't want me to go, but only because you were going. Renee came through with our alibi." She bit her lip for a moment, her eyes fixed on the road as we sped away from Forks. "She wants all the details without the details, if you know what I mean."

"Yes, I believe I do. I left one of those at home as well."

"Alice? Wait, don't answer. I'm not sure why I asked."

We both chuckled at the blinding flash of the obvious, and sat smirking at each other afterward. The quiet stretch grew, quickly becoming a pregnant pause threatening discomfort.

"I brought some music for the drive," I blurted out, trying desperately to restore the ease between us. "Do you like Mozart?"

"What I know of him. I don't know much about his music."

"Did you know he wrote his first concerto when he was three years old?"

"Really? No way."

"Yes, it's true, and you probably know it."

"Uh, no, I don't," she countered.

"Do you know this? _Twinkle, twinkle, little star, How I wonder wh-" _

"Wait – that's Mozart?"

"Yes."

"Wow."

"I made this CD for us to share," I smiled, happy to impress her with trivial, little known facts. I pressed play, and the notes of Piano Sonata Number 16 filled the car.

"Wait a second," Bella interjected over the music.

I paused the music immediately, my chest seizing in worry. "What's wrong?" The words came out in a pant, my breath stolen by anxiety.

"Nothing," she said, shaking her head in emphasis. "I mean… Do I want to know where we're going?"

I sighed a breath of relief. "We're going to Canada, Bella. It was your idea."

"Okay," she responded, drawing out the second syllable. "But Canada's a pretty big place. Anywhere in particular?"

"Everything is arranged. I'd like to surprise you, if I may," I said, prepared to divulge our destination if she so desired. "Do you trust me?"

"I do, but –" she hedged.

"Love, I will tell you now if you'd like. I thought you might like the surprise, but I want you to be happy."

"No. Don't tell me," she stated firmly. "I _do_ trust you. I want to be surprised."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Positive. Let's listen to Mozart."

I switched the music back on as I smiled. Bella's eyes were brimming with happiness, just as I was sure mine were. I reached for her hand, clasped it in mine and pressed my foot toward the floorboard.


	36. Chapter 36: Surprise

_Thank you to all my reviewers for the last chapter. It's your words that keep me going! There were some concerns expressed about finishing the story. It's my intention to finish this; in fact, we are very near the end now. It will be hard to say goodbye to Blue Edward, but the story's gone where it was supposed to go. It makes the goodbye no less heartbreaking._

_As always, a huge thank you to my beta and muse, Mr. Bigg. Thank you for inspiring me and keeping me on track. _

_All characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended._

**Surprise**

I held her in my arms as the ferry made its way across the bay. Spending the day traveling together, sharing viewpoints and experiences, I'd kept myself grounded and controlled by remembering the contents of my pockets. Standing at the bow, watching the passing scenery, my breath began to come in shallow gasps. I released her from the circle of my embrace and turned to face her as she looked across the water, my back to the railing of the boat.

"Tell me what you're thinking, love," I asked, counting the items in my pockets. Right pocket, check; vest pocket, check. Everything was just as it should be – check, check, check.

She stood in the foggy drizzle, her damp hair waving gently around her face. "I was just dreaming about the day when I get to sleep in your arms," she said, breaking her gaze away from the scenery and looking into my eyes. "I guess that'll be tonight, won't it?"

"Yes, it will, Bella. But you've slept in my arms before," I whispered, running my index finger up the length of her arms. A small trail of gooseflesh prickled in the wake of my touch.

"I know, but this," she broke her gaze away, back to the passing coastline, "this will be different."

I couldn't deny that. She'd always been so intuitive, even if it was unconsciously so. I wanted to wrap her in my arms, shelter her from the damp, crush her to my chest. Instead, I chanted internally, _Bella is tender, Bella is tender, _and watched her intently.

We headed to the car as the ferry motored into the harbor. Pulling on our seat belts, we waited for the line of cars to exit, both of us anxious and ready for the coming night. The fog and drizzle faded away as we drove, leaving a magnificent cloudscape, painted majestically in the setting sun.

"Geez, it's so pretty," Bella said, leaning forward to peer out the windshield.

Her face held the wonder of the skies, and the golden-pink of the sunset bathed her in iridescent light. I couldn't take my eyes off her. "Yes, it is," I whispered.

* * *

By the time we pulled into the hotel, the sun was almost completely gone, the night encroaching on the day. I felt an odd stirring in my breast, as if the dusk represented the two of us: a light so bright meeting the darkest pitch, finding beauty and love in the muddled sky, neither night nor day. "Twilight," I said aloud, my voice hushed and reverent.

The sign for the Beach Hideaway Bed and Breakfast creaked quietly in the night breeze as I parked the car and sped to Bella's door. She bit her lip, taking my hand to lift her tiny frame from the seat. "Edward, it's beautiful," she whispered as she stood, looking out over the water with the same reverent regard for the dying day.

"Do you like it?"

"Yes," she said, turning to me. "It's our beach hideaway, and_ that _is our ocean. Thank you." The pale pink blush returned to her cheeks, undoing my willpower.

I stepped back, holding her hand aloft. "Shall we check in?"

I continued to hold her hand, placing my arm around her waist. Her face was serene, convicted and determined, but I could feel her trembling and hear the wild tattoo of her heartbeat. I held her, steadying her step as we walked into the lobby.

"Hello!" A jovial woman with round, retro glasses greeted us from behind the counter. "You must be the Cullens, er, or should I say Bella and Edward?" Her smile was warm and infectious. Bella took in a deep breath, releasing her tension as she exhaled.

"I'm Edward Cullen," I said, approaching the counter. "This is Bella."

"It's so wonderful to meet you both," she gushed, reaching forward to take Bella's hand. "Oh dear, you're still damp. Let's get you to your room, where it's nice and warm." She came around the counter, putting her arm around Bella and leading her through the lobby. I walked on Bella's other side, oddly displaced and nervous. "I'm Marge, I own this place.

"I think you're really going to love your room," she said, releasing Bella and walking ahead a few strides. "We reserved you the Sunset Room, and everything is set up to the specifications your sister gave me." Her smile broadened impossibly. "Beautiful, I must say. Such great taste." She opened the door, nudging Bella to enter, and turning to wink at me. "Why don't you two go in, relax and explore a little, and we'll be right up with your bags."

A tiny squeal squeezed out of her generous body as she pulled the door closed. Bella stood just inside the door, her back to me, hesitating. Something was wrong.

"What is it, Bella? Are you okay?"

Bella spun around, her mouth falling quietly and softly open. A tear ran gently down the delicate planes of her face. "Edward, it's so… I don't know… I, i just can't believe it…" She rushed to me, her arms snaking around my waist as she pulled herself into my chest. Her damp hair smelled so strongly of her essence, I inhaled deeply, letting the fragrance burn me as it filled my senses.

Every surface in the room was covered in red velvet roses, their perfume thick and luxurious. The room hummed in a soft, golden glow, illuminated by low-lit mica lamps and candles. Alice must have ordered every red-tipped white rose in the Pacific Northwest setting the entire room abloom. On the table in front of the fire, two small bunches of flowers rested in waiting.

"Bella," I murmured, laying a soft kiss on her crown, "Why don't you take off your jacket and freshen up for dinner while we wait for our luggage? I hope you don't mind, I've taken the liberty of ordering dinner out tonight."

"A human moment sounds good," she said, pushing away from me. She stretched her arm, pointing towards a dark corner. "Think the bathroom's over there?"

"Yes, I believe it is," I said, chuckling lightly to myself.

"Do you mind me asking, what's for – " her words broke off as she crossed the threshold of the bath. "Oh my gosh! There's a huge…," her heads popped back around the corner of the door. "Did you know there's a gigantic tub in here?"

I laughed softly. "Why yes, Bella, I did. And I have plans for that tub, plans that have nothing to do with cleanliness."

Her face split into a huge smile. "I like the sound of that. I'll be out in a jiffy." She pulled her head back into the bath, closing the door behind her.

I smiled as I tore off my jacket and pulled the envelope from my vest pocket. My white shirt was still somewhat pristine, as close as it was going to get. I looked in the mirror at myself, checking my shirt, straightening the collar, then ran my fingers through my hair, combing it into a closer resemblance of civility. I looked happy. I felt happy. It was hard to believe where I stood. Unconsciously, I patted my right pocket. Check.

I threw the pillows from the couch to the floor in front of the fire. The hotel had certainly come through; a bottle of sparkling grape juice sat chilling in a bucket, two champagne flutes ready in anticipation.

The sounds from the bathroom began to settle. I was at the door as it opened, desperate again for Bella's touch. I chuckled to myself; she'd been gone less than three minutes and I was a nervous wreck.

"Oh!" Bella exclaimed in surprise, toppling sideways as I caught her. I steadied her as she stood, helping her find her balance. "You'd think I'd be used to that by now."

"Take as long as you'd like getting used to it, Bella," I said, refusing to let her go. Her face was angelic, freshly washed and shining. The perfume of the soap could not hide the scent of freesia and lavender that was so beautifully and uniquely her. I bent over her inhaling, pulling her closer to me.

"Do we really have to go to dinner?" She was clinging to me, and I suspected she was using all her strength to hold me closely.

"You have to eat, love," I breathed into her hair. "But there is a little something I'd like to show you first, if you don't mind." She pulled back to consider my request, her eyes narrowed in scrutiny. "Come. Sit by the fire."

We moved, arm in arm, truly lovers in our embrace. I felt the cold dead thing in me stir; her warmth bringing me to life. I set her gently on the couch, willing myself strong enough to face her. My stomach lurched as I released her hand and moved before her.

"Bella," I began, standing over her. I was breathless and unsure of myself, repeating _right pocket right pocket right pocket_ over and over again in my head. She peered up to my face beneath the thick brush of her lashes, her face at once curious and trusting. It was that trust, that confidence in me – however ill advised or misplaced – her faith in me steeled my nerves. I inhaled deeply and raggedly. "In all my time, I have known no poetry, no song, no words that could stir whatever scrap of soul was left in me."

"Edward," she started, and I held up my hand, begging her patience.

"Please, I need to say this." She closed her mouth and waited.

"Bella, before you, I was soulless, heartless, and dead inside. I could not ask myself how long I must wait; the passing of empty day after empty night, filled with constant want," I shook my head and swallowed the lump growing in my throat. "Through ages I walked alone, without love. Then, you, you came and life began anew. Since you, my existence has become a life. I am reborn, renewed. Bella, I have hope now, because of you."

I bent to one knee. "Isabella Marie Swan," I fumbled in my pocket. "I promise to love you every single day of forever. Fill me with your love. Allow me to hope again. Be my wife, and let me prove my love for you as long as the stars burn in the sky."

I reached forward, taking her hand, afraid to meet her gaze. I placed the ring, the very symbol of my control, in her warm and pink human hand. Though she had accepted before, this act, this ritual made the situation so much more real, I could find no courage within to look into her eyes.

The moment hung in the air, pregnant with possibilities. For what seemed like the millionth time, I wished I could hear her thoughts. Time stretched on infinitely, my serenity and confidence evaporating. Then, suddenly, my sweet girl surprised me as she so often did; she turned her hand over in mine, her ring finger extended.

My eyes snapped to her face. Smiling sweetly and beauteously, she said, "Yes."

The ring slid like magic up her finger, granting me every wish, every prayer, every dream at once. I lifted her from the couch to my arms. "Bella," was all I could manage to say as I kissed her hair and her face, swinging her round and round.

* * *

"This is so lovely, Edward. Where did you find it?" She had been unable to tear her eyes away from the ring throughout her dinner, and had nearly stumbled watching her fingers in the moonlight as we returned to our suite.

"It was my mother's," I replied with reverence. "My birth mother's. She would have loved you."

I sat at her feet, my arms wrapped around her legs, watching her as she stared at the ring, turning it this way and that. She leaned down to kiss me. I lifted my mouth to hers. The kiss was delicious, like dripping honey into my mouth. She sighed deep in her throat, and the sound brought me a shiver.

Suddenly, a loud rap sounded three times at the door, making Bella jump in surprise. "Stay here," I said, unwillingly extricating myself from her legs, but knowing this was the moment I had anticipated all day.

I opened the door to the three waiting humans, the first of which was Marge. "Are you ready?" she whispered conspiratorially, as she thumped a book in her hand.

"Yes," I said, my nerves taking hold and turning my voice into the breaking croak of a seventeen year old. "Please, come in."

As we rounded the corner, Bella sat up on the couch, surprise and confusion etched into her expression. She looked from me to Marge, and back to me as I picked up the flowers from the table.

I knelt before her and laid the small, bundled roses next to her. "Bella," I said softly, "You've said yes, and I want our lives to begin tonight." I placed the intertwined red and white rose boutonniere in her hand. "Will you help me with my flowers?"

Her mouth dropped open as she searched my eyes, her lips working to find sound. Slowly, she fastened the flowers to my shirt and found her voice. "Tonight? _Here?"_

"Yes, love. Marry me tonight. Here," I whispered. My entire emotional well being hung in her hands, dependent on her decision. "Just us, with no family, friends, or fuss."

"But," she hedged, and my heart dropped. I pulled back; her hands floated in the now empty air.

"If I've made a mistake, I'll let Marge go," I turned to Marge, waving her away. She turned to the two witnesses, her arms outstretched to gather them away.

"No!" Bella nearly shouted, surprise once again coloring her face. "No, don't go, please." Marge and company turned back to face the room with expressions of concern.

"Edward," she whispered, placing her hands on my shoulders. "Yes. Yes, it's perfect. I am yours now, and forever. _Yes_."

And for the second time that night, I could have sworn my icy heart beat with a never ending song of love for Bella.

* * *

_I hope you liked the surprise as much as Edward did._


	37. Chapter 37: Ceremony

_As always, a huge thank you to my beta and muse, Mr. Bigg. Thank you for inspiring me and keeping me on track. _

_All characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended._

**Ceremony**

"Do you have the license?" Marge asked, her voice friendly and confident, her thoughts dripping with syrup. A woman in love with love, willing to look past any flaw to feed her hungry heart,

Scooping the papers from the table, I offered them to Marge before she finished the sentence. My vest pocket had forced the paper into a slight curl, which Marge unfurled. Flashes of love for my family flitted through my mind: Alice's choices for location were perfect. And Jasper, with his secrecy and underworld contacts, had so deftly obtained the license without Bella's signature or knowledge, that even I was surprised. Marge looked them over briefly, then tucked them into her sleeve.

"Perfect," she purred. Bella's surprised eyes snapped to my face. Every gesture she made, every animated expression filled me with anxiety as the love day raged on within me. I tried to smile, offering her the reassurance I feigned to feel. "And you have the ring?" Bella grabbed her hand and pulled the ring off, handing it to me. "Shall we get started?"

"Dearly beloved," Marge began, her voice strong and sure. How many times had she said these words? My calm and reserve slipped away as our lifted hands were wrapped in the twisted red and white rope. I closed my eyes for a moment, my mind reeling with the ramifications.

Bella's hot hands were my tether and my release. The immortality that defined me had left me fragmented, compartmentalized, unresolved. Solitude had claimed me throughout years of my long existence and I had begun to believe it was all I was, all I would ever be. But Bella's warmth had healed me, her warmth had fused the fragments of my psyche; and become part of me as she healed me. And now, ultimately and forever, we would be joined and intertwined.

I struggled to listen to the ceremony. "Marriage is a solemn institution to be held in honor by all, it is the cornerstone of the family and of the community." The words blurred and rushed together in a hum. I was captivated by the delicate curve of Bella's cheek, the silken ropes of her hair. The tension of the love day raged within me, my body straining to hold back. I focused on Bella's eyes, trusting and sure, and the realization dawned: she loves me. Unreservedly. Unendingly. "This commitment symbolizes the intimate sharing of two lives..." Every physical aspect of my love had manifested before me, wrapped perfectly in the personage of Isabella Marie Swan.

A new melody began to unfurl in my head, the thoughts of the witnesses providing percussion. This sacrament, this ritual marked a point in our lives together, undeniably sacred and holy. The solicitude of the love day began a steep assent to a crescendo. The melody harmonized with the ceremony, wedding the truth of the rite with the need inside me into its tune, an undeniable, yearning harmony.

"Place the ring upon her finger," Marge directed. "Do you, Isabella Marie Swan, take Edward Anthony Masen Cullen to be your lawful husband, for better, for worse; for richer, for poorer; in sickness or in health, to have and to hold from this day forward, _forever_?" My eyes shot to Marge as she uttered Alice's upgrade to the vows.

Bella's heartbeat thumped irregularly and she gasped at the words. Anxiety engulfed me for the briefest instant, then Bella replied, "With all my heart, with all my soul, I do."

"Do you, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, take Isabella Marie Swan to be your lawful wife, for better, for worse; for richer, for poorer; in sickness or in health, to have and to hold from this day forward, forever?" Bella's eyes were teary and blissful, her lips slightly parted.

"With all that I am, all that I have, and all that I have to give, I do."

"Before I conclude this ceremony, please kneel." Through our clasped hands, I steadied Bella as we dropped slowly to our knees. "Take a moment," Marge whispered. "Share something of your heart with each other, for you and you alone." Though she could still hear in this quiet sanctuary, Marge stepped back, leaving Bella and I engulfed in a bubble of intimacy. "Bella?"

Bella swallowed loudly. "Edward," she began, her voice unsteady and breaking. "I don't have the words to explain how I feel." Her cheeks flushed deliciously crimson, and some piece of my spirit shattered to see her stress. She swallowed again, slowly shaking her head and looking away. Then suddenly, Bella's head shot up, her smile victorious.

"I love thee, I love but thee," she started, the words of love from Romeo and Juliet carrying a rush of nostalgia. "With a love that shall not die, till the sun grows cold, and the stars grow old. So dear I love him that with him, all deaths I could endure. Without him, live no life." She smiled sweetly, biting her lip in triumph.

Beyond death, together, forever. The witnesses here had no inkling of the commitment she gave to me, what she surrendered freely to be my wife. I smiled gently, as my own words, no less true, ushered forth carrying the emotion and love that choked me. "Doubt that the stars are fire; doubt that the sun doth move; doubt truth to be a liar; but never doubt I love." Love emanated from her eyes as she watched my fumbling, clumsy speech tumble from my mouth.

"By the power invested in me by the province of British Columbia, I pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss each other."

"Bella, love," I breathed as I leaned in to kiss her. How had her kiss become more delectable, her breath more sweet? Impossible. As I kissed my wife for the first time, I found her more desirable and fair than ever before.

"Well, congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Cullen!" Marge gushed, clapping her hands. Our kiss ended abruptly as Marge leaned down, tugging the cords away from our hands. "Let me just take this…" Bella and I stood together as the cords dropped, their symbolic weight still in our hands. "We'll leave you two alone. I'm sure you have plenty to… _talk_ about." She chuckled jovially at her joking understatement.

"Thank you," I said, genuinely grateful for her services, and equally anxious for the wedding party's exit. I slipped a bill into Marge's hand as I ushered her to the door. She spluttered as I guided her out the threshold. "Take care," I flung the words out the door and shoved it closed behind me**.** The time for meaningless interruptions was gone. I turned to face… my wife.

"Mrs. Cullen," I said, leaning against the door. My voice was low and urgent. "I like the sound of that." Bella blushed, and my breathing accelerated. Moving slowly toward her, I could feel the mantle of restraint I'd worm for so long slipping away like a burdensome yoke restraining a wild beast inside me. Her eyes grew wider, excited mixed with something new for her – fear.

"Are you alright?" I couldn't bear the idea of her alarm, not tonight, not this night.

"Uh, yeah," she stuttered, looking away. "How did you… Where did you get the license?"

"Jasper has lots of contacts," I said as I closed the gap between us. "It was a present. I have to ask you, though: Is this really what you wanted to talk about? The wedding license?" My voice was husky, hungry. She needed to know how anxious I was, how ready, and how much her nearness is affecting me.

"No, I guess not." She bit her lip, still not looking into my eyes. "I guess I'm just, um, nervous. Do you think… you… can?" Her eyes fluttered to mine on the last word.

"Bella," I grasped her face in my hands. "You are all I want in this world, in my immortal existence. I want to be your husband, both emotionally and physically. I want to give you everything you desire, because I desire it, too."

"Really?"

"It's all I can do at this moment to keep from ripping your clothes off, pulling you down to the floor, and taking you hard and fast right now."

She smiled softly, sighing and closing her eyes. Taking a step towards me, she asked, "Why don't you? I mean," her eyes opened again, glancing to mine from beneath her lashes, "I am your wife."

It was my turn to sigh. "I don't know if you realize what that does to me." I pressed against her. "But first, we need to get something straight between us," I growled as my fingertips brushed her hair. My need blossomed in my crotch in response to her hot body next to mine.

"Too late," she breathed as my erection strained against my trousers, brushing against her belly. "It's already straight." She reached to my waistband, her fingers managing to undo my fly.

"Bella," I breathed, pulling her closer to me in an attempt to still her hands. "We need to talk about the danger."

"What?" She took a step backwards, her eyes examining my face as if I'd lost my mind.

"The blood?" I asked softly. "You _are_ still a virgin."

Her expression changed from confusion to anger. "You don't know that."

"Oh, but I do," I said, taking a step toward her. "I can smell it. It's a part of you that I savor. And though I mean that literally, I also mean it quite figuratively as well.

"While I was away," I began, motioning her to sit on the couch. "I worried about you constantly. No thoughts crossed my mind, save those of you. I imagined the life you could have, graduation, love, marriage, kids… I tried to rejoice in the life you deserved. But if I am to be honest, it was a long, bitter torture to imagine you with another man. I wanted to be that man, the man who loved you and was loved in return. The man who took your virginity and gave you his in return. I felt certain that could never happen because of what I am." I swallowed the venom that pooled in my mouth. "And yet, when I returned, instead of a life, you'd found nothing but sadness and torment. Instead of pushing me away, you pulled me closer."

I knelt before her, peering up into her face. "Bella," I whispered, picking up her hands. "You wear my ring, you hold my heart. You are my life, my strength. I need your promise, love."

"You have it, Edward," she said, confused.

"Thank you…This ring," I said, "This ring has been in my family for over a hundred years. It is my symbol of love, and my control. Whenever I am overcome with need, I imagine this ring on your tiny hand." I turned her hand over, displaying the ring. "Whenever I feared I might hurt you, I remembered the weight of this ring. Tonight, we will lay together as husband and wife. This ring is still my control, the emblem of my love for you. If you are frightened or hurting, show me the ring. It will be our covenant, our ceremony."

Bella's eyes were bright and shiny, holding back the tears that threatened to brim over. "Okay," she breathed, and held her arms out to me.

I pulled her into my arms and stood, lifting her off the couch. Her legs wrapped around my hips, her hot crotch pressing against my erection. "Where to first, my lovely?"

"The bed?"

"The bed it is," I replied as I sat her on the edge of the mattress.

"Uh, wow. A little warning next time might help," she said, her eyebrows rising as she blinked.

"I'm sorry, love," I said, lifting the hem of her blouse and pulling it over her head. "I've just never knew the word 'bed' could be so inspirational." Her legs were still wrapped around me as she sat almost half naked before me. "Is this your favorite bra?"

"This? No," she said, looking down at her chest.

The fabric tore easily beneath my fingers. "There now. Isn't that much better?" My eyes stayed focused on hers, but my view drank in every bit of her skin. My erection had slid up past the waistband of my pants, straining for freedom. "Let's get this honeymoon started, shall we?"


	38. Chapter 38: Joined

_As always, a huge thank you to my beta and muse, Mr. Bigg. Thank you for listening and believing in the words. Your proofing and practicing of the chapter details are always inspirational. _

_All characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended._

**Joined**

Bella's heartbeats picked up in rhythm, thumping wildly and erratically in her chest. I was seized with a brief moment of worry for her well-being, but the look on her face banished the thought. I brushed my fingertips over her ribs, my hand coming to rest over her left breast, allowing the pulse of her heart to warm my hand through her nipple. "Heaven," I murmured, still watching her eyes.

Bella's upturned face was impossible to resist. My hand moved to her cheek, my thumb brushing against her cheekbone. She immediately blushed scarlet, eliciting my sigh and smile.

"What?"

"You."

"What!"

"Half-naked, my hand on your breast and nothing. I touch your cheek, and…," I ran my hand under her hair, and her blush burned crimson fading as it bled down her chest. "Blush. My beautiful, unpredictable girl." My free hand tangled into her hair.

She leaned into my chest, her head still tilted, spilling her hair down her back. "Does it bother you, my husband?" Her hand moved to my crotch, her fingers smoothing the precum on the head of my cock poking out of my pants, working it back and forth.

"No." It came out is a hoarse whisper. The combination of her words and her magical ministrations on my cock head took away my voice, my coherency. Her eyes were wide, innocent, unaware of the bewitching spell she cast over me. I bent to kiss her, pushing her back onto the bed.

I let my tongue explain my need to her as it slipped between her lips. There was a wild beast inside me, raging to be let loose; it had little to do with Bella's blood. The recognition of the desire threatening to brim over into unbridled passion forced me to slow and take my time. She was as fragile as a soap bubble; to lose control in my passion could end her life far too easily.

I leaned back to standing, her hands losing their grip. She lay before me, half-naked, flushed, exquisite and wanting, confusion creasing her brow.

She pushed herself up on her elbows as her expression changed. This was a look I knew well – Bella was determined. "Edward," she rasped, her voice hungry and raw with need. "Let me see you." I stepped away from her, pulling my shirt off over my head. Her expression was intense, her eyes focused on the head of my penis sticking out of my pants.

I leaned across her and turned the thermostat to eighty-five. She leaned in as I leaned forward, her sultry tongue swiping across my bare nipple.

"Do you know what you do to me, love?" I said, casually undoing my pants. "Your warmth burns me like a fire." I kicked off first one shoe, then the other. "Your skin on my skin, it threatens to unleash the monsters inside me, yet your lips return me to the angels." I pushed down both my pants and briefs, letting my cock spring free, rampant and ready. "You, Bella, love, you excite me more than I ever believed possible." Her eyes wandered over my body, her nipples pebbling in erection. When her gaze returned to mine, I held it and moved forward. I crawled up over her, careful to keep my weight from her.

I nuzzled in, close to her ear. "I've waited so long for your touch, your body. You make me hard, Bella." I let my breath chill her neck and hair, and she moaned into my shoulder. I swallowed loudly, vainly attempting to control my arousal.

She pulled her body to mine, molding to my shape. "Do you realize," I said as she panted and ran her hands along my marble skin, "That I've never seen you completely naked?" She inhaled sharply, her hand stopping as her eyes rolled up to mine.

"Didn't we -," she started hesitatingly.

"No. Never," I whispered, falling to her side on the bed, allowing my outstretched fingers to gently trace her nipple. "Not completely. Would you like to undress for me, Bella?"

"Uh…okay," she said tentatively. "I'm not sure exactly…" She pushed off the bed and stood awkwardly, looking at me with unease. She battled with her own embarrassment. I could not allow that; there was no room in our wedding bed for self-consciousness. I shifted my body, allowing her once again to see all of me, leveling my gaze in hers.

"Edward, you are so… You're beautiful," she breathed.

"Remember, you are my wife. I choose you above all else. Bella, you are the most beautiful thing in my world." The crimson painted her cheeks, and she bit her lip. I growled my encouragement. "Take off those jeans."

Instantly, her head fell forward, her fingers fumbling with the button and fly. Her breathing was ragged and panting. "Slowly, love, slowly. There's no rush. Let me savor you."

Her head snapped up, and she caught my expression, seeming to comprehend my meaning. She watched my face for a moment, then her eyes became hungry and seductive. Her fingers slid down her hips, beneath the jeans, letting the skin of the fabric peel up as her hands moved down. Once over her ass, she let them drop to the floor, and kicked them away, her shoes flying with them.

"Mmm. Perfect," I lowed, lust and want twitching my shaft. I let my hand wander down my belly and gripped my cock, inviting her eyes to follow my hand. Bella bit her lip as she watched. My eyes drifted to her tiny, sheer pink underwear. The dark curls beneath the fabric intrigued me. "Those are some pretty panties. Are they sheer all around?"

Bella understood my question immediately and turned around, her backside to me. "Take off your panties, Bella." The words seemed to give her a confidence, inspiring her sexuality to display. Ever so slowly, she raised one hip, pushing down the gauzy material, then repeated the motion on the opposite hip. Her pale, pink skin seemed to glisten in the low-lit room, and the muscles in my crotch tightened for want of it. She seemed to know what she was doing, taunting me with this slow striptease. She bent forward to slip the panties away, displaying her perfect ass. I was enraptured, then she bent more deeply, her legs parted slightly, exposing her sweet pussy to me from behind.

"Oh God, Bella," I rasped, using all my willpower to keep my hand to a unhurried, deliberate pace. She peeked over her shoulder at me with a minx's mischievous smile in her eyes. She continued to bite her lip, conjuring up dangerous and seductive thoughts. The images I'd held of Bella in my head were nothing, _nothing_, compared to the vision before me. "Turn around."

Her head slowly dropped to her chest, her cheeks burning as she continued to bite her lip. Her hands clasped into front of her, and as she turned, fascination overtook me as she hunched her shoulders. The blush of her cheeks had painted her skin with rosiness and excitement as she stood coyly before me. How could she be shy? Excitement singed my nerves, tormenting my restraint when the truth of it hit me. She wasn't shy - she was playful.

"Bella, love," I encouraged, keeping my voice low and insistent, my hand moving slowly on my shaft. "Move your hands." She shook her head slowly, her chin tucked to her chest. She watched as I stroked my cock, maintaining her coquettish posture. She was an irresistible naïf, a wanton innocent, her teasing surfacing the selfishness in me. "Bella, _please_." She smiled sweetly and demurely, then dropped her hands, her calescent skin flushed pink with excitement.

My restraint was shattered. I was immediately at her side, my hands running down her body. My breath was ragged as I sucked in her scent. The aroma of her arousal was beyond intoxicating; it was hypnotic and potent. I moved behind her, one arm across her collarbone, pulling her into my chest, the other exploring the soft curls of her sex. "You've captivated me, my sweet wife," I whispered into her ear. "I think I've been patient long enough." My erection stabbed her back, and the contact tightened the muscles in my groin.

I scooped her into my arms, slowly carrying her to the bed. Her hands wrapped around my neck, her eyes expectant and enthralled. I lifted her higher, high enough that her lips could reach mine, but only with effort. Bella's exertion to seal the kiss roused me further, forcing me to realize this exertion had always been a part of our relationship. My efforts to keep her safe required so much caution and restraint; her struggle to join with me gave me a perverse thrill. Her lips brushed mine.

"Edward… Kiss me, _please_," she begged as I lowered her to the bed. I dipped towards her mouth, skimming her lips, then painted a trail of caresses across her jaw, down her neck, inhaling her as I moved. As her arousal grew, her fragrance became more potent, and I found myself at her nipple, sucking the hard nub into my mouth. "Ungh," she moaned, her hands knotting into my hair. Yes, this was what I wanted – Bella so drenched in feeling that her words were lost. I continued my journey, my tongue trailing across her chest and waist, leaving a shivering trail across her belly.

I breathed deeply at her crotch, allowing the scent of her sex to fill my senses. The perfume of her skin mingled with the aroma of her blood and need irresistibly. I ventured a taste of her, extending my tongue into her soft, silken folds.

"God!" she cried. I jerked away, my body against the bathroom door, afraid I'd hurt or injured her with my tongue's wanderlust. "Don't stop!" she cried, want and requirement sounding in her voice. My pride swelled inside me as I realized my tongue had made her cry with pleasure. I was to her side immediately, leaning down to resume my exploration with renewed excitement.

Bella's legs parted open for me, her folds glistening with her desire. "You're so wet, Bella, you're so wet. I wonder if…" I pressed a finger into her slowly. A shiver of lust ran down my spine, a tremor of craving coursing through me. "Oh. Bella," I sighed as her hot walls drenched my hand.

"I need more," she breathed, stealing the words from my lips. Her hand shot forward to grab my cock. She struggled to stroke it as I bent over her.

"Careful, love," I said, my excitement heightened by her smell and struggle. I was overwhelmed with need and desire, and knew that her hot hands on my member would push me too close to the edge.

"But I need more," she said with a petulant pout in her voice. I pulled my hand back away from her crotch, scanning her body until I found her eyes. I brought my finger to my lips, then with fierce suction, let her slick wetness glide into my mouth.

"Mmmm. I see what you mean," I murmured. I watched her face as my hand ghosted down her body to her hot box again. I pushed two fingers inside, and the heat and damp stiffened my cock impossibly harder. Bella's eyes rolled back and closed, and her body shivering as an undulating moan escaped her.

"Please," she whimpered, and I had no will or desire to resist her. I pulled my fingers from her, and climbed onto the bed.

"Bella, are you sure? Are you ready?" I trembled in anticipation, but stilled my movements. I could not force anything, and although she'd said she wanted more, I had to provide this last moment for escape. My face hung over hers, ready, hopeful, expectant.

She closed her eyes slowly, her face relaxed and angelic. She raised one finger to rest against my chin, inhaling deeply. "Yes," she breathed, setting me free. Every nerve and sinew in my body sang with anticipation, and I hovered over her still form.

I scanned her face, her mouth, her lips. _So soft. _She was heaven made flesh, incandescent and giving flesh, love and desire and purity in one. Beneath me, eyes closed, the picture was nearly perfect.

"Bella. Open your eyes," I said, breathing deeply of her scent. I wanted her to see me, naked as I was, both physically and emotionally. Her eyelashes slowly rose, and her chocolate eyes focused deeply into mine. I pressed my hips to hers, feeling my length against her soft flesh, then pulled back to position myself at her opening. Liquid heat issued from her, welcoming the head of my manhood and igniting my motion. Her eyes were wide, her lips parted as I slowly impelled myself forward, into her sweet lusciousness.

I had thought I was prepared for my body in hers. I'd seen the act so many times through the thoughts and idealizations of others, that I thought I would be familiar with the feeling when it happened for me. But this – there were no words. Nothing could have prepared me for the overwhelming scintillation that seized me. Bella's body was on fire, warming my cock as it pressed deeper. I inhaled, trying to find some balance, some sanity, but the absolute pleasure of it all tore at me until I was unhinged. "Oh God, Bella. You are… oh God." A low, breathy moan escaped her throat as she continued to look into my eyes. It was all too much; I was overcome with emotion and need. I stopped breathing and closed my eyes.

Her walls squeezed the head of my cock, drenching me in her lust. Her body sheathed me in blazing wetness, and I teetered on the brink of insanity. "Edward." Ever so slowly, I pressed forward, surrounded by Bella. Wet warmth broke across my manhood. "_Edward_." I hungered to move deeper, closer, one with her. _Tight, so tight… and wet._

"Edward!" My eyes flew open to hers, her delicate hand resting near her mouth. I was so overcome, so lost in the feeling of her heat searing around and through me, that I had failed to watch her. The ring on her hand drew me back, tethering me again to the earth, panic breaking across my nerves. I froze.

"Bella? What is it? Tell me!" Though my words were only a whisper, urgency stirred them to ferocity.

"Breathe, Edward," she said emphatically, watching my face. My brow furrowed, perplexed by her words and her insistence. "Breathe, baby." I inhaled cautiously through my nose, immediately understanding her intent and the placement of her hand.

"Blood," I said flatly, stilling the needs that warred within me. "Your blood. Your…" I couldn't speak.

"Yes, Edward. My blood. You broke my cherry, baby."

Bella's blood, her virginity, her scent – all the lures that had drawn me to her were exposed and within reach. I forced my body into inaction, expecting the draw to annihilate my restraint, leaving Bella broken and abused. Her eyes still held mine, trust and doubtless confidence exuding from their depths. The scent of the blood, the softness of her skin, the fragility of her all too human body – my mind swam with fear and disgust. And yet, in spite of the beast that I was, her gaze held nothing but trust. Faith.

"It's all right, Edward. You won't hurt me. Trust me." She smiled softly as her hand moved between us to her crotch. I was stone, frozen, terrified at what I could become; my breathing ceased as my mouth fell open.

She dragged her hand up my side, one finger extended. The smell of her maidenhead was strong, intense, laden with sexual potency. She moved her hand to my mouth, and laid her finger on my parted lips. "Taste."

I knew I should move, flee, escape; instead, I did as I was bade. My tongue flicked out across her fingertip, and the sweet ambrosia of her blood flowed across my tongue. My body shuddered and groaned, all reluctance and inhibition broken around our intertwined bodies. I pulled her finger deeper into my mouth, luxuriating in the nuances of her taste, the essence of Bella that enslaved me. I was her toy, her captive, her sexual thrall forever. Her eyes held nothing by excitement and trust; I was unsure what was in mine.

"There," she murmured softly. "Yours, Edward. All yours."

I felt something inside me snap as a very different wave of desire swept over me. My hips began to circle, forcing my length more deeply inside her. I felt uncaged and unhinged, wild abandon coursing through the canals that once held my blood. Her blood, her virginity, her body; she was mine. _Mine_. I pulled my hips back, and reinserted my cock into her waiting wetness. "Bella," I growled, "Tell me what you want." My hips did not relent; my mouth was still awash with her blood and her essence.

"I want you, Edward. All of you," she panted. "Now."

Her walls contracted around my need, and I thrust my manhood inside, pumping her with all the force I dared. Her scent filled my head, my mind, my want as I filled her with my length. Time became meaningless as I lost the ability to speak. I grunted my need into her as she sang "Yes!" into my neck. She became inconceivably tighter, her yelps alerting me to her condition.

"Yes, Bella, come for me. Come on me, love," I rasped into her ear as her body began to shake and tremble beneath me. "Come, sweet wife, come," I breathed, realizing my own release was impending. "Bella… God… Oh God, Bella!" I growled as my release ushered forth, pulsing from my toes to my knees and through my cock into my wife's wanton pussy. Tears rolled down the sides of cheeks, her face a mask of ecstasy. I shattered and reformed, at once alive, forgiven and redeemed, in the body of my beating heart, my only soul, my love.

I lay motionless, stilling my body as I hovered above her, waiting for her to speak. Her eyes fluttered open, her expression sleepy and relaxed. "Edward," she breathed, the satisfaction in her voice instantly calming my anxiousness. "That was…"

"Incredible," I finished, and she smiled.


	39. Chapter 39: Wet

_Here we are at the penultimate chapter of Blue Edward, and I'm missing him already. As always, a huge thank you to my beta and muse, Mr. Bigg. Thank you for listening and fighting me for the good of the story. I know I'm a handful. _

_All characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended._

**Wet**

"Wait right here," I said, leaning over to place a kiss on her forehead. "Don't move." I flung back the covers and dashed to the bathroom. Without Bella in sight, my nerves tensed and burned pushing me faster than ever. The light flipped on as I turned on the faucet. I returned to her side before she'd had time to pull the covers back over herself.

I slid in next to her, the panic of my absence from her subsiding. "Miss me, love?" The love day raged on within me, but I'd never felt so free. It was her warmth, her body, her smile – all of it, all of it for me. The fragrance of her hair as it spilled across the pillow was exceedingly delicious. I inhaled deeply.

"Yes," she sighed, turning to face me. She touched her finger to my nose. "Never leave me again."

"Your wish, my command, Mrs. Cullen," I said, a smile spreading across my face. In each other's arms, face to face, she seemed so small and delicate, yet somehow, more substantial and strong than ever before. My subconscious and the love dayworked against my restraint,the insatiable need threatened to consume me . Taking her virginity was enough; I was sure she was hurting, paying the price for it even now. My smile faded as I let my tone sink to serious.** "**Bella, how do you feel?"

"In love, Mr. Cullen. I'm in love with my husband," she whispered, sliding up to plant a kiss on my mouth. I held her back, watching surprise and confusion spread across her expression.

"Bella, please. I need you to answer me honestly. How do you feel? Please think before telling me you're 'fine'."

"I'm fin—," she started before I finished, then clipped off the word. Her brows knit together. She looked askance and grimaced, considering my question. The moments ticked past and the tension grew within me. Finally, she looked at me again and said, "I think I'm okay. I may be a little sore."

I pulled her close to my chest. "My sweet girl, I love you so." I kissed the top of her head. "I was afraid you might be sore, so I ran us a bath. Will you allow me to bathe you, Bella?"

"That sounds pretty kinky, Mr. Cullen," she grinned. She dropped her chin and looked up at me through her long lashes. "You'll have to wash me all over. I've been very dirty."

"I promise to be very thorough," I growled. My erection was immediate; I needed to get her to the tub. With as much delicacy as I could muster, I pulled her arms around my neck. "Hold on tight, my dirty little spider monkey." She giggled, a sparkling sound like tinkling glass.

I stood and raced to the bath, leaning down to set her on the edge of the tub. Her eyes were squeezed shut, her nose wrinkled up adorably. "You can open your eyes," I said, releasing her carefully.

"I'm not sure I'll ever get used to how fast you are," she said. Her eyes worked their way up my body, her gaze suspended on my hard, blood-caked cock.

"I believe it's you who's fast, Mrs. Cullen. See what you do to me?" She snapped her gaze back to my face, the blood rushing to her cheeks deliciously, a reward for a licentious comment. My passion was plain. I could not contain my lust for her within my skin, it burned through my eyes.

Her heartbeat skipped and fluttered. She looked down and noticed the smear of blood painting her crotch and leg. Once again, embarrassment bled across her features. "I'm sorry," she blurted, and turned to move into the tub.

"Bella," I said, reaching out to stop her movement. "Why are you embarrassed?" She was so beautiful, so perfect – I didn't understand her discomfort.

"I'm a _mess_, Edward," she scowled, flinging her elbows up and her hands down. Reflexively, I steadied her position as the motion made her bobble.

"Bella," I cooed. "You are beauty beyond words. If I only had the words to tell you what that 'mess' means to me - the beginning of our life together, our forever. The taste you gave me," I quivered as the memory of the incredible bouquet flooded me. "It was as close to heaven as I may ever be You are so much more beautiful than you know."

She snorted with derision, looking away. "You're just saying that because you got laid."

"No. you may not see it as I do. I understand - I'm wildly in love with you. But you don't see yourself clearly at all, Bella. I hear when people meet you, when they see you for the first time. It's difficult to restrain my jealousy." I bent forward, lifting her chin. "You're beautiful, Bella. And the thing many miss, simply because they only _see_ you, is how beautiful you are –", I laid my cold hand against her heart, "– here." A rolling shiver swept from her head to her toes.

"All right, in the water for you," I said, gently lifting her as she stood. Her belly brushed against my length, touching her first. She bit her lip, then turned to enter the water. I moved my hands to her ribcage, gently lifting her small frame, then lowering her into the water. The water caressed her skin, and she inhaled sharply with a soft hiss.

I stopped her descent immediately, terror seizing me. "Too hot?" She was not writhing; I struggled to restrain my alarm.

"No, not at all. It's nice."

I inhaled again, continuing to lower her into the water. As she touched the bottom, she pushed my hands away and turned to face me. Her eyes were level with my erection.

"This reminds me of something."

"Really?" I was a bit stunned. When had she been in a tub with a naked, erect, bloody vampire standing before her? Disliking all the possible scenarios, my shaft sagged slightly.

"Remember that first day you met me at the truck?"

"Perfectly. It was unbearable, waiting for you to show."

"Well… When I walked up to talk to you, your crotch was at eye-level then, just like now." Her pink tongue rolled across her bottom lip lasciviously, followed by the sinking in of her teeth. "Was I imagining it, or were you hard then, too?"

Nothing ever slipped by this woman. She stood, half-submerged, her scent potent and heady. My chest swelled with love, the dismal images that had tormented me just moments ago evaporating into the Bella-scented air. My shaft regained its perpendicularity immediately, and her pupils dilated. "Wow," escaped her softly.

"Yes, love, you made me hard even then," I breathed, letting her continue to ogle my body. "Although I must admit, seeing you there, naked, and knowing I can have you, my erection has grown to new heights." My hand idly stroked my length up and down, a bead of pre-cum forming at the head of my cock.

"Fine talk for someone standing so far a–." I sped around the bath and slid my arms around her hips, pushing my hard-on between her cheeks. "–way… Oh!" She fell forward, her hand against the edge of the tub, her ass thrusting against me. "Really! Some warning might help!"

I released my hold and stepped back to the other side of the pool. "You're displeased?" My tone was teasing; the erratic rhythm of her heart signaled her pleasure.

She spun around slowly, looking at me. "I don't believe I said _stop_. Just give me warning when before light speed. I might fall, I mean, I _am_ only human."

I scooped her into my arms, letting her scent burn me as I bent to her. "Bella, would I let you fall?" She closed her eyes and shivered as my breath caressed her skin. "You may be only human, but you're _my_ little human. I won't let any harm befall this head." I pressed my lips to the hollow beneath her ear in a soft flexed to her tiptoes to kiss me.

Lifting her by her upper arms, I welcomed the kiss. Her tongue darted across my lower lip, tasting, poking into my mouth to find my tongue. I pulled in a heated breath, lightly pressing back her softness, pushing my tongue into her mouth. She sucked at me hungrily, and a moan escaped my throat. I pulled back to whisper. "Follow me." I leaned back, pulling her body over mine, as we fell back toward the underwater ledge.

"Oh God, Edward. You are so hard," she breathed, wrapping her legs around me as I pulled to seated. "Fuck me, here, in the water."

"My love, I thought you were sore," I replied. I was so aroused and excited by her dirty talk that my hands could do nothing but move insistently over her skin. "We were supposed to be making you feel better."

"_Fucking me_ would make me feel better," she breathed again, trying desperately to position herself over my erection.

"Warning," I teased, spinning her in the water, switching positions. "There, was that better?"

"Uh, the warning was," she pouted, "But I'm not sure why you moved."

Her disappointment was so adorable, so puerile and childlike, I had to smile. "Let's give that box of yours a little rest."

She crossed her arms over her chest in a fit of pique, concealing the beauty of her breasts from me. I began to share her disappointment, when the solution flitted into my head. I looked at her with hunger. "Bella, it won't do to have you hide from me. Put your arms across the wall of the tub." The telltale skip of her heartbeat confirmed the success of my efforts. She uncrossed her arms, spreading them against the wall without looking away from me.

"Stay there," I said. "Don't move."

I submerged in the water, my head bobbing against her skin. My lips grazed down her stomach, moving to her hip as my hands came to rest on her breasts. Her innate body heat amplified by the temperature of the water was seductive and irresistible, and I allowed my mouth to glide where she was most hot. Her sharp intake of breath above the water pulled her sex away from my mouth. I dropped my hands to her bottom and pulled her toward my waiting tongue again, shaking my head from side to side.

Her soft hair floated around her delicate folds hypnotically, enticing me to enter gently. I extended my tongue, touching her tiny bud with the very tip as I pressed her cautiously to my face.

Her body bucked immediately, her legs wrapping around my head with surprising force. I pushed the flat of my tongue against her sex, then curled the tip up the slit, brushing against her button. Her ambrosial taste danced on my tongue, coaxing me onward. I could hear her moaning above me, her panting labored and jagged. I gently sucked on the hard nub of her clit, then ran my tongue in a swift circle around the sweet spot. The weightlessness of the element, the honey flavor of her skin, the erotic moan and heave of her form – my senses were flooded with stimulation as I lost myself in Bella. The sensations seized me as I tongued her relentlessly. Her sex was my reality and sustenance; I worked the center of my attraction with all the focus I possessed. Her muscles stiffened, then she jerked, spasming beneath me, her orgasm releasing against my mouth. I laid my tongue flat against her mound, soothing her down from her orgasm.

I ghosted forward in the water, rising up her body to her mouth. "Better?" I breathed into her mouth, and she flung her arms around my neck, pulling her body to mine.

"Yes," she whispered breathily into my ear, and I smiled. "But ..."

"But what?" Something fragile inside me broke as the thought that I had not fulfilled her crowded my mind.

She pushed away from me and stood in the water. "I'm not done. There's something else I want to do."

"Anything, Bella," I begged. In my agitation, I could not read her expression. "Anything."

She stepped forward and pushed against my thighs. "Can you sit on the edge of the tub?"

I did as I was bade. My thoughts were confused, her discontentedness stealing my coherence and identity.

"That's a good boy," she hummed as she knelt on the ledge. "Just like that."

The head of my cock disappeared into her mouth as I watched with sudden recognition. The silken swirls of her tongue around my heated member returned my thoughts to the present. I had wanted the bath to be about her and began to protest, but the words died in my mouth as she pulled me more deeply into hers. My breath rasped from my throat as she sucked and swallowed my cock.

"Bella, oh God, Bella. Your mouth is everything, everywhere," I rambled, unable to pull my mind into any sort of cohesive thought as she pumped her mouth against me. I knew I wasn't making sense, knew I had lost my sanity. She pushed and pulled down my length, my pubic hair brushing her nose. As she pulled back, her tiny hand pumped my member, wrapping me in heat as my skin cooled in the air. I lost the sense of my surroundings and the passage of time; all that mattered was Bella before me, kneeling, nursing on my cock.

I could not tear my eyes from the motion of her head. Her eyes were shut as she licked and sucked and teased. She was the embodiment of desire, sucking off the quivering mass I'd become. The muscles in my belly began to tighten, testing every ounce of restraint I'd ever known. The struggle within me was acute. I wanted to drive my cock into her waiting, wanton mouth, hold her head against me so this feeling, this ecstasy would never stop, but the soft flush of her cheeks and plump of her swollen lips whispered her human fragility, stilling my movements. I held myself in check, straining to be still.

And she sucked on, dragging her soft teeth up and down the shaft. She pulled her mouth away with a wet pop, and positioned herself below me, sucking along the tender underside of my cock. She cupped my balls, her fingertips pressing into the sensitive skin at the base of my manhood. Her hands never ceased their ministrations, my eyes could not resist the feast of her ardent passion.

She pulled back, and once again, drew my member into her mouth. She slid down and I felt the back of her throat against my head. Her mouth tightened, and her eyes opened, peering up to my face with pure lust and licentiousness emanating from her eyes. I was undone.

"Oh God, Bella, I'm so close," I breathed raggedly. Her efforts were redoubled, her head bobbing and sucking and pulling. I was too close, I wouldn't be able to stop. My breathing hitched and I groaned, "Close, Bella, I'm going to… Move or I'm going to come in your mouth, love!"

She pressed her face forward, her pointed tongue teasing the underside of my cock as I shattered into a million electrified pieces. The orgasm shot up my legs, through by ass and balls and into her mouth. Poised on the edge of eternity as the cum ripped through me, she sucked and swallowed, pumping with her hand what she could not fit into her mouth.

As the world returned and I was able to think clearly again, I looked down at my wife waiting at my feet. I tried to find some way to tell her what she'd done to me, how she'd made me feel, but no words or sounds came. My mouth hung open, mouthing the air as I struggled.

"Are you all right, Edward?" Her face was worried and confused; she'd never seen me so undone.

"All right? No," I whispered sinking into the water and pulling her to me. "I'm fucking fantastic, love." In a rush, I pulled her to my face and kissed her deeply, tasting myself on her lips. The kiss lingered on as I recovered my breathing, neither one of us ready to let go. As the fires cooled, she pulled back and spun around, sitting on the ledge with her back to me. My arms circled her, holding her close to me.

We sat quietly in the water, contented, happy. I inhaled the scent of her hair, and listened to her breathing. Her heart thumped strongly in her chest, and as I held her close, her heartbeat became mine.


	40. Chapter 40: Morning

_This is the final chapter of Blue Edward, and I have a few thank yous to announce. _

_First and foremost, thank you to my small audience, without whose love and kindness I could not have completed this story. Your comments have helped me shape this small world between Edward and Bella, and I thank you with all I can muster. You honor me with your attention. _

_As always, a huge thank you to my beta and muse, Mr. Bigg. You inspire me and suffer with me through drought and deluge both. Thank you for all the times you put down the object of your attention to give me your counsel and advice, and for putting up with me when I was an enormous, whiny baby. I owe you so much. _

_All characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended._

**Morning**

I had been so content, so blissful, that I had become lost in my thoughts of our coming life together. Time passed without incident or interruption; the quiet drone of the rain on the coast the only companion to the soft susurrations of Bella's breathing.

I had foolishly allowed the water to grow tepid, and now, my skin regained its chill. "Love?" I asked quietly, hoping to gently enter her consciousness. We had been nestled together so quietly for so long, I didn't want to move or disrupt her thoughts. She didn't respond. "Bella?"

As I moved to check her face, her head fell back where it had been resting against my shoulder. My baby, fast asleep.

A swell of love filled my chest, and I moved with the most delicate of care. I stood, Bella cradled in my arms. Stepping from the tub, I grabbed a towel to wrap around my sleeping love. She jostled for a moment, adjusting, and I stilled. She smacked her lips in sleep and snuggled into my chest.

The night was magical, unending. Everything I had ever wanted in this world was within my grasp, was indeed within my embrace. I could have sped without fear of waking her, but instead I walked slowly, moving her to the sofa, enjoying the pitch and sway of my bride in my arms. How many men had gone before me here, carrying their beloved to rest on the night of their nuptials? Countless, I was certain. I felt a kinship with those men, those husbands, who lives had truly begun here. I was also certain that though they had loved and lived and died, none knew the heights of joy supreme as I felt this most magical of nights.

I wrapped her in the comforter from the bed that had been cast off during our lovemaking, sighing against the disappointment as I hid her skin from my view. My thoughts were to keep her warm, safe, comforted, but as I tucked her in, she turned towards me, grasping my arm and smiling in her sleep. My sweet, contrary girl, loving what's bad for her, moving with purpose to the thing from which her instincts should move her away. The first time she reached for me in the darkness, the first time she cuddled against my frozen form, I should have known then and there that her instincts were all wrong. All wrong and all perfect for me.

Loosening her hold, I folded her hand beneath the quilt. I dashed to the bed, the closet and back to the bed, tearing the sheets away. The clean bedding wafted down through the air as I raced to each corner, folding it in. Stepping back, I appraised my work before centering my love once again in the down.

As I bent to retrieve the soiled linens, the scent of Bella's innocence lying in waste amongst the sheets seized me. The heady aroma filled my nostrils, my head, my thoughts and fantasies. I was immobilized by the strength of the scent, venom flooding my mouth in an instinctual rush. The monster I had squelched for so long found his voice and growled his need, and I felt the rise of the frenzy, threatening to overcome my reason. I raised the sheet to my lips.

Bella stirred in the bed, seizing my attentions and vanquishing that beast within me. "Edward?" Her voice was soft and sleep-riddled, searching. The sheets fell from my hands, a daydream forgotten when beckoned by my bride.

"Yes, Bella. I'm here," I whispered, enraptured by the things she might say. My lungs would not work, my mouth would move. I waited with bated breath, still on the pinpoint of Bella's dreaming.

"Edward? I love you, Edward."

I sighed, so deeply in love with this woman I felt sure the block of marble ice that was my vampire heart would resume its beating at any moment.

"Tell me again, love. Tell me you love me, for truly, I love you," I cooed, praying that on some subconscious level, she would hear my plea and respond.

"I love you, husband," she breathed, then turned her face more deeply into the pillow, still soundly and profoundly in repose.

_Husband_. I was her husband. The weight of the word tethered me to her sleeping form, and yet, it liberated me as well. How curious, I mused, pulling myself closer to where she lay. I loosened a strand of her hair and lifted it to my nose, inhaling deeply, savoring the nuances of freesia and lavender it held. The same scent as her blood, intoxicating and addictive, lingered in the strands; less potent, yes, but identical in composition and invocation. Leaning forward, I nuzzled her hair, deeply drawing in her scent and flavor, capturing the vitality that was my wife, my soul, my Bella. Her sigh was long and throaty as she pushed her hips back to me, molding herself against my body.

For over a hundred years, the reasons I existed had centered around instinct and thirst. I had wrestled with my nature: first, the struggle to accept my soulless existence, then grappling the very nature itself to give my existence meaning and virtue. I had found neither virtue nor acceptance despite my efforts. My life was pushed to the cold, blue night, constant in its anonymity and disregard. Settling into the frozen commonplace, I lived and breathed, meaning, faith and significance lost, replaced with inconsequential, feckless indifference. My existence mattered not; my being mattered not; my self mattered not at all.

Then came Bella.

Even now as she molded herself to me, she was the substance and shape of life. Her scent had been the flare, the burst of luminance against my sea of nothingness. Where I had desired to remain unnoticed, Bella drove me to burn brightly. The deep midnight shadows that had defined my existence fell away, and once again, need and nature warred within me. Where the night had bled into my essence, she flooded me with brilliance. I had covered all that I was, all that I could have been in the deep azure of gloom and obscurity; she found me crouching there, and held me to the light.

In her, I had found meaning. In her, I had found hope. In her, I was reborn for the second time in my long existence, this time with purpose and worth. Bella needed me, and so I became her protector, shielding her against the terrors that waited in the world, hiding from notice. Bella wanted me, and so I became a person - thinking, feeling, needing – and less the monster that stood in shadow. Bella loved me, and I became alive again for the first time in a century. The loneliness that had encased me broke away and I was ready to love. She gave me what she did not think to give – a place in the world, a reason to exist.

That she warmed me now was only just and fitting. She had melted the glacier that had frozen closed my heart and released me from my icy prison, all with the gentle incandescence of her smile, the lambent flame of her trust. The spill of her hair against the pillow displayed her comfort and ease with me. Once I had not deserved her trust, and yet she gave; tonight, her love had transformed me and her trust was my honor, my will.

The night persevered, and I found myself wishing for the morning. In the light, she would yawn and stretch, her face relaxing into her brilliant smile as her gaze met mine. She had given me the light before, and each time I was renewed. Her sleep tonight would end when she rose wed, her ever devoted husband laid out beside her, anxious for her consciousness, poised for her presence. Would she see me differently, now that we were one?

"Bella," I whispered into her hair. "You have opened my eyes to life, to the world, with your love and vows. See me when you awake, see what you have created with your love. Though my skin is marble, my heart ice, you have shaped and molded me to your heart. Never let me go, sweet girl, never leave." I pressed my lips delicately to her temple, breathing in her sweet perfume. "I am forever and only yours."

"Mmphhh," she muttered, unconscious in slumber. Her meaning was clear to me; she loved me.

In my mind, the days ahead stretched into months, into years, into lives lived and loved. Our troubles were not completely forgotten. No; days of darkness were yet to come. So it was in any union, days where light was obscured by shadow, desire confounded by disgust. The minds of the ages rang in my head in remembrance of those who had loved desperately and lost. This would not befall us; I would not permit it. She would have her heart's desire with the slightest sound, and my love would cushion us from want. Our love cushion us from the tragedy that befell others.

Dangers near and far threatened our lives, our ever after. Savagery and bloodlust were inevitable in my world, inescapable and undeniable. Though I knew this as fact, I could not summon my anxiety and concern. She was here, she loved me, this was all that mattered. At this moment, at this time, our lives were within our arms, encapsulated in the warmth and comfort of our wedding bed.

Come what may, we would face the terrors together. The violence of Victoria and the viciousness of the Volturi be damned. We would face them together. Though Bella remained human, the frailty of her body was nothing to the vibrancy of her soul. I would let no harm come to her; they would not sully a hair on her head! We would remain united, unflinching, sure of ourselves and each other. And as the age wore on, I would be at her side, leaving never. And when the spark of life left her eyes, I would find a way to seek out that spark again.

My life had been momentously, irreversibly and inexorably changed. As I laid beside her, toying with her hair, savoring her scent, warmed by her skin, I recognized the end of an era of my existence. Shadows were gone. The bottomless indigo gloom that had shrouded me from the world for so long was no more, and I was again a man, a part of a team, with significance and weight. She stripped me of the cerulean night as I lay at her side, bathed in the glow of her love. The tightness in my chest began to ease; the haze of desire shifted from incessant and anxious to ready and at bay. She was all I wanted, all I needed, and she was all mine. The love day ebbed away from me, leaving a trail of satisfaction in its wake. I had left my blue period behind.

^ ^ ^  
-~oO0Oo~-  
v v v

Daylight bled through the drapery as she stirred, stretching. I leaned to her face before her eyes were open, planting a small kiss on her cherubic mouth. "How did you sleep, love?"

Her slow smile spread as easily as I had heralded its appearance. "Wonderfully, thank you." Her arms rose, wrapping around my neck to pull me closer still. "Did I tell you how much I love you, Mr. Cullen?"

"I believe you mentioned it, Mrs. Cullen," she was sex and love and sensuality rolled into a sleepy shape. I kissed her again and her lips parted, sucking in the breath that left me. I inhaled through my nose.

"Now that we're married, I think there are a few things to discuss," she whispered ominously against my marble lips.

I pulled back to examine her expression. "Such as, my sweetest love?" I kept my voice even, hiding my fervent curiosity.

"Such as," she said, releasing me and pulling herself upright. "Equality within our marriage." She turned to face me, hovering over me with an urgency I had not seen before. I didn't understand what was coming, or where this conversation would lead. She was not my equal; she was so much more than that, I could not fathom her meaning.

She searched my eyes, steeling herself for the delivery she needed to make. Inwardly, I braced myself. "Edward, change me."


	41. Epilogue: Drive

_**As always**__**, a huge thank you to my beta and muse, Mr. Bigg. Thank you for listening and believing in the words. Your proofing and practicing of the chapter details are always inspirational. **_

_**All characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended.**_

* * *

**Epilogue: Drive**

As I drove down the Olympic Peninsula, I hummed a tune that had wrapped itself around my thoughts. It was a song of Bella, her scent, her heart, her skin. I felt warmth spread through my crotch as I relived our brief and illicit honeymoon, my length growing with each remembered caress. The memory of her tongue, pink, hot and soft, drove my erection into the steering wheel.

I had been lost in my thoughts of our lives together, daydreaming about the each new day with Bella. She seemed to be similarly lost, gazing out the window, a gentle smile playing about the corners of her mouth and an unprovoked rosy blush painting her cheeks at odd intervals. Though I'd always wished to read her thoughts, I was at peace understanding the source of the blushes from our honeymoon night. It was good, comfortable, enchanting; it gave rise to my daydreams, prurient and otherwise.

It was more embarrassing than I'd imagined it would be, my uncontrollable hard on. Each time I tried to think of some other subject to suppress my desire, each thread seemed to lead me back to her tender flesh and the taste of it that now teased my need.

I didn't see her gaze shift back to me.

"A penny for your thoughts?" She watched my face, her eyes searching my expression for clues as she did so often.

"Oh, I was just daydreaming."

"About?"

"My wife, of course." I reached over and ran my forefinger along her jaw. She shivered, sending an electrical impulse to my cock once more. I shifted back into my seat, trying to lean over the steering wheel a bit to hide my erection.

"Yeah, I was thinking about our marriage, too," she said, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth. "What are we going to tell Charlie?"

I felt the confusion knit my brow. "Bella, I thought the point of the exercise was to keep it from Charlie." A tiny shrug rolled off her shoulders, her eyes pulling her gaze through the front windshield.

"Well, I guess I'm not as opposed to marriage as I thought I was," she said softy. "I mean, this sleeping together without guilt, um, I kind of like that."

She had my full attention. I gazed at her with hope, fear, and disbelief. "Really?"

"Yes, really, and could you _please_ keep your eyes on the road!"

"You know I've been driving for ninety years and never had an accident," I said in my gentlest voice as I turned my eyes back to the road ahead to ease her worry.. "And you really can't drop a thought like that and not expect me to react."

"I know," she said, pulling her lip between her teeth again. "It's just that, well, for me, anyway, the sex was…"

Her voice trailed off, and the petal blush brushed against her cheeks again. I waited a moment, anxiety seizing my nerves, unrest growing in my chest. She appeared to be lost in thought once again. "My darling wife, would you mind terribly finishing that thought before I go completely insane?"

"Uh, yeah. Sorry," she apologized quickly. "The sex. Right. It was… good?"

"Good?" Again, dread seized my breast. I tried to keep the disappointment and worry from my voice, but truly, good was all she could muster?

"Well, okay, great. The sex was _amazing_. I didn't realize it would feel _that_ good. Remember, I don't have any frame of reference."

"Nor do I, Bella. We were both virgins." The memory of taking her maidenhood did nothing to calm my straining erection.

"I know, but you've heard what others think, right?"

"Yes, but that's a great deal different than first-hand knowledge."

"Still," she continued. I didn't understand where this was going. "Since you've heard what others think, how did this, um… compare? Is it like that for everyone?"

I struggled with the thought for a moment. On one hand, it didn't seem gentlemanly to divulge the all the years of inadvertent eavesdropping I'd had, but this was my love, my mate, my partner, who needed to know how she measured up. "That's a difficult question to answer, since I can't read your mind. From what I've heard, there are different levels of pleasure, but none seemed to reach the level I felt with you." I picked up her hand and held it in mine. "For a long time, I thought people were exaggerating after the fact, romanticizing their lovemaking and their partners abilities." I cut a glance to her face; she was attentive and curious. "What I experienced with you was deeper and more exciting than any thought I'd ever heard before."

"Really? Was it that good?"

I leveled my gaze at her. "Bella, it was astounding. You are astounding. It blew my mind."

Bella smiled with self-satisfaction. "Your mind isn't all I blew." She flushed crimson.

"No, it wasn't, love," I whispered. I felt my gaze darken as my cock forced its way above my waistband. At this point, there was no longer any sense in trying to hide it. "The softness of your lips, your wet tongue… It was beyond description. I can barely believe I wasn't dreaming, living out some fantasy."

Bella smiled. "Really?"

"Yes, Bella, really." Suddenly, the anxiety I'd felt earlier returned, stronger, more needful. I kept my gaze straight ahead, trying to keep the unease from my expression. There was a feeling of unraveling, loosing and flaying my nerves. I wanted her. I watched the road ahead, green from side to side, blue above, and all of it, all of it, meaningless. The need to possess her, to take her, was painful, a saw slicing me open, so that I was raw, ready, wild. I wanted her too much, and this new excess kindled the fear that my desire would harm her, break her, kill her. It was not a love day; it was not simply need and want. I was unsure what it was.

I rolled my clenched hands against the leather-wrapped steering wheel, just enough to make it squeal in response.

Bella released her seat belt and turned to me with mock surprise. "Why, Edward Cullen, is that your cock sticking out of your pants I see?" She looked up through her lashes, coy and coquettish, with a naughty half-grin unseen before today playing on her lips. A low growl rolled up my body from that same needful spot, bubbling through my parted lips. The stress and unease I felt from the fact that she was not strapped in was burned away the wildness I felt inside, responding to the taunt of her playful sexuality, every nerve and fiber in my body strung tight with excitement.

"Your seat belt…" was all I could manage to croak out in a voice almost unrecognizable to myself. Her heartbeat skipped, and she bent to my lap, her fingers tugging at the button of my pants.

"I trust you," she said, smiling seductively. "Try to keep your eyes on the road."

I felt abraded and sensitive, afire with her provocation. She shouldn't tempt me, challenging my self restraint; my control was in short supply, and I wanted nothing more than to pull to the side of the road and plow recklessly into her hot, soft folds. I steeled myself, focused on the road, the road, the grey asphalt, coarse and consuming, like the fires consuming me.

I could stand it no longer; I had to have her. I broke my focus away from the unending black road just as her hot mouth descended over the head of my cock. A sharp intake of breath slid between my clenched teeth. She moved slowly down my length, teasing, tormenting me, and I wanted more. I needed more. "Bella." There was nothing more to say, nothing that could compare with _her_. Each stroke of her soft tongue down my throbbing member burned against my skin, blistering my aching shaft.

She lifted her head, looking up at me as she stroked my shaft. "Edward, talk to me. Tell me how it felt for you. Tell me while I suck your cock." Her lips were slightly swollen and smiling, and she seemed to me to be the very essence of raw sexuality.

I took a deep breath to calm myself. Words would not come easily in my current state. I returned my gaze to the outstretched highway before me. "Bella, I have walked in darkness, alone and apart, the night sky having no sway over me. I've witnessed life and death, birth and separation, beauty and joy, and nothing, _nothing_ prepared me for the passion and need I felt for you on our wedding night," I said, my voice rasping in jagged breaths. She hummed as she descended over my rigid flesh again. "Your body called to mine, your need was mine, heightening every need for release I'd ever felt. I couldn't stop myself from taking you. The idea that I could not be inside you caused me pain." My breath was labored and rough.

Bella ran her teeth down my cock, and a fleeting, momentary fantasy flashed across my mind, her teeth chipping on the marble of my skin. The moment passed as she slowly dragged them up, then nibbled playfully on the head. I knew my flesh was unyielding, but the sensation was not. Each stroke, each nip, each suck sent wild desire down my legs, and I struggled against the need to push deeper into her. She pulled her head up, gasping for air and whispered, "More."

"Bella, I don't know if I can…" I had to swallow my words as she plunged down my shaft, then swirled her tongue in a spiral as she pulled back up, only to plunge down my length again. "Your scent has mesmerized me from the beginning, and your skin slides deliciously against mine. I am enthralled, rapt, possessed – all by you my love. All by –" I lost the ability to speak as she rubbed the head of my burning cock with the flat of her tongue.

My hands gripped the wheel tighter, and I felt the leather give way, every ounce of concentration fighting the need to pump, to come, to claim her with passion and violence. Images flitted through my head of ravaging her, taking what I needed without regard for the frailty of her human form. I shook my head and inhaled sharply though my teeth, trying to regain control, remember who I was, remember that this was my beloved, my soul mate…

I needed a diversion. I could not tell my loving wife what was happening without causing her emotional pain, but if I could not control myself, her physical pain was certain. I forced my gaze out the windshield, my eyes unseeing as I focused my will on prolonging the moment without hurting her. I willed my thoughts away from the car, into the woods, to the road ahead. The trees and bright sky shifted into a red tinge as I held on, Bella's head now pumping and slurping with purpose. Each movement of her tongue, the rub of the inside of her cheek, the trickle of saliva oozing down my length into my pubic hair, it all melted into a world of sexual ecstasy and demand I could barely contain. The road before me became the world of restraint, and a crimson curtain descended over my view. My nerves were blazing, my need consuming. "Bella, I'm, I'm going, I'm going to –"

I felt my orgasm shoot ferociously through my cock and into Bella's eager mouth. She sucked on, swallowing and gulping my release. My member hit the back of her throat, firing fully and copiously. I stopped breathing, clutching the wheel, unable to move lest I disturb the perfection of the cum, or damage her in the lust for more.

Her movements stilled as I came, until at last, she pulled away. The shock was immediate and overwhelming; violence ran through my limbs as the red cloud began to pulse and deepen. I closed my eyes for a moment, willing myself away from whatever transcendent heaven where I had been transported, back to earth, back to the car, back to reality. I opened my eyes, and watched the world regain its normal character and color.

Bella sat up silently, watching my face as I calmed myself. I moved slowly, unbreathing, adjusting myself and buttoning my pants. The red film slowly faded, and my senses returned. As the world bled back to me, I looked at my willing bride. She seemed smaller, more withdrawn and human than she had ever seemed before. Clearly, she was unaware of the fading frenzy that had seized me. As my eyes met hers, she smiled coyly and dropped her gaze. She pulled the seat belt over her shoulder and fastened it with a quiet click.

"Are you alright?" Abruptly, the care and concern that had colored my feelings for her returned, alive and anxious, waiting, needing her to be safe.

"Are you?" She still looked at her lap, but her expression was smooth.

"Bella?" I reached over to bring her face into full view. As my hand released the wheel, the leather wrapping on the steering wheel flapped, uncoiling and peeling away. Her chin was warm, soft, so Bella. I lifted her face cautiously. Her eyes rolled to mine, carrying a weight that had not been there before. "What is it, love?"

"You just seemed… I don't know," she whispered, her eyes searching mine as she spoke. "For a moment, I…"

"What, Bella? Please tell me. This is torture."

"Edward, where did you go? You were there, and I thought you liked what I was doing…"

"My God, Bella, like? It was beyond my wildest fantasies –"

Her words stopped me. "I felt that. I did. But, I-, I don't know how to describe it. It was like there was someone else here, as if you were here, but not here, too."

"I was here, my love," I whispered, softly stroking her cheek in reassurance, trying to hide the knowledge of the violence that had gripped me. "Everything's all right, everything was perfect. You are perfect."

I pulled her closer, and she scooted toward me, resting her head on my shoulder. "I love you, Edward."

"I love you more," I said, and bent to kiss her hair, still holding her. I resolved in that moment that she would not share my unrest. She took a deep breath, and we drove on, quietly, content in each other's company, until she drifted off to sleep.

I pressed my foot to the floor, and the Volvo shot out down the open highway. I needed to get home and talk to Carlisle. Something wasn't right.

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_**A/N: **__**And so Blue Edward makes way for… *drumroll* Crimson Edward! Please review and stay tuned in the new story, Crimson Edward!**_


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